Violet moon


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Violet moon

  1. 1. Violet Moon A short story by Rikard Magnom
  2. 2. Written 2011 under Creative Commons licence 2
  3. 3. PrefaceBefore I say anything I, the author, would like to thank anyonewho is reading this, and I hope you enjoy reading as much as Ienjoyed writing this. Im happy that this story actually came tobe, since I lost a major part of it at one time due to a corruptedfile. I would like to thank a big role model of mine, who prefersto be anonymous, for helping me in troubled times. He was myinspiration to write this, and I hope that he enjoys reading thisas much as anyone else.I would also like to add that I will not put a copyright licenceon this, and you may alter and redistribute as you like, but Iwould not like to publicly publish this or earn any revenue offof this and neither are you allowed to. Thank you. 3
  4. 4. 4
  5. 5. PrologueI could hear the screeching of the tires.“This is it.”, I thought. This is the last chapter of the story ofmy life. I could feel the impact to my chest as the front of thecar slammed into me. I could hear screams, even though theywere nullified by the urban city sounds, I could hear peopleshouting my name. I could hear the sounds of disappointmentin their voices. All of this was my own fault. Distraction canlead to a lot of accidents, and this was only one of them. I triedto move my body, but I couldn’t. I was in a state of physicalcoma.“What gives, anyway? Its not like anyone would care that I’mgone.” I thought. I actually wished that all of this could endnow in this instant. 5
  6. 6. I – Despair______________My childhood was horrific. When I was 2 years old, both mymother and my father died in a car crash. I was put in a fosterfamily. I wasn’t much of a people’s person, and I never gotalong with anyone. I was being made fun of for several reasons.Seeing as I rarely spoke to anyone, people started making uprumours about me. Among these were that I was autistic, afreak. I pretended I didn’t care, but those words cut scars on theinside of me.“Time heals every wound.” is what they all say."It gets better" they try and convince me. That was definitelynot the case for me. As time went on, it just got worse andworse. My foster family was very big, and I had to share myroom with two others; Michael and Thomas, but their namesarent that important. They were both very much into sports,while I didn’t want any of it.Michael despised me. He had the idea that every kid should beoutside and play games and sports and such.Thomas didn’t really care about me, nor did he even notice meat times. He was about my age, but still younger then Michael,so Michael turned into his role model, and he followed hisevery step.My foster parents weren’t that good either. My mother and myfather never really caught a liking to me. Seeing as I was theone who was always shoved away by the other kids, they barelynoticed me. I sort of liked it that way, but obviously I still knewin my head that I wasn’t getting the childhood I deserved. I felt 6
  7. 7. like a zit on a perfect face. I felt like somewhere there was aplace in this world for me, but this was definitely not it.School didn’t go much better then the rest of my everyday life.I wasn’t doing very well in school, nor did I have any friends. Iwasn’t getting any special attention, even though I just barelykept up with everyone else. Did I care? Not really. My life wasalready going down thedrain, why would I bother with something that wouldn’t lead toanything.In my mind I didn’t have any future. I didn’t have any place inthe world anywhere close to where I was currently situated. Ifthis was the place for me, I was put in the wrong dimension.The feel, the smell, the sensation of my life made me feel likethis world wasn’t the right place for me.And me? I’m surprised you’re even wondering. My name isCody. Cody Adamson. Those words rarely touch my ears. I amknows to everyone else as “Kid”, or “Hey, you there!” I wasn’tyour everyday average school kid. I didn’t belong here. I was alost soul put in the wrong body. At least that’s what I thought atthe time. Before I knew what hit me, my life was about to cometo a complete stop, and suddenly change direction. I was rightfrom the very beginning. My place was in another world.Someone out there somewhere messed up. That mistake wasabout to be corrected. 7
  8. 8. II – Deviant_____________I regained some control of my body. I could move my fingers,toes; most importantly I could finally open my eyes. I sawparamedics trying to figure out how to get me onto thestretcher.I was blinded by the flashing lights from the ambulance. Icould hear the driver of the car that hit me talking with thepolice about what happened. He explained how I ran out intothe middle of the road and he had no time to stop. It was quitestupid of me. I was running. A couple of the bigger kids werechasing me. They were bored, and I was the closest target.I didn’t have much to live for, but I certainly didn’t want to gothrough any more pain then I already had. Of course that turnedinto the opposite when the car hit me.Now that I was regaining control of my body, the pain hit me. Iscreamed out in pain, startling the paramedics who thought Iwas passed out. They asked me as couple of questions.“Can you move your toes?”“Do you know what has happened to you?” and so on.I still didn’t have muscle control enough to say anything, andthey realized that soon enough. I was in severe pain, and I justwanted it to end. I was given a sedative, and I drifted off into astate of sleep.I felt as if I was being dragged away by something, likesomething way leading my path. I felt disembodied, as if I hadentered some form of spirit realm. Everything was bright. I 8
  9. 9. couldn’t make out any shapes, but it felt as if I was flying.Suddenly something appeared in the distance. I could see ahospital. I saw an ambulance driving up towards the entrance.A teenage boy on a stretcher was rolled into the emergency.I flew closer, and I saw myself. I was severely injured, and thatwas when I first realized the damage that had been done by thecar. Broken bones, dislocated shoulder, my face was absolutelymauled by the concrete road.In a flash I was suddenly in the emergency room. I could seethe doctors struggling to keep me alive while at the same timetrying to repair the damage. They were sweating and nurseswere running everywhere with bloody towels and sanitizedinstruments.Suddenly, a long outdrawn beep appeared from the monitor, asif a microwave had just finished cooking. The doctors panickedand went to grab a defibrillator. They tried vigorously to revivemy body, but to no avail. I was too severely damaged. Iwatched as they pulled a cover over my body.This was really it; this was the end of me. Would anyone missme? Probably not. But what happens now? That was what wasgoing through my mind. It suddenly struck me.Where was I? I was in this weird zone of nothingness.Everything was bright, and it felt as if I was floating on air.Suddenly I felt the dragging sensation again. I was pulled awayfrom the hospital, into nothingness. I saw my city fade awayinto the brightness. I suddenly felt tired, but my mind didn’twant to fall asleep. The last thing my eye caught before I fell inslumber, was the moon, but it wasnt just your everyday moon,it was shining in a violet hue. 9
