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The Secret to Dealing with Difficult People

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Whether you are a middle manager or top executive; you have surely encountered a situation where you needed to deal with a difficult person – or even a difficult group of people. This presentation, ...

Whether you are a middle manager or top executive; you have surely encountered a situation where you needed to deal with a difficult person – or even a difficult group of people. This presentation, “The Secret to Dealing with Difficult People,” will introduce you to the skills you need to deal with any person in any situation to increase overall productivity and to achieve the results you desire.

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The Secret to Dealing with Difficult People Presentation Transcript

  • 1. The Secret to Dealing With Difficult People Originally presented 08/09/12 by Pam Hager, Vice President, Instructional ConsultingRoger Heape, Vice President, Instructional Consulting Copyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 1.0c
  • 2. What Do We Mean by a ―Difficult‖ Person? Are we referring to someone’s personality?  No; our reference to a difficult person focuses on behavior  Behavior is something we can change, whereas personality is notCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 2
  • 3. Can Difficult People Change? Yes . . . If . . .  Difficult people can change, as long as they want to work on their behavior  The interesting thing about people interacting is that often, we influence a person’s choosing a particular behavior because he/she is responding to our own behavior  So, one of the secrets is that when you change your behavior — your approach to a person — you may see a positive change in the other personCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 3
  • 4. Let’s Begin by Looking at Behavior We can divide behavior into four quadrants DIRECT How they handle situations INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 4
  • 5. We can divide behavior into four quadrants DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE How they handle people INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 5
  • 6. Very direct and without regard for others DIRECT Q1 Excludes, WITHOUT REGARD orders, RESPONSIVE argues, & disrespects INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 6
  • 7. Indirect with little regard for others DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE Q2 Ignores, obeys, resists, & is indifferent INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 7
  • 8. Indirect but responsive to others DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE Q3 Joins, complies, agrees, & is harmonious INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 8
  • 9. We advocate Direct and Responsive DIRECT Q4 Includes, WITHOUT REGARD asks, RESPONSIVE discusses, & respects INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 9
  • 10. The Dimensional® Model of Behavior™ DIRECT Q1 Q4 Excludes, Includes, asks, WITHOUT REGARD orders, argues, discusses, & RESPONSIVE & disrespects respects Q2 Q3 Ignores, Joins, obeys, resists, complies, & is indifferent agrees, & is harmonious INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 10
  • 11. Which Behavior Is ―Best?‖ We recommend Q4 Behavior  Q1 is all about results — and control  Q2 is all about not rocking the boat — does not like change  Q3 wants to be friends — and will avoid controversial situations  Q4 is collaborative and respectful — and gets more accomplishedCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 11
  • 12. The Dimensional® Model of Behavior™ These are some examples of the ways people “behave” DIRECT Q1 Q4 Aggressive Assertive WITHOUT REGARD Demanding Inquiring Forces Ideas RESPONSIVE Supportive Controlling Open Q2 Q3 Aloof Overly Friendly Cautious Superficially Guarded Agreeable Risk-Adverse Meandering Appeasing INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 12
  • 13. The Secret  Remain Q4 in your behavior and give the person ―What’s in it for them,‖ no matter what quadrant they are in  That means: Giving him/her benefits that satisfy intangible needs  Each quadrant of behavior has different needsCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 13
  • 14. Example of Needs Q1: Primarily has needs for independence and esteem DIRECT Q1 Aggressive WITHOUT REGARD Demanding Forces Ideas RESPONSIVE Controlling Q4 INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 14
  • 15. Example of Benefits Q1: Benefits for these needs would be control, autonomy, and influence DIRECT Q1 Aggressive WITHOUT REGARD Demanding Forces Ideas RESPONSIVE Controlling Q4 INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 15
  • 16. Example of Needs Q2: Primarily has needs for security and esteem DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE Q4 Q2 Aloof Cautious Guarded Risk-Adverse INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 16
  • 17. Example of Benefits Q2: Benefits for these needs would be predictability, stability, and low risk DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE Q4 Q2 Aloof Cautious Guarded Risk-Adverse INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 17
  • 18. Example of Needs Q3: Primarily has needs for socializing, security, and esteem DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE Q4 Q3 Overly Friendly Superficially Agreeable Meandering Appeasing INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 18
  • 19. Example of Benefits Q3: Benefits for these needs would be acceptance, interaction, and harmony DIRECT WITHOUT REGARD RESPONSIVE Q4 Q3 Overly Friendly Superficially Agreeable Meandering Appeasing INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 19
  • 20. Example of Needs Q4: Primarily has needs for self-realization and independence DIRECT Q4 Assertive WITHOUT REGARD Inquiring RESPONSIVE Supportive Open Q4 INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 20
  • 21. Example of Benefits Q4: Benefits for these needs would be control, growth, and collaboration DIRECT Q4 Assertive WITHOUT REGARD Inquiring RESPONSIVE Supportive Open Q4 INDIRECTCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 21
  • 22. How to Position Conversations Make sure to let the person know whatever you are proposing offers benefits that address their needs Needs Needs Self-realization and Independence and independence esteem Q1 Q4 Benefits Around . . . Benefits Around . . . Control, growth, and Control, autonomy, and collaboration influence Needs Needs Security and esteem Social, security, and esteem Q2 Benefits Around . . . Q3 Predictability, stability, Benefits Around . . . and low risk Acceptance, interaction, and harmonyCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 22
  • 23. Activity: Build a Strategy Think of a difficult person you have to deal with  Step 1: Identify the behavior he/she exhibits most – If you are unsure of the behavior we have a survey tool on our website you can use to identify the quadrant. www.q4solutions.com/survey  Step 2: Prepare your strategy – What are the person’s intangible needs? – What are the intangible benefits? – What to avoid (For example, never be overly social to a Q1) – What to include (For example, make sure a Q2 understands you are not trying to rock the boat)Copyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 23
  • 24. If you would like more information, we teach our Dimensional® Model of Behavior™ in our LEADERSHIP THROUGH PEOPLE SKILLS® course monthly You can learn more at www.q4solutions.com/workshops Or by e-mailing rjackson@q4solutions.comCopyright © Psychological Associates® 2012 24