Social	
  Deprogramming	
  
@benjaminjoffe	
  
blinkBL_NK|	
  Singapore,	
  2010.11	
  
With	
  commentary!	
  
Traveling	
  &	
  Living	
  
blinkBL_NK	
  
Have	
  you	
  lived	
  or	
  traveled	
  out	
  of	
  
your	
  home	
  countr...
If	
  so,	
  you	
  might	
  have	
  enjoyed	
  
discovering	
  local	
  culture	
  &	
  quirks	
  
Durian Strudel!
(Singapore, 2010)!
This	
  one	
  is	
  from	
  Singapore	
  –	
  not	
  
sure	
  if	
  it	
  is	
  such	
...
The	
  other	
  thing	
  you	
  learn	
  when	
  traveling	
  
is	
  how	
  others	
  view	
  your	
  own	
  culture	
  
Which	
  is	
  oRen	
  quite	
  different	
  
from	
  your	
  own	
  percepSon…	
  
Behavioral	
  Programming	
  
In	
  Japan,	
  people	
  bow	
  oRen	
  –	
  
even	
  on	
  the	
  phone!	
  
ARer	
  4	
  ...
Kiasu?	
  
Society	
  and	
  culture	
  shape	
  behavior.	
  Singaporeans	
  “love	
  to	
  
queue”	
  maybe	
  because	
...
“The	
  Accident	
  of	
  Birth”	
  
ARer	
  living	
  in	
  6	
  countries	
  and	
  visiSng	
  dozens,	
  my	
  current	...
Just	
  like	
  you	
  computer	
  is	
  
approached	
  by	
  viruses,	
  we	
  are	
  
invaded	
  by	
  ideas	
  all	
  d...
Study_hard/become_doctor/buy_condo	
  
This	
  is	
  an	
  idea	
  that	
  might	
  be	
  invading	
  
many	
  in	
  Singa...
Issues	
  
•  Default	
  se^ngs	
  
•  Get	
  in	
  the	
  way	
  of	
  social	
  interacSons	
  
•  Undermine	
  happines...
Reforma^ng	
  Your	
  Social	
  OS	
  
If	
  things	
  go	
  well,	
  you	
  might	
  
reformat	
  part	
  of	
  your	
  s...
Field	
  ObservaSon	
  
I	
  looked	
  around	
  me	
  for	
  learning	
  
about	
  social	
  interacSons.	
  I’ll	
  
sha...
How	
  do	
  you	
  feel	
  about	
  this	
  guy	
  
eaSng	
  alone?	
  
If	
  so,	
  you	
  might	
  have	
  enjoyed	
  
...
A	
  photography	
  project	
  in	
  Singapore	
  interviewing	
  people	
  dining	
  alone.	
  
The	
  social	
  sSgma	
 ...
A	
  social	
  place?	
  
Cafes	
  look	
  like	
  social	
  places	
  but	
  quite	
  
oRen	
  this	
  is	
  closer	
  to...
Is	
  this	
  seat	
  free?	
  
This	
  is	
  a	
  situaSon	
  where	
  you	
  might	
  
like	
  to	
  have	
  higher	
  s...
Speed	
  daSng	
  
•  Context	
  
•  Time	
  constraint	
  
•  xxx	
  
Speed	
  DaSng	
  
This	
  is	
  another	
  example...
Pillow-­‐Fight	
  Flash	
  Mob	
  (Toronto,	
  2008)	
  
What	
  do	
  you	
  do	
  when	
  you’re	
  done	
  with	
  the	...
Field	
  Research:	
  Santa	
  Con	
  
(London)	
  
My	
  own	
  experiment	
  with	
  idenSty	
  in	
  a	
  a	
  special	...
Analysis	
  
Did	
  she	
  noSce	
  him?	
  
I	
  think	
  so.	
  
Engaging	
  
Talk	
  to	
  her	
  
Wait	
  
The	
  usual	
  choice	
  is…	
  
(Approach	
  Anxiety)	
  
Is	
  he/she	
  interested?	
  
