Earthsoft selecting life partner

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It is difficult decision to select partner. Selecting life partner? really most difficult task, read the useful tips …

It is difficult decision to select partner. Selecting life partner? really most difficult task, read the useful tips
Earthsoft Foundation of Guidance (EFG) is working as an NGO/NPO for students - Education & Career
guidance and for Professionals for soft skills enhancements. I am working on speading , sharing
knowledge; experience globally.It has uploaded important presentations at http://myefg.in/downloads.aspx.
Also https://dl.dropbox.com/u/83265908/Links-events.xls has links for all ppt files.

Read http://tl.gd/jm1gh5

Be mentor using your education, knowledge & experience to contribute for a social cause & do conduct
free training/ workshop seeking help of existing platforms like rotary,etc
Kindly spread to your friends.Thank you!

- Earthsoft Foundation of Guidance
Let us make earth little softer..

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  • The maturity level usually “equalizes” between males and females between the ages of 25-30
  • “Beauty is fading and charm is deceitful”"सौंदर्य लुप्त होती है और आकर्षण धोखेबाज है"
  • Reciprocate your needsResearch wellFix a meetingHave a first impressionTalk openlyCheck if an eye contact is maintainedNotice his/her actionsSee if he/she pays respectTake time to form an opinion
  • बच्चे के पालन
  • बच्चे के पालन

Transcript

  • 1. Earthsoft Foundation of GuidanceEdge-Aggressive-Reliable-Trust-Honesty-Soft-Obedient-Fun-Transparent Making earth little softer
  • 2. Index• Marriage• Know yourself• Know what you want• Rate the candidate• Happy living• Avoiding conflicts Making earth little softer
  • 3. About usEarthsoft Foundation of Guidance (EFG) has uploaded followingpresentations at http://myefg.in/downloads.aspxAlso https://dl.dropbox.com/u/83265908/Links-events.xls has linksBe mentor using your education, knowledge & experience tocontribute for a social cause & do conduct free training seekinghelp of existing platforms. Kindly share with your friends•Motivation for higher study, Planning for study, Educationguidance, Career guidance, Career available after SSC & HSC•Personality development – 3 files•How to prepare resume, Tips to attend interview successfully•Religion related –To understand basic religion, Do &Don’t tips•Health related - Be vegetarian, Be healthy•Corporate - Project management, Assertiveness, Ownership•Finance - To avoid speculation in stock market•Social - Women empowerment, Choosing life partner Making earth little softer
  • 4. Objective• To strengthen intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of your personality• To select the best possible partner matching to your personalities & attributes• To be happy in fulfilling your duties and responsibilities towards your spouse & families• To be a mature, spiritually & emotionally healthy and committed spouse• To be prepared for future challenges and conflicts - To change & grow to be better person and well-adjusted marriage partner Making earth little softer
  • 5. Reasons for marriageMarriage is a virtually universal human institutionRight reasons to marry• Companion throughout life, Unity• Togetherness - Sharing good or bad moments, realizing dreams together• Sharing, Loving, Caring, Giving• Continuing generation, beautiful creation – ChildWrong reasons to marry• Money, or just Papers• Position in company• Just to have kids• To serve ME Making earth little softer
  • 6. Gain…• Long term relationship & stability• Better ritual culture due to common & deep understanding, supportive for next generation• Improved family relationship• Increased ownership, higher commitments• Feeling of proud of relationship• Feel of satisfaction & delight from peaceful & happy environment• Financially wealthy & successful• Active participation for function & celebration• Increased morale & no conflicts Making earth little softer
  • 7. Successful marriageReasons for successful marriage• Common skills• Good emotional & physical health• High self esteem• High education level• High social status• Pressure from society & kids Making earth little softer
