Chapter 5 – Book ‘em, Al-oWelcome back to the much-anticipated, long-delayed (okay, ten days), newest chapter of A Piratical Legacy.To give you a brief run-down, this legacy was founded by none other than Captain Jack ... Buccaneer. Captain Jack married the lovely French lady, Elise, and theyhad two daughters together - Elisabeth and Mary. While Elisabeth and Mary were at university in fair Paris, Elise and Jack had a third child, Celeste.
A few wandering Simselves have also made appearances on Captain Jacks remote island. Here we see my fellow Boolpropian smartypants210 (akasmrtypnts210play, aka Amanda) in the blue, author of the Az Alphabet Legacy.Amanda is talking to Blite27, author of the Ten Caesars legacy. Staring at Blite27 as though hes crazy is redhead ShiraBlank... aka ThornedRosexXx, androunding our the crowd is rachelgrey, aka wonderwoman1790, aka Gracie. She writes the Literary Legacy.
When we last left our characters, Elisabeth had just married the man of her dreams, Shannon Toyonaga, and Mary had just moved back home to the island,determined to carry on in her fathers piratical footsteps."Its me eritage, mate!"And are you going to be a good pirate or a bad pirate, Mary?"Just wait and see, mate."
"Stupid Legacy sims and their refusal to remodel... I cant reach the bed behind this crib! Excuse me!"It doesnt matter how long you wave, Kaylynn. The crib is not going to magically disappear.
"Listen, kid, youre going to have to move out as soon as youre a teen, right?""Vo gerbits!""Thats right, mate. College! See, I needs the space... I want lots of babies, savvy?""Woohoo!""Its very disturbing to hear you say that, kiddo.""Woohoo!""Okay, thats enough."
Mary moved in her true love, Alan.That would be Alan Goss, not the other one.You did move in the right one, Mary... didnt you?""Of course, goddess! Other-Alan is blond anyway. And plus when he sees me he slaps me, aye?"
I see bridesmaids... Mary?"Time to get married, goddess."I see... and who have you invited?"Just some college buddies, my sister, and a few Simselves... should be pretty laid-back and mellow."Whatever you say, Mary...
Seriously, have you guys ever seen a born-in-game as pretty as Mary? Her husband is pretty hot too! Alan, you can come over and visit my Simself anytime!"Uhh... Mary, I can hear this strange voice...""You get used to it, love."Stats: Alan GossPersonality: 4/10/4/4/3Aspiration: PopularityLTW: Captain Hero
"And thats for having the same name as other-Alan!"Its hardly his fault, Mary...
And the entire wedding decides to toast the bride and groom...... repeatedly ...
Oops! You go, sorority girl!Umm... I didnt mean that literally!"Haha! That batty doll just had an accident, if you know what I mean... savvy?"Jack... its not nice to laugh."Captain!"Captain.
"Why thank you, Candi. I think your Legacy is awesome too! And yes, I would definitely get in a hot tub with Gage. Why do you ask?"* Marina, aka smoothiequeen87, writes the Fitzhugh Legacy.** Candi020765 writes the Uglacy and the Prettacy.
"So... whatcha wanna do, Mary?""Well, it be our wedding night, love.""Yeah, isnt that cool! I met so many people! I hope I get to be friends with all of them! Hey, do you think those simselves would get mad if I called them?""You want to call them now, mate?""Is there something else you think we should be doing, Mary?"... and the Legacy family gets its first real taste of pure stupidity...
And so begins the chapter I call the "blank stare" period. Alan. What are you doing?"Admiring the wallpaper, strange voice. Hey, want to be my friend?"
"Time for bed, little sister. Savvy?""You talk stwange, MawwyAnd you weally kind of haiwy.""What is this, poetry?""I rhyme my wordsso I am heawd."This family is insane.
Whatcha doing, Alan?"Admiring the wallpaper, strange voice. Hey, want to be my friend?"No.
Alan... why are you standing around outside in your underwear?"Admiring the ground, strange voice. Hey, want to be my friend?"Aaaah!