•  Poin%ng	
  feet	
  in	
  your	
  direcSon	
  
•  Smiling	
  at	
  you	
  
•  Talking	
 ...
Looking	
  
Ge^ng	
  Caught	
  Staring	
  
The	
  SoluSon	
  
The	
  Real	
  Trouble:	
  Disengagement	
  
The	
  reason	
  people	
  are	
  guarded	
  
when	
  engaging	
  or	
  being...
The	
  Real	
  Trouble:	
  Disengagement	
  
The	
  Real	
  Trouble:	
  Disengagement	
  
Stranger	
  
You	
  
Physical	
  
+	
  
Psychological	
  
Framing	
  
(context)	
  
Leveraging	
  or	
  creaSng	
  a	
  suitable	
  
context	
 ...
Summary	
  
3	
  Key	
  Elements	
  
1.  Approach	
  
2.  Disengagement	
  
3.  Context	
  (Frame)	
  
Back	
  to	
  our	
  flying	
  friend…	
  
Inner	
  Monologue	
  of	
  a	
  Guy	
  Si^ng	
  Next	
  
to	
  a	
  Hot	
  Chick	
  on	
  a	
  Plane	
  
•  How	
  long	
...
Classics	
  
•  “Hi!	
  I’m	
  Ben”	
  (handshake)	
  
•  “Heading	
  home?”	
  
Some	
  classic	
  lines.	
  Second	
  on...
Unique	
  Style?	
  Accessories?	
  
Anything	
  that	
  stands	
  out	
  is	
  a	
  
good	
  starSng	
  point.	
  
What	
  to	
  say?	
  
•  “Nice	
  swan	
  dress!”	
  
•  “Nice	
  swan	
  dress!	
  What’s	
  the	
  story	
  behind	
  i...
Eventually…	
  
Speak	
  
your	
  mind!	
  
Technical	
  soluSons	
  
Chatroulele	
  shows	
  people	
  are	
  curious,	
  but	
  both	
  engagement	
  and	
  
disengagement	
  are	
  too	
  b...
You	
  can	
  sSll	
  play	
  
Chatroulele	
  Bingo.	
  
Vchaler	
  is	
  doing	
  a	
  much	
  beler	
  job:	
  unique	
  ID	
  (first	
  name),	
  
moderaSon	
  and	
  reporSng,	...
In-­‐game	
  dates!	
  
Even	
  online	
  games	
  can	
  be	
  seen	
  as	
  social	
  places.	
  
This	
  service	
  offe...
How	
  do	
  you	
  say	
  “Hi”	
  to	
  people	
  before	
  
ge^ng	
  to	
  know	
  them?	
  
A	
  service	
  a	
  bit	
 ...
How	
  do	
  you	
  say	
  “Hi”	
  to	
  people	
  before	
  
ge^ng	
  to	
  know	
  them?	
  
A	
  drrop	
  is	
  a	
  te...
Why?	
  
MoSvaSons	
  
•  Boredom	
  
•  MeeSng	
  people	
  
•  Vague	
  promise	
  of	
  sex	
  
•  Human	
  Zoo	
  
Other	
  ide...
 	
  Be	
  my	
  mail	
  friend!	
  
When	
  mobile	
  email	
  was	
  launched	
  in	
  Japan	
  10	
  years	
  ago	
  pe...
Lovegety	
  (Japan,	
  1998)	
  
(Never	
  seen	
  anybody	
  use	
  one)	
  
Never	
  seen	
  one	
  in	
  Japan	
  –	
  ...
HumanNetworkLabs	
  
•  Short-­‐range	
  communicaSon	
  device	
  
•  Find	
  or	
  track	
  things	
  and	
  people	
  w...
Loopt	
  
A	
  service	
  to	
  help	
  people	
  
get	
  together	
  
Foound	
  
A	
  service	
  to	
  help	
  friends	
  
get	
  together	
  
Mobile	
  Social	
  Network	
  for	
  Pets	
  
Pets	
  are	
  great	
  
proxys	
  for	
  people!	
  