  • 8. Life span with spouse• Life expectancy in India is about 67 years• Average age of marriage is 25 to 28• Thus you spend around 40 years with spouse• Want to be memorable, happy & enjoyable??• Would not you want it to be with respect, trustworthy & dignified?• 2 most important steps • Select partner with complete thought • Thereafter spend every moment happilyMarriage is one of the most important decision ahuman being takes in his/her lifeChoosing your life partner is the most difficult task Making earth little softer
  • 9. Predictor for successParent Model• High marriage quality in family of origin• High level of happiness in childhood• Positive relationship between parentsSupport from significant others• Parent approval of spouse• Liking of in-laws• Support of friends Making earth little softer
  • 10. Start a day - Breakfast tableWhich scene do you want tosee across the breakfasttable for the rest of your life? Making earth little softer
  • 11. Saying & believing!The value of person depends upon• Skills attained• Knowledge acquired• Money earned• Assets build• Good deeds executed• Relations maintained• Love spread and• Behavior exhibited!• There is nothing better in the world than a good wife. A good wife is the one whose husband becomes glad upon seeing her. Making earth little softer
  • 12. Have You!• You have own thoughts & feelings about social life, hobbies, religion, marriage, sex, children, work, careers, money management and future• You have priorities & expectations about people to conduct themselves post marriage• Have you openly discussed and evaluated your priorities and expectations?• Communicate honestly & clearly Making earth little softer
  • 13. Brainstorming # Category Question 1 Marriage What makes you eligibilible for the marriage? 2 Marriage Most important points to be considered for a good marriage? 3 Marriage Have you identified your needs and expectations? 4 Personality Describe yourself in ten lines 5 Personality Write down your areas of strength & weakness 6 Personality Make a list of feelings that are most prominent in you. 7 Personality Do you think you will be able to adjust to new culture? 8 Personality Are you comfortable sharing your feelings, ideas & problems? 9 Personality Do you make friends easily and long lasting?10 Personality What expectations do they have from you and your spouse?11 Plan What plans do you have post your marital life?12 Plan What is your financial goal in life?13 Plan How can one prepare himself/herself for successful marital life?14 My thoughts What are the qualities of a good husband?15 My thoughts What are the qualities of a good wife?16 My thoughts What are the qualities and duties of a good father?17 My thoughts What are the qualities and duties of a good mother?18 My thoughts How are you prepared to fulfill your duties & responsibilities for spouse Making earth little softer
  • 14. Brainstorming # Category Question19 My thoughts Your basic approach to marriage? a team or as two independent individuals?20 My thoughts What is your aim in life?21 My thoughts What is your parenting philosophy?22 My thoughts What are your need & expectations from your spouse?23 My thoughts Are you willing to sacrifice some of your expectations? If so, which ones?24 My thoughts Do you know the rights and duties of spouses?25 My thoughts What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?26 Expectations What should you look for in your life partner?27 Expectations List of positive habits and attitude you would love to see in your life partner.28 Expectations List of negative habits and attitude you would hate to see in your life partner.29 Expectations Fundamental areas that will critically cause an impact in your marriage?30 Expectations What are the areas of compatibility? (criteria of selecting spouse )31 Expectations Does religion play an important part in marital life?32 Expectations What will be the impact of education on marriage?33 Expectations Why it is important to marry in a decent family?34 Expectations Importance of intelectual and cultural interests?35 Expectations Importance of wealth?36 Expectations Importance of physical appearance? Making earth little softer
  • 15. First step - Know yourself Who am I? Who would help? What I How to want? seek help? What are my What to do dreams? to be there? Making earth little softer
  • 16. Steps • Take pen & paper, Introspect honestly Know yourself • Know yourself • Be clear What you want?Expectations• Compile the details about your expectations • To discuss with parents Discuss • Involve yourself also, Understand the options • Know clearly What you will be getting Decision Making • Make a choice Making earth little softer