"I dont see why I have to be the one to take care of my little sister, mate."Consider it practice, Mary."Eh?"I have a dream, Mary. A dream of you, and Alan... and fulfilling that Ten Children want Im sure youll spin up after kid number four or thereabouts."Sounds like a bloody nightmare, mate."
Wondering who the father is, Mary?"Oh be quiet, goddess. Urk!"Hey... just cause Ive never experienced it myself... gives me every right to poke fun of you. Repeatedly.
"Goddess, zis door ees een my way!"You seem to have dealt with the situation, Elise."Zis ees not natural!"
"Grr! Roar! Growl!Oh how my soul howls!My bunny is my fwiend,My furry, lonely, fwiend.My life is a black waste,When I eat paste."Great. A toddler goth.
Elise spends a lot of her free time painting these days, possibly because she only works four days a week and still wants to earn money."Money brings appiness, goddess!"Really?"Non."
Thats a nice look you have going there, Mary."Im a space pirate, mate!"I ... see."Me crew and meself, we sail the depths of space lookin for plunder! Arr!"Somehow, Mary, youre not nearly as convincing as your father is."Arr! Zat be because zee français accent keeps tryin to sneak out, mate! Very annoying... savvy?"Oy. Forget I said anything.
"Whos daddys little goth pirate, aye?""Daddy, pwease,I am only free,Much too smallTo put allMy eggs in one basket.In other wowds,It would be absuwdFor me to chooseMy wifewong views.Savvy?""Daddy doesnt know whether to be proud or scared, kiddo. Aye?"That makes two of us, Captain Jack.
In Celestes bedroom, Kaylynns frustrations continue. "Listen, Chief Captain, if you just moved the framming crib...""Okay, Chief Captain Jack, you really need to let me at that bed before I pull "Out! Out I say! But make sure youre on time tomorrow, savvy?"a muscle here." "This job doesnt pay nearly enough...""You better not be billing me for all the time you spend wavin yer ands,mate." "Could you pwease keep your voices down? If I dont have my nap youll all fwown!"She is, Jack. Eep! Toddler threats!"Why you.. no good ... lazy ... wench! Arr!"
Gee, Captain, must be nice knowing you can bounce on the couch safely again."That bar thing on the deck be the best invention Ive ever seen, mate!"
Ah. I see. Very efficient."Me daughter picked the colors, though, mate."That explains the lurid pink, then."Ahh... no, mate."No?"I wanted to order the one thats all pink but Mary, she put er foot down and said we must order the one with the fancy wood trim. Savvy?"
Jack! I know Elises leg is already gone but really... I dont think thats good for her arm!
"I am too old to ave zee toddler child! Oui?"Oh, chill, Elise. Its not like I didnt take into consideration your advanced age when I clicked try for a baby."You are zee cruel, sadistic deity, goddess."I try.
Yes, Alan has been in the house for several days now and of course rolled up the want to be friends with every single inhabitant. He decied to approach his mother-in-law first.
As you can see, its not going well."Zis eediot keeps trying to talk about ow fascinating zee walls are! Kill me, goddess! Kill me now!"Oh come on, Elise. Hes not that bad. And hes smokin good looking."What good do looks do eef zere ees noting between is ears?""I can hear you, you know."Thats a good boy, Alan. Now go into the corner and color a pretty picture.
Its a ... pregnancy!"Yes, but this maternity outfit has to go, mate."*sigh* Fine...
"Alan, I love you. Now dont you think you should get a job, mate?""What? Oh, you mean me. Not other Alan.""Other Alan doesnt live here, love.""I know that! Geez, Mary, Im not stupid! Anyway, what were we talking about?""Ohh... shut up and kiss me, aye?"
*sigh* Mary. Why is Elise lecturing you?*mumble**mumble*What was that? Youll have to speak up.*mutter* "Broke the trash compactor again, mate."
Ah. How nice of Elise to fix it for you."Eet as noting to do wit being nice, goddess. My daughter ees pregnant and cannot risk being electrocuted."Right.