  10. 10. III – Resuscitate________The sleep was dreamless, and went in a flash. I could feelsomething soft. The smell of a morning breeze was in the airand sudden sunlight struck my eyes. I was in some kind ofroom. Not your ordinary bedroom, but a room with a couple ofbookshelves, a TV over in the corner, some sort of big red andblue plastic chest was sitting next to me.I stopped to think for a second where I was situated. I was insome sort of race car shaped bed. A kids bed. I started to recallwhat had happened. The crash, what happened at theemergency room, was that all a dream? Why am I here? Whereis here?I climbed out of the bed I was in, and I noticed the ground wassurprisingly far from the edge of the bed."Pretty large to be a kids bed." I thought to myself.I tried to cope a better feel of my surroundings. The walls werepainted in a very light shade of blue, with a dark blue borderrunning along the top part of it. The bookshelf had a bunch ofchildrens books, bedtime stories and so on. I looked out thewindow.It was snowing, but I could still make out a few houses. I sawwhat seemed to be a neighbourhood somewhere in a suburbantown. It was early morning, and the window was slightly tiltedopen, and I could breathe in the revitalizing air.I decided to investigate the colourful treasure chest that caughtmy eye earlier. I opened it up, it had a bunch of toy cars, waterguns and other average childrens toys. The whole box smelled 10
  11. 11. of antibacterial fluid, probably cleaning was needed after asession of playing.I walked around the room trying to figure out why I was in thisoversized kids room. Is this some sort of therapy? Did I survivethe car crash after all? So many questions running through mymind at the same time I had to sit down.The floor was covered in a soft, woolly carpet. I ran my pawacross it to get a better feel of it. Wait a minute. Paw?! I took alook at my hand to make sure my eyes werent fooling me. Myhand was in fact, a paw. It was white as snow with stripes of abrownish, rust-like tint.I felt behind me to check if I in fact had a tail as well. I mostcertainly did. Now more questions came to my mind. I neededto get a mirror. I saw a tall, oval mirror over on the wall next tothe door.I instantly ran over to the mirror. The image looking backtowards me, was a small fox cub, no older then your averagepre-schooler, sporting nothing but a lime-green pyjama. Iblinked my eyes a few times to make sure that they werentplaying tricks on me again. The fox in the mirror was stillstaring at me. I raised my right hand, or rather, my right paw,and so did the mirror image. I was completely shocked.As I stood there admiring the reflection in the mirror, someoneknocked on the door. A few seconds later, a tall, middle-agedfemale fox walked in. She had the same kind of white fur withrust-coloured stripes as I had."Good Morning Tyler, did you sleep well?" she said.Standing precariously, getting a feel for being on such shortlegs, I looked up at her. The look on my face must have been 11
  12. 12. ghastly, matching exactly how I felt. Immediately, herexpression shifted from that of a wistful mother, ready to startanother ordinary day with her son, to that of a deeply concernedparent. She took a cautious step towards me, as I took a wobblystep backwards, suddenly unable to control my balance.“Tyler, are you all right?”“Mom?” I called out again, in a last ditch effort to saysomething, anything, to try and bringsome sort of logic to the situation I now found myself in.However, that was all I could get out before I went completelylimp. In a hurry, I headed straight to the floor, all systemsshutting down. In the instant before I completely blacked out, Ifelt a reassuring pair of paws hurriedly catch me, preventing ahard contact with the floor.I could tell she was calling out to me, though it wasn’t wordsanymore. All I heard were the vibrations of her voice, radiatingthrough her chest, and trickling into my left ear. I wanted toreply, but I found this impossible, as even the blurred, nonsensemuttering began to fade until all that embraced me was a deep,infinite black. 12
  13. 13. IV - Excogitation_________Fight.Fight.Fighting, struggling against the black was all I could think ordesire to do. I had no idea how long I had been out, butsomehow, I was beginning to think logically again. Although Icould see nothing, I attempted to will the muscles in my armsand legs to move. Not in any sort of rhythmic pattern, but justmovement for its own sake, some sort of free, unboundmovement."Doctor? The Carrington patient…I think he’s having aseizure…"‘Who was that?’The voice came from the end of a light-year long tunnel. Eachsyllable arrived in my ears at a differing pace, hurrying up atsome points, stretching out at others, like drinking a thickmilkshake through a straw."Thank you, nurse. Fetch me 5cc’s of…"‘Are they talking to me? Are they after me?’Panic started to set in. I still couldn’t see anything, my eyesstraining to catch the glimpse of a shadow, a shimmer,something, anything for God’s sake! I fought against thedarkness with all my might, swatting and kicking, hoping tomake some headway and slip out from under the veil ofdarkness that filled every corner of my mind. 13
  14. 14. "Thank you, nurse. Hold him down.""Yes, doctor."The last word was still catching up with itself, the final syllablerepeating over and over, like a skipping record, when I felt twostrong hands grasp what I believed to be my arms. Myunderdeveloped biceps tried to overpower whatever force wasnow keeping me firmly in place, held in the darkness."What’s happening?!? Is he okay?!?" were the words thatfollowed frantic footsteps, clacking heels which echoed,bouncing feverishly around my cranium."We’re giving him a shot to calm him down, MissesCarrington."‘Huh?’ was the only thought I could process before I felt aburning sensation in my left arm.Soon, the feeling passed, replaced by an even more bizarre one.It seemed as if I had been injected with lead, a liquid form ofwhich was now slowly expanding, filling the empty cavities ofmy left limb; this made the flailing of it quite impossible.The lead entered my torso and from there continued its voyage,embarking on a mission to fill every cubic inch of my person.Suddenly, though, I no longer cared and I completely forfeitedthe struggle. I welcomed the sense of calm and serenity thatnow took over the mental controls of my mind. I felt my eyesfall victim to the oozing weight as well and I gladly slippedback into unconsciousness. 14