  • 17. Evaluate yourself Criteria ParametersQuotient Memory Intellectual EmotionalFinancial Constraints Well placed RichInfluence Self, Friends Parental RelativesAbility Sustain Response Quick pressure to change learnerPersonality Attitude Culture ValueTraits Communication Leadership StabilityExcitement Passion to Enjoy to Liking & learn study InterestsBody Thin Normal Builder Making earth little softer
  • 18. Evaluate yourself Criteria ParametersNature Entrepreneur Management Follower Assertive Aggressive Happy go lucky My world Social Dreamer Disciplined Stable Dynamic Creative RoutineComfort Workaholic Leisure Smart workinglevelCareer Pursue for Just few House wife life time yearsLiking Art Commerce ScienceLocation In country At overseas Making earth little softer
  • 19. To decideDecide ideal of each for the marriage• When• Where• How• Expectations Making earth little softer
  • 20. When• An ideal time would be at the end of education career & initial period of professional career• By law minimum age for marriage : Over 18 years for female & 21 years for male• Before that age, the relationship will lack spiritual, physical, intellectual, psychological and financial maturity• Females usually mature ~2 years earlier• The ideal difference in age is between 2-4 years Making earth little softer
  • 21. WhereAt social function• Involving relatives & friends, including activities such as gathering, musical nights, treats, trips, decoration, dances, etcCourt• Also at court by registration according to the law• By way of religious ceremony• By way of social gathering• By combination of social & religious• Among mass-marriage Making earth little softer
  • 22. How to findArranged marriage• Communicating readiness to friends & relatives• Community based Websites & searchLove marriage• At college, work, social lifeTypes• Endogamy: Marriage within a particular group• Exogamy: Marriage outside a particular group Making earth little softer
  • 23. High Level expectations• Compatibility to be checked for partner for 4 attributes• Intellectual, physical, spiritual and social• Let us add another -- emotional development.• Thus marriage and family life would be five-fold Making earth little softer
  • 24. Important similaritiesRace & culture – 97% marriages of same raceReligion – Issue arises if gap in practicingreligion is too wideSocio-economic status – Men often marry down,women often marry up.Age – Gap has narrowed and age enteringmarriage has climbedHoroscope matchingMatch of profession & statusResidence area - Geographically locale Making earth little softer
  • 25. Family attributesHigh level factors related to families influencingmarriage• Love and respect between parents• How they deal with relatives• Harmony between the families• Culture• Communication - Ability to express feelings• Responsibility (Level of success in life)• Financial Status• Health Making earth little softer
  • 26. Cross culture marriage• Often it is said to be an emotional decision• May brings in religious & social cross culture issues where practices & habits get challenged • Non-vegetarian food for vegetarians family • Different languages • Loneliness during social events• Cheating – Often relationships used to cheat a partner sexually or financially• Interference from the friends, you might be one of many!• Partner might not be keep commitment• Dreams & reality differs deeply Making earth little softer
  • 27. Partnering Caring Loving Sharing Environment Way of life Culture Methodologies Partnering Trust Respect People Families Honesty Dignity Transparency Making earth little softer
  • 28. Expectations• What characteristics are most important for you to see in your partner?Know crystal clear what you expect about partnerPartner should be close to me in terms of my :• Spirituality, Financially, Academically, PhysicsFinding suitable & compatible match wouldminimize many problems later• Few will form unreal expectations of what they are looking for in a partner Making earth little softer
  • 29. Smart partner• Aligned culture, attributes & a common purpose of life• Clear but realistic expectations• Being open minded & committed, open while expressing feelings and thoughts• Being a refined and sensitive• Treatment to other people• Focus on long term relationship• Seeing relationship as a win-win & healthy• Sincerely wanting to be together with proud, dignity & respect and equality• Am I hoping to change after we’re married? Making earth little softer
