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A compilation-of-thoughts-on-relationships A compilation-of-thoughts-on-relationships Document Transcript

  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 1 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com The Things We Talk About A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationships
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 2 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com About The Things We Talk About (TTWTA) The things we talk about is a blog that is multifaceted, we have an array of topics that we choose to talk about and share with our readers. We are open to different ideas and view on these various topics. One of our favorite topic as it is for so many of our readers is none other than “relationships.” Many of us at some point in our lives will find ourselves in a relationship and unfortunately there may be some difficult questions that we may need to ask ourselves about the relationships that we are in. Here at the things we talk about, we try our best to tackle some of these questions and provide an answer to them. What you are about to read, may shed some light on some of these questions you’ve asked yourself or will maybe one day ask yourself or what you’re about to read, you may completely disagree with or maybe have a different take or opinion on, which is fine as well. Don’t hesitate to check out our blog and write your thoughts and comments about these different topics. The things we talk about simply wants to reach out and help anyone and everyone while having fun at the same time. We hope that you will enjoy our compilation of thoughts on relationships and invite a friend to read and share in this free e-book. Have a blast and let love take you to new heights! Xoxo, The things we talk about!
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 3 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Contents Falling in Love with the Wrong Person....................................................................................................................................................6 Should you continue to date someone that’s cheated on you?........................................................................................................ 6 Why Do Relationships Fail? A woman’s point of view........................................................................................................................ 7 Why Do Relationships Fail? A man’s point of view.............................................................................................................................. 8 What do girls look for in a guy?...................................................................................................................................................................8 Should you tell your partner about your past?..................................................................................................................................... 9 Should you be allowed to date multiple people at one time?........................................................................................................11 Does flirting mean different things to men and women?................................................................................................................11 What should be considered cheating?....................................................................................................................................................12 Can a guy and a girl just be friends?........................................................................................................................................................13 Why are women so complicated and what do they really want? .................................................................................................14 What does it mean when a man says “I need some space?” ...........................................................................................................15 Who should say ‘I love you’ first? A woman’s point of view!..........................................................................................................16 Should a woman ask a man to marry her?............................................................................................................................................16 Should Women use Sex as a weapon?.....................................................................................................................................................17 Should I date or marry someone with kids?.........................................................................................................................................18 Should you remain married because of your kids?...........................................................................................................................19 Should you and your partner have a joint account once you get married?..............................................................................20 How do I know if I am in an abusive relationship?............................................................................................................................21 How do I get over my ex?.............................................................................................................................................................................22
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 4 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Great Date Ideas- Hot, Hot, Hot!................................................................................................................................................................23 How to have a long lasting relationship!...............................................................................................................................................25 Keys to having a happy marriage.............................................................................................................................................................26 What do women mean when they say they need space?.................................................................................................................29 Relationship Communication; How to communicate in a relationship! ...................................................................................30
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 5 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 6 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Falling in Love with the Wrong Person So many people can testify to this, they get into a relationship with someone, sacrifice their time, energy and money and then later on realize that this wasn’t the right person for them for some reason or another. So many people tend to get into a relationship without really analyzing or thinking about what the potential outcome may be. They simply just give everyone or almost everyone they meet a chance hoping that they will be the one. Big mistake! It’s important before you even start to declare your love for someone that you really take a look at who they are. Take notice on how they react to certain situations, look to see if they get angry easily. Find out if they’ve ever cheated on anyone. Ask about them! Then this way you can prevent yourself to some extent from later realizing that you should have never even been with this person. Also don’t let lust lead you into thinking that you are in love and for you to act solely upon that. Let your heart and your mind lead you to finding the person that you deserve to be with and that deserves to be with you. Should you continue to date someone that’s cheated on you? Eddy and Maria were about to celebrate their 4 year anniversary in a few months. Maria was ecstatic because she was certain that this would be her last year as an unmarried woman and that finally her boyfriend of four years would finally decide to pop the question. One night a few months before their anniversary, Eddy went out with his friends, got drunk and made some mistakes that could have altered the rest of his life. He found himself waking up, naked next to a girl that he had only met the night before at some bar. It took him a few minutes to collect his thoughts and realized that he cheated on the love of his life and had reached a point of no return. Eddy went home ashamed of course and immediately faced the music by telling his girlfriend, Maria that he had cheated on her. Maria was outraged of course, at that very moment she felt like her entire universe had fallen apart. Cheating, a very common disease that we find infiltrating relationships all around the world. This is something that can cause relationships to crumble and never be rebuilt.