The Squeaky Clean Legacy, 16.3.b: Romanes Ite Domum II
Squeaky Clean Legacy, 16.3: Romanes Ite Domum
In Part One of this chapter, we returned to the Romans of Pleasantview,
largely because Flavius insisted and he has connec=ons around here. I
promised a large scale weddingpalooza. Onward!
Since Cassius got back from college, he’s been rolling odd wants. Like “Earn a
Skill Point.” I am so proud.
He also seems to have acquired some of his father’s cluelessness.
Cassius: What’s with the dress, De? Special occasion?
De: Tee hee!
Sim Me: OW, Cassius! If you Punch Me that hard again next =me, you are
going right through the wall.
Marcus: I got an A+! Gramma helped me with my homework and I’m smart
and I got an A+ and I brought home a friend from school! Hey, that’s a preVy
Bunthorne: Yoo hoo?
De: Oh, Marcus, I am so proud. I have a treat for you! We’re all going to a
community lot together! Oh, dear. . . Your new friend can’t come along.
Marcus: Eh, he’ll be here when we get back.
And so it is =me to shuﬄe oﬀ to the Shuﬄe Oﬀ Wedding Palazzo. . .
. . . Opened for the occasion by its hard working proprietor.
I keep experimen=ng with wedding community lots. It’s probably a deep character
ﬂaw. And I like ones with glass walls, though this can be a bit tricky. The cherry trees,
(Note that the dance ﬂoor has gliVer balls with no visible means of support.)
The Shuﬄe Oﬀ also sells those glamorous wedding cakes, and the owner
tends bar. So all it needs. . .
. . . Is a really good DJ.
Gilbert: And I hope, voyez‐vous, that it is not tedious, the playing over
and over of the “Yahoo, it is a celebra=on” song.
Cassidy: Heck no!
And so the liVle Roman family party arrives at the Shuﬄe Oﬀ.
De: Just make everybody get in here and sit down.
The guest list is mostly simselves. Good luck with that.
For one thing, Orikes and Ter=us insist on dancing together, just as
though they couldn’t do it at home. Lousy three bolts.
Marina’s trying to sit down, but someone is in her chair, and Tina is
holding up Marina’s husband Sabinus. You know something is wrong
when Don the Zombie is the well‐behaved one.
And let’s not even men=on the idiots out at the dance ﬂoor. There is a wedding going
on! Do you mind?
Roughly lec to right: Samara Uglacy, Doc Nerd, Dicreasy, Candi, Ephemeral Toast,
Stacilee, Cassidy as the DJ and Gilbert tending bar.
Oh, well, De, I gues you’re going to have to make do with the people
Not that they are much beVer. Di’s Victorians seem to have become a liVle bit
Theo: Only you’re just a bit in my line of sight, Stanley. I do wish you would sit down.
Eddie: Psst, it’s not the pub, Stanley, sit down.
Honestly, I try to set a good example. Flavius even managed to sit down
next to me. I don’t know what ails these Sims.
Marcus: I wish everyone would seVle down so Mom and Dad could get
Oh, come on, Cassius, no one wants to hear what you’re congratula=ng
your father about. Nothing to see here.
In law inappropriateness is rife at this wedding. Purple Bunny, I don’t
think you should be telling your mother in law a dirty joke.
Purple Bunny: Joke?
Orikes: Shh, shh, I want to know what comes next.
There is also much Legacy Sim and Simself jolliﬁca=on on the dance ﬂoor.
Don’t know much about dancin’, that’s why I gots this song,
One of my legs is shorter than the other and both of my feet’s too long;
Course now right along with ‘em, I got no natural rhythm:
But I go dancin’ every night, hopin’ I might get it right, cause I’m a
Dancin’ foool . . . .
(“Dancin’ Fool,” Frank Zappa)
Doc, I’m only going to say this one more =me; pick one and s=ck to it. I
don’t want to let you put a stake in poor Ulysses’ fragile liVle vampiric
There’s nothing like a good door jam, is there? This is actually the line to
wash up plates.
Despite this, a good =me was had by all, with the older Simselves and
Romans soaking in the hot spring.
Hope you don’t mind the chaos, De.
