Family Discipleship


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Family Matters Conference
Pastor Larry John Sy

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Family Discipleship

  1. 1. Teaching the family to observe the things Christ taught
  2. 2. “And these words, which I amcommanding you today, shall be on yourheart; and you shall teach themdiligently to your sons and shall talk ofthem when you sit in your house andwhen you walk by the way and when youlie down and when you rise up” (Deu 6:6-7 NAS)
  3. 3. “Children, obey your parents in theLord, for this is right. Honor your fatherand mother (which is the firstcommandment with a promise),that it may be well with you, and thatyou may live long on the earth.And, fathers, do not provoke yourchildren to anger; but bring them up inthe discipline and instruction of theLord.” (Eph 6:1-4 NAS)
  4. 4.  Children are a gift (heritage) of the Lord (Psalm 127:3). They are to be brought up according to the directives of God’s Word (based on Psa. 19:7- 11; 2 Tim. 3:14-17) and not according to the arbitrary decisions of parents or the philosophies of man (Prov. 3:5, 16:2; 1 Cor. 3:18-20).
  5. 5.  Parents are to train up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Deu. 4:9; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4). Children are to honor and obey their parents in the Lord, because this is right and is pleasing to the Lord (Deu. 5:16; Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20).
  6. 6.  God can and does cause all things to work together for good to those who belong to Him and love Him. No one else, not even your children or your parents, can prevent His work in your life (based on Romans 8:28-29; Phil. 1:6).
  7. 7.  As you study and follow God’s Word for your life and the training of your children (based on Ecc. 12:13-14; 2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16-17) and decisively put off any reliance on yourself, your background, or your upbringing (Prov. 3:5, 14:12, 28:26a; 1 Cor. 3:20), you will gain the wisdom and direction that you need to be a godly parent (based on Prov. 3:5-6, 15:33; James 1:25).
  8. 8.  Children, when you put off disobedience, stubbornness, and rebellion (based on Deu. 21:18-21; Romans 1:28-32, esp. verse 30; 2:5-11; 2 Timothy 3:1-5, esp. verse 2; Titus 1:6) and put on honor and obedience to the Lord and your parents (Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20), God will bless you (Eph. 6:2-3). Heed (take seriously) your parents’ instruction and discipline, that you may be wise (based on Prov. 13:1, 19:20, 23:19).
  9. 9. Rearing your children the world’s way
  10. 10.  the exaltation of self and the importance of emotions in regard to both parents and children. you must bring up your children to have a “good self-image” and that you and your children must “get in touch” with your feelings (which often means to live by your emotions).
  11. 11. 1. Parents are deficient in “parenting” skills;2. Parents lack “conflict-resolution” skills;3. Parents did not receive love and “proper role models” from their own mother and father and so are unable to love and bring up their own children;
  12. 12. 4. Parents who verbally and physically abuse their children try to trace and blame their actions back to their own parents, who verbally and physically abused them as children;5. A parent doesn’t receive “support” from the other parent for decisions that affect their children;6. A single parent who is divorced doesn’t have enough help to bring up children properly;
  13. 13. 8. Parents may have a child who will not respect them, no matter what;9. Parents today just don’t have the “quality” time necessary to rear children effectively;10. Parents don’t understand all the “pressures” placed on children and youth today; and11. Parents fail because they have a “poor self- image” themselves.
  14. 14. 1. Their parents are inadequate;2. Their “home atmosphere” isn’t “free enough” for self-expression;3. They have inherited “personality problems;”4. They lack financial, educational, or social advantages;
  15. 15. 5. They are overwhelmed by “peer pressure”;6. They can’t be expected to understand the reasons for obedience and are often too young to be responsible for their behavior;7. Their “family tree” has a history of drug or alcohol abuse (“chemical dependency”); and8. They have a poor “self-image.”
  16. 16. A. Solutions given to parents:1. Read books and attend parenting seminars;2. Do not place restrictive guidelines on your children but, instead, allow your children to learn from their own mistakes and experiences;3. Receive therapy or psychological counseling to deal with the lack of love shown by your own parents;
  17. 17. 4. Find someone to listen to the problems associated with your spouse and children;5. Get a divorce from an uncooperative spouse; then, if possible, marry someone else who will help bring up the children;6. Find someone to give you “moral support;”7. Get away from the children and take time for yourself;8. No matter what, do not harm your children’s “self-concept;”
  18. 18. 9. Never moralize; be careful how soon you bring up God’s standards so that you don’t “beat your children over the head” with the Bible;10. Let children do what they want, since they will do what they feel like doing anyway; and11. Join a support or therapy group for parents who have similar problems.