  15. 15. The black nothingness of unconsciousness was suddenly fadinginto a lighter shade of grey. Itried to force my eyes open, but alas the drug I was givenearlier was still lingering, so I couldmerely flicker them open slightly. I acknowledged that I wasgrasping onto something...something fluffy. I focused and tried to catch a glimpse of whatI was holding.I noticed that I was holding on to a small stuffed fox, coveredin the same kind of fur of whichmy markings were coloured.‘Rusty,’ I thought.‘Rusty?!?’What was happening to me? For a mere fragment of a second, Ihad lost complete control of my thoughts.‘Had I? Or was I expressing my actual thoughts, just with adifferent part of my soul?’‘Thoughts or not, that isn’t my fox!’‘It isn’t?’‘No! That belongs to the kid who’s…’‘Kit…’‘What?’‘A young fox is called a kit, not a kid.’ 15
  16. 16. ‘Kit, then! Whatever! The bottom line is I am not a kit! I am ahuman!’‘Then where is your human body?’‘I…I don’t know…’ I faltered, my determination failing in thisinternal argument. My eyes kept focused on the stuffed fox.‘Then how do you know you are ‘you,’ then?’‘Well, I know, in my mind, that I am ‘me’.’‘That hasn’t changed, has it? You are thinking quitebrillThomastly at the moment. Yet, your viscera is beingcontained inside a different physical form.’‘True.’‘So, are you any less ‘you’ at the moment? When you get downto whom Cody really is, thevery concoction of emotions and thoughts and feelings thatmakes your soul unique from anyone else’s, are you anydifferent?’I had no reply. I turned my head, suddenly needing to stare atthe ceiling, a neutral visualcanvas, in order to concentrate.‘Do I believe that I am actually a fox now? That I somehowtransformed?’‘No, clearly your physical being has decided to alter itself andsend you off to some alternative reality, of sorts, the reason ofwhich you don’t know quite yet. What you do know, and needto realize, is that you are you; that hasn’t changed.’I paused in my thoughts. 16
  17. 17. ‘Your yearning for that stuffed animal has nothing to do withyour physical state; that’s allmental state, buddy, which I believe you just agreed wascompletely intact and unchanged.’‘But…but I’m a teenager! Hell, I’m almost an adult! Whywould I want some…some stuffed animal?’‘I don’t know. Maybe you should be asking yourself that.’‘I am!’I looked intently at the fox, still being held tight by my arms. Itseemed almost as if I was not just holding it for the sake of it,but rather for comfort.Comfort…‘Do I want it…for comfort?’The more I thought about it, the more it clicked. I needed it forcomfort, but why was I seeking comfort?‘Now you’re thinking.’‘This feeling, this need for comfort…I’ve never felt before.’‘I’m sure you have. You’ve just never bothered to seek theremedy.’‘The fox is my remedy?’‘No, it’s just one form of it. I think this is just the starting pointin a journey to find what that cure truly is.’ 17
  18. 18. Tears began to well up in my eyes. For so long, I had felt solost, so alone. I had this gaping hole in my heart that I figuredwould just remain as it was for the rest of my life, that I justhad to live with it. Never once did I even fathom that there wasa chance that it could be repaired and I could be whole.‘Now, whose fox is it?’I snivelled quietly, trying to keep my nose from running.“Mine,” I uttered in a voice just registering above a whisper.Quiet as it was, it must have been enough to be heard by mymother. I immediately saw her eyes shift from focusing on thedoctor’s words to the one sound I had just uttered."Tyler, are you alright?" she came dashing over towards me,stretching her arms our and giving me a hug as she kissed meon the cheek. This gave me a feeling I had never felt before, awarm feeling, a feeling of comfort...Comfort? There it is again. Is that why Im here? I thought tomyself. I still had many more questions that needed answers,but I didnt care at the time, I was in absolute heaven.My mom gave me one final squeeze as the doctor addressed herto leave the room. The doctor walked towards a small table andpicked up what seemed to be a chart of my previous visits andwhat medication I had been given and so on."Feeling any better?" she asked me while she was flippingthrough the papers of the chart.The sedative I was given earlier had started to wear off and Icould move my body enough to form a slight nod, which sheseem to notice as she smiled. 18
  19. 19. My doctor was a tall, young-looking female rabbit. She waswearing the same kind of coat that my human doctor had beenwearing the last time I saw her. The coat was plain white with anametag attached to the breast pocket.DR. MARY GARCIA, M . D it read.If shes an animal doctor, wouldnt that make her a veterinary?I thought to myself."Tyler?""Yeah?" I said in a voice which startled me a bit, since I wasntused to the high pitched, childlike voice of my current bodystate."You okay?I could see my mom glancing over the doctors shoulder. Shewas obviously worried of what had happened to her son, butshe new the doctor had to do her job.The doctor started to examine me with various instruments, shechecked my heart and my breathing with a stethoscope and soon."Everything seems fine Ms. Carrington, but were going to runan MRI scan just in case." the doctor addressed to my mom."Oh, take good care of him, ok?" my mom told the doctorworryingly."Dont worry, well take good care of him." the doctor said asshe picked me up and cradled me in her arms. I was surprised athow easily she picked me up, but I guess that came with my 19
  20. 20. small size. We began anew our journey down the corridor.Looking back over my physician’s shoulder, I watched mymom stand there in the same spot, paws in each other, anunmistakable look of abject worry painted across her face.I was torn mentally. Here I was being whisked away from mymother, an act that I expected would make any young creatureburst into tears, considering the circumstances. Although Idefinitely felt the mother-son bond between us, I also felt verysafe with the doctor. Clearly, a bond existed there as well, onewhich allowed my mind to be put at ease, trusting that I wouldsoon be back in the arms of a parent, safe and sound.I waved to my mom, feeling the need to calm her frayed nerves.Though we were pretty far down the passageway, she slowlyand sadly waved back.We entered a small room with nothing but an examinationtable, and a long, dark tunnel of which where the table wouldslide in during an MRI scan.She placed me down on the table."Ok, Tyler, Im going to leave this room now and enter thatlittle room on the other side on the window, we can still talkback and fourth and if you get scared just call for me, ok?" shesaid, trying to not scare me that much. I simply replied;"Ok."As Mary left the room I laid down on the table as I felt itsliding into the tunnel.I heard Mary talk through a speaker inside the machine."Just lay perfectly still now, Im going to ask you some simplequestions so we can see how your brain responds, ok?" 20