Now who needs a lecture, Elise?"Eet ees not my fault!"That looks like your chilli..."Eet ees not what it looks like!"Sure... I think you owe Mary an apology, Elise."Since when?"Blah. Sims.
Wow... Elisabeth, youre as big as a house!"Eet ees all baby, I can assure you!"
And here we can see that Mary has finally settled on a maternity outfit. Thats a relief - I figured shed be walking around in pajamas the whole pregnancy if Ididnt find something she liked soon.(The dress is a recolor of the Maxis sundress and yes it does show the pregnancy bump for those of you with the wear-anything-while-pregnant hack. I colored itand my husband did a quick and dirty texture.)But wait... is that a Simself I see? That could only mean one thing...
"So, Im pregnant. And its all because Alan moved in, mate."Ehh... thats actually not where I was going with the Simself angle...
Thats right! Its a birthday! Celeste is almost one step closer to being out of the house!
... and she ages into completely un-gothy pink clothes."My clothes are my rebellionAgainst the darkness surging within meBecause real Goths wear pink anyway."...on the other hand, maybe the scary pink-ness is appropriate.
"So listen, Candi, you ave been a Legacy writer for a long time. Will zee goddess ever play me enough so zat I can stop being perma-pregnant?""Oh, it sucks to be a Legacy sim, doesnt it, Elisabeth?""Zat ees not an answer, Candi!"Its part of the non-disclosure agreement all Legacy writers sign before they can upload, Elisabeth."Actually, Sarah, that statement is a breach of the agreement as well, if I remember correctly..."Frammit.
"Oh the hideous tangerine madness that is my pregnant body, mate!"I think it looks lovely with the purple decor in your bedroom, Mary."Sarcasm aint always funny, mate."
What? But Alan-the-cop doesnt have to be at work for hours yet!
Ohhh... Alan and Mary have adopted a cat.Her name is Roux, which I let her keep because it sounded oddly appropriate and Frenchish.**yes, I am aware there is no such word as Frenchish.
"My soul soarsOn wings of black oblivionAs I bounce on my bed.The mattress pokes meBecause of my jumping.It gives me no comfort at night."
Bad! Bad Roux!--Listen, lady, I dont take no orders from you! Fully autonomous pixelated cat here. Ha!--And of course the entire family would happen to be busy or sleeping.... *sigh*--Well do you think Im stupid? Of course Im going to be bad when nobodys around! Its how cats do things. As soon as you leave for work or go to bed, we jumpon the kitchen table and counters, sleep on your pillows, and eat your plants. Its all part of the Code.--I dont think I want to know.
Whatcha doin, Alan? Oh?"Contemplating the diamonds on the wall." "Yeah... between me and Shannon, well have this place cleaned up in no time."Alan. Youre in the kitchen. It has checks and roosters. And stucco. I ... actually am speechless at the thought of you and your brother-in-law as the"If you turn your head a little, square checks are diamonds." be-all and end-all of crimefighting on the island, actually.If you say so. Anyway, why dont you tell us about your new job, Alan? "Thanks!""Im a cop! Crime on this island is about to be a thing of the past."
Uhh... Mary... I dont think thats good for the baby."Its just bubbles, mate."If you say so...
"Allo Monsieur Eadmaster!""Hellew Mistress Buccaneah. My, what a fehne ... outfit ... you are wearing.""Oui! Eet ees zee most expensive bating suit zis island as to offer!""I ... see."
*in a voice several octaves higher than usual* "Mary! The eadmaster be ere! Stop exercising and entertain im, savvy?""For the last time, daddy, I will not do anything Commodore Bear tells me to do.""Why not, sweets?""I outrank him."And yes, Celeste was accepted into private school. I think the headmaster just wanted to escape.
"The next time we have a kid, mate, you get to give birth, savvy?"