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 7 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com When a person cheats on their partner, you not only cause this person pain, agony, heartache, and grief but you also run them at a risk to lose their life, if you are involved with them sexually. If a woman or a man finds out that they’ve been cheated on, should they or shouldn’t they take their partner back. Is telling the person that you won’t allow this happen enough? What can you do to prove that this isn’t going to be a common trend in your relationship? Cheating isn’t something that you can take back, it’s a scar that will stay forever. Forgiveness though is something that should be a part of every relationship, but don’t be mistaken, just because we can forgive doesn’t mean that we will forget. It’s important that if a person decides to stick it out with their partner through these difficult times, that you take the time to find trust in the person again but you also learn to let go of the past and not hold these things against them forever. Why Do Relationships Fail? A woman’s point of view Relationships can fail for a number of reasons. One of the most common reasons is definitely because of communication. You see, many times in a relationship, the women tend to have more to say than the men. Let’s just say they spend more time analyzing every detail in their relationships than most guys do. Men don’t tend to pay attention to much detail; they just want the women to say what they feel in less than 15 seconds so they could go about their business. Most women need way more time than that. Then there’s the need of attention, most women need their men to pay more attention to them, and for many men this is probably one of the hardest tasks to accomplish. They would much rather be spending the time paying attention to other things, e.g. a football game then taking time to consider their women’s needs. One of the other reasons why a relationship may fail is because there is a lack of understanding happening. It’s important that when you get into a relationship, that you take the time to get to know and understand your partner, get a feel for what it is they like and the things they don’t like. One thing you don’t want is to get on is your partner’s nerves. You want to build a relationship where if you ladies see that your man doesn’t feel like having a conversation then you know to come back at a later time.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 8 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Men if you see that your girl is need of some one on one time, then take the time to give it to her, or least let her know that you are thinking about her. There are so many more reasons why a relationship can fail, but if you feel like this is the person that you would want to spend the rest of your life with, then it’s important that you work hard in making it work. Why Do Relationships Fail? A man’s point of view There are many different reasons why some relationships fail but the one that tends to be more common is the lack of communication and lack of interest. Many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. If you are in a relationship with someone because of his/her body type, shape, color, features what happens when the physical things fade away? If you are with someone make sure you really know why. Try not to make it a physical thing. I am not saying to be with just anyone but have solid reasons as to why this is the one for you. Lack of communication, a great percentage of the time is the basis for most relationships that fail. How do I communicate you may ask? Well I have to tell you it’s not the easiest task. Men and women have different meanings of what communication is. To a guy communicating can be done in a few words whereas a woman definitely needs a lot more time to express herself, so in order to make the relationship work, you might have to guys give up some Monday night football and opt for spending time with your girl. What do girls look for in a guy? What do girls look for in a guy truly depends on each girl. Taste is something that truly cannot be explained; it varies from person to person and can change without one even realizing it. Most girls tend to look at an array of things when on the quest of finding the right one for them.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 9 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Some girls are attracted to guys solely based on their looks. They need to find a guy that’s attractive and what we call eye candy. He has to have a certain height, dress a certain way, and have that body to go along with it. No bird chests for these types of girls. Some girls may be attracted to a guy based on his personality. They may love the way he speaks, they may fall for his smile, his approach towards them. They may fall for his charm. Some girls tend to actually look for a guy that possesses a great quality prior to looking at the way he may look. If he is a looker and he has a great personality than that would be considered a plus. Some girls are looking for the players. Hard to believe, but it is true. Some girls can’t help but be attracted to guys that will end up cheating on them or give them constant grief. Why? Only those types of girls can really explain. Other girls look for the guy that doesn’t like to say much, not that he has a lack of personality but maybe he’s more shy or reserved. He’s the more laid back type that takes his time to make his move. Some girls believe it or not are attracted to the guys that aren’t constantly trying to, what I like to call, spit game to them. So basically, like I said early on, what attracts a girl to a guy just really depend on the girl herself. Different girls, different attractions. Should you tell your partner about your past? Too many people have skeletons in their closets that they would rather just keep under wraps, especially when they are in a new relationship where they want to start with a fresh start. A lot of times in a relationship, telling our partner about past relationships or things that have happened in our past can be one of the hardest things to do. But the question is do you even need to tell them about what happened in your past, or should the past remain exactly what it is, the past. Let’s suppose you were the type of girl that had a lot of indiscretions in your past, meaning that you liked to get down and maybe even a little dirty,
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 10 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com and do you need to tell your partner about what used to be an aspect of your life. How about if you were once a convict, do you need to tell your partner about that? How about how many people you’ve been with or slept with, should your partner know about that? What should you or shouldn’t you tell your partner about your past? This is a tough one for many, because some people may feel that whatever happened yesterday shouldn’t have any bearing on what happens today. Others feel the complete opposite because it is the things that happened in your past that shapes and molds the person that you are and can even determine what you will do and how you will carry yourself in your present relationship. So, should you tell your partner about your past? There are certain things that I believe that you should share with your partner and there are other aspects of your life that you don’t necessarily have to share unless of course you care to. For example, details of your past relationship, isn’t necessarily something that needs to be shared, unless of course the both you decide that you want to, but believe me this is opening up a can of worms if you do. Something that you can share though is what you think caused your past relationships to fail. I feel that being honest about something like this can allow you to create a solid foundation for your new relationship. Another thing that you would want to share is if you were once a convict. I think your partner would definitely want to know this and what exactly caused you to go to prison. This would definitely be something you would want to tell them. If you were once married is another thing that you should tell your partner even if it occurred in your past. There are so many other things that we can mention that should or shouldn’t be discussed but in reality it depends on the type of relationship you want to create. If you want to have a healthy and happy relationship, then it’s best that you’re open and honest about the things that will affect or have a bearing on making your relationship a success. It isn’t necessary to bring up the things that won’t affect your relationship one way or another, but you have to decide for yourself really what those things are and what they aren’t
