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Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb
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Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb


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Ideas and tips for dealing with challenging people

Ideas and tips for dealing with challenging people

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  • 1. True or False?
    • “ D reamt” is the only English word that ends with mt.
    • I n Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes.
    • H uman hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.
    • C hina is the fourth largest producer of gas and oil in the world.
    • S even percent of the population are lefties.
    • C ockroaches can live for 9 days after their head has been cut off.
    • M ost lipstick is partially made of fish scales. .
    • B abies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
  • 2. Dealing With Difficult People
  • 3.
    • Name
    • Organization
    • Biggest challenge
    • What it would mean to overcome this
    • Greatest strength
  • 4. Definitions
    • Conflict:
    • A disagreement or clash between ideas, principles, or people
    • Collaboration:
            • A working together; the act of working together with one or more people in order to achieve something
  • 5.  
  • 6. A Process for Driving Collaboration Evaluation Identifying and assessing results 9 Conflict or Issue Option Overview 5 Follow-up Monitoring Implementation 8 Implementation Putting solutions into action 7 Collaboration 6 Goal Definition Picturing the Should Be 1 Fact Finding Searching for +/- facts 2 Issue Definition Prioritizing Problems 3 Collaboration Request 4
  • 7. Characteristics of Successful Team Collaboration
    • Timely involvement
    • Availability of resources
    • Defined plan based on sharing of information
    • Culture that encourages cooperation and collaboration
    • Effective teamwork and team member cooperation
    • Shared values
  • 8. Collaboration Opportunities Issue Expertise Creativity & Innovation Experience With Issue People Power Values Check Additional Resources Skills Perspective
  • 9. Commitment to Collaborate on a Conflict Issue
    • Conflict issue
    • Collaborative support needed
    • Goal definition
    • Plan of action
    • My personal commitment to the collaboration
  • 10. The Peacemaking Pyramid Correct Dealing with things that are going wrong Helping things go right Get out of the box / Obtain a heart of peace Teach & Communicate Listen & Learn Build the Relationship Build Relationships With Others Who Have Influence
  • 11. The Choice Diagram Sense / Desire Seeing people as people with needs, cares, worries, fears that matter like mine Choice Honour the Sense I continue to see them as a person like myself Betray the Sense See others in ways that justify self betrayal. They become an object of blame My Heart Goes To War (Better-than, I-Deserve, Worse-than, Must-be-seen-as) View of Myself View of Other Feelings View of World
  • 12. The Collusion Diagram I See They See I Do They do Allies Allies The Anatomy of Peace The Arbinger Institute
  • 13. “ Better Than” Way of Seeing A heart at war needs enemies to justify it’s existence. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it needs peace. View of Myself Superior Important Virtuous / Right View of Others Inferior Incapable / Irrelevant False / Wrong Feelings Impatient Disdainful Indifferent View of World Competitive Troubled Needs Me
  • 14. “ I-Deserve” Way of Seeing View of Myself Meritorious Mistreated / Victim Unappreciated View of Others Mistaken Mistreating Ungrateful Feelings Entitled Deprived Resentful View of World Unfair Unjust Owes Me
  • 15. “ Must Be Seen As” Way of Seeing View of Myself Need to be well thought of Fake View of Others Judgemental Threatening My Audience Feelings Anxious / Afraid Needy / Stressed Overwhelmed View of World Dangerous Watching Judging me
  • 16. “ Worse Than” Way of Seeing View of Myself Not as good Broken / Deficient Fated View of Others Advantaged Privileged Blessed Feelings Helpless Jealous / Bitter Depressed View of World Hard / Difficult Against me Ignoring me
  • 17. Recovering Inner Clarity and Peace
    • Look for signs of Blame, Justification, Horribilization, Ego, etc.
    • Find an out-of-the-box place
    • Ponder the situation anew (from the out-of-the-box place)
    • Act upon what you have discovered; do what you are feeling you should do.
  • 18. Questions for Clarity
    • What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens and pains?
    • How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials , burdens and pains?
    • In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group?
    • In what ways are my self justification habits obscuring the truth and interfering with potential solutions?
    • What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to help?
  • 19. Conflict Reaction Profile Passive Assertive Aggressive
  • 20. What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Responding Effectively in Impromptu Situations
  • 21. Cushion Cushion Your Response Avoid Using I hear you saying … I understand you said… I appreciate your view on … That’s an interesting point of view … But … However … Nevertheless …
  • 22. Evidence Demonstrations D E F E A T S Examples Facts Exhibits Analogies Testimonials Statistics Doubt
  • 23. Disagree Agreeably What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Cushion
  • 24.
    • Begin with nothing. Eliminate: - Prejudice - Emotions - Concepts - Opinions