Another	
  interesSng	
  
concept	
  
Start	
  conversaSons!	
  
designed	
  based	
  on	
  sociological	
  
&	
  anthropological	
  research*	
  
Use	
  your	
...
Rethinking	
  Social	
  Places	
  
Queuing	
  for	
  StarCraR	
  2	
  
Queues	
  are	
  great	
  social	
  
places!	
  Why?	
  
Queuing	
  for	
  LV	
  
Because	
  they	
  have:	
  
(1)	
  Shared	
  context	
  
(2)	
  Time	
  constraint	
  
(3)	
  Ph...
Rain	
  as	
  an	
  Ad-­‐Hoc	
  Social	
  Place	
  
People	
  waiSng	
  for	
  the	
  rain	
  to	
  top	
  
–	
  shelter	
...
The	
  “9”	
  
experiment	
  
9	
  
A	
  social	
  experiment	
  in	
  
Portland	
  –	
  wear	
  this	
  
badge	
  if	
  y...
blinkBL_NK	
  Experiments	
  
“Stepping	
  out	
  of	
  your	
  shoes”	
  
Let’s	
  experiment	
  
together!	
  
Let’s	
  remove	
  our	
  shoes!	
  
Now	
  find	
  someone	
  with	
  
your	
  size	
  to	
  trade!	
  
1-­‐minute	
  Sme	
  constraint	
  
Other	
  experiment:	
  have	
  a	
  1	
  minute	
  
conversaSon	
  with	
  another	
 ...
Lame	
  Opener	
  Experiment	
  
Final	
  one:	
  talk	
  to	
  anyone	
  you	
  are	
  interested	
  in.	
  
Your	
  open...
Thanks!	
  
(you	
  have	
  the	
  rest	
  of	
  the	
  evening	
  to	
  find	
  back	
  your	
  shoes	
  	
  )	
  
That’s...
Social Deprogramming
Social Deprogramming
Social Deprogramming
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Social Deprogramming

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How much are you controlled by your social and cultural programming? Too much. Override default settings and reclaim control of your social life! Talk given at blinkBL_NK in Singapore in November 2010