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 11 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Should you be allowed to date multiple people at one time? So I hear this lot, were not in a serious relationship, were just getting to know each other. Fair enough, but does this mean that you should be getting to know a lot of different people while in this stage in the game. Meaning if you’re dating someone, and have yet declared yourself to be “exclusive” then should you be able to date others, maybe to see who it is you like best and then go from there. Well in a situation like this I think it really depends on you and the person you’re dating. Now, I don’t know how comfortable it would be asking the other person if they have a problem with you dating other people until you know that their serious about a relationship but some people actually do talk about it. Others don’t feel like they have any explanations to give and do it anyhow, while a few just decide that if they’re going to date this person than the least they can do is give this person their undivided attention. Me personally, I fall in the last category. I would like to give just one person my attention until I can decide for me whether I would like for it to be something more or nothing at all. But then again this is just me. Some people feel that if they are on a search to find the one then its best if they not waste any time and date, date, date and date some more until they can make that decision. In a situation like that I would definitely be cautious and find out how the other person that you may want to get serious be feels about it because you may potentially lose out on what may have been your soul mate. Does flirting mean different things to men and women? Does flirting mean different things to Men and Women? Guys and gals have different reasons as to why they flirt, or do they? Why do women flirt? Well, I think from a guy’s point of view and you women can disagree that women flirt because one, they are in need of attention. I think that just want to believe that they can still capture a man’s attention, so they do this by doing what they may consider harmless
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 12 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com flirting. They may also flirt because they just think the guy is handsome or cute and worth their time. Ask any lady she’ll tell you that there is no harm in having a little fun flirting with a guy. Yet when the tables are turned and the roles are reversed women tend to have a bit of a problem seeing their men flirt. Now that we’ve established some reasons as to why women flirt, let’s take a look at the guys. Why do men flirt? Well some men flirt just to see if they got it”Game” that is. It’s just a way for them to solidify what it is they already believe. Sometimes men even flirt just to get a girl to feel good about herself, even if he isn’t interested in her. Men flirt many times just to make women feel good and lift up her self esteem. And sometimes, to be honest men flirt because they are looking to take it that step further especially if they see that they do have a chance, meaning if the girl is giving the time of day. What should be considered cheating? What exactly would you constitute as cheating? We have had two segments on should we stay with someone that has cheated on us and we all have different opinions on what we will or should do in such situation. What should be considered as cheating on our significant other? I think it’s time that we make that distinction. Would you consider dancing at a party with someone else the way you would be dancing with you partner cheating? Is looking at someone of the opposite sex when your partner is not around cheating? Or is it even ok to look at someone else? My take on this is that I find nothing wrong with looking as long as it doesn’t go beyond just a look. If all sorts of ideas going through your mind about what you can, or would or should do to someone like that then I think that can be considered cheating. Is talking to someone else other than your other half for countless hours cheating? I think we all will have our ideas of what cheating is and for
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 13 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com most as long as the significant other don’t sleep with someone else or even perhaps kiss with someone then it’s not cheating. Oh wait, how about if your significant other decides to go out with their “friend” something you would perhaps consider a date, would you consider that cheating? In every relationship, from the very beginning these are things all couples should talk about, both you and your partner establish the things in which you are comfortable and uncomfortable with. Can a guy and a girl just be friends? There’s a saying that says girls and guys are like matches and gasoline, meaning when they get together things are bound to happen. Can a guy and a girl just be friends and have no other feelings surface from this friendship? Like the saying says, it’s very difficult for a guy and girl to be close friends and at some point not develop feelings that surpass friendship for each other. Some things in life are bound to happen. Sometimes when two people spend so much time together and they start getting to know each other, they begin viewing the person in a different kind of light. They start noticing and thinking about certain things that they’ve never thought about of before. A perfect example, when a girl is in a relationship and she has a guy friend that she confides in or considers to be a best friend, she will likely be telling her guy friend about all the things that are happening in her relationship, what her boyfriend is doing right or wrong, etc. This friend is going to be the one that provides her with comfort when she’s going through difficult times with her man. This friend will know all of her soft spots, all of weaknesses, and obviously more than her boyfriend probably knows, so technically her friend is more in tune with her than her actual man is. By the way, the same is true for a guy that has a girl as a good friend or best friend that he tells everything to. A man thinks that he can be friends with a girl and not have this friendship go any further, but let me the one to say, at some given point in time, either something can happen or he