  19. 19. B. Solutions given to children:1. Find an adult to be your “parent- substitute;”2. Outwardly be nice, but do what you want anyway, since only you can decide what is best for you;3. Ignore your parents;4. Leave home if your parents are too restrictive;5. Accept the “fact” that you will probably have the same problems as your parents;
  20. 20. 6. Be more aggressive in expressing to your parents exactly how you feel and give them only the respect they have earned;7. Write how you feel in a journal and develop your own fantasy life to escape your parents’ lack of understanding;8. Remind parents of their own failures to prove to them that they cannot “moralize” to you;9. Improve your “self-image” by excelling in some area or achieving a goal;
  21. 21. 10. Focus on your own development and learn “to be your own person;” and11. Join a support or therapy group for young people just like yourself.
  22. 22. A. Unbiblical “advice” or “counsel” given to parents:1. You have to learn parenting from people who have had the same experiences as you, since they are the only ones who can truly understand your struggles (disregards Proverbs 14:12; Romans 15:14).
  23. 23. 2. Teach your children to trust you and rely on you first; then teach them to rely on the Lord. It is essential to gain their trust before they can trust God (disregards Proverbs 3:5-6).3. Don’t constantly use the Bible when you talk to your children about their lives. Using Scripture too much might cause them to resent the Bible (disregards Deut. 6:5-9; Psalm 19:7-11; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).
  24. 24. 4. When it comes to rearing children, you really only need good common sense (disregards Proverbs 14:12; Jeremiah 17:9).5. If your children are disobedient to your rules, punish them severely. Let them know they cannot get away with breaking your rules (disregards Ephesians 6:4).
  25. 25. 6. You are the role model of the Lord for your children. The way your children view you as parents will be the way they view God (disregards Matt. 11:27; John 14:9; 2 Cor. 4:3-6; Col. 1:15; Hebrews 1:1-3, esp. verse 3a).7. All children will do wild and foolish things in their young age. It is a phase they must go through; but don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it (disregards Proverbs 19:18, 20:11).
  26. 26. B. Unbiblical “advice” or “counsel” given to children:1. You are the master of your own destiny because of the potential within you. No one, not even your parents, has any right to dictate to you (disregards Prov. 16:18; Isa. 64:6; 1 Cor. 10:12).2. God wants you to feel good about yourself. Find something that you do well and excel at it (disregards Proverbs 21:2-4).
  27. 27. 3. Look at the mess your parents have made of their own lives. How could they possibly give you any legitimate guidance (disregards Prov. 20:9-10; Matt. 7:1-5; Rom. 15:14; 2 Cor. 3:5)?4. When you disagree with your parents, learn to write stories about how you feel and how you would like to deal with your parents. Put all your anger down on paper. You will feel much better.(disregards Proverbs 18:17, 25:28; Ephesians 4:15; Philippians 4:6-9).
  28. 28. 5. Explain to your parents how much you are being deprived by their not allowing you to have or to do what you want. Tell them how you think you have been mistreated (disregards Philippians 2:3-4, 14; 4:11).6. Release your anger by participating in some kind of strenuous activity (disregards Proverbs 16:32, 25:28; Ephesians 4:31-32).
  29. 29. 7. There are other adults who are more understanding and kind than your parents. Find a sympathetic adult in the church or in your school and tell them your problems. If necessary, go to a professional counselor. If your parents do not understand, it is not necessary to try and communicate with them (disregards Ephesians 4:25, 6:2; Colossians 4:6).
  30. 30. 8. If all else fails in dealing with problems at home, leave. You do not need this frustration and pain (disregards Romans 8:28-29; James 1:2-4).9. No one is responsible to obey their parents all the time. There will be times when you need to “clarify your values” and judge “truth” for yourself (disregards Eph. 6:1; Colossians 3:20; 2 Timothy 3:16-17).
  31. 31. Rearing your children God’s way
  32. 32. A. A spiritual new birth is required to understand biblical principles for bringing up children (1 Corinthians 2:14).B. Parents are to demonstrate their commitment of love to the Lord by rearing their children in a manner that pleases Him (based on Colossians 1:10, 3:17).
  33. 33. A. Scripture is the sole authority for life and is the only basis by which children can be brought up in order to please the Lord (2 Tim. 3:14-17). Man’s way is totally inadequate (Prov. 14:12; Isa. 55:8-11).B. Continual biblical self-evaluation and faithful obedience to Scripture are required for parents to avoid spiritual delusion concerning the things of God (James 1:22) and to avoid hypocrisy in correcting their children (Matt. 7:1-5).
  34. 34. A. Believing parents are to be one in mind and judgment (based on 1 Cor. 1:10; Phil. 2:2). Even if your spouse is not a believer, your faithful, loving commitment to the one-flesh relationship of marriage is designed by God to help unify you and your spouse, resulting in a godly influence in the lives of your children (based on Gen. 2:18, 24; Matt. 19:5-6; Mark 10:6-8; 1 Cor. 7:10-14, esp. verse 14; Eph. 5:31).
