Welcome back to the Squeaky Clean Legacy for the last 8me. Four years
have gone into this—four years of pink, girls, good behavior, and mostly
happy endings. And at this point, my simself has only one ques8on. . .
Sim Me: How the heck do I ﬁnish this oﬀ? This took a lot longer than I
thought it would, with one thing and another‐‐
‐‐and I am not going to admit to geLng distracted wri8ng other things.
Flavius: Um, Prof? I was wondering if. . . .you haven’t really included much
about the Romans, or me, lately, and you’re ﬁnishing everything up . . .
And I think I’ve done some service to this Legacy, and . . .
Sim Me: And you want to have some more face 8me for yourself and all the
Flavius: Um. . .yes.
Sim Me: Well, Flavius, I think that’s fair. ASer all, this Legacy wouldn’t
have been what it was without all the Roman refugees from *Ten
Caesars.* And you have succeeded at running for Mayor, and Making
Things More Roman Around Here . . .
Flavius: And Twelve Labors.
Sim Me: Almost Twelve Sort of Labors, yes.
Sim Me: So yes, Flavius. You may have your face 8me.
Marcus is De and Cassius’ son, and when the rebuild happened, he lost
his perfectly nice middle‐aged life with his husband Greg and went back
to being a toddler. Toilet‐training all over again. High school all over
again. Think about it. So it is high 8me he graduated from college.
I also had to rebuild his house. Mykonos is named aSer a Greek island
notable for its seaside resort friendly to gentlemen seeking mutual
interests. Like any Greek island, it is strong on the use of stucco and a lot
of blue. The saunas and hot tubs are op8onal.
Most of the guests are college friends, of whom Marcus and Greg have a
Note also that Marcus and Greg live in what might be called the Roman
And because I cannot resist taking arty wedding pix. . .
De’s always thrilled to see one of her kids or grandkids get married,
Cassius is thrilled that she’s thrilled, and Flavius just likes a good party.
The cake looks delicious, and while it is being cut . . .
. . .an uninvited guest arrives. I was actually quite relieved to see S8nky
the Skunk show up, as Zane keeps wan8ng to be Friends with Prof in a
way that rather worries me. And that is not what weddings are for.
Ideally, a wedding should be spent queuing up for the bathroom and
thinking hate thoughts about the Sims who are occupying it.
Flavius: Agh, don’t ask. I think I’ve had it with poli8cians.
*universe ceases in its mo8on*
Ul8mately, Greg makes it clear that the wedding is over and that it is high
8me for everyone to go home. Running around nude will do that.
I men8oned that Marcus and Greg live in the Roman Quarter. You can
see their home from this Roman villa‐‐
‐‐which is ﬂanked by the Roman villa in which Sim Prof, Flavius, Cassius
and De live on the other side.
This is the home of Cassius and De’s descendents, all Romans and their
Simself wives. From leS to right: Cassius and De, Octavius and Denise/
Avidreader, Decimus and Penguingirl, Ter8us and Orikes, Sextus and
Purplebunny. . .
And now there will be another Roman heir and Simself bride.
Duodecimus, Sextus and Purple Bunny’s son, moved home from college
and invited RoseFyre, the author of the Buﬀyverse Apocalypse, to move
It did not take her long to ﬁnd an appropriate Roman wedding dress, or
to begin to ﬁt in.
Simselves tend to be the most frivolous and least focused Sims in my
They also have trouble with concepts like Knowing When to Come in Out
of the Rain.
Most of the Simselves in the neighborhood have been invited to the
wedding. This requires a lot of chairs.
Purple Bunny: I thought I’d wear my old wedding dress to my son’s
wedding. Saves 8me, don’t you think?
De: Oh yes! I always do!
To be fair, De’s dress does not shriek “wedding dress.”
Soon, most of the Simselves are seated and talking about the stuﬀ
simselves usually talk about: lips, hearts. . .
. . . .ﬁrst WooHoo, and who is a Popularity Sim. And they have short
Almost everyone sits down, kind of. There’s always one—in this case, Kai,
the youngest Goodytwoshoes son.
‐‐is not short enough to keep Simselves from geLng bored. Already
wandering away: Lily/ Cobaltazure, Marina/Smoothiequeen. Already
throwing water balloons: Candi.
Sim Me: Hey, Di, thanks for the 8ps on how to make Sim get in their
seats for weddings and stay there. It works mostly most of the 8me.
Dicreasy: No worries.
Peasant007, RegacyLady, Marina: Bored derp de derp.
