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First Ladies

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First Ladies

First Ladies


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  • 1. Herstory: America’s Most Bangable First Ladies
  • 2. Frances Folsom Cleveland
    • Young stuff – married the 48 year old Cleveland at age 21
    • Wore low-cut dresses
    • Good liar – Helped hide Cleveland’s jaw cancer
    Definitely Bang-able
  • 3. Mamie Eisenhower
    • Seems kinda kooky
    • Nickname was “Puddy”
    • Came from a family of meatpackers
    • Shorty: 5’1”
    • First president's wife known to be kissed openly in public
    Why Not?
  • 4. Sarah Polk
    • Hot like an old timey Winona Ryder
    • Tall, black hair, brown eyes, sallow coloring: "Sahara Sarah”
    • Banned hard liquor and dancing
    Not Bang-able
  • 5. Grace Coolidge
    • Pet raccoon. ‘Nuff said.
    • Baseball fan
    • Keep it Cool with Coolidge
    Crazy Bang-able
  • 6. Abigail Adams
    • Looks remarkably similar to actress Laura Linney
    • Nominated for three Academy Awards and two Emmys
    • In 2007, at age 264 she was reportedly engaged to Telluride real estate mogul, Mark Schauer
    Bang-able
  • 7. Pat Nixon
    • First First Lady to earn a graduate degree
    • Skipped the second grade
    • Travelled the world for many good causes
    • Married Dick Nixon
    Completely Un-Bang-able
  • 8. Nellie Taft
    • Didn’t mind a fattie
    • Smoker, heavy drinker, gambler
    • Had a taste for some of the more scandalous "sex plays" of the 1920s
    24-7 Bang-able
  • 9. Margaret Taylor
    • Bitch face
    • Married to “Old Rough and Ready”
    • Crude recluse from the frontier who smoked a corncob pipe and was kept hidden by her mortified family in the attic
    In a pinch
  • 10. "Lady Bird" Johnson
    • Goes by “Lady Bird”
    • $$$ – Lady Bird owned multiple TV and radio stations
    • Author of a Beaver Hunt like publication called Wildflowers Across America
    Super Bang-able
  • 11. Julia Tyler
    • Long head
    • Prone to be indiscreet, impulsive and reckless
    • Played guitar and sang
    Bang City
  • 12. Julia Grant
    • Built like a tough little Irish kid
    • Wall-eyed
    • Liked living beyond her means
    • Wall-eyed
    Oddly Bang-able
  • 13. Florence Harding
    • Totally poisoned her cheatin’ ass husband Warren
    • Eloped with her first husband at age 19; bore an out of wedlock child; and divorced 6 years later
    • Crazy into astrology and quack doctors
    Only if you’re into crazies
  • 14. Mary Todd Lincoln
    • Old baby face
    • Suffered from severe depression, anxiety and paranoia
    • An accident threw her from a carriage
    • Her son died
    • Her husband got assassinated
    • Committed to an asylum and tried to commit suicide twice
    Bad JuJu
  • 15. Ida McKinley
    • Looks like Orlando Bloom dressed as an elf
    Bang-able
    • Sick/Crazy/Heavily sedated invalid
  • 16. Dolley Madison
    • Big tits
    • Kicked out of the Quakers
    • Lived at 4 th and Walnut – Good for late night post-Old City booty call
    • Rumored to have had an affair with notorious bootknocker Thomas Jefferson
    • Good in a fire
    Sign Me Up

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