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Social Deprogramming

  1. 1. Social  Deprogramming   @benjaminjoffe   blinkBL_NK|  Singapore,  2010.11   With  commentary!  
  2. 2. Traveling  &  Living   blinkBL_NK   Have  you  lived  or  traveled  out  of   your  home  country?  
  3. 3. If  so,  you  might  have  enjoyed   discovering  local  culture  &  quirks  
  4. 4. Durian Strudel! (Singapore, 2010)! This  one  is  from  Singapore  –  not   sure  if  it  is  such  a  great  idea…  
  5. 5. The  other  thing  you  learn  when  traveling   is  how  others  view  your  own  culture  
  6. 6. Which  is  oRen  quite  different   from  your  own  percepSon…  
  7. 7. Behavioral  Programming   In  Japan,  people  bow  oRen  –   even  on  the  phone!   ARer  4  years  there,  my  body  language   became  a  weird  mix  at  Smes…  
  8. 8. Kiasu?   Society  and  culture  shape  behavior.  Singaporeans  “love  to   queue”  maybe  because  they  are  worried  about  missing  out.  
  9. 9. “The  Accident  of  Birth”   ARer  living  in  6  countries  and  visiSng  dozens,  my  current  view  is   that  our  character  is  dominated  by  our  cultural  and  societal   programming.  This  is  not  a  happy  thought  for  me.  
  10. 10. Just  like  you  computer  is   approached  by  viruses,  we  are   invaded  by  ideas  all  day  long  
  11. 11. Study_hard/become_doctor/buy_condo   This  is  an  idea  that  might  be  invading   many  in  Singapore  today…  
  12. 12. Issues   •  Default  se^ngs   •  Get  in  the  way  of  social  interacSons   •  Undermine  happiness   The  key  problem  is:  those  ideas   are  not  YOU  and  do  not  reflect   what  makes  YOU  happy   And  they  get  in  the  way  of   your  social  life.  This  will  be  the   focus  for  the  rest  of  the  talk  
  13. 13. Reforma^ng  Your  Social  OS   If  things  go  well,  you  might   reformat  part  of  your  social  OS  
  14. 14. Field  ObservaSon   I  looked  around  me  for  learning   about  social  interacSons.  I’ll   share  some  observaSons  here.  
  15. 15. How  do  you  feel  about  this  guy   eaSng  alone?   If  so,  you  might  have  enjoyed   discovering  local  culture  &  quirks  
  16. 16. A  photography  project  in  Singapore  interviewing  people  dining  alone.   The  social  sSgma  is  there  but  many  are  actually  quite  self-­‐confident   and  like  being  by  themselves.  
  17. 17. A  social  place?   Cafes  look  like  social  places  but  quite   oRen  this  is  closer  to  what  you  see…  
  18. 18. Is  this  seat  free?   This  is  a  situaSon  where  you  might   like  to  have  higher  social  skills  :-­‐)  
  19. 19. Speed  daSng   •  Context   •  Time  constraint   •  xxx   Speed  DaSng   This  is  another  example  of  people’s  interest  in   meeSng  people.  Note  the  shared  context,  the   formaled  engagement  and  the  Sme  constraint  
  20. 20. Pillow-­‐Fight  Flash  Mob  (Toronto,  2008)   What  do  you  do  when  you’re  done  with  the  specified  acSon?   Maybe  not  as  social  as  it  looks…  
  21. 21. Field  Research:  Santa  Con   (London)   My  own  experiment  with  idenSty  in  a  a  special  costumed  group.     Santa  Con  is  as  much  about  partying  as  it  is  about  Christmas  :-­‐)  
  22. 22. Analysis  
  23. 23. Did  she  noSce  him?   I  think  so.  
  24. 24. Engaging   Talk  to  her   Wait   The  usual  choice  is…  
  25. 25. (Approach  Anxiety)  
  26. 26. Is  he/she  interested?   •  Poin%ng  feet  in  your  direcSon   •  Smiling  at  you   •  Talking  to  you   •  Touching  you  
  27. 27. Looking  
  28. 28. Ge^ng  Caught  Staring  
  29. 29. The  SoluSon  
  30. 30. The  Real  Trouble:  Disengagement   The  reason  people  are  guarded   when  engaging  or  being  engaged  is   because  there  is  no  clear  Sme  limit   to  the  interacSon.  
  31. 31. The  Real  Trouble:  Disengagement  
  32. 32. The  Real  Trouble:  Disengagement   Stranger   You  
  33. 33. Physical   +   Psychological   Framing   (context)   Leveraging  or  creaSng  a  suitable   context  for  the  interacSon  is  key  
  34. 34. Summary   3  Key  Elements   1.  Approach   2.  Disengagement   3.  Context  (Frame)  
  35. 35. Back  to  our  flying  friend…  
