booking & info call:+44 (0) 0870 068 7030 email:email@example.com WEB:rudechalets.com 09-10
made from 100% recycled french ski instructors, god bless those red coats
MEET THE LOCALS
Bonjour my ski chums. snowboarders and heaven- So let me introduce you
sent snow bunnies on the to a town of folk who can
It is I, Sir Francois Smythe former grounds of Avoriaz get you more excited than
III - Mayor and international and Morzine. a Tom Selleck moustache
historian of the snow-covered dance.
paradise of Rudeville. But what makes Rudeville
funkier than a Swedish film Welcome to
You can find this sanctuary of set? The people of course. Rudeville.
Address: Rue dU Bourg Address: Rue dU Bourg
Our beloved Chez Roger
serves the finest fermented
grape juice this side of the
Mont Blanc vineyards.
meet BAR robinsons
Rudeville’s main haven of hospitality is run by Jean-Marc
Some foolish types believe
the bar is named after Roger
but he in fact changed his
& Rosine with their dear friend Nicole. This bar of earthly name to Roger when he
delights is famous for its service as well as Jean-Marc being bought the bar in 1989.
ninth in line to the throne of Mesopotamia. What his name was we
After Rosine lost a kidney fighting a local Koala at Blackpool
Zoo, all three relocated to Rudeville and opened up Bar Generally Roger is a
Robinsons. Here they welcome all newcomers with open mystery to us. Rumour has
arms and a glass of the local amber nectar Mutzig. it he has a tattoo of his face
on his face and won his
Be warned; Bar Robinsons closes at 8pm, as all three snowboarding-dog Paul
frequent my moonlight hot tub sushi parties. in a bare-knuckle
fight with Brian
After much deliberation,
meet the Rudeville mountain rescue team cogitation and digestion
the Rudeville community
Identical Brazilian brothers Juan, Pablo and Eric’s love of snow began at an early age watching choir awarded Shaun and
repeats of Ski Sunday on pirate TV. his flowing locks for their
outstanding contribution to
Cutting their teeth on the ever-treacherous slopes of the Tamworth Snowdome, they saved up to snowboarding and styling
three people from certain death. One young girl was saved by an emergency triple-heart-bypass mousse.
using plastic cutlery from the canteen.
At the ceremony he claimed,
And finally in 1998 after passing a local lifesaving course and getting their 5 metre swimming “This is by far the single
badges they swapped the 32A peaks of the Midlands for the snowy double D’s of Rudeville. most important moment
Every twenty-seven and a in my life”.
The boys have been here ever since, saving snowboarders from anything that may befall them – half bi-quarterly months
broken bones, death or more importantly sunburn. the whole town gathers As a Keyman he has
on the whitest peak of the complete freedom of my
tallest mountain to witness town; being able to soak
me presenting someone a in any Jacuzzi, hum the
key to the city. intoxicating Grandstand
theme-tune every second
Our Keyship’s latest Sunday of the month
recipient is the flame- and officially marry
haired Shaun White. snowboarding lovebirds.
This fine specimen of a
JP is the quintessential businessman who owns Slopestyle –
snowboarder works at the
Rudeville’s premier skiwear shop.
Crepu bar – Winner of the
prestigious Best Paintings
I like to think of him as the Italian Gerard Depardieu of the
of Cows on a Wall Award -
three years running.
How this laidback boarder juggles running his shop 24/7,
Jonny has been here for
riding five snowboards at one time and training Mexican
nine years, ever since
wrestling midgets only he knows.
turning up on the back
of an albino Mongolian
Yak during a whiteout.
With nothing more than
a snowboard under his
arm Jonny has ingratiated
meet JP & slopestyle
himself into the fabric of
life in Rudeville.
Ask Jonny about his past
and he’ll dazzle you
with escapades of his
time as a quasi-New
York Pimp and the
Address: Taille de Mas du Pleney Address: Rue dU Bourg
Please allow me to take off I give you Russ – proprietor of late night haunt The Cavern. It’s cooler than an ice sculpture of
my ceremonial chest hair Michael Knight.
and hat to my thirteenth
son Elvis, who’s just won the Many a snowboarder has succumbed to its plentiful charms, such as Russ’ caramel shots,
prestigious Rudeville Goggle the favoured tipple of ex-queen of England, Mon Cheri Blair.
