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Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb
 

Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb

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Ideas and tips for dealing with challenging people

Ideas and tips for dealing with challenging people

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    Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb Presentation Transcript

    • True or False?
      • “ D reamt” is the only English word that ends with mt.
      • I n Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes.
      • H uman hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
      • C hina is the fourth largest producer of gas and oil in the world.
      • S even percent of the population are lefties.
      • C ockroaches can live for 9 days after their head has been cut off.
      • M ost lipstick is partially made of fish scales. .
      • B abies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
    • Dealing With Difficult People
      • Name
      • Organization
      • Biggest challenge
      • What it would mean to overcome this
      • Greatest strength
      Introductions
    • Definitions
      • Conflict:
      • A disagreement or clash between ideas, principles, or people
      • Collaboration:
              • A working together; the act of working together with one or more people in order to achieve something
    •  
    • A Process for Driving Collaboration Evaluation Identifying and assessing results 9 Conflict or Issue Option Overview 5 Follow-up Monitoring Implementation 8 Implementation Putting solutions into action 7 Collaboration 6 Goal Definition Picturing the Should Be 1 Fact Finding Searching for +/- facts 2 Issue Definition Prioritizing Problems 3 Collaboration Request 4
    • Characteristics of Successful Team Collaboration
      • Timely involvement
      • Availability of resources
      • Defined plan based on sharing of information
      • Culture that encourages cooperation and collaboration
      • Effective teamwork and team member cooperation
      • Shared values
    • Collaboration Opportunities Issue Expertise Creativity & Innovation Experience With Issue People Power Values Check Additional Resources Skills Perspective
    • Commitment to Collaborate on a Conflict Issue
      • Conflict issue
      • Collaborative support needed
      • Goal definition
      • Plan of action
      • My personal commitment to the collaboration
    • The Peacemaking Pyramid Correct Dealing with things that are going wrong Helping things go right Get out of the box / Obtain a heart of peace Teach & Communicate Listen & Learn Build the Relationship Build Relationships With Others Who Have Influence
    • The Choice Diagram Sense / Desire Seeing people as people with needs, cares, worries, fears that matter like mine Choice Honour the Sense I continue to see them as a person like myself Betray the Sense See others in ways that justify self betrayal. They become an object of blame My Heart Goes To War (Better-than, I-Deserve, Worse-than, Must-be-seen-as) View of Myself View of Other Feelings View of World
    • The Collusion Diagram I See They See I Do They do Allies Allies The Anatomy of Peace The Arbinger Institute
    • “ Better Than” Way of Seeing A heart at war needs enemies to justify it’s existence. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it needs peace. View of Myself Superior Important Virtuous / Right View of Others Inferior Incapable / Irrelevant False / Wrong Feelings Impatient Disdainful Indifferent View of World Competitive Troubled Needs Me
    • “ I-Deserve” Way of Seeing View of Myself Meritorious Mistreated / Victim Unappreciated View of Others Mistaken Mistreating Ungrateful Feelings Entitled Deprived Resentful View of World Unfair Unjust Owes Me
    • “ Must Be Seen As” Way of Seeing View of Myself Need to be well thought of Fake View of Others Judgemental Threatening My Audience Feelings Anxious / Afraid Needy / Stressed Overwhelmed View of World Dangerous Watching Judging me
    • “ Worse Than” Way of Seeing View of Myself Not as good Broken / Deficient Fated View of Others Advantaged Privileged Blessed Feelings Helpless Jealous / Bitter Depressed View of World Hard / Difficult Against me Ignoring me
    • Recovering Inner Clarity and Peace
      • Look for signs of Blame, Justification, Horribilization, Ego, etc.
      • Find an out-of-the-box place
      • Ponder the situation anew (from the out-of-the-box place)
      • Act upon what you have discovered; do what you are feeling you should do.
    • Questions for Clarity
      • What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens and pains?
      • How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials , burdens and pains?
      • In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group?
      • In what ways are my self justification habits obscuring the truth and interfering with potential solutions?
      • What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to help?
    • Conflict Reaction Profile Passive Assertive Aggressive
    • What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Responding Effectively in Impromptu Situations
    • Cushion Cushion Your Response Avoid Using I hear you saying … I understand you said… I appreciate your view on … That’s an interesting point of view … But … However … Nevertheless …
    • Evidence Demonstrations D E F E A T S Examples Facts Exhibits Analogies Testimonials Statistics Doubt
    • Disagree Agreeably What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Cushion
      • Begin with nothing. Eliminate: - Prejudice - Emotions - Concepts - Opinions