De: A wedding thrown by Cassbert? Are you kidding?
De and Cassius: sappily sweet in a really scary kind of way.
Gage Uglacy: So, wazzit take, huh? I mean I mean. . .why come I don’t get
nothing and he gets that girl. I mean whaevver he got I got at least twice of it
whaevver it is.
Gilbert: This is, how do you say it, a hard town for the Romance Sims, M. Gage.
Titus returned home to the oﬃcial Caesar’s Palace, though his father
Domi=an prefers to downplay this and goes by “Mr. Caesar.” Titus is
actually Penelope, Ulysses, and Achilles’ ﬁrst cousin, because Domi=an
married Sophia’s indolent and pleasantly vague younger sister Diana.
Ah. It looks as though the oﬃcial Marius con=ngent invited themselves
Ter=us: You probably don’t remember me from our frat days, but I’m a
Pleasure Sim, too!
Domi=an: Cool! Sorry, we’ve been meaning to get that bowling alley put
in. You’ll have to come back later.
Penguingirl: We thought that if we strolled by as the Welcome Wagon, we
could s=ck around for the wedding.
Yes, I think we’ll be having one of those any moment now.
It’s a lovely setup, but there are always SNAFUs when I throw weddings.
I wish I’d double checked on the formal wear. You’ll see a lot of ladies in
their wedding dresses, and I don’t know what happened to Sophia’s
formal wear. She looks. . .
Well, yes. She’s Sophia.
Algernon: Your wedding dress looks so. . .
Penelope: So WHAT, Algernon? My dress looks so WHAT?
Algernon: . . . Nice?
Penelope: Oh. Well, that’s beVer.
Once again, a fair number of people seem to be unclear about how to sit
Penelope also stubbornly posi=oned herself right in front of the bridal
Or it could be that she was enjoying looking at her mother and her aunt Diana
siing next to each other. I know I was.
(The gentleman siing in back between Jack and Achilles is Brandon Broke,
who happened to be strolling by.)
Isn’t this preVy? All in all, it was a lovely ceremony, and I don’t know why
some people couldn’t get it together to sit down or dress up or . . .
Scratch that. I’m sure they all had perfectly good reasons.
Once again, it’s Titus who gets the Aspira=on points for marrying
Meadow, while she swoons over Achilles. Never mind, she did roll the
want for a baby, at least.
Penelope seems to have forgiven Algernon for no=cing that she was s=ll
in her wedding dress and is explaining all about the Legacy ethos.
This is why I did not allow Algernon and Penelope to hang around
together a lot in college.
Way to go, Ter=us, stroll in front of the happy couple right during the
Turning the camera around isn’t much beVer, as Meadow tenderly stabs
her loving husband in the eye.
The blue of Orikes’ Waterford Manor and the wedding theme and the
pink of Meadow’s dress has a certain Barbie feel to it.
Flavius: When there are lots of Romans having lots of par=es and geing
lots of face =me, I feel like I’m doing my job.
I think some people are puzzled about why my Simself keeps marrying
Facial expressions like this. Honestly, doesn’t he look like a big
Like so many Sims, my Simself is uVerly uninterested in the ceremony,
but right in =me for the cake. You must admit that it’s a nice looking
I think Penguingirl chose to sit with Titus and Meadow because Titus is
Nelson Penguino’s grandson. You’ll no=ce he’s inherited Nelson’s elf
ears, which are fairly unusual for a Roman.
Diana and Domi=an originally bonded over games, and Domi=an promised that
he would ﬁll their house with them. (He was somewhat quiet about being
Empress—I think he’s just as happy to ignore that part.)
He kept his promise, and several of the wedding guests got hung up on the
Gamer pinball machine. First Purple Bunny ‐‐‐
It’s not unusual for my party throwers to be in bed asleep by the =me
their party ends. Meadow and Titus didn’t just re=re for some WooHoo
—they really were exhausted.
Obviously, there was some WooHoo involved, too.
Orikes: I didn’t even have a chance to go home.
There may also have been a few =me cheats involved.
And so Meadow became the mother of the next Caesar boy, though there is
something about her expression that creeps me out.
