Peaceful conflict resolution part 2 peace foundation
What does this represent for you?
AngerWin/lose attitudeMaintain fixed positionsViolence (physical,verbal or emotional)AccusationsBlame
Why don’t you.... You.......! You’re an... If you … I You’rewouldn’t be always.... in this situation! You need to...
Empathetic listening Win/win attitude Consider needs of both partiesUnderstanding another point of viewProblem solving approach Looking at the options Using “I” statements
Ways of Dealing with ConflictDestructive ConstructiveAnger Empathetic listeningWin/lose attitude Win/win attitudeMaintain fixed positions Consider needs of both partiesViolence Understanding another point of viewBlame Problem solving approachAccusations Looking at the options“You” statements “I” StatementsCOSTS BENEFITS
ConflictCosts: (Destructive) Benefits: (Constructive)Damages relationships Enhances relationshipsPhysical, emotional and Creates an environment formental damage self-growth and achievementPrevents individual and Enables individual and groupgroup goals being achieved achievement of goalsWastes time and money Enables peaceful resolution of problemsDamages self esteem Enhances self esteemLimits personal potential Fosters the development of personal potential
CONFLICTAny situation in which your concerns or desires differ from those of anotherperson i.e. a disagreement between two or more people.Conflict is neither good nor bad.It is a normal part of life.Conflict happens when your NEEDS are different from the NEEDS of somebody else.VIOLENCEWhen you force yourself over another person and cause harm to get your way.A violent act can be physical, verbal or emotional.Violence is NOT THE SAME as conflict.Violence is a negative way of dealing with conflict
Active Listening ExercisePairs – Decide who A and B are in the pairA = Storyteller B = Active listenerA = Tell story about something good that has happened to you lately or a problem you haveB = Listen to A’s story then reflect back in your own words what happened and how A was feeling.Change roles … A = Active Listener B = StorytellerRepeat process.
The Key to Effective Communication Remembering that communication is: 60% Body Language 30% Tone of Voice 10% Words
Building RapportAuditoryMatch voice speed, volume, tone,and word choiceVisualMatch gestures and posture
“God gave us two ears and only one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we speak”
Pair Share:Find out from your partner:How they handle conflict at home …
Responses to Conflict (Approach Options)The choices you have when facing a conflict or problem with someone. (Adapted from The Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument - TKI)
TurtleDenial, avoid, withdrawal, lose/lose situation “I’ll think about it tomorrow” • Stop talking, punish with silence • Walking away – letting people ‘cool down’ • Allowing others ownership • Can become resentful
Teddy BearSuppression, accommodating, lose/win situation “It would be my pleasure” • Act as though nothing is the matter • Peace keepers – like to preserve harmony and peacefulness • Often say “yes” to preserve the relationship – creating goodwill • Stay cheerful, but refuse to talk about the problem - retreating • Often cross with yourself afterwards (suppressed feelings of anger and frustration)
SharkAssertive, power, in control, aggressive, win/lose situation “My way or the highway" • Taking quick action • Challenging - standing up for vital issues • Refusing to take NO for an answer • Shouting them down • Protecting yourself • Laying down the law (making unpopular decisions)
FoxCompromising, negotiating, win some/lose some situation “Let’s make a deal” • Do what’s fair • I’ll give if you give – trade off • “Split the difference” to keep a friendship • Gain something for yourself • Creating temporary solutions
OwlCollaborative, co-operative, working with, problem solving, win/win situation “Two heads are better than one” • I want to win and I want you to win too • I will state my feelings and needs and listen to yours too • Ability to listen, understand and empathise • Brainstorming ideas together to seek mutually acceptable solutions • Non-threatening communication
Turtle – Denial, avoid, withdrawal, silenttreatment, lose-lose, “I’ll think about it tomorrow”Teddy Bear - Suppression, accommodating,lose win, “It would be my pleasure”Shark – Aggressive, power and control,win-lose, “My way or the highway”Fox – Compromising, trade-off, win some –lose some, “Let’s make a deal” Owl – Co-operative problem solving – win-win “Two heads are better than one”
Influencing Factors…Who the conflict is withWhat the conflict is aboutWhen the conflict occursWhere the conflict happens
OWLS in ACTION …Mediation – a constructive choice to help resolve conflict The Cool Schools Peer Mediation Programme Training DVDs Primary/Intermediate/Secondary