The Joy Of Groups

The Joy of Groups! Presented by Rob Straby Blog: www.Straby.com Website: www.LifeWorks-By-Design.com

Agenda

Learning goals

Energizer

The stages of group development

Reflecting on conflict

Benefits of conflict

Communications & conflict

Conflict management strategies

Learning resources

A story

Learning Goals

To understand the nature of group development

To increase your awareness of the causes of conflict

To help you to prevent conflict

To introduce strategies to resolve conflict

“ Team Machines”

Form into your project teams

Your team is to create a machine

The machine must:

include everyone in the group;

have moving parts; and

make noise.

Be prepared to demonstrate your machine to the whole group

Group Development

There is strong evidence that groups pass through a sequence of five stages of development:

Forming, or coming together

Storming, or conflict

Norming, or working out the rules

Performing, or getting the job done

Transforming, or breaking up

The length of time different groups take to pass through each of these stages will vary

It is generally not possible to achieve high team performance until the group has passed through the first 3 stages

Forming: Am I a member?

New team members discover what being a member of this group means.

You may find that you and/or other group members need:

clear goals and objectives

definition of tasks and roles

clear work plans

to know what information they require

to identify group behaviour, standards and norms and ways to handle behavioural problems

Forming

You and/or other group members may:

demonstrate excitement

participate hesitantly

show tentative attachment to the group

intellectualise

discuss problems peripheral to the task

be suspicious, fearful and anxious about the new situation

accomplish minimal work

This stage is complete when members start thinking of themselves as part of a group.

Storming: Who’s in control?

Team members may become hostile or overzealous as a way to express their individuality and resist group formation

Members recognise the extent of the task demands and respond emotionally to the perceived requirements for self-change

Storming

Group members exhibit:

infighting, defensiveness and competition

doubts about success

low group morale

polarisation of group members

concern over excessive work

disunity, increased tension and jealousy

And may:

set unrealistic goals

resist the task demands

establish a pecking order

criticize group leaders or other members

complain

Storming!

Many groups do not develop beyond this stage because they lack the ability to listen to each other and find mutually acceptable resolutions to the major issues

It is very common for groups to think they have gone through this stage, yet be stuck in denial

If this happens, in order for work to get done, a small sub-group will form and do the work – the group will usually dissolve after this!

Norming: What are the rules?

During this stage of group development, members accept the team, the team norms, their own roles and the idiosyncrasies of fellow group members

Emotional conflict is reduced by patching up previously conflicting relationships.

Norming

develop a high level of trust

confide in each other, share personal problems and discuss group dynamics

express emotions constructively

form friendships

develop a sense of team cohesion with a common spirit and goals

have high group morale

establish and maintain group boundaries

accomplish a moderate amount of work

During this stage, if the formally appointed leader is not effective, or there is no formal leader, a leader will emerge to use the group resources to solve problems.

Performing: Moving Up!

The team has established interpersonal norms, and is capable of diagnosing and solving problems, and making decisions. This stage is not always reached by teams.

experience insight into personal and interpersonal processes

be willing to sort through group problems

develop high conflict resolution skills

understand members' strengths and weaknesses

undertake constructive self change

identify closely with the group

accomplish a great deal of work

Groups reaching this stage will be effective and will devote energy to maintain good group relations.

Transforming

This applies more to temporary teams like task groups. With reorganizations occurring frequently, this stage is not uncommon.

Group members may:

feel elated at the successful attainment of goals

feel disappointed at unattained goals

feel a sense of loss when the group is disbanded

feel relief at the end of the process

congratulate each other

celebrate

A few more thoughts…

Groups can fixate at various stages

Some groups (like some people) are never fully functioning

Given that the stages are inevitable, one way to help reduce the time needed for a new or changing team to be fully productive is to share concerns and expectations about the group

Members of the team can contract that there will be no 'surprises' and, therefore, an atmosphere of trust can be achieved earlier, allowing for interpersonal issues to be put aside in favour of task issues

The team can then move easily to the performing stage

Please meet with your Project Group now to discuss these issues

BUT: What if we don’t see eye to eye? Understanding, Preventing and Resolving Conflict

Reflect on a conflict

Think about a conflict you had in the past year, either at work or in your personal life

How did it start?

What emotions (both yours and the other person’s) became involved ?

Did the conflict escalate to involve other people? How?

List any negative consequences

What could you have done differently?

Understanding Conflict: True or False?

Conflict is about opposing or mutually incompatible goals.

Even if people behave normally, without yelling, there may be significant conflict.

Even if you are right, winning a conflict is not necessarily good for the organization.

The right kind of conflict can make people more creative.

What are the benefits of conflict?

Brainstorm : What you think might be the benefits of conflict?

