Abuse and violence

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Discussion about types of abuse, domestic violence, abused wives, and its management

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Abuse and violence

  1. 1. ABUSE ANDABUSE AND VIOLENCEVIOLENCE Pamela M. Veroy RN, MAN You may not know it; you may not feel it; you thought it is a way of love expression, until it consumes you .
  2. 2. Domestic AbuseDomestic Abuse Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” He or she uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and gain complete power over you. He or she may threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.
  3. 3. Victims of domestic abuseVictims of domestic abuse This abuse happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. Except for the gender difference, domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior.
  4. 4. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice madeIn fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuserby the abuser in order to take control overin order to take control over his wife or partner.his wife or partner.
  5. 5. Violent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves. If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical.
  6. 6. Violent Behavior is an Abuser's ChoiceViolent Behavior is an Abuser's Choice If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so. The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.
  7. 7. Diagram of Violent AbuserDiagram of Violent Abuser
  8. 8. Abusers use the following tactics toAbusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:exert power over their wives or partners: Dominance Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
  9. 9. Humiliation  An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
  10. 10. Isolation In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. (Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN)
  11. 11. It can make you fall down withIt can make you fall down with your self-esteem.your self-esteem.
  12. 12. Threats Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
  13. 13. Always feels threatened….Always feels threatened….
  14. 14. Intimidation Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
  15. 15. Denial and blame Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.
  16. 16. Cycle of violence  1. Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss." 2. Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences. 3. Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself.
  17. 17. Cycle of violenceCycle of violence  4. "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.  5. Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.  6. Set-up — The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.
  18. 18. Diagram in Cycle of ViolenceDiagram in Cycle of Violence
  19. 19. Signs of an abusive relationship Answer the questions;The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship. Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? feel emotionally numb or helpless?
  20. 20. Signs of an abusive relationshipSigns of an abusive relationship Does your partner: humiliate, criticize, or yell at you? treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? blame you for his own abusive behavior? see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
  21. 21. Signs of an abusive relationshipSigns of an abusive relationship Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? threaten to take your children away or harm them? threaten to commit suicide if you leave? force you to have sex? destroy your belongings?
  22. 22. Signs of an abusive relationshipSigns of an abusive relationship Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? control where you go or what you do? keep you from seeing your friends or family? limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? constantly check up on you?
  23. 23. Types of domestic violence and abuse There are different types of domestic abuse, including emotional, physical, sexual, and economic abuse.  Many abusers behave in ways that include more than one type of domestic abuse, and the boundaries between some of these behaviors may overlap.
  24. 24. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence. emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.
  25. 25. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. There’s a broad range of behaviors that come under the heading of physical abuse, including hitting, grabbing, choking, throwing things, and assault with a weapon. Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.
  26. 26. Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship. Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.
  27. 27. Economic of financial abuse includes: Controlling the finances. Withholding money or credit cards. Giving you an allowance. Making you account for every penny you spend. Stealing from you or taking your money. Exploiting your assets for personal gain. Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter). Preventing you from working or choosing your own career. Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
  28. 28. Domestic violence warning signs  Frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”  Frequent and sudden absences from work or school  Frequent, harassing phone calls from the partner  Fear of the partner, references to the partner's anger  Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)  Excessive fear of conflict  Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness  Isolation from friends and family  Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car)  Depression, crying, low self-esteem
  29. 29. Reporting suspected domestic abuse is important. If you're afraid of getting involved, remember that the report is confidential and everything possible will be done to protect your privacy. You don’t have to give your name, and your suspicions will be investigated before anyone is taken into custody. Most important, you can protect the victim from further harm by calling for help.
  30. 30. Protecting yourself from domestic violence If you live with someone who abuses you or if someone is stalking you, you need to take immediate measures to protect yourself. You’re in extra danger if your abuser or stalker talks about murder or suicide. You’re also in particular danger if you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship. Because of the risk of being seriously hurt or killed when leaving an abusive relationship, it’s important to develop a safe plan for departure.
  31. 31. Escaped abused wives….Escaped abused wives….
  32. 32. Domestic Violence Escape Kit Pack a survival kit. ◦ Money for cab fare ◦ A change of clothes ◦ Extra house and car keys ◦ Birth certificates ◦ Driver’s license or passport ◦ Medications and copies of prescriptions ◦ Insurance information ◦ Checkbook ◦ Credit cards ◦ Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders ◦ Address books ◦ Valuable jewelry ◦ Papers that show jointly owned assets Conceal it in the home or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. Important papers can also be left in a bank deposit box.
  33. 33. Know your abuser’s red flags.Know your abuser’s red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Identify safe areas of the house. Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen).  If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.
  34. 34. Know your abuser’s red flags.Know your abuser’s red flags. Be prepared to leave at a moment’s notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend’s house, for example).
  35. 35. Know your abuser’s red flags.Know your abuser’s red flags. Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also. Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co- workers know that you’re in danger and the police should be called.
  36. 36. Know your abuser’s red flags.Know your abuser’s red flags. Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline. Keep change and cash on you at all times. Know where the nearest public phone is located, and have change available so you can use it in an emergency situation to call for help. Also try to keep cash on hand for cab fare.
  37. 37. Know your abuser’s red flags.Know your abuser’s red flags. Additionally, to keep yourself safe from domestic abuse and violence; you should document all abuse. If you’ve been injured, take photographs. If you have been abused in front of others, ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Finally, don’t hesitate to call the police if your abuser has hurt you or broken the law.  Contact the police even if you just think your abuser might have broken a law. Assaulting you, stealing from you, and destroying your property are all crimes.
  38. 38. Protecting Your Children From Domestic Violence and Abuse  Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help.  Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give your address and phone number to the police.  Teach them who to call for help.  Tell them to stay out of the kitchen.  Give school officials a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser.  Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser.  Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to anyone.
  39. 39. You realized you don’t have aYou realized you don’t have a family of your own….family of your own….

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