Better, Faster, Easier

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What got you to show up for this session, given everything else you could be doing between 7:00– 8:30 pm ET tonight?

Sara Ismail-Beigi, Jake Jacobs, and Jonathan Thomas Meenach This material is based on work by Barry Johnson and Polarity Management Associates and Jake Jacobs and Winds of Change Group A Better, Faster and Easier Way To Get Through Your Day: Large Scale Change Tools and Your Life April 14, 2010

Survey Summary – 28 Responses
50% Personal Issues / 50% Professional Issues
68% “My Problem” / 32% “Others Causing Me Problems”
18% Positive Language / 82% Negative Language
Themes
Not able to make decisions or influence the change I want
Know what I want but can’t do it
Not willing to make sacrifice or tough decisions to get it done
Know what to do but doing something different
I’ll fix it later….

To make real progress on a real issue in your real life -- and learn how to do it again.
Purpose

Outcomes
Ideas for how to get "unstuck" and moving forward in a good direction from a situation that's been frustrating you in your life or work
Be confident that you will get better, faster and easier results in this same situation
Have a set of specific tools that will help you get "unstuck" from similar situations in the future

Assumptions
The stories we tell have a lot to do with the lives we live
If we want to live a different life, we need to tell a different story

Getting Started Four Boxes on a Sheet of Paper / Screen

My Situation
Family gatherings that involve food
Eating too much at these gatherings
“ You look fine”/pants are tight syndrome

Your Situation What’s Not Working

Your Situation What Better Looks Like What Better Looks Like

Your Situation What Better Looks Like
What Better Looks Like
My enjoying the family gatherings I attend
Eating a “reasonable” amount of whatever is served
Feeling good about myself and my choices “after the fact”

The Story We Tend to Tell

Your Situation What’s Working

Your Situation Concerns You Have About the Future Concerns About the Future

Your Situation Concerns You Have About the Future
Concerns About the Future
Aunt Millie won’t be happy
All family gatherings become dominated by my eating habits
This is going to be really hard; I’ve never been successful in trying this in the past

The Story We Tend Not To Tell

Today’s Story

Tomorrow’s Story
Concerns About The Future

The Whole Story

The Story We Want To Tell Your Preferred Future is a Combination of the Best of Your Past and Present and a Compelling Picture of Possibilities of Your Future

Telling the Story We Want To Live Concerns About The Future What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like? 3 Specific Actions (What, By When) Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working? 3 Specific Actions (What, By When)

Telling the Story We Want To Live Concerns About The Future What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like? 3 Specific Actions (What, By When) Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions
(What, By When)
Make sure I get invites to all family gatherings – check for June Family Reunion by 4/30
Bring the camera – want to make sure we have pictures of the great memories – put camera in briefcase by 4/15
Call Joe by 4/15 to get advice

Telling the Story We Want To Live Concerns About The Future What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working? 3 Specific Actions (What, By When) Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like? 3 Specific Actions (What, By When)

Telling the Story We Want To Live Concerns About The Future What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working? 3 Specific Actions (What, By When) Change happens faster when you think and act as if the future were now as you plan for your future
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions
(What, By When)
Drink one bottle of water on my way in the car before each gathering
Line Cher up to poke me in the ribs if I’m mindlessly eating the chicken wings
Experiment with pushing 1/3 of my plate of food off to the side

The Story We Want to Learn From

Telling the Story We Want To Learn From Concerns About The Future Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working

Telling the Story We Want To Learn From Concerns About The Future Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened
Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working
Getting to the parties without having talked to the host/hostess ahead of time
Feeling bad about being the only one not getting seconds
Cher giving me “the look” after poking me several times

Telling the Story We Want To Learn From
Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened Early warnings you’re starting to experience things not working

Telling the Story We Want To Learn From
Problems are always easier to prevent ahead of time instead of finding and fixing after they have happened
Feeling depressed as the next family gathering approaches
The “noise” starting with my Mom and Aunt Millie before I even show up for the party

My Story
Feeling depressed as the next family gathering approaches
The “noise” starting with my Mom and Aunt Millie before I even show up for the party
Getting to the parties without having talked to the host/hostess ahead of time
Feeling bad about being the only one not getting seconds
Cher giving me “the look” after poking me several times
What actions can I take to begin creating what better looks like?
3 Specific Actions
(What, By When)
Drink one bottle of water on my way in the car before each gathering
Line Cher up to poke me in the ribs if I’m mindlessly eating the chicken wings
Experiment with pushing 1/3 of my plate of food off to the side
What actions can I take to gain and maintain what’s already working?
3 Specific Actions
(What, By When)
Make sure I get invites to all family gatherings – check for June Family Reunion by 4/30
Bring the camera – want to make sure we have pictures of the great memories – put camera in briefcase by 4/15
Call Joe by 4/15 to get advice

My Story Making it better, faster and easier
How can this be better, faster and easier for me and others
What skills, knowledge and experience do I already have that will help me in this situation?
Who else can help and how
How might I break this up into smaller pieces?
How might I celebrate small successes and with whom
If I were to actually have fun in this situation, how might I do that?

My Story Making it better, faster and easier
How can this be better, faster and easier for me and others
What skills, knowledge and experience do I already have that will help me in this situation?
I am good at sticking to plans once I make them. I know some of this is “old stuff” that I don’t have to buy into anymore
Who else can help and how
Cher can do “the poke.” Aunt Millie and Mom can help instead of try and lay guilt on me!
How might I break this up into smaller pieces?
Pre, during and after gatherings; First conversation with Aunt Millie
How might I celebrate small successes and with whom
Chocolate cake! J/K. Share Aunt Millie talk with Mom. Keep Cher in the loop. Dr. Block at physical in June
If I were to actually have fun in this situation, how might I do that?
Hmmmm…..get together with Joe and tell stories of “Honey, you don’t like my family secret honey dipped, deep fried chicken wings?”

Telling The Story I’m Going to Live
What role are you now playing in your story (doing, saying, how are you feeling, etc)
Who else is in your story? (what are they doing, hear them saying, how are they feeling)
What results are you achieving (some you may already have been achieving and new ones that will enable you to succeed in your situation)
Giving advice to a friend or colleague facing this same situation in the future, what three keys would you pass on to them that have helped you succeed?

Telling The Story I’m Going to Live
What role are you now playing in your story (doing, saying, how are you feeling, etc)
I am the star of my own show. By the time the party has rolled around I’ve got gotten all my prep done so it’s easy
Who else is in your story? (what are they doing, hear them saying, how are they feeling)
Joe and Cher are supporting. Mom and Aunt Millie are “doing no harm”
What results are you achieving (some you may already have been achieving and new ones that will enable you to succeed in your situation)
Not feeling sick to my stomach at the end of the parties (at least not because of the food!) Able to “Just Say No” which means I can say yes consciously
Giving advice to a friend or colleague facing this same situation in the future, what three keys would you pass on to them that have helped you succeed?
Plan ahead – set yourself up for success
Don’t do it alone – get help from those “on your side.”
Confront the tough stuff before it becomes more difficult in the moment

www.windsofchangegroup.comwww.polaritymanagement.com

Better, Faster, Easier

by Robert "Jake" Jacobs on Jul 15, 2010

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