The getting older, bolder, balder poems


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A sample of humorous poems about the vagaries of ageing

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The getting older, bolder, balder poems

  1. 1. Once I had a hairy mop, A curly, furry crop, Hair today - gone tomorrow, Just one strand I’d like to borrow. My Kingdom for a hair, It really is not fair, Some have got it; Some have lost it, Why should I despair? Like Warnie, Loz and Mo, It’d be nice to buy a ‘fro, Even a hair here and there, There’s plenty out there to share!
  2. 2. ‘Bald eagle’, ‘chrome dome’, There’s nothing on our pate, Yes, you don’t need a comb, But with the ladies we don’t rate. Some say ‘bald is beautiful’, Some say ‘bald are virile’, But trust me it’s all a ruse, Just a big excuse, We’re really only… man refuse. So c’mon baldies, let’s share the bare. O, Dome Sweet Dome! © Neil Dufty
  3. 3. We’re off in this race for the Masters - ‘Masters’ sounds dignified, read old; Which of these codgers will run fastest? There’s some gun in the field I’m told. We’ve lined up at the start with head bands, Dicky knees, arthritis and that condition; We’ve done our stretches and flexed hands, Like a Richard Simmons’ video rendition. Now loping along at no fast rate, Like slow mo in that Chariots flick; We’re building up a sideways gait - The winner is so hard to pick. Over there, that guy is the Prancer: Lifts his legs like a hackney horse; He should become a ballet dancer - I wonder if he’ll finish the course.
  4. 4. And right next to me is the Shuffler - Thought he was that old Cliffy Young; Sounds like he needs a new muffler - If he wins I’ll be biting my tongue. And just up in front is the Treadmill: So adept at running on the spot; Heard he’s been taking a blue pill To have a long stay in the cot. Oh, I’ve lapsed into a runner’s daze; Dream of getting physical with Olivia! Her head band and lycra still amaze - Why is that look so destined for trivia? Now a flashback to my running start: My mother felt I was taking it too far; Thought running would enlarge my heart - But Phar Lap with a big heart was a star?
  5. 5. Awake; ‘the gun’ fires away from the field - Wonder how he’s got into great shape? He’s shown the rest a clean pair of heels As he sprints through the finishing tape. And the rest of us amble to the line, Puffing, wheezing, finding our breath; Good news: no one keeled over this time, As we’re running away from our death. © Neil Dufty
  6. 6. When I turn Sixty – I’ll hike the Kokoda Trail (No way my body will fail), I’ll bound up the highest mountain, Frolic naked in a city fountain. And when I turn Sixty - I’ll photograph like a kid, No lines, wrinkles, nothing hid, My skin pristine, cheeks a flush, OK they might use the odd air brush. And when I turn Sixty - There’ll be no stopping me, Watch me climb the tallest tree, Hey, I will be the living proof Of the meaning of Eternal Youth.
  7. 7. And when I turn Sixty - I’ll prove that being Sixty Is the new Fifty, Forty, Thirty, On the wrong side of middle age? No, Sixty’s got to be all the rage. But now that I’ve turned Sixty - I’ve started to feel a bit ditsy, Memories start to make me misty, And the old back is playing up, May be no longer I’m the young pup. And now that I’ve turned Sixty - I think I’ll take Sixty lying down, Curl on the couch like a sleepy hound, Snooze, then pop open a can of VB, And watch adrenaline sports on TV. © Neil Dufty
  8. 8. And there he sits alone One of those lost souls Life’s events ‘leeched’ from his mind Thoughts sucked dry Open up that gismo Bring the old fellow’s Life to life He had hair, a job, a wife Went on holidays Wrote poems Bring me my stick I need my memory stick! © Neil Dufty
  9. 9. Dufty/e/B00580K8VI