  • 30. Expectations• Joint family or independent family?• Open or conservative culture?• Small & limited family?• Social or religious family?• Caring & loving• Handsome, Smart, Clever• Dreamer, ambitious?• Simple living, high thinking? Intellectual• Social, religious?• In own country or overseas?• Well to do, rich? Well settled or capable to settle• More educated than me? Making earth little softer
  • 31. Wanting attributes• Please check these attributes during informal chat or discussions Making earth little softer
  • 32. Questions? Believes Approach towards life• Faith? • Selfish? Would serve• Religious? others?• Ritual? • Spending money?• Humanity? • Respect others?• Modesty? • Stubborn?• Character? • Any addictions?• Manners? • Quick to lose to friends? • Ambition, greediness, • Laziness • Ability to forgive? Making earth little softer
  • 33. Questions? Culture? Personality?• Friends? Social? • Hobby, Habits, Health• Reading books? • Decision making?• Browsing Thoughtful or in rush? websites? • Punctuality in time?• Movies? • Like to own everything?• Music? • Say sorry when wrong?• Spending time? • Suspicious about people around? • Humility? Making earth little softer
  • 34. Evaluate a candidate Making earth little softer
  • 35. Rating Ideal Actual # Attributes Category Wt Rating Net Rating Rating Net Rating 1 Religious Enery 60% 10 6 0 2 Maturity, taking everyone together Enery 70% 10 7 0 3 Hobbies Enery 40% 10 4 0 4 Health Enery 80% 10 8 0 5 Habits Enery 70% 10 7 0 6 Dreams Enery 60% 10 6 0 7 Good looking- height, weight, Enery 60% 10 6 0 8 Life style Enery 60% 10 6 0 9 Flexibility Enery 60% 10 6 010 Loving & Caring Enery 80% 10 8 011 Learning ability, Aptitude Edge 80% 10 8 012 Education. Clever Edge 80% 10 8 013 Street smartness Edge 70% 10 7 014 Skills Edge 70% 10 7 015 Expertise Edge 70% 10 7 016 People connect & social Engerising 60% 10 8 017 Family background Engerising 80% 10 8 0 Making earth little softer
  • 36. Rating # Attributes Category Weightage Rating Net Rating Rating Net Rating18 Clarity & communication Engerising 70% 10 7 019 Attitude Engerising 70% 10 7 020 Stability Engerising 70% 10 7 021 Self motivation Execution 60% 10 6 022 Problem solving Execution 60% 10 7 023 Reliability Execution 70% 10 7 024 Ambitious, Goal oriented Execution 70% 10 7 025 Family support, well to do, settled Execution 70% 10 7 026 Kitchen/ Service Execution 70% 10 7 027 Independent & Decision making Execution 80% 10 8 028 Visionary Execution 80% 10 8 029 Well organised/Planner Etiquettes 60% 10 6 030 Self desciplined/ Punctual Etiquettes 60% 10 6 031 Consistency Etiquettes 60% 10 7 032 Sincerity Etiquettes 60% 10 6 033 Value/ character Ethics 80% 10 8 034 Believes Ethics 80% 10 8 035 Trustworthy Ethics 80% 10 8 0 350 244 0 0 Making earth little softer
  • 37. Due diligence• Seek matrimonial resume• Scientific method to check brotherhood by assuring surnames of 4 relations to be out of domain of candidates - thus in all16 combinations (self, mother’s brother, father’s & mother’s mother)• Due diligence – Family background, Feedback, Status in society, Relationships, Reputation, Well to do, etc• Cultural alignment• Capability- Educational, Professional• Financial stability, own accommodation?• Checking compatibility, Check Soft skills• Survival risks - service, job security, money matters• Personality - habits, health, hobbies, etc Making earth little softer
  • 38. High level match Brotherhood Family Agreement background Effective relationship Attributes Family Refer List Culture Making earth little softer
  • 39. Procedure-Arranged marriageSeek matrimonial Check Perform due- resume brotherhood diligence Invite groom & Meet to groom & his parents, Found ok? his parents &family members family members IsMeeting between Engage, Finalize compatible? Groom & Bride Marriage plans Making earth little softer
  • 40. Procedure-Love marriageMeet, Understand, Check Continue meetings getting attracted brotherhood for due-diligence, Convey to Is Agreed? compatible? parentsParents Meet & Meet family Engage, Finalize Propose members Marriage plans Making earth little softer
  • 41. Happiness• Enjoyment, pleasure, satisfaction or joy• Derived from small to big things or events• Might be just very few moments of entire life span when you were extremely happy• Everyone is struggling to seek happiness• Happy are those who are free from hatred, disease, desire and worry• Think who was the actor to make you happy?• Happiness brings you peaceful mind, good health, moments of proudThen why to disturb it by small issues & quarrel? Making earth little softer