    • Listen “To” the other person instead of listening “For” something.
    • Avoid replacing their reality with your own.
    • Resist the temptation to compare their words with your own experiences.
    How to Listen Effectively
  • 25.
    • Ask questions for clarification, not just to ask questions.
    • You don’t have to respond while the other person is talking.
    • Picture what the other person is saying and summarize when the person has finished.
    • Picture what “it” is, not what you assume “it” is.
    • Your goal is to understand the person’s reality
    Listening (cont.)
  • 26. The Conflict Cycle Event Interpretation Emotional Response Physical Response Attitude Response Effect
  • 27. Conflict Response Scale Avoid Win-Win Approach Dictate Oblige Compromise Stand Our Ground Collaborate
  • 28. Sources of Conflict P R I D E Process Interpersonal Direction Roles External Pressures
  • 29. Conflict Resolution Plan Specific conflict People involved Plan of Action Results expected Accountability Partner
  • 30. The Risk of Anger
    • Damaging trust
    • Impairing judgement
    • Diminishing concern for the other parties’ preferences
    • Neglecting of one’s own goals
  • 31. Destructive Emotional Expressions
    • Blaming
    • Attacking the other person
    • Repressing it as long as we can
  • 32. Healthy Emotional Expressions
    • Name the accurate emotion
    • Nonjudgmental
    • Express in direct, straightforward manner
    • Doesn’t blame or attack the other person
    • Conveys that others do not cause our feelings
  • 33. You are simply guiding the other person through the uncharted territory of current reality.
  • 34. Workplace Negativity
    • How does it show?
    • What are the causes?
    • What are the possible solutions?
  • 35. HTWF Principles
    • Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
    • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
    • Arouse in the other person an eager want.
    • Become genuinely interested in other people.
    • Smile.
    • Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  • 36. HTWF Principles
    • Be a good listener.
    • Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
    • Make the other person feel important - and do in sincerely.
  • 37. Gain Willing Cooperation
    • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
    • Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "you're wrong.”
    • If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
    • Begin in a friendly way.
    • Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
  • 38. Gain Willing Cooperation
    • Let the other person do a great deal of talking.
    • Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
    • Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
    • Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
    • Appeal to their nobler motives.
  • 39. Gain Willing Cooperation
    • Dramatize your ideas.
    • Throw down a challenge.
  • 40.
    • What assumptions am I making that I’m not aware that I’m making that’s giving me my current results?
    • What can I now invent or create, that I have not yet invented, that will give me more choices?
    Being a “Breath of Fresh Air”
  • 41.
    • Name the Issue. 
    • Select a specific example that illustrates the behaviour or situation you want to change. 
    • Describe your emotions about this issue. 
    • Clarify what is at stake. 
    • Identify your contribution to the problem. 
    Having Difficult Conversations
  • 42.
    • Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. 
    • Invite your partner to respond. 
    • Inquire into your partner’s views. 
    • Where are we now? What have we learned? 
    • Make an agreement and determine how you will hold each other responsible for keeping it.
    Difficult Conversations (cont.)
  • 43.
    • Write down your feelings
    • Share your feelings with someone you trust
    • Count to ten
    • Listen to music
    • Take a break
    Principles for Maintaining Emotional Control
  • 44. Talk Through the Issue
    • Stop and cool off.
    • Talk and listen to each other.
    • Find out what you both need.
    • Brainstorm solutions.
    • Choose the idea you both like best.
    • Make a plan and go for it!
  • 45. Charting Conflict-Based Barriers Barrier? Who owns this? What’s in the way? When did this begin? Impact? How should we address it? Why is this happening?
  • 46. Building Trust through Conflict
    • Adapt
    • Keep relationship warm
    • Listen to values
    • Act on what we hear
    • Follow up
    • Be willing to change
  • 47. Turning Barriers into Opportunities
    • Positive vs. negative self-talk
    • Choose your battles
    • Focus on what we can vs. can’t change
    • Focus on potential ROI
  • 48.
    • Go the extra mile.
    • Be flexible.
    • See things from the other person’s point of view.
    • Be empathetic.
    Maintaining Positive Conflict Resolution Strategies
  • 49. Problem Solving Questions
    • 1. What is the issue?
    • 2. What is the root cause?
    • 3. What are the possible solutions?
    • 4. What is the best solution?
    • 5. What is the 1 st action I will take?
  • 50. Summary of Tactics
    • Have a positive attitude
    • Meet on mutual ground
    • Clearly define and agree on the issue
    • Do your homework
    • Take an honest inventory of yourself
    • Look for shared interest
  • 51. Summary of Tactics
    • Deal with facts, not emotions
    • Be Honest
    • Present alternatives and provide evidence
    • Be an expert communicator
    • End on a good note
    • Enjoy the process