Welcome to How To Handle Difficult People

Welcome to

How To Handle Difficult People

Welcome!!!!

Welcome to How To Handle Difficult People

Welcome to

How To Handle Difficult People

Reasons for Learning the Skill of Dealing with Difficult People Keeps you from going crazy Separates the people from the problem Assists in accomplishing objectives Increase ministry effectiveness Forces you to practice self-discipline

Keeps you from going crazy

Separates the people from the problem

Assists in accomplishing objectives

Increase ministry effectiveness

Forces you to practice self-discipline

What Makes a Person “Difficult”? They are a bottleneck to the productivity in the congregation Constant complaining about everything No concern for others feelings They do not live out the Great Commandment When people interrupt your conversation DD 0703 2of29

What Are Some Challenging Behaviors? Blaming Manipulating Interrupting Sarcastic Excuse-making Controlling Criticizing Yelling Complaining Gossiping Murmuring Passive Aggressive

Biblical Model to Handle Conflict "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

2 Corinthians 12:20 20For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarrelling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

20For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarrelling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

Staying Calm Breathe In through the nose – out through the mouth Pace Depth Relax Jaws Neck Body Maintain Healthy Attitude Nondefensive Confident, not arogant Don’t take yourself to seriously Repeat coping statements

Breathe

In through the nose – out through the mouth

Pace

Depth

Relax

Jaws

Neck

Body

Maintain Healthy Attitude

Nondefensive

Confident, not arogant

Don’t take yourself to seriously

Repeat coping statements

Dealing with your emotions in difficult situations F E A R ace the conflict/difficult people xpect the best results ssess the situation eact appropriately

F

E

A

R

10 Myths About Anger Getting angry is the only way to get things done It’s only natural to respond that way Strongly confronting an angry person will back them down Intimidation wins respect Verbal or physical venting will have lasting calming effects Anger is a bad emotion There is only one way to deal with anger Anger can’t be helped (it is just the way I am) Not getting angry means they got away with it. Ignore it and it will go away

Getting angry is the only way to get things done

It’s only natural to respond that way

Strongly confronting an angry person will back them down

Intimidation wins respect

Verbal or physical venting will have lasting calming effects

Anger is a bad emotion

There is only one way to deal with anger

Anger can’t be helped (it is just the way I am)

Not getting angry means they got away with it.

Ignore it and it will go away

What Are Some Challenging Behaviors? Blaming Manipulating Interrupting Sarcastic Excuse-making Yelling Criticizing One-upmanship Complaining Gossiping Murmuring Passive Aggressive

Identify Your Personal Communication Style and Understand Others Task Focus Passive Aggressive People Focus Get It Right Get It Done Get Along Get Appreciated

Task Focus

Passive Aggressive

People Focus

Get It Right Strengths Accurate Fact finder Precise Organized

Strengths

Accurate

Fact finder

Precise

Organized

Get It Right Weaknesses Stubborn Boring Unimaginative Change stifler

Weaknesses

Stubborn

Boring

Unimaginative

Change stifler

Get It Right Effective Behaviors Know your stuff Schedule time – make an appointment Use facts, logic, and structure Proceed step-by-step

Effective Behaviors

Know your stuff

Schedule time – make an appointment

Use facts, logic, and structure

Proceed step-by-step

Get It Done Strengths Decisive Gets things done Confident

Strengths

Decisive

Gets things done

Confident

Get It Done Weaknesses Intimidates Alienates people Uses force instead of cooperation

Weaknesses

Intimidates

Alienates people

Uses force instead of cooperation

Get It Done Effective Behaviors Get to the point Approach businesslike Be task-oriented Understand and support their goals

Effective Behaviors

Get to the point

Approach businesslike

Be task-oriented

Understand and support their goals

Get Appreciated Strengths People-oriented Persuasive Verbal skills Optimistic

Strengths

People-oriented

Persuasive

Verbal skills

Optimistic

Get Appreciated Weaknesses Egotistical Lacks follow-through Flaky Disorganized

Weaknesses

Egotistical

Lacks follow-through

Flaky

Disorganized

Get Appreciated Effective Behaviors Use flexibility Be enthusiastic Let them talk Use demonstrations

Effective Behaviors

Use flexibility

Be enthusiastic

Let them talk

Use demonstrations

Get Along Strengths Likeable Loyal Team Player Patient

Strengths

Likeable

Loyal

Team Player

Patient

Get Along Weaknesses Indecisive Wasted time Overly emotional Illogical decisions

Weaknesses

Indecisive

Wasted time

Overly emotional

Illogical decisions

Get Along Effective Behaviors Be casual and sincere Slow down and listen Make honesty safe Set goals Build them up

Effective Behaviors

Be casual and sincere

Slow down and listen

Make honesty safe

Set goals

Build them up

Identify Your Personal Communication Style and Understand Others Task Focus Passive Aggressive People Focus Get It Right Get It Done Get Along Get Appreciated

Task Focus

Passive Aggressive

People Focus

Gain More Power With Difficult People Pacing Backtracking Clarifying

Pacing

Backtracking

Clarifying

Is It Worth Salvaging? DD 0703 26of29 Pros Cons

Conflict Management Strategies Collaborate Compete Compromise Avoid Accommodate

Tips for Managing Conflict Deal with conflict in a timely manner If possible, keep information about the conflict confidential Take responsibility for personal change Focus on problem solving

Deal with conflict in a timely manner

If possible, keep information about the conflict confidential

Take responsibility for personal change

Focus on problem solving

True insanity is continuing to do what we have always done and expecting a different outcome. Freud

True insanity is continuing to do what we have always done and expecting a different outcome.

Freud