  • 42. Seven vows7 Vows- Promise to God to be partner throughout the life1.To walk together throughtout life to get pure food2.To walk together for a healthy & prosperous life, seeking physical, spiritual and mental health3.To support each other to be wealthy, asking strength to share the happiness and pain together.4.Determined for love aand rrespect for each other and their respective families5.Pray for the beautiful, heroic & noble children6.Request for the peaceful long life with each other7.For companionship, togetherness, loyalty and understanding & to be friends for lifetimeMarriage is a symbol of purity, union of two differentpeople, community and culture Making earth little softer
  • 43. Issues• Lack of understanding• Priorities differs• Methodologies differsAbove results in Disregard & Distrust, cyclecontinues• Missing on Loving, Caring, Sharing, Giving• Different values• Own world – Ignoring & not sharing time• Lack approval from family (for love marriage)Love cannot be the basis for getting married.Rather, love is the result of a good marriage.If ingredients are right, then the love will continue! Making earth little softer
  • 44. Beware• It is observed that good looking handsome boy or beautiful girl (as the case may be) is preferred most, overlooking other critical & important attributes needed for compatibility!• Men are valued for status & money• Women are valued for good looks, child rearing & homemaking skills• Do not marry just for the sake of • Beauty • Wealth • Dowry • Close reference Making earth little softer
  • 45. Beware• Before you get married, keep both eyes & ear open, and after you marry, close the eyes• Before committing to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self esteem make you blind to warning signs, keep the brain working!• Never fool yourself • That you can change someone • That what you see as faults aren’t really that important Making earth little softer
  • 46. Dare to exit timely• In case you receive certain confirmed inputs/ facts contradictory to your image, understanding & acceptance, dare to exit timely before it is late• It is never the late• Involve all stake holders of your side, discuss, make decision• Do not budge once you make decision• Explain & Communicate affirmatively• Complete the formality honestly Making earth little softer
  • 47. Incompatibility Making earth little softer
  • 48. Happily married lifeThe object of marriage = peaceful coexistence• Be totally honest and kind at the same time.• Control negative destructive impulses• Control your anger• Express your deepest fears, hopes, and emotions and everyday thoughts Making earth little softer
  • 49. TipsBeautiful tips• Do not hit head against wall• Know.....who matters• Acknowledgement is the first step towards improvement• Keep cool & calm, grow and behave! Making earth little softer
  • 50. Accept totally• Lifetime to know each other• People do not really know each other well• Continue applying corrections & keep aligning• Be flexible – unforeseen events will happen.• Be prepared for change – people change, situations shift, relationships take on new dimensions, Couples can cope & adapt• Have a positive attitude.• Express positive comments most of the time.• Criticism about inadequacies eliminates emotional space. Making earth little softer
  • 51. What keeps it ON• Trust, Communication, Intimacy, Sense of humor, Sharing tasks, a sense of belonging• Daily exchanges (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc)• Sharing common goals and interests• Giving space to grow without feeling insecure• Assurances of commitment• Concern and careIf these qualities are missing, the relationship willerode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect,and dishonesty, replacing by pain! Making earth little softer
  • 52. Key element• Commitment as a symbol, not as a contract• Equal focus on win-win, always!• Trust which offers closeness, fluent communication & synergistic relationship• Mutual goals & objectives can be achieved with deep support• Continuous improve• Timely communication & responsiveness• Involvement of partners with each other , trust & respect for each other, must be magnified Making earth little softer
  • 53. Thank You Making earth little softer