What is the difference? Liking and Loving Liking is based on affection, respect, and enjoyableinteraction.Loving is based on attachment, motivation, and adeeper level of caring.
Lee’s Styles of Loving Pragma Love: Shopping List Love Ludus: Storge: Game Friendship Playing Love Love Mania Love: Agape Love: Possessive & Selfless Love Dominant Love Eros: Romantic, Passionate Love
Which is more stable? Pragma Love: Shopping List Love Ludus: Storge: Game Friendship Playing Love Love Mania Love: Agape Love: Possessive & Selfless Love Dominant Love Eros: Romantic, Passionate Love
Which is more likely to end badly? Pragma Love: Shopping List Love Ludus: Storge: Game Friendship Playing Love Love Mania Love: Agape Love: Possessive & Selfless Love Dominant Love Eros: Romantic, Passionate Love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Passion Commitment Intimacy
Intimacy: The “Warm” Component Foundation of the triangle Based on emotional attachment Moderately stable Somewhat controllable
Passion:The “Hot” Component Based on motivation Unstable Uncontrollable Can be difficult to sustain
Commitment: The “Cool” Component Based on cognitive choice Relatively stable Relatively controllable Commitment is related to trust, loyalty, and faithfulness, which have been found to be central to love
Is our love style stable ordoes it change over time? y? Wh What role does culture play in how we view love?
Attachment Theory: Key Ideas Beginning in infancy and continuing throughout the lifespan, humans have an innate need to form attachments with others. The interaction children have with caregivers leads to the development of internal working models of self and others that influence communication.
Working models fall along a positive-negative continuum. model of self: the degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation model of others: the degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting (rather than rejecting)
Working models are related to a person’s attachment style. Attachment styles are coherent patterns of emotion and social behavior that occur in close relationships. These styles first develop in childhood but can be modified throughout the lifespan.
Children’s Attachment Styles Secure: around 70% of children (positive models of self and others) Avoidant: around 20% of children (negative models of others) Anxious-Ambivalent: around 10% of children (negative models of self)
Distinguishing Features of Children’s Attachment Styles Secure Avoidant Anxious AmbivalentFree to explorethe environment? yes no yes and noAnxious aroundstrangers? a little no a lotReaction to upset, little very anxiousseparation? then calm reactionReaction to little ambivalent happyreunion? reaction (relief/anger)
Caregiver Communication Patterns Secure: “goodness of fit” in terms of stimulation, responsive to basic needs, consistently caring Avoidant: over- or under-stimulated, sometimes neglected Anxious-Ambivalent: inconsistent response patterns, parent is preoccupied or stressed
Adult Attachment Styles Positive Model of Others Secure Preoccupied (I’m okay, (I’m not okay,Positive Negative you’re okay) you’re okay)Model ModelOf Self Dismissive Fearful of Self (I’m okay, (I’m not okay, you’re not okay) you’re not okay) Negative Model of Others
SECURE: The Prosocial Style self-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy compromise and problem-solving during conflict highest level of maintenance behavior tend to be pleasant, self-disclosive, and skilled communicators Reinforcement Effect: Because secures are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others
PREOCCUPIED: The Emotional Style overly involved and dependent want excessive intimacy and worry that partners do not care enough for them demanding, nagging conflict behavior express negative emotion with aggression or passive aggression overly disclosive and overly sensitive Reinforcement Effect: By clinging to their partners and escalating intimacy quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love
FEARFUL: The Hesitant Style fearful of intimacy (they have often been hurt in the past and/or fear rejection) communication is often passive, guarded, and anxious trouble expressing emotions and self-disclosing relatively low levels of maintenance and nonverbal pleasantness Reinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they keep themselves from developing the kind of close, positive relationship that will help them feel better about themselves and others
DISMISSIVE: The Detached Style counterdependent (self-sufficient to the point of pushing others away) relationships seen as nonessential; personal goals are a higher priority relatively low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure, and emotional expression withdrawing conflict style with more interruptions Reinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy
Stability and Change in Attachment Styles Explanations for Stability Interactions with caregivers have an especially strong effect on a person’s social development. The reinforcement effect Explanations for Change Significant life/relationship events The partner’s attachment style Variability across relationship types