Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication A Presentation by Rajiv Bajaj

Definition – Interpersonal Communication
The Contextual View - Comparison with other forms of communication
Examines how many people are involved, how physically close they are to one another, how many sensory channels are used, and the feedback provided

Differs from other forms of communication –
Fewer participants involved
Interactants are in close physical proximity to each other
Many sensory channels used. Feedback is immediate
Contextual definition does not take into account the relationship between the interactants

The Developmental View - We have many different relationships with people
Researchers say that our definition of interpersonal communication must account for these differences
E.g. - Interacting with a sales clerk in a store different than the relationship we have with our friends and family members

This is the Developmental View
This view defines interpersonal communication as communication that occurs between people who have known each other for some time
Importantly, these people view each other as unique individuals, not as people who are simply acting out social situations

Direct & Interactive
Interpersonal Communication refers to face-to-face or person-to-person communication
Extremely relevant to achieving personal as well as professional success
Often Direct & Interactive – Makes effective use of oral as well as non-verbal channels – words, body language, facial expressions, spacing, tones, gestures, action

Human Behaviour
Calls for insight into Behaviour & Understanding of how people react under different situations
Has particular significance in all people-oriented situations
Relevant in dealing with people – both inside & outside the organisation – especially for handling grievances & difficult situations

How You Behave Matters
Pleasant & unpleasant situations are bound to develop in any organisation where a large number of people work
A Manager might have to convey appreciation and praise OR punishment & unpalatable developments, criticism & reprimand
In such cases, not only WHAT the Manager says, but also HOW he says it, and WHAT is done through ACTIONS assumes meaning

Good leaders constantly polish their verbal & non-verbal skills
These skills are used to create the desired impression – both positive & negative
The words that they choose, the way they express them, the tone, gestures & actions in totality are all impact creating
First impressions carry considerable value – if it is right, it results in a positive relationship

Other skills essential to build effective I-C skills are the ability to win trust, build rapport, ask the right questions, and elicit full information
Involves creating right impressions & communicating the intended message convincingly
Calls for sincerity in approach & bringing in transparency in communication
Means asking appropriate questions in an appropriate manner, and making the other person communicate

Also means making the other person confide in you – means breaking the other person’s reluctance
For counseling, negotiation, hearing of appeals, personal interviews etc, additional communication skills would be called for
These have to be developed through conscious efforts

Develop a Positive Attitude
People should necessarily have one basic skill – the ability to get along with others
Whilst job-oriented skills & knowledge are relevant, what is equally relevant, if not more, is the right attitude
People may accept a lack of knowledge , but will never accept rudeness or indifference
Hence, building the RMA is very important !

Control Bad Feelings
People come to work not only with their hands & heads, but also their hearts
They come not only with knowledge, wisdom & intelligence, but also feelings & emotions
Dealing with other people requires control over moods !

Any work situation is a mix of positive & negative, good & bad strokes
Good Interpersonal skills require underplaying negative strokes & not letting them spoil one’s temper
Learn to rise above bad feelings coming from any quarter and do not let these show up or hinder dealings with people

Use Logic
“ Two forces – Logic & Emotion – are at work throughout our lives. Often they push and pull in opposite directions. The one that prevails at any particular time, will determine how we get along with others, and may affect our level of achievement. It is easy to respond to situations with emotions rather than logic, but responding logically helps us to deal constructively with difficult situations.” – Roberta Cava
Above quote brings out beautifully the strength of rational response in difficult situations

Harmonious Interpersonal Relationships are the secret of success.
“ I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for any other ability under the sun.” – John Rockfeller

Leadership & Communication Skills

Leadership & Communication closely inter-related
Good leaders master the art of communication
A Leader, by definition, is a person who has a following
Whatever the business or profession, a Leader communicates through verbal & nonverbal messages, especially by setting an example or being a role model

Followers keenly look up to them for messages & inspiration
Business leaders are also team leaders – they inspire & motivate their team mates
The ability to get across, build rapport & win trust becomes so crucial that acquiring these communication skills becomes a critical necessity !

Transactional Analysis
Regarded as one of the most promising breakthroughs in psychiatry
Constitutes yet another valuable approach to understanding of Human Behaviour & Action
Developed by Dr Eric Berne, author of the book ‘Games People Play’ & subsequently discussed by Dr Thomas A Harris in his book ‘ I’m OK – You’re OK ’

Starting-point of the theory - When two people encounter each other, one of them will speak to the other. This is called the Transaction Stimulus. The reaction from the other person is called the Transaction Response
The person sending the Stimulus is called the Agent. The person who responds is called the Respondent
T.A. became the method of examining the transaction wherein: 'I do something to you, and you do something back'.

