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Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
Wild things
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Wild things

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Short discussion to grade school faculty

Short discussion to grade school faculty

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Transcript

  • 1. Welcome back teachers!
  • 2. “For a couple of hundred years now, each generation of fathers has passed on less and less to his sons – not just less power but less wisdom. And less love. We finally reached a point where many fathers were largely irrelevant in the lives of their sons.” – Frank Pittman, 1993 Psychology Today
  • 3. Guide Questions: 1. What particular topic got you attention most? 2. How did you feel about it? 3. What insight did you get and how does that affects you? 4. How can you apply/use that learning to your everyday life (as a man/woman, as a parent, as a teacher)?
  • 4. Wild Things: the Art of Nurturing Boys Understanding the Way, Mind, and Heart of Boys
  • 5. Outline • Overview • The Nature of Boys The Lover ✔ The Individual • The Mind of a Boy ✔ • The Heart of a Boy
  • 6. Overview 1. The Explorer (ages 2-4) 2. The Lover (ages 5-8) 3. The Individual (ages 9-12) 4. The Wanderer (ages 13-17) 5. The Warrior (ages 18-22)
  • 7. Explorer (ages 2-4): He is active, aggressive, curious, and self-determined. He needs boundaries, consistency, and plenty of wide open space to be a boy in this stage.
  • 8. Lover (5-8): He is tender, desiring to please, and competitive in this stage. He needs a good deal of one-on-one time, and also help directing his competitive spirit.
  • 9. Individual (9-12): He is searching for his identity and evolving in this stage. He needs outlets to test his strength and his mind, and to feel a sense of purpose.
  • 10. Wanderer (13-17): He can be arrogant and argumentative in this stage. His body will be in biological chaos. He needs understanding, strong parenting, and mercy as he passes through one of the more complicated seasons in his development.
  • 11. Warrior (18-22): He is reflective, searching, and ambivalent in this stage. He needs patience and blessing as he moves into young adulthood.
  • 12. Overview of the Lover (ages 5-8) Attentive to detail and value relationships. ● They become more tender, more relationally driven and more artfully expressive. ● They tend to be cheerful, full of life and enthusiastic ●
  • 13. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) Who He is Tenderness ● Great kindheartedness emerges. ● Heightened emotional sensitivity. ● ● Impatience and argumentativeness.
  • 14. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) Who He is Obedience ● Understands the right and wrong ● The stage of following rules. ● ● Struggles with things being unfair
  • 15. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) Who He is Attachment to Dad ● (away from mom and towards dad) ● ● Foreshadowing the gender identity Crucial stage for dads to spend time together with their sons
  • 16. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) Who He is Competitiveness ● ● Parents and teachers can use this competitiveness to their advantage at time. Ex., you can turn a routine task (such cleaning the boy's room) into timed event, and he can try to beat last night's record.
  • 17. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) What He Needs Compassion and Restraint ● Reprieve – the boys need the reprieve of home that allows them to be who they are. ● Relationship – boys need adult attention. More of one-on-one time their parents (dad). Enjoys family dinner and sharing of your day. ●
  • 18. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) What He Needs Routine – boys behave and learn best by repetition and consistency. It is crucial for their happiness and wellbeing. ● Regulation – names unwanted behavior and helps the boy start to control his impulsiveness. ●
  • 19. The Nature of the Lover (ages 5-8) Tips: Give him lots of love and affection ● Reward good behavior ● Get him involved, start letting him in on decision-making ● Focus him outward ● Help him with hygiene ● Take him to movies, but do so strategically, teach him to interpret, lay the groundwork for dialogue ● Encourage his imagination ●
  • 20. Overview of the Individual (ages 9-12) Mischief sets in, along with competition, camaraderie, and the prepubescent display of some macho-ism. ● Somewhere in this window the boy starts to move into adolescence. ● The age of transformation. ●
  • 21. Overview of the Individual (ages 9-12) By this point he has developed a strong sense of self and his search for masculinity has intensified. ● Emotionally, he's a wreck. Every emotion tends to get displayed as anger. ● He also starts to separate from mom. ●
  • 22. The Nature of the Individual (ages Who He is 9-12) Searching ● Begins to look deeply into what it means to be a man. ● Search for masculinity. ● ● Increased emotional isolation.
  • 23. The Nature of the Individual (ages Who He is Evolving ● Hormonally, emotionally, psychologically. ● Surge of testosterone. ● 9-12)
  • 24. The Nature of the Individual (ages Who He is 9-12) Experimenting ● Starts to discover who he is as a man ● Breaking the rules and risk taking ●
  • 25. The Nature of the Individual (ages Who He is 9-12) Criticizing ● ● Critical of himself, his parents, his siblings, his peers, and other adults in authority.
  • 26. The Nature of the Individual (ages What He Needs 9-12) Limits and Opportunities ● Supervision – parents need to keep an eye. ● Information – dialogue of accurate information about emotional and physical changes. ●
  • 27. The Nature of the Individual (ages What He Needs 9-12) Involvement – strong parental involvement. Lots of love and attention. ● Outlets – opportunities through which he can develop his sense of self (athletic, extracurricular opportunities, outdoors, outreach and service. ●
  • 28. The Nature of the Individual (ages 9-12) Tips: • • • • • • • Be intentional with summers Keep the dialogue going Engage with him.. talks sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.. Enlist his doctor's help to talk openly about changes coming Make him read the book before you let him see the movie Keep him active. Fasten your seat belt for the white-water that is coming.
  • 29. The Mind of a Boy Spatial instead of relational - they understand the lay of the land instead of how things are interconnected. • Aware of objects instead of faces - they are more attracted to balls than they are to people. • Action oriented, as opposed to process oriented – they're oriented toward movement instead of emotions. •
  • 30. A Boy's Brain BOYS equals ● ● More activity + Less impulse control + Testosterone ● Less sensory detail + Less memory ability ● More frequent rest states + Longer rest states ● Fewer feelings + Less verbal expression ● ● Larger preoptic area + Rounder suprachiasmatic nucleus Lights + Sounds + Moving images = Zombie Boys
  • 31. The Heart of a Boy What it means to See him ● A curiosity about who he is ● An appreciation for who he is ● A vision for who he will become ●
  • 32. The Heart of a Boy What it means to Name him ● ● To declare the truth about him, to him, and for him ● Motivate to speak what you have seen ● We have read him and have been provoked to move toward him
  • 33. The Heart of a Boy What it means to Draw him out ● ● ● ● ● Needs to be challenged, invited, coaxed (persuade) Directed toward authenticity, integrity, and intimacy The work of drawing a boy out is the work of saving him Give boy permission to live with and from his heart
  • 34. The Heart of a Boy What it means to Keep His Heart ● Guided by his dreams ● Helped in his ambivalence (uncertainty) ● Engaged on his own terms ● Presence ● Persistence ● Patience ● Pick your spots ● Assisted in answering the biggest question of all ● Do I have what it takes? ● Am I the real deal? ● Do I matter?
  • 35. T h a n k y o u !

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