1. The Squeaky Clean Legacy, Chapter 17.3
2. Max: A'er midnight. And nothing has happened, as I knew it would not.
3. Max: Papa?
4. Secundus: Hello, Max.
Max: But. . . But. . .
Secundus: Why am I here? I wanted to apologize.
5. Secundus: You should never have grown up without me and your
Max: Mama has done . . . .her best, I would say.
6. Secundus: In other words, you grew up without either of us. I am so
7. Secundus: It seems so unfair that I knew her for so long, and that you
hardly knew her at all. I probably always loved her, before either of us
really knew what that meant.
8. Secundus: I had to wait for a long ;me before she loved me the way I
loved her. It wouldn’t have ma=ered, because she was ﬁrst, last, and
always, the friend I loved most.
9. Secundus: We waited for a long ;me un;l we could marry.
10. Secundus: It was worth it. I wouldn’t have changed anything. There is
no one I ever loved as much as I loved Cecilia.
11. Secundus: Except for you.
12. Secundus: I never wanted to leave the two of you. There is only one
reason I wouldn’t come back, and that is because I couldn’t.
13. Secundus: I loved you, Max. You have to believe that. And I certainly
didn’t want your lives to be destroyed because of me.
14. Max: Mama does not realize you are gone, Papa, if that is of any
comfort. She waits for you to come back.
15. Secundus: Why would that be of any comfort to me? I don’t want her to
wait for me. If I were alive, I would always have come back. But I’m not.
She’s stuck, Max. She can’t mourn me, because she won’t admit that I’m
And neither will you.
16. Secundus: Max, please. Please let go. And then ﬁnd a way to help her.
Max: I . . . I have tried, Papa, but I do not think it will do any good.
17. Secundus: Help her as much as you can.
Two last things.
18. Secundus: What the ﬁre destroys, the ﬁre renews.
19. Secundus: And goodbye.
20. Secundus: Goodbye, Max.
21. Telemachus: Nausicaa?
22. Telemachus: Nausicaa, slow down! I’ll get Gawaine. Just hang on.
23. Gawaine: Yes, Nausicaa. What’s the problem?
24. Gawaine: She is?
25. Gawaine: She hasn’t? Not at all? Are you sure?
26. Gawaine: OK. Hold on. You need reinforcements.
27. Gawaine: Knights! Drop everything.
28. Gawaine: We’re needed.
29. Gawaine: OK, Nausicaa, start over, and while you’re at it, explain why
you didn’t call me before.
Nausicaa: I didn’t know! I didn’t know it would get so bad.
30. Nausicaa: I mean, I knew she would cry. I was expec;ng that.
31. Nausicaa: But then she kept saying that she was geFng cold.
32. Nausicaa: Elaine?
Elaine: Just . . . Cold. I’m sorry. Can’t get warm.
It was scary. I was scared, anyway.
33. Nausicaa: It just made Lenore angry. Elaine kept shivering, and Lenore
34. Nausicaa: We tried to make her eat something. Something warm and
35. Nausicaa: But she said she wasn’t hungry. She just picked at it and then
she wouldn’t eat it.
36. Nausicaa: And she was so ;red anyway that we told her she should just
go to bed.
37. Nausicaa: She went to bed, but I’m sure she didn’t sleep.
38. Nausicaa: She kept saying “so stupid,” and she’d stop and stare at
something that wasn’t even there, and then “don’t touch me. Don’t even
39. Nausicaa: And then she’d run right back into the bathroom.
40. Nausicaa: She says the whole thing makes her sick to her stomach. She
won’t eat, and anyway, it comes right back up.
41. Nausicaa: She’s been in bed for days. But she hasn’t been sleeping.
42. Nausicaa: She hasn’t eaten, and she hasn’t slept, and she can’t go to
43. Gawaine: And I’m asking again: why didn’t you call me? Right away?
44. Nausicaa: I don’t know, Gawaine! I don’t know! I’ve been trying to help
and so has Lenore, and we’ve been watching her all the Vme! We’ve
hardly had any sleep ourselves and we don’t know what to do!
45. Nausicaa: *snif*
46. Parsifal: Why didn’t YOU call us, Lenore?
47. Lenore: Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought maybe you’d rather I was looking
a'er Elaine. I thought maybe you could call your own sister or come over
when she didn’t pick up the phone, but I guess I was wrong. I’ll know
beYer next Vme.
48. Gawaine: Look, are you sure you can’t? . . .
Palomides: Oh, hi, Ian.
49. Ian: What is WRONG with you people?
50. Ian: She hasn’t eaten, she hasn’t slept, and she’s been throwing up for
how long? Days?
51. Ian: If you have a doctor in the family, call him, and if you don’t, get her
to one, because she’s probably dehydrated by now. Which I should not
have had to tell you.
52. Ian: One of you needs to get her to the doctor, one of you needs to
contact her advisor, and one of you should have called her mother a long
53. Ian: Do it. NOW.
54. Palomides and Parsifal: Um, yes, ok.
55. Ian: You realize you have everybody majorly freaked out, don’t you?
56. Elaine: . . . You don’t know how it feels. I feel so . . .
57. Ian: Stupid?
58. Elaine: YES.
I knew. I should have known. Everyone tried to tell me, and he didn’t
love me at all, I was so stupid . . .
