Improving Interpersonal Communication Skills

Improving Interpersonal Communication Skills Lic. Mariana Porta

The concept of communication has evolved throughout the years .
Approaches to interpersonal communication: brief background

SENDER RECEIVER NOISE MESSAGE CODE SPEAKER SPEAKER PARTICIPANT PARTICIPANT TEXT GENRE FEEDBACK PERSONALITY CONSCIOUS/UNCON. SETTING OR CONTEXT SIGNS INTERPRETER INTERPERTER PERSONALITY CONSCIOUS/UNCON. Transmission Models Linguistic Models Psycho-social Models InterlocutiveModels 1949 1962 1971 1986

Speaking and writing Listening and reading reception production interpretation of a message elaboration of a message context of reception A DISCOURSE APPROACH TO LANGUAGE context of production

Task:
Think of someone you would like to improve interpersonal communication with in your work environment. It should be someone you interact with on a regular basis.
1. What kind of work relationship do you have with this person: cooperation, interdependence, independence?
2. Did/do you have the option of working with him/her?
3. Has there been any conflict with this person?
4. What’s the history behind this relationship?
5. Do you feel any form of affection for him/her?
6. Who has the power in this relationship?
7. What are the positive traits you see in this person?
8. What are the negative traits you see in this person?
9. Will you have to interact with each other for a long time?
10. How much impact could he/she have in your present or future career?

email
phone call
one on one meeting
teamwork
note
fax
talk at lunch break
online chat
group meeting
Consider each communication event as a pearl in a necklace. synchronous and asynchronous

Align the horizon Participate in the interaction Learn from the experience A model for interpersonal communication

“ Pre” Setting the ground
1 . What kind of work relationship do you have with this person: cooperation, interdependence, independence?
2 . Did/do you have the option of working with him/her?
6 . Who has the power in this relationship?
9 . Will you have to interact with each other for a long time?
10 . How much impact could he/she have in your present or future career?

“ Pre” Some history
3 . Has there been any conflict with this person?
4 . What’s the history behind this relationship?

“ Pre” What do we have in common?
5 . Do you feel any form of affection for him/her?
7 . What are the positive traits you see in this person?
8 . What are the negative traits you see in this person?

Attitude Airplane pilots often use "attitude" to describe their horizontal relationship with the runway when they land. If their attitude isn’t aligned properly, the plane will make contact with the ground at the wrong angle and it will cause them to crash.

Memory: Associate, elaborate, use imagery. Cognitive: Analyze and reason. Compensation : Guess intelligently. Metacognitive : Arrange and plan. Set goals and objectives. Affective : Lower anxiety. Encourage yourself Social: Develop understanding of the situation. Attitude ALIGN THE HORIZON Reflect upon the situation. Set reasonable expectations. Make the right choices of timing and channel . Pre STRATEGY FOCUS STAGE

Task
You are in a queue at the movie theater. Somebody comes in and jumps the queue right in front of you. What do you choose to do?
Nothing. You just bear it.
Vent comments out loud such as “… some people are such/so ….” but you don’t face the person.
Face the guy bluntly and furiously, after all who does he think he is?!
Approach the man and politely but firmly tell him that he should take his turn at the end of the line.
Other …

ASSERTIVENESS DEFINITION
Assertiveness is defined as behavior which enables people to act in their own best interest by expressing their thoughts, feelings, desires and opinions directly, honestly and appropriately .

BIDIRECTIONAL MODEL OVERT EXPRESSION COVERT EXPRESSION NO COERCION COERCION - + + PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE

“ While ”
Recognize patters of behavior.
Your rights and other people’s rights Expression ++ Coercion -- ASSERTIVE None Expression -- Coercion ++ PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE Your rights Expression ++ Coercion ++ AGGRESSIVE Other people’s rights. Expression -- Coercion -- PASSIVE RIGHTS RESPECTED PARAMETERS BEHAVIOR

Task:
This chart (see your handbook) shows assertive behavior and alternative forms of behavior based on the four quadrant model. Classify the following examples of behavior in the right category: manipulation, humiliation, avoidance.
Page … in your handbook

Task: Identify three very distinct parts in this fragment.
"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere,
you start rushing me to finish dressing as soon as you're ready
even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave. I know you
get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not, but when
you do that, I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we
get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to
have a good time. From now on, let's be sure we know what time we
want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to
another room and read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you
come into the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leave and start
asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remind you of the time, ask you
to go to another room, and close the door until I'm ready. I know this is
going to seem weird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more
over the long run."
http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html