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 14 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com has thought about something happening. Feelings are sometimes things that we can’t help feel or control. They come upon you at any given moment in time. You may not at first think anything of it, but the way you may feel about a person in your friendship may not be the way the person feels about you. In your mind, you may honestly believe that your just friends, but that doesn’t mean the other person feels the same way. But wait, does this mean that girls and guys in relationships shouldn’t be hanging out or talking to anyone outside of their partner? No, that would be insane, but it’s important to limit the kinds of conversations that you’re having, you shouldn’t be sharing with anyone what’s happening in your relationship, or you shouldn’t be comparing your girl or guy to anyone. If at any point your friend starts to change tongue on the way they feel about you then it’s important that you snip the talking time. Don’t be oblivious to what’s going on, if you want to keep your relationship and your friendships, it’s important to open your eyes to what’s happening around you. Make sure that no one has any ulterior motives and that the friendship is true and genuine. Why are women so complicated and what do they really want? Men find women to be complicated creatures and they find it even harder to understand exactly what women want. Well, men the fact of the matter is, women are complicated and for the most part they have too many things that they want, which makes it impossible for them to just really talk about or focus on one. Women are multifaceted creatures, they tend to see details rather than big pictures, they appreciate the smallest gestures, and they are passionate when it comes to the way they show their love. Women are complicated only because they are constantly growing and changing in the way they look at life. A woman’s life is almost never the same, meaning that it takes another shape or form every single day. Women love to look at life through various lenses in order to find the one that suits them best. Men aren’t considered complicated because they tend to look at the bigger picture and not care for the details. They follow the same rituals and routines throughout their daily lives and would rather not deal with change. Most men for the most part can only do one
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 15 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com thing at a time, whereas women can multitask. Their minds are constantly going and sometimes they do get a bit carried away, which makes them come across as if their insane, but they aren’t, men just can’t really keep up. If a woman finds something that works for them, then they stick to it. Most women look for a change because it brings that excitement into their life that they long for. They long to be happy and are in constant search of this happiness. Woman nag, love, cry, create drama, love some more, all for the sake of finding happiness, and all they need is for men to understand them! What does it mean when a man says “I need some space?” Relationships are tricky, people sometimes say things and don’t really know what they mean or what the outcome may be, based upon certain things that they say. “I need some space” which is one of the things that many people experience or may hear in their relationships and may not really be sure what it means when it is said to them, and yes it may mean different things to both men and women. But since this is from a woman’s point of view, let me stick to just that. Ladies, when you have a man and he tells you he needs his space, that can mean a number of things but what it probably means is that he wants to go out there and explore his options, without having to lose you. Most of the time, men don’t really know what they want, they can easily get caught up into things that are pleasing to their eyes, that they forget they already have something good waiting for them at home. Most men feel that they can have their cake and eat it too. Ladies, ladies, ladies, be careful when you’re in a relationship and your man tells you he needs space. I’m not telling you not to grant him his wishes but you need to set some boundaries or find out exactly what this space entails. I know most women will feel that if their man says they need space then this just simply means that he doesn’t really want to be with you, if he feels that he needs time away from you. This may also be true, but like we’ve said here before, it’s important that you talk to your partner and find out exactly where their minds are at.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 16 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Who should say ‘I love you’ first? A woman’s point of view! “I love you,” three of the most important words a person hopes to hear after being in a relationship for quite some time. These three words have so much significance to them that it really does take your relationship to an entirely different level once they are said. Now the most difficult part for some in a relationship is who actually say these three words first. Should it be the guy or the girl or does it even matter? Speaking from a woman’s perspective, I think that a guy should definitely say “I love you” first. Why? For the most part, a girl already knows how she feels about a man after being with them for whatever amount of time. A woman usually wears her emotions on her sleeves so saying these three words wouldn’t be a real problem. But for the most part, men usually are the ones that have commitment issues or they aren’t really up for expression, so this task is usually a little harder for them. A woman needs to know how her man feels about her first before she lets him know how she feels, therefore, he should definitely be saying these three words first and of course if they are on the same page then her respond should be “I love you too.” Now for those women that just like to get straight to the point, then honestly more power to them in saying “I love you” first but personally I would just let him say it first! Should a woman ask a man to marry her? Marriage, the union of a man and woman recognized by law, that’s what we all know it to be. In order to get to the point of marriage, most people become involved in a serious relationship; fall in love, which will eventually for the most part lead them to be married. Now the question is who will be doing the asking? In the society, in which we live, men are usually the ones to ask for the woman’s hand in marriage. This is something that has been in effect for quite something and still remains intact until now. But, the times are changing; women are becoming more independent and doing many things that men were known to only do.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 17 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com These days, it is becoming more and more common for a woman to ask a man out on a date. If a woman can ask a man out on a date, then shouldn’t that mean that she should also be able to ask him to marry her or is this something that should be left up to the man? Is this a double standard? Do men feel comfortable with his girlfriend asking for his hand in marriage, or would he rather be the one to ask? When a woman ask a man to marry her, does that mean that she will have the upper hand in the marriage? These are all things to consider when thinking about asking a man to marry you ladies. Personally, I can wait until he does the asking! Should Women use Sex as a weapon? Sex as a weapon, definitely one of the things we need to talk about. Sex is a very common aspect of most relationships. It is the aspect of the relationship that most find to be the most enjoyable and one that can really bring a couple closer together. Yet, it is also the aspect of a relationship that can equally tear a couple apart. You see, in a relationship this specific activity has to be agreed upon by both parties, both people willingly agree to engage themselves in having sex. Yet, what we find sometimes is that one party may not necessarily be up to having sex for one reason or another. Well today, the focus is on the ladies. Women tend to use sex as a way to coerce their men into getting their way. If they want something to happen then they know that this would be the perfect opportunity to get their man to do it. They figure that if the guy wants it bad enough then he will do exactly what it is she wants, so she uses sex as a tool to get her way. Is it right for a woman to use her body or sexuality rather as a means to get her way? Another example on the way women tends to use their sexuality as a weapon is when they are upset. When a woman is angry, her sexual drive tends to find its way out the door, which means that the guy isn’t getting any. This is as real as it gets. Is it right for a married
