Chapter 6 Intimacy within partnerships

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  • 1. Chapter 6: Intimacywithin Partnerships and Families Kristen Blake and Morgan Alfiero
  • 2. IntroductionFamily Connections, whether solid orfragile, depend on communication effortsto create connection and intimacyIntimacy: A feeling of closeness andconnectedness that develops throughcommunication between partners orgroups.
  • 3. Different IntimaciesMarital Intimacy Involves: • A close familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship • A familiar experience • Sexual RelationsFamily Intimacy Involves: • A Close familiar and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship • A familiar experience • Interpersonal devotion along intellectual, emotional, and physical dimensions
  • 4. Commitment Commitment: Intense singular energy directed towards sustaining a relationship-Includes personal dedication and constraint:Personal dedication- ones internal devotion to the relationship:Constraint- factors that bind people in relationships regardless of devotion eg: religious benefits, promises, children, finances, parental/social pressures
  • 5. Self- DisclosureSelf-Disclosure: described as occurring when one personintentionally tells another individual personal or privateinformation about him or herself that the other is unable todiscover in a different manner.Self-Disclosure involves risk, but intimacy develops when the“other” is responsive. A verbal or nonverbal response is necessary to convey validation, understanding, and caring to develop this connection Trust is the emotional basis where emotional safety allows you to WANT to self-disclose Self-disclosure creates Mental love maps: permit access to deeper parts of his/her life High levels of negative disclosure can result in conflict and anger
  • 6. Family BackgroundFamily-of-Originexperiences, culturalheritage, and genderall set expectationsthat influence familyself-disclosingbehaviors
  • 7. Partner RelationshipsInvolves disclosure ofone partner and thelisteners responses thatare supportive,constructive, andaccepting.Partnerresponsiveness islinked to satisfactionand development ofrelationships
  • 8. Parent- Child Responsiveness revealing self-disclosure does not involve all family members equally most mothers receive more self-disclosure than fathers parents perceived as nurturing and supportive get more disclosure from children that find it rewarding small families usually remain more interconnected: all members are connected
  • 9. Practicing Self-Disclosure Debriefing Conversations: talking about how their day unfolded, and partners are more likely to experience marital satisfaction Give a good framework to discuss riskier topics Sibling disclosure increases as children age and learn to share significant feelings as well as sibling confidence Self-disclosure has direct links to family levels of cohesion and flexibility
  • 10. Sexuality and Communication Sexually healthy adult partnerships require more than just physical performance• sexual identities• history of sexual issues• mutual perceptions of each others needs• feelings for their partner• messages contained within sexual expressions• the nature of sexual communication
  • 11. Family Sexuality Healthy sexuality reflects a balanced expression of sexuality to enhance personal identityParental conversations about sexuality with their children AND parental comfort with the area of sexuality will influence the family climate -This is not just “sex talks” but in certain households sexuality with teens and young adults including sexual orientation requires an open, supportive and connected household.
  • 12. Partner Communication When individuals develop sexual experiences and a sexual identity couples establish their own patterns of sexual activity early on in the relationship and they typically continue Discourse of Intercourse: sexual conversation prior, during and after sex-Some partners find this very difficult-Satisfied couples are able to directly discuss issues or feelings about sex frequencies, sexual techniques, and to avoid “mind reading”
  • 13. Parent- Child CommunicationParent- child discussions on sexuality support asense of family connectednessThese conversations become more open due togreater societal opennessResearch shows that mothers discuss this morefrequently than fathers and also more often withdaughters eg: mother-daughter conversationsabout condoms reported more consistency ofcondom useFathers are more present in conversationsabout resisting pressures and understandingmen, usually after children are older andalready involved in relationships
  • 14. Communication Researchers Found:1. Satisfaction with family discussions about sex is dependent on mutual dialogue eg: having teens facilitate the conversation and get involved2. The ability to communicate supportively about sex revolves around an attitude of openness- teens want parents to talk WITH them not AT them .3. To have the greatest impact, they should become a pattern before the child is 16- parents shouldn’t put off these conversations4. Parent-child communication about sex that is frequent and effective facilitates openness when dating partners
  • 15. Sexually Healthy Families1. Respect both genders2. Have boundaries that are appropriate and support gender identities3. Effective and flexible communication patterns that support intimacy4. Shared system of culturally relevant values
  • 16. Intimacy FactorsEffort Effort is required because many factors compete for attention in life eg: work, school, familiesSacrifice 1.)Implies giving up something in order to please or assist another 2.)Could involve high levels of effort or commitmentForgiveness Relational process whereby harmful conduct is acknowledged byone or both partners; the harmed partner extends undeserved mercy to the transgressor; one or both partners experienced a transformation from negative to positive states and the the relationship is reconciled
  • 17. Barriers to Intimacy Building marital and familial intimacy involves effort and risk• Fears of IntimacyMerger: implies losing personal boundaries or identity “sense of self” is developed poorlyExposure: revealed as weak, or inadequate if they get close to another low self-esteemAttack: distrust others; protect themselves from avoiding self- disclosureAbandonment: the feeling of being overwhelmed and helpless when the love object is gone, effects people with excessive separations and relational losses
  • 18. JealousyJealousy: Aversive emotional experiencecharacterized by feelings of anger,sadness, and fear induced by the threator actual loss of a relationship withanother person to a real or imaginedrivalIf partners think this is a sign ofaffection..... WRONG! can turninto violence or abusive, which createsbarriers of intimacySibling jealousy reflects birth order,redistribution of parental resources, orparental favoritism
  • 19. DeceptionDeceiving a partner orfamily member violatestheir relationalunderstandingMost people expect familymembers and loved ones tobe truthful as a sign ofconnection or commitmentDeception can oftenjeopardize and threatenrelationships
  • 20. Moving Forward “Being who you are” requires that you can talk openly about things that are important , while also taking a clear stand on important emotional issues.Embracing your family relationships and romantic relationships allows for connection and intimacyEmbracing your family relationships and romantic relationships
  • 21. ConclusionThe chapter explores a range ofcommunication practices that lead tointimacy within adult partnershipsand familiesLooks closely at relationships betweenintimacy and communicationbehaviors that encourage intimacywithin marital and family systems :commitment, self-disclosure, andsexual communicationAll humans long for intimacy andconnection in family relationships andpartnerships