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Love and infatuation

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  • 1. PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH OF GHANA OSU EBEN-EZER CONGREGATION PRESENTATION ON THE ORIGIN OFVALENTINE AND THE EFFECT ON THE YOUTH TODAY BY REV. ERIC JOEL NII OKLEY BOTCHWAY
  • 2. Valentines Day or SaintValentines Day is an occasioncelebrated on February 14 by manypeople throughout the world. In theWest, it is the traditional day on whichlovers express their love for eachother by sending Valentines cards,presenting flowers, or offeringconfectionery.
  • 3. The holiday is named after two amongthe numerous Early Christian martyrsnamed Valentine. The day becameassociated with romantic love in thecircle of Geoffrey Chaucer in theHigh Middle Ages, when the traditionof courtly love flourished.
  • 4. The day is most closely associatedwith the mutual exchange of lovenotes in the form of "valentines."Modern Valentine symbols include theheart-shaped outline, doves, and thefigure of the winged Cupid. Since the19th century, handwritten notes havelargely given way to mass-producedgreeting cards
  • 5. Numerous early Christian martyrswere named Valentine. Until1969, the Catholic Churchformally recognized elevenValentines Days.
  • 6. The Valentines honoredon February 14 are
  • 7. Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb.m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni(Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m.Romae).
  • 8. Valentine of Rome was a priest inRome who suffered martyrdom aboutAD 269 and was buried on theVia Flaminia. His relics are at theChurch of Saint Praxed in Rome. and atWhitefriar Street Carmelite Church inDublin, Ireland.
  • 9. Valentine of Terni became bishop ofInteramna (modern Terni) about AD197 and is said to have been killedduring the persecution of EmperorAurelian. He is also buried on the ViaFlaminia, but in a different locationthan Valentine of Rome. His relics areat the Basilica of Saint Valentine inTerni (Basilica di San Valentino).
  • 10. The third saint named Valentine whowas mentioned in early martyrologiesunder date of February 14. He wasmartyred in Africa with a number ofcompanions, but nothing more isknown about him.
  • 11. No romantic elements are present inthe original early medieval biographiesof either of these martyrs. By the timea Saint Valentine became linked toromance in the fourteenth century,distinctions between Valentine ofRome and Valentine of Terni wereutterly lost.
  • 12. In the 1969 revision of theRoman Catholic Calendar of Saints,the feastday of Saint Valentine onFebruary 14 was removed from theGeneral Roman Calendar andrelegated to particular (local or evennational) calendars for the followingreason:
  • 13. "Though the memorial of SaintValentine is ancient, it is left toparticular calendars, since, apart fromhis name, nothing is known of SaintValentine except that he was buriedon the Via Flaminia on February 14."[12]
  • 14. The feast day is still celebrated inBalzan (Malta) where relics of thesaint are claimed to be found, and alsothroughout the world byTraditionalist Catholics who follow theolder, pre-Vatican II calendar.
  • 15. •Consequences: Abused Misused Misunderstood Misapplied
  • 16. LOVE ANDINFATUATION
  • 17. To help the Christianwho is single make theright choice in choosing alife partnerTo know the differencebetween LOVE, SEX andINFATUATION
  • 18. WHAT IS LOVE -EROS• This is a “need” love based on physical attraction and fulfillment. This love is necessary for the unmarried to succeed , however, marriage cannot be sustained by EROS alone. Its out of this word that we have the English word Erotic.• This kind of love is not bad per se. Prov. 5:18
  • 19. PHILEO• This is a friendship love based on reciprocal sharing of time , activity, the home, hobbies, games and other objects of common affection.• Companionship: the Bible says,Erotic love is about being lovers but phileo love is about being best friends. Rom 12:9-10. Prov.17:17
  • 20. • This is honoring, devotion, sharing, companionship, reciprocity , serving and caring.• This is doing what the other person won’t do but for love you will do it.• This is learning to care and be best friends living your lives together.
  • 21. AGAPE• This is the super natural love. It is giving love and it can be unilateral, in that, one loves even when the other does not respond.• It is self-giving and meeting the need of the other person with the purpose of helping the other person to become better or more matured individuals.
  • 22. • Agape love takes the initiative of energizing the other two kinds of love.• This is God’s love, being kind hearted , being generous , kind, forgiving one another, being tender hearted, working love
  • 23. • This is the love that gives the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least.• This is the kind of love that makes a person forgive when he is wounded.• He does not bring up the past• Knows the other person’s history but refuses to use that against him.
  • 24. • We have always emphasized the Eros but that alone is not helpful.• 50%-75% of first time marriages ends up in divorce.• 25% live unhappy and unfulfilled life.
  • 25. •The foundation of love is – love people the same way God loves them. Become best friends.
