Ha! Ha! HA! Mind These Kids! A Selection Of Funny Jokes Presented by Bro. Oh Teik Bin
# 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
# 2 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor..' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
# 3 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.‘ Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
# 4 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said. 'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty..'
# 5 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.' Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
# 6 A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles.“ The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."
# 7 The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?“ "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner."
# 8 A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can." The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
# 9 A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office." "I wonder why," the teacher mused. "Because he's a following person," Alice replied. "A what?" the teacher asked. "It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office.”
#10 After a church service on Sunday morning, our son suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?“ "Well," he said, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.
# 11 A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?“ Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient.“ "Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."
# 12 At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
# 13 A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?' 'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied. 'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the woman answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'
# 14 A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?“ Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
# 15 One day Little Johnny says to his father: I want to get married. Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind? Johnny: Yes, Grandma Father: What? There is a problem now; you want to marry my Mother? Johnny: Why not? You married my mother!
The End “ A hearty laugh a day keeps the doctor away!”