A young girl married six months ago, comes seeking divorce. Her husband wants her to be a traditional Indian woman in welcoming him home every evening when he comes back from office and be his dance partner in the discotheque on Saturday evenings. She wants him to equally share all responsibilities and duties of the family and not give any opinion on anything that is personal to her. Basically modern couples want to live like room-mates in a family, yet want the other to shower all the love when they need and stay away when not needed, an extremely complicated agreement, I guess. I can understand to an extent if the differences are on larger issues like whether she should pursue a career or not, but most of the divorces are on issues that could be solved easily instead of blowing up. Unfortunately they choose the latter and at this rate the day is not far off when people will laugh at couples who live with the same spouse for years!
Yes, divorce is a hope for a bride who suffers ill-treatment and harassment in her marriage and when there is zero compatibility. But, of late tolerance levels amongst the couples being low, greater expectations from the other partner, hindrance in achieving self-goals and ambitions are all becoming reasons for more and more divorces.
Of course there is media influence. Movies show girl and boy coming together in life after facing opposition from parents, but begin to face problems after wedding. They dance around trees while they are in love before wedding. But after the wedding, along with the tree and dance, love too vanishes. Peers too are a huge influence on teenagers and if one youngster believes in "living-in" and thinks marriage is an unnecessary commitment, there is a following.
But beyond all this, a mother is the greatest influence on her child's future and her married life has a huge bearing on the way her children look at marriage. If a child, as little one, listens to the mother about happy incidents in the family, if the child experiences enough happy moments in the family, if the child sees the parents respect each other beyond their differences, as she grows, she would develop faith in the institution of marriage, irrespective of what the outside world teaches her.
Some young girls don’t want to get entangled in marriage because of the bitter experiences in their parents’ marriage. Though both father and mother have an equal role in keeping the marriage going, influence of the mother on the child is far greater. For this, more than the advices, today’s children, who have a high sense of reasoning, need to see the mother living a life of happiness and purpose. A mother thinks she has to sacrifice her happiness to see her children happy, whereas actually, only if she is happy do the children feel happy.
As mothers, we have the requisite life experiences to be a source of inspiration and guidance to them. Complaining leads us nowhere. Mothers should take charge of correcting the situation. Moms should resolve to keep happiness a constant in life. Courtesy: Frozen Thoughts: September 2009- page 64