Meadow: Mine! All mine!
They named him Vespasian, who was of the same dynasty as Titus and
Domi=an. In actual history, Vespasian was Titus and Domi=an’s father,
but that’s a tad confusing.
Vespasian has his daddy’s brown hair and his mother’s dark blue eyes.
Once again, owing to the rebuild, my Sims are homozygous. There’s
really no help for it. S=ll, I think the results wouldn’t have been much
diﬀerent, as Titus was brown/black and brown/green.
Once the baby was born, Meadow really began ac=ng like a Family Sim.
In fact, Titus insisted on giving Vespasian a boVle before he would age
him up. I felt a bit guilty about this. It was clear that they would have
liked to enjoy their baby, but I really am worried about my Legacy’s stasis
and babyhood is something I don’t really miss.
Has anyone goVen a run of tuxedos? A lot of my kids are aging up in
tuxedos these days.
Anyway, this is what Vespasian looks like acer a quick trip to the mirror.
He’s a classically neat and mean Roman: a Taurus, 9/9/3/10/1.
Titus loses no =me in geing to the important bit of Vespasian’s
Titus: What did Daddy say about what makes a Roman Roman?
Titus: Good boy!
At another house, another wedding is taking place. To look at him, you would
scarcely know that Algernon is Roman at all. This may have something to do
with his father Earnest’s Knowledge Sim unconcern with outward appearances.
Or it might have something to do with running out of Roman aire for boys.
The wedding guests are mostly Roman, however. Algernon’s father
Earnest, once of my favorite grandchildren, is ﬁrst, next to Titus Caesar;
Flavius and I also came, of course.
The other redhead in back is Danielle Pleasant, who crashed the party.
Victoria Goodytwoshoes was a good friend of the bride in college, and as a Pop
Sim, she loves a good party. So of course, she had to be there. And naturally,
Cassius and De were invited.
You’ll no=ce that the guests are in a long line? That’s because while this house,
designed by Bast Dawn, is a fabulously playable one, there isn’t a lot of room
for wedding par=es outside.
Madeleine and Algernon didn’t seem to worry about it too much.
And neither did Cassius and De, who had other things to talk about.
Cassius: Psst! You know Rhys?
Cassius, do you really have to ask if De knows Rhys?
Cassius: You know who he can’t stand?
De: No, who, who?
Cassius: Spider Jerusalem!
De: KKkkt! No way!
I’m afraid Rhys and Spider Jerusalem did get into a regreVable early
smackdown, at the Legacy house, no less.
Everyone managed to make it inside for the cake. You’ll no=ce that
Cassidy, Algernon’s adopted brother, invited Gilbert to be his plus one.
Some people don’t know when to go home from a wedding.
Cassidy: Gilbert, I know you really aren’t the marrying kind and I didn’t
think I was going to be, but I really do love you and I don’t want to be
dropped by the Matchmaker and. . .
Cassidy: And even though the guy in the hot tub is making me a liVle
Flavius: Oh, don’t mind me. I enjoy eavesdropping on a really good
Cassidy:‐‐ I really wish you’d, like, get engaged to me anyway and I, um,
bought you something.
Cassidy: I thought it looked nice. It’s a present. You can keep it, even if
you don’t want to.
Gilbert: Cassidy, I do not keep the ring without I also keep you, cheri.
OK, so Gilbert took a =ny liVle Aspira=onal hit. But Cassidy was happier
than Gilbert was unhappy, and I never saw any meltdowns.
Gilbert: Well, yes, it is the “mee=ng someone new” we ‘ave in common,
n’est‐ce pas, M. Marius?
Madeleine had her and Algernon’s baby boy, Worthing, shortly
Algernon is actually also Marina’s grandson—Marina married Sabinus,
and their daughter Poppaea married Earnest, and they had Algernon. I
know she will be pleased to have a red‐headed great‐grandbaby.
Worthing is actually my great‐great grandson on on one side and my
great‐great‐great grandson on the other side. Romans marry their own
rela=ves: that’s all I have to say about that.
Cassidy: We really should get some girl‐girl and boy‐boy cake toppers in
the shop, don’t you think?