  35. 35. B. Each parent, as a committed believer in Christ, is to submit to the other (Eph. 5:21), to love one another (Eph. 5:25, 28; Titus 2:4), and to regard the other as more important than himself (Phil. 2:3-4). However, in loving servanthood (John 13:14-16; Phil. 2:3-8) the father, as the head of the family, is to take the responsibility for leadership in the rearing of children (Eph. 5:23, 6:4; Col. 3:21).
  36. 36. A. Parents are to carry out their responsibilities to their children as godly servants, following the example of the Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 20:25-28; John 13:12-17; Philippians 2:3-8).
  37. 37. 1. Because a believing family is a smaller unit of the body of Christ, all involved (both parents and children) are to fulfill all the directives of God’s Word. Parents are to be godly examples for their children (based on Deu. 4:9, 6:8-9; Matt. 18:5-7; 1 Cor. 4:14-16, 11:1; 1 Tim. 4:12; Titus 2:7), and are to point to Jesus Christ as the ultimate example for them to follow (John 13:12-17; Phil. 2:5-8; Hebrews 12:1-3; 1 Peter 2:21).
  38. 38. 2. Parents are to regard their children as more important than themselves and are to lay aside their own self-centered interests. Parents are to respond lovingly to their children and provide for them in a manner that pleases the Lord (1 Cor. 13:4-8a; 2 Cor. 12:14; Philippians 2:3-4).
  39. 39. 3. Parents must not be quarrelsome, either with each other or with their children, but instead must be kind, gentle, and patient in all things. Parents must teach God’s Word and the practice of it and, as necessary, provide correction when their children violate scriptural standards (Proverbs 15:10; 2 Timothy 2:24-26).
  40. 40. B. When parents sin against their children, they are to confess these transgressions to the Lord as well as to their children (based on James 5:16; 1 John 1:9).
  41. 41. C. Parents are to put off provoking their children to anger but instead are to rear them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4; Col. 3:21)1. You are to bring up your children in the instruction of the Lord, teaching them how to obey God’s Word, the necessity of doing so, and the consequences of disobedience as follows:
  42. 42. a. Show your children faithful obedience to the Lord by the example of your walk (based on Deu. 6:5-7; 1 Cor. 11:1; 1 Tim. 4:12; 2 Tim.1:5);b. Teach (instruct) your children God’s Word and His way whenever you are with them during the daily routine of life (Deu. 6:6-7; 2 Tim. 3:16); andc. Increase the responsibilities of your children based on their demonstrated and increasing faithfulness and capabilities (based on Matt. 25:14-29; Luke 16:10).
  43. 43. 2. You are to bring up your children in the discipline of the Lord, graciously instructing them by, reproof and correction as follows:a. Establish simple, clear-cut guidelines and consequences as God did in directing His people (based on Gen. 2:16-17; Exo. 20:3-17; Deu. 11:26-28). Clearly explain these biblically-based standards of conduct to avoid confusion or misunderstandings (based on Exo. 31:18, 34:1; Deu. 4:13-14; Matt. 22:37-39; John 14:15).
  44. 44. b. Carry out discipline in a loving manner (based on Proverbs 6:23, 15:10, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a; Hebrews 12:5-11; Revelation 3:19) and apply it quickly (Ecclesiastes 8:11) in order to restore your child while there is hope (based on Proverbs 19:18, 23:14; Hebrews 12:11).c. Tailor the sternness of the discipline to the child’s willingness to return and follow God’s way (based on Proverbs 15:10).
  45. 45. 1) If a child remains foolish (as shown by continued disobedience and disrespect), use the rod as a tool for restoration, not as a punishment (Proverbs 22:15, 29:15).2) If a child repents of his wrongdoings, exercise gracious compassion as God does for those who sin and repent (based on Psalm 103:10-14).
  46. 46. A. The necessity of the spiritual new birth applies to all, beginning at the earliest age of comprehension. In fact, children are considered as especially tender to the Lord (Matt. 18:2-6; Mark 9:35-37; Luke 17:2).B. Children are to demonstrate their commitment to the Lord by their demeanor, speech, and actions (based on Exo. 20:12; Prov. 20:11; Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20; 1 Tim. 4:12; 2 Tim. 3:15).
  47. 47. A. Out of a commitment to please the Lord in all things (2 Cor. 5:9; Col. 1:10), children are to put off disrespect for their parents and are to honor their father and mother (Exo. 20:12; Prov. 23:22; Mark 7:10; Eph. 6:2).B. Out of a commitment to please the Lord in all things, children are to obey their parents (Prov. 6:20; Eph. 6:1; Col. 3:20).