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 18 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com woman that is supposed to be one with her husband, keep herself away from him in that sense? It’s amazing the way that guys can go all googoo gaga over women and not even realize the traps that they are being led into. Hence another reason why communication in a relationship can limit all of these pitfalls that couples find themselves falling into. Should I date or marry someone with kids? Hi, everyone, hope you had a fantastic weekend. Today’s topic is, should you date or marry someone that already has kids of their own? We live in a society, were divorce rates have increased tremendously over the past few years. People get married and that’s when they decide that they shouldn’t have ever been together, which in turn causes them to get a divorce and have what we like to call a broken family. We have a lot of single parents that are doing their best to raise their children and are trying to provide the best possible stable environment that they can. Many times, a lot of these individuals that already have a family of their own find it quite difficult to put themselves out there again because they may not want to get their hearts crushed again and they also have to consider the best interest of their children. Another thing that may prevent them from being able to date or be with someone, is the fact that not too many people want to get involved with someone that already has a family of their own. Love isn’t something that can be controlled or measured. Personally, if you find yourself in love with someone that already has a family (meaning kids) then this aspect of their life shouldn’t take away the amount of love you have for this particular person. But it is important to understand exactly what you are getting yourself into. If this person has children, then there is a great likelihood, that the children’s mother or father will play a role in this person’s life because of the children. This third individual will be a part of the equation. You have to be able to accept this person’s children as your own and love them, if
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 19 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com not more than you love the person, probably one of the hardest things to do. If you both have children and want to share a life together, then it’s important that you treat your child or children no different than you treat theirs, with the understanding that you are trying to build a strong and loving marriage and family. These are just some things that a person should think about before getting into a relationship with someone that already has children. It’s important to really think about a decision as such because it does makes things a lot more complicated and a lot more difficult. Should you remain married because of your kids? Many people get married, and in the beginning life is exactly what they thought it would be and then it hits them that this was never the person that they were intended to be with. They start constantly arguing and their marriage begins to fall apart. They begin to lose sight of the love that they once had and to them it seems like they just can’t get the love back into their relationship. The only thing that they may feel is keeping them together is their kids. Should a couple remain married for the sake of their children? There are so many opinions out there and we are so eager to here yours, but for now let me tell you how it is I feel. Divorce shouldn’t be an option in a marriage, unless of course your mate cheats on you and you just can’t get past it. Now I can understand that there can be a lot of problems that arise in a marriage, some of which may cause you to wonder or think twice about the person that your with, which is reason enough that before you decide to take such a big step in that direction that you are certain that this is the person that you’re supposed to be with. I would ask God for a divine intervention. It’s also important that if you do encounter problems that you use all of your resources in order to try to resolve them. When you were first married, you didn’t do it for anyone except yourselves, but when you have children they do become an important part of the equation and every decision you make will affect them. Your children should be your first priority, but I do understand that it’s hard to make
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 20 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com anyone happy if you yourself aren’t happy, but it’s more important that you try seeking this happiness while you’re still married. Try to figure out when you stopped being happy and what steps you can take to get yourself back to that place. Love is something that a person needs to work on every day, in order for it to grow and flourish. Should you and your partner have a joint account once you get married? It has been said that once you get married, you and your spouse become one and many people may not know but that also does include your bank accounts. What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours type of deal. Yet there are so many conflicting points of views when it comes to this topic. I believe that yes, both you and your partner should definitely have a joint account once you become husband and wife because you do in fact now function as one unit rather than separate entities. Both of you should come to an understanding though on how exactly the money that comes in should be spent or what not. Now I do hear this a lot so I’m going to put it out there. How about if one day your spouse decides to leave you and they take all the money with them, this would mean you’re basically left out in the cold. Well to that I would suggest that you always do keep some money on the side for a rainy day. Now the question could become, well should I tell my partner about this little bank account on the side? I think that depends on the type of relationship you and your spouse have. If you two share a very close relationship and are open to talk about anything than I don’t see the harm in telling him/her. But if you foresee it as a problem then maybe it can be your well kept secret. I know a lot of women like to save a little something on the side and I personally don’t see anything wrong with that and it may very well be just to pamper yourself or save for a day that you might be a bit dry and you need the extra funds. This is a topic that many people do encounter in their relationships and it is one that shouldn’t be taken lightly, so like I say “communicate” and talk it out with your partner.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 21 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com How do I know if I am in an abusive relationship? Domestic Violence is something that we hear about quite often in the society in which we live. At any given point in our lives all of us will have an opinion on this matter, especially after seeing what happened with Chris Brown and Rihanna and their ordeal. It’s important for people to understand the severity of being in an abusive relationship, whether it is physical or emotional. Abusive relationships aren’t easy to deal with and sometimes those that are in it tend to be in denial of what is actually happening. Sometimes people let love blind them into believing many things about their partners. They don’t see what can potentially come of their relationship or of themselves if they don’t get out of the abusive relationship. It is imperative that people stand up and take control of their lives and never allow their partner to abuse them emotionally or physically. With this said, let’s look at certain signs that can allow a person to know if they are in an abusive relationship. - Does your partner have a temper and always tend to take his anger out on you by yelling or screaming? -Does your partner always question the things that you do, or where you’re going, who you’re going with? -Does your partner control your finances? -Does your partner prevent you from doing certain things you love, or prevent you from seeing your friends, or getting a job, going to school? -Does your partner criticize the way you look, the way you dress, or criticize your weight? -Does your partner get close to your face or ball up his fist, or hit things around you when you and him are in a heated argument? -Does your partner hit you, throw things directly at you, calls you names, curses at you?