  21. 21. "Ok." I responded."First question, are you a boy or a girl?""Boy." I responded, I giggled slightly at how funny thatsounded as it escaped my muzzle."Good job. Now, what is your name?Was this my chance at perhaps finally getting some answers. Igave it a shot."Cody.. A-Adamson." I replied, struggling a bit to form such along procession of words.There was a brief silence. Did it work?"What is your real name?" I heard the doctor ask, slightlyconfused."Cody Adamson" I answered, now sounding more convincedthen before.Again the sudden silence, I could hear a slight chattering fromthe other end of the speaker.Most likely they accidentally left the microphone on. After yetanother short delay, the doctor walked in the room as the table Iwas lying down on slid out of the scanner.“What’s going on?” she asked timidly, clearly not knowingwhether to refer to me as ‘Cody’ or ‘Tyler’. Her long earsquivered slightly, exemplifying her panic.“Ummm….” I began.I spent the next hour carefully, slowly, and deliberatelyexplaining, using my limited vocabulary, who I really was. Iwent over the loss of my parents, being given up to foster care, 21
  22. 22. my experiences in high school and so on. Unfortunately, Iwasn’t really able to explain how I got here; all I could tell herwas what I knew.At first, she was speechless, standing next to me as I sat on theretracting table, her arms folded. However, as I went on, unableto stop the words coming out of my mouth, she relaxed andalmost seemed to be buying it. Eventually, she sat next to meand put a reassuring hand on my left thigh."So, you really are a hu-man?" she asked carefully."Yeah."I had drawn her a simple picture of a human, or at least the bestrecreation I could possibly call for, on the thin piece of paperthat was covering the examination table."Where is the gracing?" she asked."...Gracing?" I responded, just out of pure confusion."This." she said as she drew her paw across my arm, obviouslyreferring to..."Fur?" I deduced."Fur? Is that what humans call it?"I laughed, mostly at the situation I was currently in."So, who is Tyler?" I asked, slightly out of curiosity, but mostlybecause obviously I need to know since I was now stuck here."Tyler is a very sweet, smart, six-year-old fox.""That explains the paws and the tail." I said. 22
  23. 23. "You have a mom named Flora and a dad named George.""Ok." I responded as I tried to drill this new information intomy memory."You live in a small sub-urban town called Walley, not farfrom Zook, where this hospital is located."“You go to school in ‘Duluright’, the-”“Wait, how do you say that?” I interrupted.“Duh-luh-rit,” she enunciated.“Duh-luh-rit,” I repeated back, trying to memorize all thesenew place names.“Right; it’s where we are right now. Like I said, your school isalso here. You attend Duluright Elementary with your friendsKyle and Jeffy: Kyle is a husky and Jeffy’s a squirrel.”“So it’s a grade school?” I asked.“Sounds like your world has them, too,” she grinned, glad Iunderstood."So, what do I do?" I asked her, trying to imply how to enduremy current situation."Well, if you ask me Id say you just try and be Tyler.""How do I act like someone Im not?" 23
  24. 24. "Well, youve been doing a good job of it up until now, I see alot of him in you.""What do you mean?" I asked."Your personalities are very similar; your intelligence, yourinnocence, even your love of asking questions, they are very..Tyler-like."I didnt respond, I was too deep in my thoughts to even nod."You came here for a reason; you just have to try and figure outwhat that reason is.""Do you believe me?" I asked her, now that all was said anddone."Yes." she replied, almost without hesitation."I saw the reaction your brain had to my question. A brain thatlies has completely different response pattern."After a brief moment of silence and emotions, she asked;"Are you ready to see your mother?"In a true childlike manner, I responded;"Yup."“I can tell,” I replied, letting the thought of ‘my’ mom’s warmembrace and frantic, loving concern over my health re-enter mythoughts. 24
  25. 25. I felt so safe and cared for. I snuggled close to Doctor Buxton’sneck and squeezed my stuffed friend.Without even thinking about it, I found that I was easilysettling into being a youngster again.“Maybe this won’t be so bad,” I reasoned, just as we arrived atwhere my mother stood."Sweetie, youre ok!" she shouted as she came running towardsme to hug me.We stood there hugging for what seemed like an hour, but itswas probably no longer then 15 seconds."It was probably nothing but a bug in his system Ms.Carrington. If hes not ok tomorrow, call me.""Sure. Come on Tyler, lets go home." my mom said as shegrabbed my left paw and we started walking towards the exit. 25
  26. 26. V - Savour_______________As we walked out onto the parking lot I noticed, just as Iremembered; snow.I was prepared that it would have been cold to the touch, butfortunately enough the fur on my paws made mefeel nothing of the sort.We walked through the parking lot until my mom finallystopped andturned towards what I presumed was our car. It was pure ivorywhite and seemed to blend inwith the snow. I couldnt quite make out what brand the carwas, but it looked sort of what aVolvo would look like in our world.My mom helped me open the passenger door and lifted me upinto my seat. She buckled me up before she closed the door andthen shortly after walkedaround the car and got in the driver seat. She turned the ignitionand in no time at all we wereheading towards my new home. The car ride was your ratherboring trip through thecountryside with nothing but snow and trees to look at, sobefore long I fell asleep."Tyler, wake up, were home." I heard my mom state whileslightly shaking me. I was a bit 26
  27. 27. grumpy to be awoken from such a nice sleep, but I figured Icouldnt sit there all day.My mom got out of her seat, walked around the car and helpedme get out of mine.She lifted me up and carried me inside. She put me down in acomfortable recliner and then walked off, presumably to startdinner.My legs were short enough to just barely stick out over theedge, which made sitting upright in that chair ratheruncomfortable and awkward. Still, I wasnt exactly in the moodthe get fuzzy about where I sat, seeing as I was now gettingused to being conscious, I was convinced that any unnecessarymovement could leave me nauseous.As I sat in that chair, I tried to assess all the information I hadobserved under my visit here so far, which proved to be quitedifficult for my slightly underdeveloped kid body.Eventually, I got bored. I decided to walk around the house andexplore. I jumped out of the recliner and started slowly walkingtowards the stairs to the upper floor. Exactly how I knew wherethe stairs were, I had no idea.I stepped carefully, taking notice of my undersized legs. It wasa bit tricky to walk, but nothing I couldnt get used to. Walkingup the stairs proved quite difficult though. It was almost as if Ihad to crawl up the stairs.Eventually I made it up to the second floor. I saw one of thedoors stand ajar. I caught a glimpse of the same light blueshaded wall I had seen the last time my memory could recallbeing here. It was Tylers room, or rather, my room. 27