Tan Line Tournament.
As well as running The Cavern, Russ is an amateur vet and professional taxidermist. So what
With a fountain of you might lose in a pet you’ll gain in a fabulous lampshade. I have one of my third wife.
competition from the likes
of Essex’s championee Jodie
meet Russ-the cavern
Marsh and my favourite
bronzing sensation Dale
Winton, Elvis had to pull
out something of a special
And the fruit of my burning
loins wowed the judges with
his seventy-two-hour naked
stint on the slopes giving
him a sensational
Address: TAILLE DE MAS DU PLENEY
We take the weather more seriously than a moose on the
motorway. With lives at stake we can’t afford to leave it to mere
men. That’s why we employ Napoleon our prized weather pig.
With a sniff of one nostril he can tell you the cloud
cover, air pressure and what overly-bright ski
jacket to wear that day.
the All knowing
rud th e alail
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estr more infoudechal
RUDEvILLE SkI AREA Look to the sky – In
1974 America relocated
Area-51 to the mountains
of Rudeville because it’s a
very well known fact
aliens love to grind.
Apartments R1 & R2 –
Our newest apartments
will make you happier
The Stash – A sweet gem than a Frenchman with
of snowboarding goodness. self-removing
If you love off-piste free- trousers. Off piste paradise –
styling without the off Favourite haunt of resident
piste then my dears this The Pipe – Created by Yeti, Dave. He claims it’s
one’s for you. the world’s finest semi- the best area to get away
professional snowboarding from everyone and just
Chilean plumbers. go wild.
Chalet Joseph – Named Dave’s cave – ?
after the Rudeville
multi awarding winning
production, Joseph and
Snowpark – A fave celeb His Technicolour
hotspot. With the likes of Dream Board.
Terry Nutkins, Anneka
Rice and Duncan from
Blue shredding the
Chalet Christophe – The
first chalet ever built. Lake Rude – Go ice
Before this snowboarders diving and see the
had to holiday in caves leftovers of the first
heated with bunsen caveman snowboarder,
burners donated by the Chalet Chapelle – Open said to be over 1300
science department of the windows at night and years old.
a local comprehensive you can hear the fabled
school. snowboarding Morris
dancers waving their
13 hankies to the moon.
ud k n
meet We f
e p2 .c
o se halets
re in dec
or e om
The lady Iris is our oldest
snow darling, at sixty years
young this geriatric grinder
needed a new challenge so
she got in touch with the
This group of fine young
damsels in snowdress run
a weeklong course held
at Chalet Joseph created
specially for the Eves of the
snowboarding world. Any
lady can join their small
group and learn to shred
the slopes with confidence,
grace and of course
Plus you snow crazy
damsels will go night-
sledging, learn yoga with
Taiwanese instructor Sergi
and finish with our award
I give you Chris and Helen, owners of rudechalets™ and Dan, the rude team manager.
rudechalets™ are the single most-greatest chalets in the history of chalets. Some say it’s the
reason Rudeville exists, but all we know is they will blow your mind like a mouthful of
lemmings high on fizzy cola bottles.
An independent study conducted by the owners found that rudechalets™ were indeed kickass and
are in fact the only place to stay in Rudeville.
We can’t rate these guys highly enough, they’re obsessed with snowboarding meaning they’re
true Rudevillians. After setting up a series of chalets in Rudeville they’re now off to open the first
ski chalet in a live volcano.
meet meet the rude chalets team
Si is the new guide to
the Rudeville slopes. His
knowledge of these parks
are second to none, round
here he’s affectionately
known as the Rain Man
He can board across our
snowy peaks blindfolded,
with his arms tied behind
his back while singing
Rick Astley’s greatest hits
and still find the best
And when Si isn’t
guiding, you can find him
two-stepping with his
dog display team, soon
to be seen in Coventry
CHris - helen - dan
production of Cujo.
for m of art on
y p er the w
a sk fo u a
Say hello to Gerard our r mor sa l, who c ll
sceptical arrow illustration who
dared to believe rudechalets™
the only plaCE to stay aren’t the best chalets this blue
dot has ever worshipped.
in Rudeville You’re invited to join him on
his tour of the chalets.