Welcome to the world, Edward Buccaneer!Edward "Blackbeard" Teach is one of the best-know pirates of all time. He operated in the Caribbean during the "Golden Age of Piracy" in the 1700s. His mostnotorious ship was the Queen Annes Revenge. Blackbeard was based out of the Carolinas and may have bribed the local governor with a share of his profits inexchange for unnoficial protection.
Whatcha doin, Alan?"Staring at my son."Awww..."No, really. I think hes got a bit of drool that needs wiping..."
"Geez, what is it with this family? You move one crib and let me make the bed... and then plunk this crib down in front of another unmade bed! Youre all a bunchof sadistic you-know-whats, you know that?"
Aaah! Roaches!Lets all blame other-Alan. Who still kicks over the trash can every other day. Between him and Marylena-the-first, its a never-ending cycle.
"So... about those ten kids you want... I brought home a babysitter for the evening..."
"Officer Shannon is takin care of business. Aight?""Dear goddess, get me away from this man. I thought my father was bad..."Sorry, kid.
*slurp**snarfle**shovel*"Uh... Mary... dont your hands get sticky when you eat pancakes with your fingers?""Cant talk. Eating."Ahh... pregnant Sims. Aka bottomless pits. All the more disturbing when the knocked-up-one is so messy they neglect to use a fork at the best of times.
Aww... Alan is actually a good father for all that hes dumb as a doorknob.
"Daddy, why dont we ever wear clothes around here?""Because pirates are most piratical when theyre in their pajamas, savvy?""Hm. I never thought of it that way before. But it still doesnt explain why you magically have two legs again whenever youre wearing your pajamas.""Some things are best left a mystery, sweets."
"Sweet, sweet rum. How Ive missed you, mate."The first step is admitting you have a problem, Captain."This be Maxis rum, mate. One hunnert percent fruit juice, aye?"Haha. Sucks to be you!"You dont know the alf of it, mate."
"Hello! Im not getting any younger over here!"
"I be bored, mate."I can see that."Im old. I pee. I already wrote my best seller and sold several masterpieces. And I hate changing diapers, mate."Life is so hard, Jack.
"Wow, contemplating this fan completely erases any feeling of boredom I might have had, aye?"Im happy for you. Now go take a bath. You stink."Ahh... such a sweet, sweet aroma it is, mate."Bleh. Messy sims.... wait. Whats that I see in the window?
Yes, steal that invisible newspaper, Other-Alan. Because it shows youre so big and strong."Ill teach that hussy to break my heart!"Oh other-Alan. Your potential is wasted on this family anyway. Why, you could be anything. Anything you set your mind to. And instead... reduced to stealingnewspapers and kicking trash cans.
You know, other-Alan, you should really get together with the disgruntled maid. Compare notes. Etc.
Whatcha doin, Alan?"Contemplating how good it feels to keep crime off the islands streets. I arrested an old lady for purse-slapping today."And how does that make you feel, Alan?"Pretty frammin good, goddess. Pretty frammin good."
And how is life as a space pirate, Mary?"Now Im a general."Between you and Alan, Im not sure who is most scary...
"My accomplishments do nothingTo heal the dark hole torn in my soulBecause I am the spare."
Whatcha doin, Alan?"Telling Shannon about that awesome takedown today."Wasnt he there too?!?"Well, yeah, but it was so awesome, I cant tell the story enough. Purse-whackers. Theyre a menace to society. One that is no longer present on the island. Thanksto me."Great. Alans started spouting taglines. Or Crimestoppers commercials...
Whatcha doin, Mary?"Baking."Whatcha baking, Mary?"Its a surprise."I see.
Gah! Mary!"What? I had a sudden craving for cream cheesy goodness topped with yummy strawberry, mate."But Mary! Youre pregnant!"Whats your point, mate?"
Aww... and little Edward is just precious! He has a pretty good personality, too:4/10/1/10/7. Slightly silly clothes, but theyre oddly piratical in nature so he can A... tiger?keep them. "Just like Roux-kitty-kitty-cat!""Im not a pirate!" Ahh... the cat... havent seen her for a while.No? "Thats cause shes kinda boring, lady.""Im a tiger! Grr!"