  28. 28. I shoved the door open, using most of my remaining strength. Irecognized everything. The race car bed, the toy chest, thebookshelf. Somehow the colourful chest caught my eye evenmore then it seemed to do before.My inner child wanted to just rush over towards it, and I didntreally have the power to resist it, nor did I want to either. It wasa great feeling. I pushed the lid open and saw the exact sametoys as before, but the a small, green monster truck brought aspark to me from deep within.I picked the vehicle up and studied it slightly before I startedviciously running around the room with it making vroomnoises. I must have looked like a complete madman, but I didntcare, I was having the time of my life.After what seemed like ten minutes, even thought it was mostlikely closer to an hour, I had gone through every toy in thebox. They were scattered all across the room. I heard someoneknock on the door as it gently slid open."Tyler, dinner!" My mom said as she waved her finger,obviously wanting me to follow her. I followed shortly afterher, and just as on the way up, I was having slight trouble withthe stairs.Due to my short legs, I had to jump up on the chair. Like thereclined, it was slightly awkward as my legs were slightlyhanging out, but I could live with it.It wasnt until I actually sat down at the dinner table I hadstarted to realize, I was slowly but securely, becoming Tyler.This started to scare me a bit.Am I really a kid inside? I thought to myself.Kit. 28
  29. 29. Kit, yeah.It depends. People change. You might not always have been,but you sure are now.But, what if I dont want to?Yet again, people change, you might be one now, but it can begone in the spur of a moment.Who decides this?Who knows. Its just the way the earth keeps spinning.As I was done thinking, I had finished my plate of spaghetti. Ihad barely eaten anything, yet I was still full to the extent ofwhere I couldnt down one more straw of spaghetti. By then Iwas getting tired, even though it was merely seven o clock, Iwas no older then six, so I presumed this was my regularbedtime. Yet again I crawled up the flight of stairs.Just as I got up on the second floor, I could hear the phoneringing. I paused for a second, a bit curious to hear who it was.My mom answered the phone."The doctor said hell be okay."Then, a pause, in which I could hear the very faint sound ofchatter leaving the phone from the other end of the line."I know, I was very scared, honey. Im still worried about him."Yet another brief pause. 29
  30. 30. "All right. Finish up your conference and get home safely. Ilove you, too. Good night." my mom said before hanging up.I took a wild guess that it was my dad. Suddenly panic struckme.What if he gets home and picks up on the fact that Im not theTyler he left behind going on a business trip?I dont think that will be much a problem.Yet another internal conversation with myself started to kick in.Really?Youve been doing a good job convincing everyone else thatyoure Tyler, why not him?I guess.I was starting to get really tired. I yet again walked in my room.I jumped up in my bed and got settled under the covers. Beforelong my mom stepped in the room."That tired, eh?" my mom asked me, smiling."Yeah.""Long day today, how are you feeling?""Good.""Im glad to hear that. You have school tomorrow."I got really excited, a big smile appeared on my face. My momnoticed this as well, and responded by smiling as well. 30
  31. 31. I still hadnt met my supposed friends, so thats why I wasexcited. I was too tired at the time though, so I just wanted tosleep. I shut my eyes to try and fall asleep as my mom walkedout the room and turned the light off. 31
  32. 32. Chapter VI - FamiliarityWhite. White as far as the eye could see. Or rather, I couldntsee anything. My eyes started to hurt. I got scared. Was I backin the null zone? I dont remember my eyes hurting. I couldbarely open them. It was as if someone shone a flashlight in myeyes.Wait, flashlight?I tilted my head slightly, and suddenly I could see again. It hadbeen merely a beam of sunlight escaping through the window. Ilaughed at how stupid I felt. I was sweating, not only from theheat from the sun, but also due to the quick episode of fright.I could tell it was early morning. I had never really been muchof a morning person, but I wasnt even close to tired. NormallyI would have been surprised by this, but it felt like nothingcompared to the other abnormal experiences I had been havingthe day before.I stepped out of bed. I knew it was morning, but I was curiousas to what the exact time was. I looked around the room. Just asI was about to stop my search, I saw a tiny, wooden clockhanging right above my bed, close to the dark blue borderdividing the wall from the ceiling.I took a closer look at the clock. I could see the clock bright asday, but I couldnt tell what time it was.Am I reverting mentally now as well?An adult in a childs body would seem a bit weird wouldnt it?Well, I guess, but what about my memories? 32
  33. 33. Your adult state and memories will still be there, but as you arenow young the new experiences are overlapping your previousones, old brain cells are shutting down and are replaced by newones.So, I will forget everything I know?Not exactly. Anything that both Tyler and Cody knows willstill remain, but anything that you know that Tyler doesnt isunfortunately usable. For example, reading a simple clock.I was speechless. Shocked, rather, seeing as I didnt speak at allin the first place. I had been accepting the previous occurrencesof this, the childlike instinct and all, but I hadnt thought of thebig picture. After a while of bouncing thoughts back andfourth, I accepted, unwillingly, that I would forget most of whatI knew.Just as I finished my mental conversation with myself, mymom stepped in the room."Ah, good, youre already awake. Let me help you out of thatpyjama."I hadnt even noticed that I was wearing one. It was the samelime-green one I had worn the day before, as I never changedout of it. My mom undid the zipper and I stepped out of it. Shebrought me a t-shirt and a pair of baggy pants. Nothing unusualfor a pre-schooler to wear. I felt a bit silly, but I knew thatanyone looking at me wouldnt care in the slightest.My mom walked out the room and I was right on her track,carefully treading down the stairs as always. I followed her intothe kitchen and sat down at the table. The phone rang. 33
