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Tom Cruise is my Dad (and Other Blatant Lies)
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Tom Cruise is my Dad (and Other Blatant Lies)


A poem by Alexander Nderitu

A poem by Alexander Nderitu

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  • 1. 1 Tom Cruise is My Dad (And Other Blatant Lies) By Alexander Nderitu Hi. My name is Alex and I am a habitual liar. I go around saying things like… Tom Cruise is my dad, Hulk Hogan is my bodyguard, I can run rings around Paul Tergat, I was the man on the grassy knoll, I’ve slept with Beyoncé Knowles, I taught Jackie Chan everything he knows (But I didn’t teach him everything I know), Spiderman got caught in a tangled web, Elizabeth Taylor has never wed, Roses are blue and violets are red, I invented the World Wide Web, Mother Teresa was richer than billionaire Ted, Elton John and Ellen Degeneres are getting married, I’ve got a diamond bigger than the Pink Panther, The Best Hip Hop Album Award goes to Bill Gaither! I can rap faster that Twista, The judge’s verdict on Bill Clinton was that “Viagra works”, No, honey, you don’t look fat in that, The cheque’s in the mail,
  • 2. 2 I wasn’t laughing AT you, I was laughing WITH you, I can stop smoking any time I want to And so on… But the biggest lie I’ve ever told Was when I told everyone I know That I never loved you And your leaving didn’t mean a thing Because the day you left was the darkest day of my life And all the lies were an attempt to cover up the void inside. In fact, if I wrote the story of my life And failed to confess my love for you And the book somehow turned out to be worth its weight in gold, Then it would be THE GREATEST LIE THAT’S EVER BEEN SOLD! © 2011 Alex Nderitu www.
  • 3. 3