AltMBA | Week 6 www.alt-mba.com Presented by: Saba Long on @oldam

Stakes are high Opinions vary Emotions are strong Why crucial conversations are DIFFICULT

How do I react when… My project manager never values my input. Employee My daughter is showing signs of withdrawal. Father |Mother My spouse doesn’t understand. I’m working these long hours to build a future for us. Husband |Wife

Start with heart. What do I really want here?

Start with heart.

What do I really want here?

Listen , I think we need to focus on quality. Here, let me talk you through this. We’re acting as a team to create a human column. Wow, he read my mind. You’re right. That is an easier way to do it! My role really makes a difference. Creating mutual respect

Creating Safe Conditions

Unsafe Conditions

Path to Action Louis makes all the points, meets privately with boss Lack of trust; thinks I’m weak. Hurt; worried; unimportant Silence; cheap shots; childlike Maria and Louis just reviewed a proposal draft with their boss. Instead of jointly presenting the project, Louis takes over the presentation and goes over all of the talking points he and Maria came up (leaving Maria with no additional value to add). She begins to feel humiliated and angry. To make matters worse, Louis took their suggestions to their boss once before. In retaliation, Maria begins giving him the silent treatment and when she does say something, it’s usually a snide remark. Louis is confused and beginning to get annoyed with Maria’s behavior.

S hare your facts : Why? Facts are least controversial, most persuasive, least insulting T ell your story : Look for safety problems Use contrasting A sks for others’ paths : The goal is to learn, not to be right T alk Tentatively : Soften the message (use confidence & humility) “ I’m starting to feel like you don’t trust me. If so, I’d like to know what I did to lose your trust. E ncourage Testing : Invite opposing views. Mean it. Play devil’s advocate.

S hare your facts :

Why? Facts are least controversial, most persuasive, least insulting

T ell your story :

Look for safety problems

Use contrasting

A sks for others’ paths :

The goal is to learn, not to be right

T alk Tentatively :

Soften the message (use confidence & humility)

“ I’m starting to feel like you don’t trust me. If so, I’d like to know what I did to lose your trust.

E ncourage Testing :

Invite opposing views. Mean it. Play devil’s advocate.

“ If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” -Abraham Maslow

Power listening tools : use AMPP to get things rolling “ What’s going on?” “ Please let me know if you see things differently” “ I’d like to hear your opinion on this.” to confirm feelings “ You say you’re okay, but the tone of your voice tells me you seem upset.” “ Your body language tells me you are feeling threatened.” to acknowledge your story “ I am trying to understand you. Let’s see if I’ve got this right. You’re upset because I did not include your feedback into the final presentation …” when you’re getting nowhere “ Do you think I did it to upset you?” Take risk. Build faith. Become vulnerable. Build safety.

to get things rolling

“ What’s going on?”

“ Please let me know if you see things differently”

“ I’d like to hear your opinion on this.”

to confirm feelings

“ You say you’re okay, but the tone of your voice tells me you seem upset.”

“ Your body language tells me you are feeling threatened.”

to acknowledge your story

“ I am trying to understand you.

Let’s see if I’ve got this right. You’re upset because I did not include your feedback into the final presentation …”

when you’re getting nowhere

“ Do you think I did it to upset you?”

Take risk. Build faith. Become vulnerable. Build safety.

Where do I stand in ? Take the test .

When the stakes are high,