  34. 34. "Ms. Carrington."A short pause, together with undistinguishable chatter from thephone."Oh hi, honey."I presumed it was my dad calling."Oh thats great!"I sat there, a bit confused."Ill see you later then, bye!" she said as she hung up."That was your dad, hell be back from his business triptonight."Even though I had never met the man, I felt really happy inside.I had really been starting to settle in to the role as Tyler, almost,becoming Tyler. This would have probably scared me two daysago, but I was actually starting to, believe it or not, like it a bit.The car ride to Duluright didnt take any longer then 15minutes. My mom stopped just outside and I jumped out of thecar.How am I supposed to find anything here? I dont know howthis place looks, hell, I dont even know what my friends looklike! I thought, slightly panicked to myself.Just as I was thinking about my supposed friends, two youngcubs, one of them a husky and the other a squirrel, waving atme. I ran over towards them. 34
  35. 35. "What were you doing over there? We always meet by thegate." the husky said."Uhm..." was all that I could respond."Up late yesterday?" the squirrel asked, laughing."Yeah." I laughed as well, seeing as it was the best excuse Ihad."Kyle, did you see the game yesterday?" the squirrel asked,obviously referring to the husky."Nah, I missed it. Was it any good?" Kyle responded."Zook won.""Cool."I just smiled, trying to seem interested."Did you see it Tyler?" the squirrel asked me."Nah, I missed it."I heard the bell ring. Kyle was already inside."Tyler, Jeffy, you guys coming?" I could hear him yell towardsus.Jeffy started running in and I ran close behind. I had no ideawhere everything was, so I just ended up following my friends.We walked in the classroom. 35
  36. 36. I immediately knew I was in pre-school. Kids my age wererunning around and the teacher, whose name was written on thechalkboard as ‘Mrs. Adams’, tried her best to herd them all intotheir seats.She was a grizzly bear, but one with a very sweet temperament.She asked all the pupils to take their seats, which we did.Luckily, it was easy to find my desk. It being early in theschool year, our names were written on a piece of cardboardand taped to each individual desk. These desks were thengrouped together in sets of eight; Kyle sat next to me, whileJeffy was just across from us.I sat my backpack on the ground to my right. Curious as towhat Tyler usually carried in it, I unzipped the maincompartment. Clearly, the workload for a pre-school studentwasn’t anything worth mentioning. There was one small binderwhich had some loose leaf paper inside and a large box ofcrayons was packed in the bottom next to it. The thing that puta smile on my face was the stowaway nestled up next to theseitems: I saw Rusty smiling up at me. This boosted myconfidence immensely.The morning went on pretty uneventfully. We were learningabout the alphabet and what sounds the vowels made. Gettinginto the lesson, my adult mind scoffed at the idea of sittingthrough this. However, strangely enough, as the teacher beganto speak, I found myself fascinated with what I was hearing andalmost struggling to understand the concepts being explained. Itfelt almost as if…‘I’m learning all over again,’ I realized.‘Am I losing my mind, or at least the adult half of it? Why am Ihaving a hard time grasping the idea of a vowel?’ 36
  37. 37. As panicked as I was by the end of the morning, I tried to puton as calm of a veneer as possible. I just filled out theworksheets as best I could, astonished at how sloppy my six-year-old handwriting was. Jeffy, Kyle and I chatted every nowand then about the lesson, but tried to be quiet so as not to getinto trouble.The bell rang, and everybody rushed outside. I just decided tofollow my friends. We walked out of the yard. I decided to lookaround and get a feel for my surroundings."You guys go on without me, I have, uhh, something to do.""Uhm, ok." they responded as the ran off to play.I went for a walk, trying to gather my thoughts, while at thesame time explore the area. It looked like any average schoolplayground. Sandboxes, slides, et cetera. As I was walking, Isaw someone I recognized, whom already seemed to be lookingat me. It was my doctor, Mary.We both looked at each other for a couple of seconds, until shestarted walking towards me."Hello Tyler, or should I say Cody?"Uhh, Tyler works.""So, Tyler, how are you doing?" she asked, her curiositypiqued."Im doing ok, I guess. It feels like Im learning stuff again.""I see. Is that a problem?" 37
  38. 38. "Well, not really, its just that, yeah, its a bit hard tounderstand.""You dont need to understand. You just need to float along, tryand embrace it. Other then your school experiences, how haveyou been doing, just, being Tyler?""There I dont have any trouble, it just feels so...""..Natural?" she finished my sentence."Yeah.""Is that good or bad?""I guess, its good."She smiled, and I couldnt help but smile back. It was almost asif she was asking my own questions for me, and just assistedme in answering them."So, uh, why are you here?" I asked out of curiosity."Im the school nurse. I dont only work as a doctor." shesmiled."I guess that makes sense." I said, thinking about the fact thatsomeone could have two jobs.The bell rang."Seems like you need to rush in for class.""Yeah, see you around, I guess." 38
  39. 39. VII - Stability__________Time marched on, unstoppable as ever, and I soon foundmyself at the tail end of August. Just as the glow of dusk wasfading to black earlier every day, so too was the proverbial sunsetting on my former mental capacity. No longer did I find anargument between my two halves when a crossroad revealeditself to me. Rather, I had moved beyond merely tolerating lifeas ‘Tyler’; I had truly become him.All the small similarities I had initially found so intriguingwere now non-issues, as my adopted world was the only one Iknew or understood. The habits and rituals of a six-year-old foxwere now parts of a routine and needed no analysis. Everyevent from cartoons to an early bedtime was simply that: anevent; nothing more and nothing less.No longer needing to concentrate on the questions once posedto me, I could zero in on the truly important questions of theday, such as:“What other goodies do your want, Tyler?” my mom asked.“Can I have some more fruit snacks?” I replied. We were fillingup my backpack with treats because tonight, Kyle, Jeffy and Iwere going to camp-out in Jeffy’s backyard. Being that hishouse wasn’t really in any town, but rather just off of thehighway between Waverly and Surringshire, his family owneda much larger piece of property than usual. In fact, they hadalmost five acres of land to themselves.I found out about the adventure the last time we hung out,around a week ago. However, it didn’t faze me, hearing that Iwould be camping out, and that the event had been planned for 39