  • 26. AM I IN LOVE? IS IT LOVE OR INFATUATION?1. Time• Love grows and all growth requires time. Infatuation may come on suddenly. If it is genuine love it takes time but infatuation is
  • 27. 2. KNOWLEDGE• Love grows out of an appraisal of all the uncharacteristic of the other person,• infatuation may arise from an acquaintance with one or few of these characteristics.
  • 28. I cannot love someone without knowing him genuinely• character,• values• Family• Career/dreams• Ambitions• Strengths / weaknesses• Knowledge of a person causes a spontaneous love for him/her.
  • 29. 3. FOCUS• Love is making the other person centeral. It is outgoing and results in sharing, infatuation is self centered, on one person only.
  • 30. IS IT LOVE OR INFATUATION?• 4. SINGULARITY• Genuine love focuses on one person only. An infatuated person may be in love with two or more persons simultaneously.• I think I need to make it very clear over here that infatuation is not wrong, it is not sinful, it is just this chemical reaction or feeling we have when we get attracted to the opposite sex but we can’t confuse that with
  • 31. • 5. SECURITY• Love provides a sense of security and a feeling of trust, but an infatuated person tends to have a sense of blindness.• Infatuation is based on wishful thinking rather than careful consideration, or may have a sense of insecurity that is sometimes expressed
  • 32. IS IT LOVE OR INFATUATION?• 6. WORK• An individual in love works for the other person and for their mutual benefit. His ambition is spurred on and he plans and saves for the future.• He may day dream but his dreams are reasonably attainable.
  • 33. • However, an infatuated person may lose his ambition, his appetite, and his interest in everyday affair.• He thinks of his own misery, he often day dreams but his dreams are sometimes limited to the attainable. At times his dreams become a subtitled reality.
  • 34. • 7. PROBLEM SOLVING• A couple in love face problems frankly and attempt to solve them.• Barriers are approached intelligently and are removed or circumvented.• In infatuation, problems tend to be disregarded or glossed over. What will you do if your parents refuse to have you marry?
  • 35. • 8. DISTANCE• Love tends to be constant; infatuation often varies with distance between the couple.
  • 36. IS IT LOVE OR INFATUATION?9. PHYSICAL ATTRACTION & INVOLVEMENT• In love, physical attraction is relatively a smaller part of the total relations.• Any physical contact tends to have meaning, as well as be a pleasurable experience.• In infatuation, physical contact tends to be an end in itself. It represents only the pleasurable experience
  • 37. • The moment your physical involvement move beyond your leading from God, you cloud your ability to hear from God in the relationship.• Each step in the relationship is bound in a process of communicating a deeper and deeper commitment to one another, however infatuation is just the opposite.
  • 38. 10. AFFECTION• In love, an expression of affection tends to come relatively late in the couples relationship.• In infatuation it may come earlier, sometimes from the very beginning. sex at first date. II. Sam: 13:1ff• Tamar and her step brother Ammon.• His love turned to hatred and he hated her even more than he had loved her, Get out of here! He snarled at her. Verse 1,2 and 15
  • 39. IS IT LOVE OR INFATUATION?• 11. STABILITY• Love tends to endure, infatuation may change suddenly or unpredictably.
  • 40. DELAYED GRATIFICATION• A couple in love are not indifferent to the effects of the postponement of their wedding, but they do not prolong their period of postponement unless they find it wiser to wait for a reasonable time;
  • 41. • they do not feel an almostirresistible drive towards haste but in contrast infatuation couple tend to feel an urge towards getting married, postponement is intolerable and deprivation rather than preparation.• When you love somebody you can wait, you will not be driven
  • 42. • Remember Jacob and Rachel, he waited for 7 years and after he was given Leah he served 7 more years and the bible says that it seemed to him but for a few days. Genesis 29:15-21
  • 43. SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR THE SINGLES LEARN TO KEEP YOUR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL INVOLVEMENT BEHIND YOUR LEADING FROM GOD AND COMMITMENT TO THE OTHER PERSON
  • 44. SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR THE UNINVOLVED SINGLESLEARN TO DEVELOP A PERSONAL CONVICTION TO PERSUE PURITY.WATCH WHAT YOU LOOK ATWATCH WHAT YOU HEARWATCH WHAT YOU SAYWATCH WHAT YOU GET INVOLVE IN
  • 45. MESSAGE FOR SINGLES IN CRISESGET HELP
  • 46. THOSE WHOSE LIVES ARECENTERED AROUND SEX TALK TO SOMEBODY NOW! DON’T POSTPONE IT.
  • 47. A WORD OF HOPE FOR ALLCOME NOW LET US REASON TOGETHER SAYS THE LORD THOUGH YOUR SINS ARE AS SCARLET THEY WOULD BE AS WHITE AS SNOW, THOUGH THEY ARE RED LIKE CRIMSON THEY WOULD BE LIKE WOOL IF ONLY YOU WOULD OBEY ME AND LET ME HELP YOU THEN YOU WILL HAVE PLENTY TO EAT. ISAIAH 1:18-19
  • 48. THANK YOUQUESTION TIME

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