59. Ian: Don’t even go there. It’s not going to tell you anything you need to
60. Elaine: “Stupid Elaine.” “Silly Elaine.” “Elaine’s too sensiVve.” You’re not
that kind of person.
61. Ian: Oh, yes, I am that kind of person. Everyone always said I was the
most emoVonally fragile member of the family. My sister’s nickname for
me was “Gloomian.”
62. Ian: And I know exactly, EXACTLY, how stupid you feel.
63. Ian: About the only diﬀerence between what just happened to you and
what happened to me is that I actually caught her in bed with the other
guy . . .
64. Ian: And we happened to have a house full of wedding guests at the
65. Ian: AND you’re already handling it be=er than I did, because I screamed
at my mother, jumped into my sportscar and went roaring oﬀ. . .
Elaine: You? Sportscars? YOU?
66. Ian: It’s a thrilling story, Elaine. Don’t interrupt it.
67. Ian: . . .jumped into my sportscar, went roaring oﬀ, and got blind, stupid
68. Ian: Looking back on it, not the clearest thinking I’ve ever done.
69. Ian: I did try to call a friend, but she couldn’t pick up the phone, so . . .
70. Elaine: So you got in an accident?
Elaine: A bad accident?
71. Ian: Yes. Very bad.
Elaine: I would never have guessed.
Ian: The scars don’t show.
72. Ian: I’m not here to tell you you should have known beYer or been
73. Ian: I’m just here because I really, really wish Opie had picked up the
74. Elaine: I just feel like everything I know is wrong. I feel . . .
Ian: Scooped out. I know.
Elaine: Everyone says “oh, Elaine, don’t worry,” but I feel like things are
never going to be the same. I feel like I’m never going to be all right
75. Ian: You won’t be the same. Anyone who tells you diﬀerently is lying, or
they just don’t know. You can never make something like that unhappen.
I’d tell you that you’ll be all right, or that you won’t let this aﬀect the rest
of your life, but I’m sorry, Elaine. I’m just not that smart. I honestly
don’t know how well I’m doing in that department myself.
76. Elaine: But you listened. And – you didn’t tell me what you thought I
wanted to hear.
77. Elaine: Thank you.
78. Ian: Later, Drama Queen. And go take a bath. You know how I said you
didn’t smell bad? You’ll make a liar of me if you don’t get friendly with
some soap and hot water.
79. Gawaine: Dad, it’s all my fault. I said I would look a'er her, and I failed
all down the line.
Dinadan: Gawaine, I don’t think you could have done very much. You
can’t warn someone away from heartbreak. It’s devastaVng, and you go
there alone. I know that ﬁrst hand. I hoped my children never would.
80. Dinadan: I had hoped that NONE of my children ever would.
All we can do now is help her pick up the pieces.
81. Penelope: Elaine, we’re here to take you home for the weekend.
82. Penelope: Honey?
83. Penelope: Taﬀy just had her ki=ens.
84. Penelope: They’re such darling li=le things: Cappucino, Chocolate, and
85. Penelope: And Taﬀy is such a good mother.
86. Penelope: Don’t you want to come home and play with the kiYens?
87. Dinadan: Come home and let us take care of you, Princess.
88. Elaine: Thank you, Daddy. I’ll get my suitcase.
. . . Only, please don’t call me “Princess” anymore.
89. Parsifal: WHAT. A. CAD.
90. Parsifal: What a cad! What a total, uYer and complete cad. I am going
to unseam him from the guzzle to the zatch.
91. Parsifal: She was OUR princess ﬁrst! She’s always going to be our
princess! How dare he!
Palomides: WHOA, Perce.
92. Gawaine: Percy! PERCY. STOP. It’s too late.
Percy: It isn’t.
Gawaine: Yes, it is.
93. Gawaine: What is our primary objecVve? It’s to help and protect Elaine.
We have done a really bad job of it and it is mostly my fault. If
dismantling Angus would help her and make her feel beYer, I would
already have done it. But I don’t think it will. I don’t think Elaine wants
to be “that girl whose brothers beat up her ex‐ﬁance.” I think Dad’s right.
All we can do is help Elaine pick up the pieces. If that means sibng on
my hands and waiVng, then I will have to swallow that down.
Anyway, that is what I’m going to do.
94. Parsifal: It’s sVll not right. We ought to be challenging him.
Palomides: Actually, no, Perce. Knights don’t challenge louts.
95. Palomides: There’s nothing in the rules about making a few informa;ve
phone calls, though.
96. Dusty: You were engaged? You were taking your engagement ring oﬀ
every damned day and you didn’t even menVon it?
97. Angus: It wasn’t comfortable. It was chaﬁng my ﬁnger, and besides, I
wasn’t ready to tell everybody yet. I don’t see why you’re so upset. I was
engaged to Elaine, not you.
98. Dusty: Good old Angus. You haven’t changed a bit. Did it ever occur to
you that maybe I didn’t want to be the Other Woman?
99. Dusty: You really should have thought of that.
100. Angus: Not the face. Not the face.
101. Angus: Ow.
102. Angus: Sigh.
103. Angus: Why does everything always happen to me?