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 22 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com -When you are done having an argument, does your partner come bearing gifts, make expensive purchases, begs and pleads for your forgiveness? -Does your partner promise that they won’t let it happen again? -Does your partner initiate intimacy so that all can be forgotten? -Does your partner deny that they are abusive? If you have answered YES to most of these questions, then there is a great likelihood that you are in an abusive relationship or a relationship that can potentially be abusive. Now believe me I know that this isn’t the easiest thing to deal with or talk about but here on the things we talk about, we try to be as real as possible and deal with the real issues in life. Life can take some ugly turns with you but its better if you can already see what may come of them and try to prevent certain things from happening. Take a good look and see if this is a relationship worth pursuing, better to be safe than sorry. How do I get over my ex? Breaking up is never easy, and getting over someone is the hardest part of it all, especially when you invested so much of yourself into the relationship. This is usually hardest for those that did in fact fall in love but fell out of it at some point in their relationship. Despite how much someone wants to contest it takes a lot of energy to be in a relationship and even more energy sometimes to get over one. Getting over someone that is obviously getting over you is very important. It’s important that a person learns to move on with their lives in the fastest way possible so that you don’t become depressed or sad or think about the situation that you have found yourself in. Here are some key things to do in order to get over your ex and move forward with your life.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 23 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Once you have found that you are back to being single, it’s important that you put away all the things that reminds you of when you were in your relationship, especially, pictures. Next you should start making a list of all the things that you wish you had more time for, but maybe couldn’t find the time for while you were in your relationship. If you haven’t been working out, trust this would be the best time to start. Make a list of every single thing you’ve ever wanted to do, and choose one of them that you will do within the next week or few weeks, depending on what it is and the time frame required for it. Many people tend to fall into a trap of getting out of one relationship and suddenly starting another. Big mistake! It’s important that during this time, you go back and revisit some things that probably caused your relationship to fail, and who was at fault. Now I did say to put away all things that remind you of your relationship, which still remains true, but this part has to do more so with you and your feelings. This particularly will help you heal and perhaps help you in your future relationships. Also, let’s not forget to go out and enjoy ourselves during this time, meet new people, mingle, have lots of fun and remember that there is that right person for you. Don’t be afraid of what tomorrow may bring, but rather live for today. Yesterday’s troubles are exactly what they are yesterday’s troubles, so don’t let them keep you down. Great Date Ideas- Hot, Hot, Hot! Are you stressed out about where you should go on a date or what you should do? Well the things we talk about is ready to take that load off of your shoulders. Here are some of our date ideas depending on what kind of date you plan on going! First Dates: I would definitely suggest going for the classic first date, which of course is the dinner and a movie. Dinner will actually allow both persons to get to know each other better. Definitely choose a setting that is quiet but also very relaxing. Definitely do not go on a spending spree for this date. It’s the first one and all that is required is for you to get to
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 24 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com know the person and have fun. I would definitely suggest watching a movie that can make you laugh because it allows you to become more relaxed and enjoy yourself even more. And even if this date were to suck, at least you know you had a good laugh. Date on a budget: This date is rather simple. You and partner should choose an easy to make recipe online. Print it out and take it with you to the supermarket. Get two shopping carts, pick out a checkout line where you can meet back, divide the list and go buy what’s needed to make that special dinner. You can make this even more enjoyable by making it a race, whoever gets to the checkout line first wins and then you can think of a reward a little later in the night. Once you get all that you need from the supermarket, take the groceries home and start whipping out the dinner together. Don’t be afraid to show lots of affection towards each other, because things can sure get steamy in the kitchen. Cook this dinner and then eat it while you watch a rerun on t.v or a movie that you’ve already seen together and enjoyed. Group Date: These dates are always fun and you have so many options that you can look at. On Group Dates, you and your partner can get together with other couples that you know and go out for dinner, or go bowling, go play pool, go to the movies, etc. These dates allow you to get to know your friends a little better and also see how they interact with their partners in their relationships. Day Date: This is the date that starts from the morning and can go all the way to the evening. I would definitely suggest going someplace fun for this date. Perhaps the beach, where you can relax and get tanned, or maybe go to an amusement park where you can go on rides, eat cotton candy and relive some childhood memories. Rainy Dates: This is the date that starts late night and can go all the way to morning which can end up to be the breakfast date. For this date, I would suggest for the guys to go and pick up their chick’s favorite chick flick. Pop some popcorn, stop by a bakery on your way home from work and pick up some chocolate coated strawberries that you will be saving as a surprise for your honey. Guys if you need help thinking of a good chick flick, “The