"I've noticed that whenever we're preparing to go somewhere, you start rushing me to finish dressing as soon as you're ready, even if it's not yet the time we had planned to leave. I know you get anxious when you're all ready to go and I'm not, but when you do that, I get all flustered and take even more time. By the time we get in the car, we're mad at each other and not much in the mood to have a good time. From now on , let's be sure we know what time we want to leave, and if you're ready before I am, will you please just go to another room and read the paper or watch TV? From now on, if you come into the bedroom or bathroom before it's time to leave and start asking me to hurry up, I'm just going to remind you of the time, ask you to go to another room, and close the door until I'm ready. I know this is going to seem weird at first, but I bet we'll enjoy our outings a lot more over the long run."
http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/asertcom.html

“ While” Apply a variety of techniques to communicate 1. the art of listening
Act like a good listener. Adopt the physical body language of a receiver.
Look at the other person.
React to the speaker by sending out non-verbal signals.
Stop talking and use receptive language instead. Use the I see . . . un hunh . . . oh really!
Concentrate on what the speaker is saying, skip over delivery errors and fight distractions.
Listen between the lines to tones of voice.
Observe.

Message pacing and chunking
Expressing conversational intent:
“ Uh...Maria, do you have a minute? Right now I’d like to talk to you about... Is that OK?”
“ While” Apply a variety of techniques to communicate 2. the art of speaking and more …
Non verbal components:
Vocalics
Kinesics
Proxemics
Artifacts
Touch
Smell

“ While” 3. the art of conflict prevention: What are fire starters?
Person centered comments and past centered comments
Inappropriate reassurance and inappropriate positive thinking
Histrionic behavior (overdramatization)
Guilt induction and blaming comments
Kitchen sinking
Infallibility comments
Overapologizing

Cognitive : Practice techniques. Recognize patters of behavior. Create structure for your input and output. Compensation : Overcome limitations in communication skills. Guess intelligently. Metacognitive : Self monitor. Delay speech production to focus on listening. Affective : Take risks wisely. Take your emotional temperature. Social: Ask questions. Cooperate. Empathize. Perf. PARTICIPATE IN THE INTERACTION Use your resources: apply a variety of techniques to communicate. Make choices. Stay focused. Monitor While STRATEGY FOCUS STAGE

To remember
Hostile communication causes inaccuracies.
Hostile communication triggers defensive mechanisms.
An important sending skill is knowing how to favor disarming language over arming language.
The latter selects more forceful over more moderate words, uses statements rather than questions and when spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations, pauses and other nonverbal messages that convey hostile feeling.

“ Post”
Reflect upon the interaction
Empathy requires that you suspend judgment of another's actions or reactions, while you try to understand them. Sometimes, this will mean reading between the lines of statements made, and almost always it will involve gentle questioning and probing, to clarify what is going on. The goal here, again is to UNDERSTAND, and not judge.
Robert Bacal
.

“ Post”
Cycle
analyze evaluate Revise model Change and adjust expectations

Cognitive: Analyze, summarize, and take mental notes. Memory : Review well. Cognitive : Analyze and reason. Metacognitive : Evaluate your learning. Link with already known material. Affective: Reward yourself. Discuss your feelings with someone else. Social : Empathize. Become aware of the other’s thoughts and feelings. Follow up LEARN FROM IT Reflect upon the interaction. Post STRATEGY FOCUS STAGE

TEN TIPS
Set the ground for communication and align your horizon. Work on your attitude.
Have reasonable expectations.
Make the right choices of timing and channel.
While interacting, use your resources. Apply a variety of techniques to communication: message pacing and chunking, expressing conversational intent.
Consider the nonverbal aspect of communication: vocalics, proxemics, kinesics, touch and artifacts.
Be the best listener you can be. Be an active and responsive listener.
Avoid “fire starters” such as hot words, overdramatization, guilt induction, blaming, person and past centered comments.
Choose to behave assertively. Avoid aggressive and passive-aggressive behavior.
Stay focused and monitor. Take your emotional temperature.
Reflect upon the interaction and get ready to keep developing the realtionship. Be ready to change and keep exploring.

THANK YOU!
[email_address]
http://eflprofessionals.blogspot.com

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Improving Interpersonal Communication Skills

by Mariana Porta on Aug 26, 2007

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