  40. 40. nearly a year. It was as if I was already aware and was lookingforward to it. Tyler knew it; therefore, I knew it, too. After all, Iwas Tyler, wasn’t I?The car ride over to Jeffys didnt take too long, and before Inew it we were already there. I ran inside as our parents startedtalking. There I saw both Kyle and Jeffy playing video games,and I joined them without even thinking twice.Soon, we were ready to head out. I gave my mom a hugesqueeze and she leaned down to me, kissing me on the top ofmy head.“You three have fun out there and be careful!” she implored.“We will!” we shouted back in unison, already running out thedoor into the great natural world that was Jeffy’s backyard. Wehad only been walking for about ten minutes and Jeffy’s housewas already out of sight.Beyond the neatly trimmed grass behind his house, Jeffy’sbackyard became an open field, hemmed in by pine trees ontwo sides. We marched to the corner where the two tree linesmet at a right angle. Tall cheat grass brushed against us as wetrotted along. Luckily, by this time of year, the ticks were deadand gone.The sun sat fairly high in the pale blue sky, although it wasdropping earlier and earlier in the day. We were getting closerto the equinox, which meant snow would be just around thecorner. The thought excited me and images of crackling firesand snowball fights with the guys filled my imagination as wearrived at the edge of the field.Once we met the trees, the ground took a pitch downward. 40
  41. 41. Following the path of a narrow gully, we hiked down the grade.Jeffy led the way, with me keeping close behind, and Kyle onmy tail. Further into the forest we walked until we stoppedabout half-an-hour into the journey.The spot we had arrived at was a clearing in the trees; it waspoised at the bottom of the slope. Just fifty meters beyond theclearing, the ground dropped off again, and led down to theSagemoor River. It was a perfect spot with a fire-ring alreadyset up and a couple logs arranged around the pit, just waiting tobe lounged upon. Clearly, this was a locale frequented by Jeffy,and probably myself as well.“Let’s set up camp!” Kyle advised happily. While we wereyoung, we had camping know-how. I couldn’t venture if it hadsomething to do with that we were non-human, but weassembled the tent much faster than I could imagine any six-year old human would be able to. The three of us workedtogether and within ten minutes, we had raised a very nice two-occupant tent, which suited three cubs very nicely. We tossedthe sleeping bag inside, along with our packs. I remembered totake Rusty out of my satchel and sit him up against one of thewalls of the tent.The three of us then marched down to the river. It made alively, bubbling sound. The water was so clear, I could seedown to the bed. Rainbow trout were swimming, coming up tothe surface every so often to nibble on whatever bug hadunwisely chosen to land there. Where we met the river, a smallboat was tied up to the truck of a tree which hung over part ofthe water.“Can I paddle this time, Jeffy? You got to last time,” Kylewhined. 41
  42. 42. “I’m the best paddler here,” Jeffy stated.“Can Kyle and I both try it?” I asked, excited at the thought ofpiloting a boat.“Okay, you both can take an oar,” Jeffy decided, very much incharge.After untying the knot, we carefully climbed in, making surewe didn’t slip into the water.“All right; let’s go upstream a little,” Jeffy advised. Kyle and Iboth took an oar and did as we were told. Being as the riverwas fairly shallow, paddling upstream wasn’t an issue. On theother shore, the ground rose very steeply. It didn’t have anyvegetation on it, save a few pockets of tumbleweeds. The latesummer sun was casting its rays on it, lighting up its tansurface, which illuminated the canyon we were in, as well.Birds called out and streaked across the sky. The crickets hadbegun their evening song, thousands of them joining in, playingthe same tune, although each at a slightly different tempo. Agentle breeze accompanied their symphony, causing the reedsalong the shore to rustle and sway. The whole scene wasbreathtaking and I couldn’t stop grinning. The feeling wasfreedom at its finest and I could honestly say I didn’t have acare in the world.“I can’t believe I forgot fishing poles,” Jeffy conceded.“That’s okay; it’s just nice to relax and take in the view,” Ireplied.“Yeah, Jeffy; we can pack them next time. Then we can bringour parents so they can cook the fish, too,” Kyle said. We all 42
  43. 43. nodded in agreement, licking out lips at the thought of freshlycooked trout. For tonight, though, due to being forbidden fromstarting a fire, let alone cook, it would be fruit snacks andgranola bars.As we sat there, admiring the astonishing work of nature, we allstarted to get tired. We decided to paddle back to our setupcamp.We all got out of our camping clothes and into our normalpyjamas. We snuggled up together in the big sleeping bag.Before long, all three of us fell into a deep, soft, slumber.Only about an hour after we had gone to sleep, I was abruptlyawoken by a strongly shining light coming from outside thetent. I was debating with myself whether or not to wake up myfriends, but I decided to at least catch a look of what it was.I crawled out of the tent, and I caught a first glimpse. It was themoon, but it was shining in a violet hue. This sent a chillthrough my spine that cause all the fur on my back to standright up. I decided to head over the hill of where I could onlybarely see the moon.“Cody…”My heart stopped.‘I know that name…’“Cody…” it repeated softly.‘I know that voice…’ 43
  44. 44. I took the last step over the mossy hill and I finally saw whohad been calling me. My throat went dry and my jaw slack asthere before me stood Doctor Mary, except this time, it wasn’tthe doctor I knew. She was in a flowing white gown andperched above her head was a halo, the very object which wasletting off the blue glow.“Uh….” was all I could get out.“Cody, or should I say, Tyler,” she said, her voice just as softand sweet as always.“Ummm….” I really couldn’t figure out anything to say.“You are surprised to see me.”“Wha—what are you doing here and—are you a--““An angel? Yes, I am. I’m your angel, your guardian angel.”“…but you’re my doctor, too?” I was trying to put my six-year-old logic capabilities to use here.“…and the school nurse. I do that work so I can watch over youmore easily and help you with this time in your life, to help youfigure out who you are.”“Angels do that?” I asked, my voice cracking a bit.“We do what we need to in order to help guide our charges andkeep them safe and content.”I didn’t know where to go from there. So, I looked down at theground. 44
  45. 45. “Does the name ‘Cody’ sound familiar?” she asked. My headsnapped to attention.“Yeah…”The adult rabbit smiled warmly at me as she listened to thegears in my head crank and whirl. My neurons flashed andwhizzed from one edge of my cranium to the other. As if I wasrunning through a long mathematical equation, I put in all thevariables I knew, and came up with the best possible answer:“I’m Cody,” I said in a voice scarcely above a whisper. To this,she nodded gently.“I thought I was Tyler,” I added. The equation only led to morequestions.“A year ago, you were Cody, a human, from another place andtime in our universe. Something happened and you were hurt,badly. It was my fault that I wasn’t there to protect you. I’msorry,” she apologized.I was trying to make sense of this all. Suddenly, a part of mybrain which had fallen asleep long ago came back to life andseemed to be fighting with the part I had grown used to livingwith. I had to blink, the thought processes were so numbing.Seeing my bewilderment, Mary knelt down in front of me andplaced her paw on my hip.“While you were in the hospital, I saw how you were suffering,not just physically but emotionally as well. You were neververy happy with the life you had. So, rather than keep yourspirit there and hope for recovery, I brought your soul to aplace where I felt you would be happier. 45