Rose, you might want to hurry up cuLng that cake: the sun is going to set
and otherwise it will be too. . .
. . . late. Oh, well. This is what happens when you start a wedding late,
but in fairness, Purple Bunny had to go to her job and get a promo8on to
Lots of Simselves made a beeline for the cake.
My simself was not one of them. She wandered over and looked at the
cake, but did not take a piece. This is out of character. My actual self is
more like those nature documentaries in which things are Skeletonized
Within Minutes and Nothing Goes To Waste.
Peasant007 actually strolled by with my piece of cake, right in front of
me. Rubbing it in. That’s harsh.
Orikes got cake, and she had to cut oﬀ a conversa8on with Flavius to do
Decimus: Mmm, strawberries.
Rosefyre: She didn’t even get cake?
Penguingirl: Rome is harsh, dear.
Rosefyre: Did anyone else not get cake?
Cait/RegacyLady: Whooza good girl den? Duzzem girl wanna chasa s8ck?
Yes, she does. Yes, she duuuuzzzz.
Cassius: Pointless gossip we could exchange at home!
And why bother with a wedding with 25 Sim guests, most of them
Simselves, all of whom make me want to tear my hair out?
It makes Flavius happy.
Toast: Oh, you’re kidding.
Look! He got to Meet Someone New!
Cassius: Ma, you are KIDDING.
Nope, I’m not. Did I men8on he likes red headed simselves, too?
Before we can get to the next wedding, we need to deal with the
consequences of an earlier one. Caspian and Mor8cia Goth were both
very happy to welcome into the neighborhood‐‐
‐‐Aravis Goth. You may remember that Caspian (Cassandra) Goth
married Darya (Darren) Dreamer? Yes.
He was thrilled and it made up for having the cookies slapped out of him
by his former ﬁance, Donna Lothario.
Gothy toddlers need gothy dresses, and she has a personality to match:
Alexandra Goth is gradua8ng from college. She is one of several
Weivtnasaelp young people who have successfully put the older
genera8on’s dysfunc8on behind them.
Mor8cia: I’m so proud of you, Alexandra.
Alexandra: Thanks, Mother. Let me introduce you to my ﬁance.
Alex: I’d like you to meet Vespasian Caesar.
Families don’t get more establishment Old Weivtnasaelp than the Goths,
and they don’t get more establishment Roman than the Caesars, so it’s
ﬁLng that they ﬁnally merge.
Most of the other Weivtnasaelp college kids enjoy the party, too. LeS to
right: Dionne Dreamer (or part of her); Lionel Pleasant, Linus Burb (and in
raspberry pink sweater at front, his boyfriend, Ethan Chalmers). Not
enjoying the party at far right; Angus Pleasant.
Angus: Now that Alex is gradua8ng, we’ll all be gradua8ng and I’ll be out and
making a mark on the word as an adult.
Hope springs eternal.
It would probably have been beder to *poof* into adulthood someplace
other than the head of the stairs, as it makes everyone very cranky.
At Caesar’s Palace, Domi8an goes about his du8es with Imperial dignity.
Actually, most of the family gave up thinking of themselves as Imperial a long
8me ago. With power comes great vulnerability and the need for employing
food tasters, and as far as they’re concerned, you can have it.
Domi8an’s wife Diana is a seventh genera8on spare Goodytwoshoes. She
thinks the house is named aSer the Vegas casino, with all the games around,
and he’s never bothered to enlighten her.
Flavius: Prof, why are we siLng all the way in the back?
Cassius: Yeah, good ques8on: why are we?
We’re siLng in the back because people in our posi8on don’t need to
push ourselves to the front, and besides‐‐‐
Romans on the groom’s side‐‐this includes Vespasian’s father, Titus, and
his mother, the former Meadow Thayer; Weivtnasaelp on the bride’s
side; and you’ll no8ce we are indeed at the very back.
Considering that it’s such a momentous occasion, you would think more
of the wedding guests would be watching it.
That’s beder. And for all the heavy implica8ons of a Goth‐Caesar
alliance, Vespasian and Alex are much more interested in simply being
Ah. Someone did not ﬁnd a seat. There’s always one.
Alexandra is clearly happy to be marrying Vespasian, but how does
Mor8cia feel about her daughter marrying a Roman invader?
The Romans are triple invaders, in fact: the Goodytwoshoes virtually took
over Pleasantview, then Flavius and Publius came from Rome and Flavius
issued a “y’all come,” and then EVERYONE colonized Weivtansaelp. This is
not like actual history, in which the Goths invaded Rome. It is important
to keep these facts clear.