  36. 36. Inner  Monologue  of  a  Guy  Si^ng  Next   to  a  Hot  Chick  on  a  Plane   •  How  long  should  you  wait?     •  Is  it  based  on  %me,  or  distance?     •  Is  it  a  percentage  of  the  total  Sme/ distance?   •  Is  it  the  same  whether  the  flight  is   one  hour  or  thirteen  hours?  
  37. 37. Classics   •  “Hi!  I’m  Ben”  (handshake)   •  “Heading  home?”   Some  classic  lines.  Second  one  is  much  beler  as  it  starts  a   conversaSon,  not  just  a  polite  exchange.  
  38. 38. Unique  Style?  Accessories?   Anything  that  stands  out  is  a   good  starSng  point.  
  39. 39. What  to  say?   •  “Nice  swan  dress!”   •  “Nice  swan  dress!  What’s  the  story  behind  it?”   •  An  original  item  is  an  invitaSon    
  40. 40. Eventually…   Speak   your  mind!  
  41. 41. Technical  soluSons  
  42. 42. Chatroulele  shows  people  are  curious,  but  both  engagement  and   disengagement  are  too  brutal  to  enable  meaningful  interacSons.  
  43. 43. You  can  sSll  play   Chatroulele  Bingo.  
  44. 44. Vchaler  is  doing  a  much  beler  job:  unique  ID  (first  name),   moderaSon  and  reporSng,  and  topics  suggesSons  based  on  the   other’s  interests      
  45. 45. In-­‐game  dates!   Even  online  games  can  be  seen  as  social  places.   This  service  offers  to  arrange  in-­‐game  dates.  
  46. 46. How  do  you  say  “Hi”  to  people  before   ge^ng  to  know  them?   A  service  a  bit  strange  by  a   Japanese  startup  
  47. 47. How  do  you  say  “Hi”  to  people  before   ge^ng  to  know  them?   A  drrop  is  a  text  posted   by  someone  in  the  world   in  the  last  24  hours.   By  wiping  a  drrop,  you   can  see  another  drrop.   It  is  basically  “eavesdropping”  on  Facebook   comments  to  start  conversaSons  
  48. 48. Why?  
  49. 49. MoSvaSons   •  Boredom   •  MeeSng  people   •  Vague  promise  of  sex   •  Human  Zoo   Other  ideas?  Please  let  me  know!   benjamin@plus8star.com  
  50. 50.    Be  my  mail  friend!   When  mobile  email  was  launched  in  Japan  10  years  ago  people   were  sending  messages  to  random  numbers  to  make  friends.   This  disappeared  as   spammers  took  over  
  51. 51. Lovegety  (Japan,  1998)   (Never  seen  anybody  use  one)   Never  seen  one  in  Japan  –  probably  a  summer  fad  reported  as   “big  in  Japan”,  but  sSll  interesSng  from  a  sociological  standpoint.  
  52. 52. HumanNetworkLabs   •  Short-­‐range  communicaSon  device   •  Find  or  track  things  and  people  within  200m   Sounds  like  Lovegety  to  me  ;-­‐)  
  53. 53. Loopt   A  service  to  help  people   get  together  
  54. 54. Foound   A  service  to  help  friends   get  together  
  55. 55. Mobile  Social  Network  for  Pets   Pets  are  great   proxys  for  people!  
  56. 56. Another  interesSng   concept  
  57. 57. Start  conversaSons!   designed  based  on  sociological   &  anthropological  research*   Use  your  mobile  and  a  topic  you   create  to  generate  interacSons   and  conversaSons  
  58. 58. Rethinking  Social  Places  
  59. 59. Queuing  for  StarCraR  2   Queues  are  great  social   places!  Why?  
  60. 60. Queuing  for  LV   Because  they  have:   (1)  Shared  context   (2)  Time  constraint   (3)  Physical  proximity   That’s  all  you  need!  
  61. 61. Rain  as  an  Ad-­‐Hoc  Social  Place   People  waiSng  for  the  rain  to  top   –  shelter  as  social  place.  Same   reasons:  context,  proximity,  Sme   constraint.  
  62. 62. The  “9”   experiment   9   A  social  experiment  in   Portland  –  wear  this   badge  if  you  are  in  the   service  industry  and   able  to  give  freebies.   You’ll  give  them  to   people  with  this  badge   and  receive  freebies  in   other  stores  too!  
  63. 63. blinkBL_NK  Experiments  
  64. 64. “Stepping  out  of  your  shoes”   Let’s  experiment   together!  
  65. 65. Let’s  remove  our  shoes!  
  66. 66. Now  find  someone  with   your  size  to  trade!  
  67. 67. 1-­‐minute  Sme  constraint   Other  experiment:  have  a  1  minute   conversaSon  with  another  alendee  
  68. 68. Lame  Opener  Experiment   Final  one:  talk  to  anyone  you  are  interested  in.   Your  opener  can  be  as  lame  as  you  want!  
  69. 69. Thanks!   (you  have  the  rest  of  the  evening  to  find  back  your  shoes    )   That’s  it!  Thanks  for  reading.   You  can  reach  me  at  @benjaminjoffe   or  benjamin@plus8star.com  
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