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Joke 1

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Published in: Lifestyle, Spiritual

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  • 1. JOKE 1JOKE 1
  • 2. Two women were outTwo women were out for a Saturday stroll.for a Saturday stroll. One had a DobermanOne had a Doberman and the other, aand the other, a Chihuahua.Chihuahua.
  • 3. As they walked down the street, the oneAs they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend,with the Doberman said to her friend, 'Let's go over to that bar for a drink.‘'Let's go over to that bar for a drink.‘ The lady with the Chihuahua said, 'WeThe lady with the Chihuahua said, 'We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.'can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.' The one with the Doberman said, 'JustThe one with the Doberman said, 'Just watch, and do as I do.'watch, and do as I do.'
  • 4. They walked over to the bar and the one with theThey walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses andDoberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said,started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, 'Sorry, lady, no pets allowed''Sorry, lady, no pets allowed' The woman with the Doberman said, 'You don'tThe woman with the Doberman said, 'You don't understand. This is my guide dog.'understand. This is my guide dog.' The bouncer said, 'A Doberman?'The bouncer said, 'A Doberman?' The woman said, 'Yes, they're using them now.The woman said, 'Yes, they're using them now. They're very good.'They're very good.' The bouncer said, 'OK, come on in.'The bouncer said, 'OK, come on in.'
  • 5. The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincingThe lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a guide dog may be a bithim that a Chihuahua was a guide dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, 'What the heck,' so she putmore difficult, but thought, 'What the heck,' so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, 'Sorry, lady, no petsOnce again the bouncer said, 'Sorry, lady, no pets allowed.'allowed.' The woman said, 'You don't understand. This is myThe woman said, 'You don't understand. This is my guide dog'guide dog' The bouncer said, 'A Chihuahua?'The bouncer said, 'A Chihuahua?'
  • 6. The woman with theThe woman with the Chihuahua said,Chihuahua said, 'A Chihuahua!'A Chihuahua! They gave me aThey gave me a fucking Chihuahua??fucking Chihuahua??
  • 7. JOKE 2JOKE 2
  • 8. A nice, calm and respectable lady went intoA nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,and said, 'I wouldlooked straight into his eyes,and said, 'I would like to buylike to buy some cyanide.'some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world doThe pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison myThe lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'husband.'
  • 9. The pharmacist's eyes got big and heThe pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can'texclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll loseThat's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us inmy license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things willjail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! Youhappen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'CANNOT have any cyanide!'
  • 10. The lady reached into herThe lady reached into her purse and pulled out apurse and pulled out a picture of her husband inpicture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist'sbed with the pharmacist's wife.wife. The pharmacist looked atThe pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell medifferent. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'you had a prescription.'
  • 11. JOKE 3JOKE 3
  • 12. A lady goes to her priest one day and tellsA lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. We havehim, 'Father, I have a problem. We have two female parrots, but they only knowtwo female parrots, but they only know how to say onehow to say one thing.'thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest inquired.'What do they say?' the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you wantThey say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'to have some fun?'
  • 13. That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then heThat's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrotsyour problem. I have two male talking parrots which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, andBring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis andwe'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots toPeter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure topraise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in nostop saying that phrase in no time.'time.'
  • 14. Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this mayThank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'very well be the solution.' The next day, She brought her female parrotsThe next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, sheto the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside theirsaw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over andImpressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a fewplaced her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have someHi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'fun?'
  • 15. There was stunned silence.There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot lookedShocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot andover at the other male parrot and exclaimed,exclaimed, 'Put the beads away,'Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers haveFrank. Our prayers have been answered!'been answered!'