Parenting teens presentations 5 ll

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A summary of basic points from the book, "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers" by Gary Chapman

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Parenting teens presentations 5 ll

  1. 1. Five Love Languages of Teenagers From the book by Gary Chapman 1
  2. 2. • “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love to chatter in place of exercise; They no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.” A Quotation for Perspective 2
  3. 3. Socrates, Fifth Century Who Said That? 3
  4. 4. Raising a teenager is an Opportunity for Personal Growth 4
  5. 5. The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers From the book by Gary Chapman 5
  6. 6. Understanding Today’s Teenagers Chapter One 6
  7. 7. • Examines belief systems – Similarities with past generations Confront personal morality and values 7
  8. 8. • • • • What will I do with my life? What is worth the investment of my life? Where will I find the greatest happiness? Where can I make the greatest contribution? The men and women who have made the greatest impact upon human history have been people who had a sense of divine call and who lived out the call in their vocation. Question the future 8
  9. 9. The Key: Love from Parents Chapter Two 9
  10. 10. Anxiety is not a good mental attitude with which to parent your teenagers Fear 10
  11. 11. Losses associated with a having a child in adolescence: • Loss associated with changes in our children’s behavior: • Loss of the old, close relationship. (Who is this hostile person living in my home?) Loss 11
  12. 12. • Loss of confidence. (Why is he acting this way? Is it something I’ve done … or haven’t done?) • Loss of the satisfaction of being needed. (“No, you don’t have to come. My friends will go with me.”) Parent’s Feelings 12
  13. 13. • Loss of the sense of ourselves as all-powerful protectors who could keep our children safe from harm. (It’s past midnight. Where is she? What is she doing? Why isn’t she home yet?) • Loss of our peace of mind: (How do we get our kids through these difficult years? How do we get ourselves through?) Parent’s Feelings 13
  14. 14. 9 out of 10 teens do NOT get into trouble! You and your teen can have a positive relationship. Nothing is more important than the parent learning how to effectively meet the teen’s emotional need for love. Good News 14
  15. 15. • The Presence of Parents: Bonding requires time together. • Parents who are around little because of divorce, work schedules, etc., jeopardize the teen’s sense of feeling connected to parents. It is a simple reality that for a teen to feel connected and thus loved by parents, they must spend time together. The Teen’s Desire for Connection 15
  16. 16. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Words of Affirmation Physical Touch Quality Time Acts of Service Gifts The Five Love Languages 16
  17. 17. The power of acceptance and of rejection Effects of rejection are so strong that Dr. Ronald Rohner calls rejection a “psychological malignancy that spreads throughout a child’s emotional system, wreaking havoc.” Teen’s Desire for Acceptance 17
  18. 18. Unconditional love I love you, I care about you. I am committed to you because you are my child. I don’t always like what you do, but I always love you and care about your well-being. You are my son or daughter and I will never reject you. Whoever you end up being, I still love you. Teen’s Desire for Acceptance 18
  19. 19. Humans need TWO kinds of positive acceptance. 1) Unconditional Acceptance EG. I am so glad that I get to be your mother (father). I so enjoy you! 2) Conditional Acceptance – When I watch you play in the band – I know how hard you practiced, and I know you’re someone who can persevere! Accepting the Teen … Correcting the Behavior 19
  20. 20. Conditional Positive Attention Unconditonal Positive Attention Conditional Negative Attention Unconditional Negative Attention Words of Affirmation 20
  21. 21. Your teenager needs to hear that you accept him even when you don’t approve of his behavior. Instead of: put downs Try: 1) I Expect …. (Practice this skill) 2) Broken Record Technique 3) You’ve Got This! Acceptance 21
  22. 22. • An apology that is not really believable • A more believable approach Repairing a Regrettable Incident 22
  23. 23. • The “Red Herring” Quality Time 23
  24. 24. Physical Touch 24
  25. 25. Acts of Service 25
  26. 26. • Think “Legacy” Gifts 26
  27. 27. • For your hospitality to me • For your presence tonight which represents the love and commitment you have to your children and your students. Thank you 27

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