      • Listen “To” the other person instead of listening “For” something.
      • Avoid replacing their reality with your own.
      • Resist the temptation to compare their words with your own experiences.
      How to Listen Effectively
      • Ask questions for clarification, not just to ask questions.
      • You don’t have to respond while the other person is talking.
      • Picture what the other person is saying and summarize when the person has finished.
      • Picture what “it” is, not what you assume “it” is.
      • Your goal is to understand the person’s reality
      Listening (cont.)
    • The Conflict Cycle Event Interpretation Emotional Response Physical Response Attitude Response Effect
    • Conflict Response Scale Avoid Win-Win Approach Dictate Oblige Compromise Stand Our Ground Collaborate
    • Sources of Conflict P R I D E Process Interpersonal Direction Roles External Pressures
    • Conflict Resolution Plan Specific conflict People involved Plan of Action Results expected Accountability Partner
    • The Risk of Anger
      • Damaging trust
      • Impairing judgement
      • Diminishing concern for the other parties’ preferences
      • Neglecting of one’s own goals
    • Destructive Emotional Expressions
      • Blaming
      • Attacking the other person
      • Repressing it as long as we can
    • Healthy Emotional Expressions
      • Name the accurate emotion
      • Nonjudgmental
      • Express in direct, straightforward manner
      • Doesn’t blame or attack the other person
      • Conveys that others do not cause our feelings
    • You are simply guiding the other person through the uncharted territory of current reality.
    • Workplace Negativity
      • How does it show?
      • What are the causes?
      • What are the possible solutions?
    • HTWF Principles
      • Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
      • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
      • Arouse in the other person an eager want.
      • Become genuinely interested in other people.
      • Smile.
      • Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
    • HTWF Principles
      • Be a good listener.
      • Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
      • Make the other person feel important - and do in sincerely.
    • Gain Willing Cooperation
      • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
      • Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "you're wrong.”
      • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
      • Begin in a friendly way.
      • Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
    • Gain Willing Cooperation
      • Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
      • Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
      • Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
      • Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
      • Appeal to their nobler motives.
    • Gain Willing Cooperation
      • Dramatize your ideas.
      • Throw down a challenge.
      • What assumptions am I making that I’m not aware that I’m making that’s giving me my current results?
      • What can I now invent or create, that I have not yet invented, that will give me more choices?
      Being a “Breath of Fresh Air”
      • Name the Issue. 
      • Select a specific example that illustrates the behaviour or situation you want to change. 
      • Describe your emotions about this issue. 
      • Clarify what is at stake. 
      • Identify your contribution to the problem. 
      Having Difficult Conversations
      • Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. 
      • Invite your partner to respond. 
      • Inquire into your partner’s views. 
      • Where are we now? What have we learned? 
      • Make an agreement and determine how you will hold each other responsible for keeping it.
      Difficult Conversations (cont.)
      • Write down your feelings
      • Share your feelings with someone you trust
      • Count to ten
      • Listen to music
      • Take a break
      Principles for Maintaining Emotional Control
    • Talk Through the Issue
      • Stop and cool off.
      • Talk and listen to each other.
      • Find out what you both need.
      • Brainstorm solutions.
      • Choose the idea you both like best.
      • Make a plan and go for it!
    • Charting Conflict-Based Barriers Barrier? Who owns this? What’s in the way? When did this begin? Impact? How should we address it? Why is this happening?
    • Building Trust through Conflict
      • Adapt
      • Keep relationship warm
      • Listen to values
      • Act on what we hear
      • Follow up
      • Be willing to change
    • Turning Barriers into Opportunities
      • Positive vs. negative self-talk
      • Choose your battles
      • Focus on what we can vs. can’t change
      • Focus on potential ROI
      • Go the extra mile.
      • Be flexible.
      • See things from the other person’s point of view.
      • Be empathetic.
      Maintaining Positive Conflict Resolution Strategies
    • Problem Solving Questions
      • 1. What is the issue?
      • 2. What is the root cause?
      • 3. What are the possible solutions?
      • 4. What is the best solution?
      • 5. What is the 1 st action I will take?
    • Summary of Tactics
      • Have a positive attitude
      • Meet on mutual ground
      • Clearly define and agree on the issue
      • Do your homework
      • Take an honest inventory of yourself
      • Look for shared interest
    • Summary of Tactics
      • Deal with facts, not emotions
      • Be Honest
      • Present alternatives and provide evidence
      • Be an expert communicator
      • End on a good note
      • Enjoy the process