Gilbert: Now this, it is a genoise. You know the genoise? Esponge, and a
buVercream with Italian silk meringue.
Cassidy: Mphm. No shop talk.
Spider Jerusalem: Ah, I don’t care about the gossip as long as there’s
And Doc, you’ve just made Flavius very happy by being someone New for
him to Meet.
Cassidy: Has your mother said anything about grandchildren?
Gilbert: No. It is probable that she would wish for grandchildren, but she
knows it is a thing impossible.
Cassidy: Well, maybe not. I mean, I was adopted. I was taken away by
the Social Worker, so I don’t remember anything, but I hear my father
was a nasty piece of work. And Dad adopted me and gave me a chance.
Maybe there’s a kid out there who’s been badly treated—maybe he
deserves a good educa=on and some love, too.
Gilbert: It is a thing to think of.
Cassidy: Well, we don’t have to think about it right now.
Hold it. I thought you said you weren’t going to think of it now.
Cassidy: It’s later, isn’t it? I’m sure Gilbert won’t mind.
And thus the wait begins. It takes about a day and a half for an adopted
child to show up, and it’s important that he or she arrive on a weekend,
unless you want to face grade trouble and the Social Worker showing up
again. So we have some =me to kill.
Cassidy: Yes, I just moved in with Gilbert. We’re wai=ng for a child to
arrive. I hope you don’t ﬁnd that odd.
Stanley: Huh, well, if you knew my family arrangements, you’d know why
I don’t ﬁnd that odd at all. I don’t even live with my liVle girl, but I see
her all the =me, and everyone seems to be happy that way.
Stanley’s not the only one to pass by.
Gilbert: Mlle . . . Did you say “Kiko” Tellerman?
Gilbert: And perhaps I ought to know you, Mlle.?
Dicreasy: I believe you have one of my Sims on the premises.
Dicreasy: Can I tell you how much I admire you, Stanley?
Don’t worry, Zane. Donna Lothario is quite fond of boys. You’re just a bit
out of her age range, but I’m sure one of them will keep her company.
Zane: So the other lady brought me here. But I guess it was all a mistake,
and I don’t want to be a bother, so . . .
I don’t think you’ll be a bother, Zane.
Social Worker: Bye‐bye, boys!
Zane also quickly makes friends with his other daddy.
Zane: I know I must have had a mother and a father. I just don’t
remember anything about them. And some name like De. . . Dev. . .
Cassidy: I know. I don’t remember mine, either, except for a name like
‐‐It’s probably best not to try to remember, Zane. We’re your family now.
Zane: But ‐‐‐
Gilbert: I think it will not do any harm, just this once.
Zane: Is that cake?
‐‐I don’t think I ever had cake before. I know I would have remembered cake.
Gilbert: There is more cake. Today you are a Jacquet, yes? And so begins
the educa=on of your palate.
Cassidy: Oh, God, don’t talk cooking to the poor kid, Gil, he just got here.
Zane: But Mr. Jacquet—
Zane: Um. .. Papa. I don’t understand. I like eggs, but I don’t understand
why they’re so important. You just fry them, right?
Gilbert: Ah, enfant. It is clear you have much to learn.
Many thanks to the writers whose Simselves and Sims I’ve borrowed:
Doc Nerd: VeFnari Dualegacy: Cassidy, Spider Jerusalem, and her simself;
Marina/Smoothiequeen: Villainous Apocalypse, Rhys Fitzhugh and her simself;
Purple Bunny: PiraFcal Legacy, Jack and Eddie Buccaneer and her simself;
Orikes: Pseudo Legacy, her simself;
De/Fireﬂower 314: Morgan Legacy, her simself;
Ben/Blite27: Ten Caesars, Flavius and Cassius Marius;
Dicreasy: Victorian Legacy, Eddie and Stanley Legacy, Theodore Harrison, and her simself;
Candi: Chili Catastrophe, Don, Samara, and Gage, and her simself;
Penguingirl, Penguino Legacy; Ephemeral Toast, RubyBlue, WriterTina, Stacilee, and other
And special thanks to Peasant007, Devereaux Legacy, for allowing me to give Zane a happier