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kEEP THAT RUDE CHALETS INFO COMING
You want the best ski locations? We got you covered our brightly clothed snowboarding chums.
DATES FOR THE DIARY
Rudegirls week 10th–17th January 2010
Chalet Joseph and Chalet Chapelle are both located in the centre of Morzine.
Chalet Joseph is only 50.12344345 metres from the Super Morzine Lift and Chalet Chapelle is a rudegirls™ snow week is designed for the lady snowboarders of the world. It doesn’t matter if
5.32minute walk away. you’re a tenderfoot or a pro, we will teach you how to snowboard or improve your current skills.
Chalet Christophe is within 500.3metres of the Prodains Telecabine. In small easy to digest groups our know-it-all instructors will teach you how to snowboard.
Apartments R1 & R2 ski-in – ski-out in Avoriaz village. And when the day is done you can chillax with some alcoholic grape juice and a roaring fire.
Chalet Features Burton Test Weekend 11th-14th December 2010
All our chalets are dripping in snow, surf and skate art from some seriously smashing people such This weekend will literally blow your mind. Many a man has lost his on the mountain and we’re
as Jono Wood and Robin Puplett. Plus we have lots of original pictures from Cyril and James aiming to lose a few more this year. Try out the latest Burton’s technology before anyone else,
North and plenty of Burton & Gravis products too. because of our unique time zone we’re actually one season ahead of the rest of the world.
So get booked and try out all the new goodies Burton has to offer down at Chalet Chapelle.
Each chalet is a treasure trove of awesomeness including Xbox 360s in every bedroom. So you can
play the latest Shaun White Snowboarding game, watch movies and listen to Simon or Garfunkel.
There’s also table football, board games, books for reading words, a sexy sauna and hot tub. PARk, PIPE & JIB TOUR 11TH–18TH APRIL 2010
Man has legs. Legs were made for snowboarding. As Brian Blessed’s beard is our witness we’ll get
as many of you bipeds boarding. During April we’ll train and teach how to park and pipe, with a
Staff whole load of jibbing thrown in for free. You’ll receive 4x2hour lessons at an array of snow parks
All rudechalets™ staff are hand picked from the four corners of the world. From birth they’re with our instructors. Then ride the powder with rudechalets™ rider Sabrina Kusar and soon to be
trained under the strict tutelage of world-renowned maitre d’ and Shaolin Monk Master Yoshi. announced pro from Burton. If that tickles your white bits then book your place now.
Each one is trained to cater for mountain royalty, hold a vast knowledge of interesting facts,
tell jokes, snowboard their asses off and handstand for six days straight.
Mountain Hosting WITH SI
With every chalet stay our lord of the mountain Si will show you around the most nut-busting
and mind-blowing mountain range know to the manly man – The Portes Du Soleil.
Burton Snowboard Test Centre
or find out
Everyone knows the bright yellow ski pants don’t make the man, it’s the size of his wood. So for
all those who love the feel of a good wooden board we have the Burton Test Centre. Here you can
exclusively try out the latest Burton boards on the snowy Rudeville peaks. Rent them weekly or
daily for all your snowboarding pleasures.
Chalet prices from £349.00 – £689.00
Twin or double rooms with en-suite.
Halfboard (6 days) with unlimited tea, coffee, hot chocolate, and most importantly wine.
call: +44 (0) 8700687030
Free airport transfer – arrive anytime on a Sunday and leave anytime on a Sunday.
Well my snow-chums it’s
with a heavy heart that I
must bid you adieu.
It’s so sad that our time
together was so short-lived,
Seems there just isn’t enough
hours in the day to experience
all the delights of Rudeville.
I didn’t get to talk about our
So it’s just for me to say
thank you for taking the
time to read our guide to
Rudeville, and don’t be a
stranger because you’re always
but goodbyes are fleeting race or the grand opening of welcome in our community.
and I hope we will soon Cliff hanger the Musical. But SAT
meet again over a glass of you’ll get to savour all these Sir Francois Smythe III - URD
Mayor of Rudeville. For AY 2
chardonnay. and many more if you visit us. mor 6T
chri info a H SEPT
rud o reg EMBER
s@ nd t
lets er em 2009
25 To order a copy of our amazing booklet for a friend visit www.rudechalets.com