In any personal interaction, a study of TA is useful in understanding & appropriately responding to varied behaviour
TA divides an individual’s personality into three Ego States
Ego State has been defined as a constant pattern of thinking, feeling or behaving
These states are produced by recalling past events involving real people, real times, real places & real feelings

P A C PARENT EGO STATE Behaviours, thoughts & feelings copied from parents or parent figures. ADULT EGO STATE Behaviours, thoughts & feelings which are direct responses to the here and now CHILD EGO STATE Behaviours, thoughts & feelings replayed from childhood

The Parent State - Our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young
We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, and ALL older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles
Parent is made up of huge number of hidden and overt recorded playbacks

Typically embodied by phrases and attitudes starting with 'how to', 'under no circumstances', 'always' and 'never forget', 'don't lie, cheat, steal', etc, etc.
Formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood
We can change it, but this is easier said than done

The Child State - Our internal reaction and feelings to external events form the 'Child‘
This is the seeing, hearing, feeling, and emotional body of data within each of us
When anger or despair dominates reason, the Child is in control
Like our Parent we can change it, but it is no easier

The Adult State - Our 'Adult' is our ability to think and determine action for ourselves, based on received data
The adult in us begins to form at around ten months old
Is the means by which we keep our Parent and Child under control
If we are to change our Parent or Child we must do so through our adult

In other words:
Parent is our 'Taught' concept of life
Adult is our 'Thought' concept of life
Child is our 'Felt' concept of life

When we communicate we are doing so from one of our own Ego States, our Parent, Adult or Child
Our feelings at the time determine which one we use, and at any time something can trigger a shift from one state to another
When we respond, we are also doing this from one of the three states, and it is in the analysis of these stimuli and responses that the essence of Transactional Analysis lies

Core of Berne's theory -
Effective transactions must be complementary
They must go back from the receiving ego state to the sending ego state
For example, if the stimulus is Parent to Child, the response must be Child to Parent, or the transaction is 'crossed', and there will be a problem between sender and receiver

If a crossed transaction occurs, there is an ineffective communication
Worse still, either or both parties will be upset
For the relationship to continue smoothly the agent or the respondent must rescue the situation with a complementary transaction

In serious break-downs, there is no chance of immediately resuming a discussion about the original subject matter
Attention is focused on the relationship
Discussion can only continue constructively when and if the relationship is mended
TA also refers to FOUR LIFE POSITIONS concerning one’s own self as well as others

Life Positions
Life positions are basic beliefs about self and others, which are used to justify decisions and behaviour
These life positions are perceptions of the world and the people that we ‘transact’ with, as well as of ourselves
Life positions are existential positions, one of which we are more likely to go to under stress

I’M OK, YOU’RE NOT OK One Up Position I’M NOT OK, YOU’RE NOT OK Hopeless Position I’M OK, YOU’RE OK Healthy Position I’M NOT OK, YOU’RE OK One Down Position

I’m OK – You’re OK
Eminently desirable position
Indicates an acceptance of one’s own self-worth as well as that of others
Positive approach in dealing with real life situations
Person concerned shows sense of maturity & comfort in dealing with others

People with this attitude enjoy positions of leadership
They succeed in developing & sustaining meaningful interpersonal relationships
Attitude Displayed - "It's no-one's fault, blame isn't the issue - what matters is how we go forward and sort things out."
(I'm okay and you are okay - 'happy')

I’m Not OK – You’re OK
Relates to acceptance of others but not of self
Person suffers from an inferiority complex – feels there is something lacking in him
Shows a shortcoming in dealing with real life situations
Will be submissive or passive
Often display subservient attitude

Are conspicuous by their self-denial
Very often, look up to others for advice & seek constant guidance
Display lack of confidence in their own abilities
Attitude Displayed – I’m to blame ( You are okay and I'm not okay – ‘helpless’ )

I’m OK – You’re Not OK
Relates to acceptance of self but not of others
Feels there is something lacking in others. Suffers from superiority complex
Is aggressive & even intimidating
Tries to dominate and tends to give unsolicited advice to others
Displays Attitude - You are to blame (I'm okay and you are not okay - 'angry')

I’m Not OK – You’re Not OK
Refers to rejection of both self & others
Nothing is right. Something is lacking in them and in others as well
Opposite of “ I’m OK – You’re OK ” kind of person
Visibly negative & pessimistic approach
Undermine themselves as well as others

Look down upon others, and do not give others credit for positive developments
Does not see the positive side of anything
Not capable of becoming an effective leader
Displays Attitude - We are both to blame ( I’m not okay and you are not okay – ‘hopeless’ )

Against backdrop of these Life Positions, TA attempts to analyse a transaction
Transaction forms a basic unit of communication – stimulus by one person and response by another
Transactions take place each time people meet or a communication takes place

The Three Transactions
Three Categories:
Complementary – Smooth conversations with expected responses emanating
Crossed – Unexpected response, breakdown in communication
Hidden – Words spoken do not express real meanings. Real responses conveyed through facial expressions or other actions

Understanding life positions from which a person operates is essential for making communication effective
Knowledge of human behaviours and of transaction types helps to enhance the communication skills of a Leader

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Interpersonal Communication

by Rajiv Bajaj on Mar 03, 2009

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Interpersonal Communication — Presentation Transcript