Examples:

Generates better ideas

Increased problem solving ability

Forces people to be more correct with information

Increasing the Benefits

Conflict can be constructive or destructive

The key is to learn how to encourage and facilitate constructive conflict

“ Conflict itself is neither good nor bad… What matters about conflict, in the end, is how we respond to it”

Brian Muldoon, The Heart of Conflict

Communications & Conflict

Preventing or resolving conflict involves two seemingly contradicting movements:

Supporting another by active listening

Asserting self by sending effective messages

Supportive Skills

Paraphrasing

Openness

Agreement stating

Assertive Skills

I-Messages

Preference stating

Purpose stating

The skills are easy to learn individually

The challenge is using all of them at the same time

Process is like a: Push & Pull

Supportive Skills: Paraphrasing

Re-stating in one’s own words what another person has said:

“ So the way you see it…”

“ You felt I was being unfair to you when…”

“ Let me make sure I’m understanding you. You’re saying…”

Paraphrase either content, feeling or both

Supportive Skills: Openness

Communicate openness to hearing the perceptions and needs of others, even if they may be critical:

“ Say more about…”

“ Spell that out further…”

“ Tell me what you have in mind…”

“ Give me a specific example…”

Supportive: Agreement Stating

Acknowledging where one agrees with others in the midst of a disagreement:

“ I agree with you that…”

“ I can see what you are saying about…”

“ I share your concerns about…”

Assertive Skills: I-Messages

Confronting by talking about oneself

Focus is on emotions & performance:

“ I feel (emotion) when you (problem behaviour) because (impact on me).”

“ I felt resentful and angry when you walked out of the meeting last night because it cast a sour note on the whole group for the rest of the evening. We weren’t able to get much accomplished.”

Assertive Preference Statements

Communicating clearly one’s desires or preferences regarding the current conflict rather than stating them as demands or forcing others to guess:

“ My preference is…”

“ If it were just me…”

“ What I’d like is…”

“ It would be helpful to me if…”

Assertive: Purpose Stating

Making known one’s intentions so that others do not unknowingly operate at cross-purposes

Enables others to understand what you are about:

“ What I am trying to accomplish is…”

“ I’m in the process of…”

“ My intentions were to…”

Practice Session

Please find a partner

Each of you is to practice one of each of the responses

Please feel free to adapt or modify the examples

Practice: Paraphrasing

Someone says, “I don’t know how I’m going to make ends meet. We’ve had extra dental bills this month. Then the car transmission went out and had to be replaced. Now my spouse says we need a new washer. What am I doing to do?” You say…

Someone says, “I am trying my best to do a decent job. But how can I get everything done when I’ve got three different people telling me what to do?” You say…

Someone says, “I am really angry with my new co-worker, they always arrive late!” You say…

Practice: Openness

Someone says to you, “You obviously don’t care very much about the Serbian people at this center!” You say…

Someone says to you, “I always thought that the staff at the Employment Centre are supposed to be fair. I can see now I was wrong.” You say…

You have heard from your teammates that Ms. Gordon is angry with you. You go to her and say…

Practice: Assertive Responses

After talking to your siblings you realized that your spouse has been deleting the voice mail from your family over the past week. You say…

You have worked with a colleague for 6 months. You like them, however, it seems that they do not listen to you. Whenever you offer ideas they tune you out. You say…

Your office upgraded your computer. You have an important presentation today but the files are missing. The technical support person on the phone is saying it is not because of their upgrade, there is something else wrong. You say…

Practice: Assertive Responses

Reframe the following destructive comments into assertive messages:

“ You are always late, why can’t you get home on time?”

“ This mess is so typical of you. It’s completely disorganized. Can’t you ever pull yourself together?”

“ The boss ripped the proposal apart, pointing out the mistakes you made. You’re going to have to do it all over!”

Collaborative Strategies:

S tate the problem as you see it

O pen discussion to other points of view

L ist the possible solutions together

V eto any solutions that are unacceptable to someone involved

E valuate the solutions that are left & Establish clear criteria for meeting the chosen one (e.g. who, what, how, when, where)

D o it

Learning Resources

Yoggi Berra once said, "Its amazing how much you can observe by watching." Conflict exists around us in everyday life. Watch what others do . Watch what you do. Pay attention to your own feelings and behaviours. Take notes .

Take an introductory course in "counselling". You do not need to become a counsellor in order to deal with conflict, however, introductory courses of this nature are typically strong in developing the necessary "active listening" skills.

Learning Resources

The best material is from the parenting education field. I encourage you to take a STEP course (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting). The book used for the course is: The Parenting Handbook by Dinkmeyer & McKay, 1997, Psycan Corporation, Toronto.