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 25 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Notebook” never disappoints. Make sure that you get a nice cozy blanket to cuddle under, and I’m sure after all of this, this will definitely be a date night to remember. How to have a long lasting relationship! In this day and age, so many people feel that having a long lasting relationship is far from possible. Well, let me be the one to tell you that it really isn’t. I won’t lie to you and say that it doesn’t take a whole lot of work, patience, and understanding but if you truly love someone than any and everything is possible. A lot of times when people are in relationships, they tend to give up easily, if you truly love someone than you have to exhaust all of your resources before you decide that you no longer want to be with them. But this is only and only if you want to really be with them and they too want to be with you. There are certain things though that will help you in your relationship if you do want it to work. Trust me, I wouldn’t be telling you these things, if I had no clue of what I’m talking about. It’s important that when you’re in a relationship that you respect the person that you’re with and they give you the same respect right back. When I say respect, I mean it’s important that you choose your words carefully, there is no need to tell your partner, curse words, or words that will make them feel disrespected in any shape or form. A lot of times even the word “shut up” can do more harm than good. It’s important that you understand that adults go about handling matters in a more adult way, and that involves talking to each other like human beings and not like animals. Respecting each other is key. Another important thing to remember if you want to keep your relationship going is to be open and honest to your partner. If you are keeping things, this will do more harm than good, because they are bound to come out at some point. It’s always better to clear the air than to keep things hidden because it does make a situation that could have been easily resolved much worse if the truth is uncovered at a later time.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 26 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Another thing that a person needs in a relationship is understanding. If for example you are with someone and they tell you that they don’t want to do something or they aren’t feeling up to it, it’s important that you try to understand what they are trying to tell you even if you don’t like it. It’s never healthy in a relationship when a person has to give up all of themselves just to please you because what happens then is that they stop loving themselves which can prevent them from loving you. There are so many other factors that go into having a long lasting relationship, but trust me when I say these three are crucial, respect, honesty, understanding, oh and one that I didn’t mention above which is trust. If you love someone than trust and believe that they wouldn’t do anything to hurt you just like you wouldn’t do anything to hurt them. Keys to having a happy marriage Being married is hard enough so The Things We Talk About thought it would be a wonderful idea to share some keys or tips on how to have and keep a happy marriage. Tip # 1 Be open and honest with your partner. This is hard, because sometimes the truth can be hurtful. It’s important to let your partner know when something doesn’t make you happy without throwing jabs at them at the same time. If something is happening that you don’t like, be sure to tell them. Tip #2 What happens in your home stays in your home. Basically, this means that whatever is happening in your home shouldn’t be shared with everyone else. Work out your problems as a couple, no need to bring in any third parties into the mix and get many people involved, unless of course the situation is getting dangerous.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 27 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Tip #3 Let your spouse know how much you love them, everyday! I think this is one of the keys that is easily forgotten. It’s important to let your spouse know that you love them and you want nothing more than to spend the rest of your life loving them. Even when you may not feel like saying this, you should still be reminding yourself how much you love your spouse and how you couldn’t imagine life without them. Tip # 4 Pray together, a family that prays together stays together. It’s important that in a home there is lots of love and support, but most importantly there also needs to God in the midst. God is love and when you leave him out of the equation, well there’s certain aspects of your relationship that ceases to exist, so put God first and let him lead your relationship into the right direction. Don’t forget that God instituted marriage ever since the Garden of Eden and it is something that he blessed. Tip #5 Watch your thoughts; this is definitely a difficult one because sometimes when our spouse or partner makes us upset, we tend to let all things negative enter our minds. We start to think the worst of the situation and we get ready to jump ship. Whether you believe it or not, your thoughts can determine your actions. It’s best to walk away and clear your head rather than letting words come out of your mouth that do more harm than ever good. Tip #6 Don’t go to sleep angry; it’s important that you don’t go to sleep with a burdened heart, especially when it comes to the matter of love. Take the time to calm down after a situation, analyze what you’re going to say, and then go and talk to your spouse or partner. Let them know exactly how you feel without getting upset. Because what tends to happen, if and when you let a problem sit for too long without getting resolved, it tends to become much worse than it originally was. So make sure that you resolve anything before you put your
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 28 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com head on that pillow because you really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Besides making up is always a wonderful experience. Tip #7 Never talk of divorce; no one should get married, if you already plan on divorcing your spouse at some point in the relationship. This should be last thing anyone resorts to if even at all. Try to work on your relationship, and if you can’t do it alone, then seek counseling, make sure you try everything you possibly can to make the relationship work. Tip #8 Don’t criticize or nag your spouse; this one is so important. One of the things people forget when they get into a relationship is that their partner isn’t going to be perfect, ever. They are going to do certain things that you may not be used to or even like. It’s important that you learn to love their faults and not let them drive you insane. Women, the more you nag a man, the less he listens. Men don’t criticize your women, try to help them by showing them you support them and love them. No matter what, you should always look for the good in people and overlook their faults. Tip #9 Don’t overwork; this goes for both men and women, it’s important that you always find time to spend with your family and special time to spend with your partner. Work is important, but you must realize that your family is much more important. We all know that some people have to work extra hard to make ends meet, but in this time, be certain to remind your loved ones that you love them and your thinking about them constantly. Tip #10 Respect each other’s privacy and personal things; this is what at times can cause a lot of problems and one of the tips that I am certain many people may disagree with, yet it is still very important. Every relationship needs to have trust, if you have your trust issues, then