Mary! You ate the cheesecake! Bad!"Youre the one who wants me to have ten kids, mate. Can you blame me for wanting it over with as soon as possible?"Grr. Fine. Too late now anyway.
"Let me outta here! I had this dream that I was underwater and drowning and now Im scared and I want my mommy!"Tigers like the water, kiddo."Not little tigers, and thats a fact! Get me outta here!"
And what is Mary doing while her child needs taking care of? Why, fixing the computer, of course!
But shes a good parent and rolled up the want to teach Eddie all of his toddler skills. Since nobody else in the house did, she got to do it all."Sure wish your father would take some initiative and help out with raising you, Eddie, mate.""Daddy says he just wants to be my friend, mommy.""Why am I not surprised, mate."
Since both Jack and Elise are permaplat, I feel free to ignore them most of the time. They spend all their time spying on me thru the telescope and making out witheach other.
Sometimes, this leads to disasterous results.Jack. I dont really advise shoving your wifes head through the wall and into the aquarium while you make out.*glub*"She says she doesnt mind, mate!"
"I wasnt this uge with Eddie, mate!"*spoken thru clenched teeth* Thats because with Eddie you didnt have CHEESECAKE!"Right, mate!"
Elise... why are you getting into your daughters bed?"I am too tired to walk all zee way to my bedroom."... you just have to walk through the attached bathroom."Zat ees much too far!"
"Hiya kitty! Can you help me turn into a tiger?""Mrrow!" --Help!--
Whatcha doin, Alan?"Making sure no crimes have been committed in this hallway, goddess."Ahh... you keep doing that, Alan."I fully intend to, goddess. I fully intend to."
"Now say rum, little grandbaby, aye?""Grandpa, tigers dont drink rum.""Aye, but they dont play nicely with Mr. Bunny Head either, savvy?""I am not playing nicely with Mr. Bunny Head, grandpa! Im trying to get his ears off! But they are stuck!"
"Being pregnant sucks, mate. Maybe I shouldnt ave ad that cheesecake, aye?"I tried to tell you that... but would you listen? NooOOOOoooo..
"Okay, seriously? This is getting ridiculous. Just move the framming crib."
"Roar!""Listen, mate, Im not sure if this kid be me grandbaby or me pet..."
"Shannon, this green cloud were surrounded by is a sign were doing good work.""Youll find no disagreement from me, Alan. Ill see you tomorrow. Theres a kid selling lemonade I dont like the look of.""He cant evade the law forever, Shannon.""Word."
"I am ignored!And this bothers meBecause I like attention.Nobody listens to my bad poetry!Their ears shall burn."
"Umm... either that cheesecake is returning on me or the twins are coming!"I think the twins are coming."Me too! ALAN! GET IN HERE! NOW!"
"Ooh, is it a party?""The babies are coming, dolt!""It is a party! Every birth is a celebration!""Celebrate this!"
Meet Jack Buccaneer! No, he is not named after his grandfather but instead "Calico" Jack Rackham.Calico Jack was a very prolific pirate in the golden age of Caribbean piracy. He is known for having not one, but two women on his crew. Jack was captain of theRevenge when he and his crew were captured. They were executed in Jamaica in 1720.Captain Jack Sparrow is largely based on Calico Jack and flies the same flag (a skull with crossed cutlasses beneath it).
And this is Anne!Anne Bonny is one of the few known female pirates. Like Mary Read, she was also a member of "Calico" Jack Rackhams crew. For a time she had to dress as aman to avoid being considered an omen of bad luck by the rest of the crew.Anne Bonny was not executed when the rest of the crew of the Revenge did, as she claimed she was pregnant. She disappeared from history shortly thereafter.
"Well, Alan... thats it for this chapter, aye?""We had more babies!""Yes we did, Alan.""I like babies!"Anyway, thats it for this chapter... there should be another up pretty soon, though, as I have a whole ton of pictures still!Until next time, Happy Simming!