  46. 46. “In your life as a human, you sought love, but couldn’t find it.As a fox, though, you not only found this love, but youintimately experienced it: the love of a friend, and, mostimportantly, the love of a parent. Since I could see you missingout on these three important attributes that every soul needs, Idecided to move you here.“All of us angels work together. While you lay in the hospitalbed, I talked to a couple of my brothers and sisters andexplained the situation you were in. One of my sisters told methat a young fox, named Tyler, would be in need of a good,kind soul very soon.”“My soul,” I whispered. This time, it was my adult sensestingling and churning out answers.“Yes, your soul. After getting the okay, I moved you, CodyAdamson, into the form of Tyler Carrington. Everything aboutyou crossed over: your smarts, your kind-hearted nature, yourinquisitiveness, your humor…all the things that make you‘you’. Except for the physical ‘you,’ of course,” she added.I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My muscles were frozenin place; my head swam, thickly laden with thoughts anddisbelief. While in some way it was all making sense, at thesame time it shattered all that I had come to believe was myworld. I couldn’t even believe who I was anymore.“Wh—what about the ‘real’ Tyler? Is…he okay?” I asked.“Yes, he’s fine. The guardian angel who was watching overhim took his soul to another place where he was greatly neededto save a lot of lives from danger.”I took in the response, thinking about what that danger could 46
  47. 47. be.“It is all part of a plan much bigger than us,” she added, as if toquiet my mind from feeling the need to now solve the mysteriesof the cosmos.“What about…me? I mean…my body? Am I still alive in thehospital?”At this, Mary smiled again.“This is where you must make a choice, my child. Yourphysical form is alive in the hospital, waiting for your soul toreturn. In a matter of seconds, I could have you back to the wayyou were, all mended up and ready to continue living as Cody.“On the other hand, you can also stay here if you want and goon living as Tyler. The choice is yours.” She paused to let theimportance of the moment sink in.“Either way, I will make it so you forget the life you decide toleave behind and our conversation here, as well. Tomorrow,regardless of whether you choose to be Cody or Tyler, yourheart and soul will no longer struggle between two differentmindsets. You will then be Cody Adamson or Tyler Carrington,never more a shade of both blended together.”‘Who am I?’ I posed to myself‘You’re Cody, obviously,’ one half of me argued.‘Really? Are you really ‘Cody?’ How can you say that whenyou were so unhappy then, but so happy now, as ‘Tyler’?’ theother half countered. 47
  48. 48. “Child…” Mary began in the background of my thoughts.‘Our feelings don’t change who we are; they make us who weare. Happy or sad, you are ‘Cody’.’‘True, but if our inner desires, or feelings, are to be someoneelse, then, according to your logic, we do in fact transformourselves into another being.’“…it is time…”‘A human doesn’t have the power to do that, to alter our beingat the drop of a hat.’‘No, but an angel does.’“…for you…”‘So, if an angel does it, that makes it okay? Okay to give up onlife, to run away from tough times just because we areunhappy?’‘No, unhappiness is part of life, as is pain and sorrow; we mustlearn to deal with all of it. However, if the soul, that thing muchdeeper than mere feelings, is offered a new start when it achesto be free, is that really running away? Or is it bravely facingthe unknown, leaving behind all that was once understood andaccepted, for a chance to start anew?’“…to choose.”I halted my train of thought enough to see that I was lookingstraight into Mary’s eyes. The forest around us hummed gently;the glow from her halo, perched high above her ears, lappedagainst the trees that surrounded us. The sparkles that first 48
  49. 49. appeared when I was in her presence grew in number andintensity.I felt nothing but numb, numb from what she had explained tome, numb from the memories washing back of my life asAdam, numb from thinking about the year I have had living asa young fox, numb from the decision I had to make. All I reallywanted to do was pass out and give my mind a rest, check outfrom the world for just a short while to collect my thoughts.With every ounce of brain power, I tried to force my mind tofocus again on the matter before me. Through the mud that wasthreatening to take over my cerebral cortex, I broke free for oneshining moment. I didn’t think it; I just spoke.“I’m Tyler,” I said, clearly and succinctly.The humming stopped instantly and the sparkles faded anddisappeared. All that remained was the glow and Mary grinningreassuringly.“Okay, Cody. Let’s get you and Rusty back to bed,” she saidgently. She opened up her arms to me and I accepted them,yawning loudly as I took a step closer to her. She picked me upand cradled me, so that I was facing her. Resting my head onher shoulder, I pulled Rusty tightly into me, making sure Ididn’t let go.As she walked me through the trees, back towards camp, shestroked my brown hair and the sparkles returned to my field ofvision. Every fret and concern I had within myself was meltingaway. The more she ran her fingers through my scalp, the morecontent and sleepy I became. I yawned again; I could sensethere was no use fighting this battle. 49
  50. 50. The sparkles multiplied upon themselves many times over withsuch speed it was mystifying. Suddenly, I realized that it was asight I had seen before.“Will I ever see you again?” I asked, as I felt the child-like partof my brain taking full control of my mental abilities, runningroughshod over the defenders of my adult half.“Oh, I’m sure you will. Don’t worry about that. I will alwaysbe watching over you, Tyler,” she replied.Before I zonked out, within sight of the tent in which myfriends were peacefully counting sheep, in the final coherentthought my human adult mind would ever produce, I askedMary a question:“If you did this for me and knew the whole time, why did youact like you had no idea what was going on? Why didn’t youjust tell me?”“My child, life isn’t about finding out all the answers as fast aswe can; it’s about why we ask the questions in the first place.”As I absorbed the last syllable she spoke, I slipped into a deep,deep slumber.My soul was finally at peace. 50