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 29 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com deal with them prior to getting into a relationship. Love should no, no jealousy. Spend less time worrying about his emails, text messages, phone calls and more time focused on your relationship. Difficult? I know, but nonetheless, it’s important to establish the trust. Believe me, if you need to know something about what your spouse is up to, it will come in due time and if you feel something just isn’t right, then talk to him/her about it. Wow, I think we covered a lot for one day, but trust me when I say there is still more to come. Even if you are not married, these tips are still helpful if you want to establish a relationship that you want to last. I hope these tips help… What do women mean when they say they need space? Are men and women so different that they can possibly have different meanings for the famous words “I need some space.” Yes many times when a woman’s definition of I need space can be a lot different than a man’s definition of these words. Many times when a woman is in a committed relationship, very seldom is she looking for a way to step out, rather many women are looking for a man that is just as committed as she is. Now this is not to say that you don’t have your women players out there looking to have a good time, while trying to hold down a relationship all at the same time but for the most part I want to believe that most women have their man and are looking to keep their man. So if your woman was to tell you that she needs her space, what is she asking you for exactly? This is a definite tough one for the simple fact that most women don’t ever really know what they want. Space is a word used for women to get you either out of their hair, meaning you might be a little too attached for her liking, space can mean that she needs time to think about what she’s doing with someone like you and whether or not the relationship is worth her time, space can mean that she just needs time to be away from the stresses of a relationship and just needs some “me” time, space can mean that she is trying to get your attention by
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 30 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com scaring you into thinking that she might not want to be with you. Space for a woman, can basically mean a whole lot or really nothing at all. So ultimately it depends on where your relationship is. If you’re in a relationship and everything seems to be going well and all of a sudden a woman is asking for space then maybe you need to be asking your woman some questions and trying to get done to her real reasons for asking for this space. If things in the relationship aren’t going so well, then as a man you need to definitely get what I like to call “your chips up” meaning you need to be putting in some overtime in your relationship if you are looking for it to work. If a woman is asking you for space then find out what kind of space she’s looking for, maybe she’s stressed out or maybe you’re doing something that is constantly upsetting her or making her unhappy. If you want the relationship to work, then make sure that you guys have good communication as to why things are the way they are and what it is you both can do to make it better. Relationship Communication; How to communicate in a relationship! Communication in a relationship is a key element in making it last. I know what you’re thinking; tell me something I don’t know. Well keep reading and I will hopefully shed some new light on how communication can help you have a long lasting relationship. Now before I give any advice, I have been in a relationship with the same guy for 11 years and I wouldn’t be sharing unless I had some idea of what I was talking about. Now that I’ve established that….here are some things that we’ve done that’s helped us lasts this long and can hopefully help you in your relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, that’s a fact some days will be better than others but the question is how do you get over those difficult humps that you may come across in your relationship. Personally it took me quite some time to talk about how I felt, if I was upset or angry I kept it inside but overtime I only found that this made me angrier. I didn’t realize the detriment this was bringing to my relationship until my relationship was almost no more. So obviously I quickly realized that there were some changes that needed to be made in the relationship.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 31 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com Talk! If you’re angry about something, let your partner know respectfully that you’re angry. Key word: Respectfully. No need to shout or be rude but let them know that your upset about whatever it is they said to you or did. But be sure that when you’re ready to talk, you’ve had time to collect your thoughts and know how you want to approach the situation. Give your partner time to express themselves. Let them reciprocate how it is they feel about what your telling them, because maybe they could be upset about something too or have something that they would like to share. Always establish an open door policy in your relationship. Let your partner know that they can come to you and talk to you about anything, and that you will (not you will try, but you will) have an open mind about! Always consider each other’s feelings, especially when it comes to making decisions that may affect the both of you or maybe just you. Let them know that you cherish their opinion and that you guys are a team. Always establish boundaries, meaning you should let each other know off the bat the things that make you happy or things that upsets you or irritates you. You’d be surprised how many couples don’t take the time to talk about this. Ex. If you don’t like people going through your personal things, like your wallet then let your partner know that this is not acceptable, but warning, once you say something like this be prepared to talk about “why” as many women will ask! Always be aware of each other’s feelings, don’t say things to spite the other or make them angry. Guard your words, because as many men may know women never really forget once you tell them something that’s out of place, it will eventually come back to bite you in the you know where. These are just a few pointers on how to communicate in a relationship.
  • The Things We Talk About - A Compilation of Thoughts on Relationship ____________________________________________________________________________________ 32 ©2010 The Things We Talk About http://thethingswetalkabout.com I hope that you have enjoyed reading our compilation of thoughts on relationships brought to you by “The things we talk about.” I hope that we’ve opened up your mind to some new ideas on what a relationship can and should be. Please check out our blog http://thethingswetalkbout.com where you can find so much more and don’t forget to spread the word! Also, register to our feeds at: http://thethingswetalkabout.com/feed