Sucked DryI have been aflicted with political, moral and social malaise since a child. Many of my teachershave remarked – throughout my education – that I was one of the most cynical people they had evermet. Something of a natural contrarian, a devils advocate (and I do stand with Lucifier: NonServiam) and general aprincipalist. Christopher Hitchens speaks of himself as having lived, attimes, the Janus life of two faces, as I reflect to count mine, I see none in the mirror (an ideologicalvampire?).I could, as is the wont of the continental left, couch my own situation in terms of pageant-profundity, say all the right cliches (the hollowing out of politics, the social malaise, the death ofthis or that) but that would only serve to alleviate myself of responsibility and humility, of which imoften short. The personal aspect of this predicament is what concerns me the most, not least becauseim prone to self-pitying narcissism (the most sophisticated kind). Society will be analysed after thefact in self-proving theoretical constructs which invariably start with the principles of theirconclusions. The personal is the only means of motivating oneself and others.The problem is im not disaffected, or affected in any manner. Ive left the implicit hegemony, whatever it may be at the moment, subsune my identity; indeed, I am generally not inclined to recognisean identity for myself, and have deeep suspicions about the concept, no doubt stemming from myown ignroance.As an adult tabala rasa, I wonder if im free to fill in my own slate. Pick and choose what I can findmorally outrageous and generally commit to that. I dislike lasting judgement however – I am veryjudgemental in the moment as I put on the mantle of socialism, or capitalism or religion or anti-theism or whatever attire necessary for my party-trick personality. In any case, thats what im after,the lifeblood of concern.I have a few concerns at the moment which are, I believe, my own – thuogh it is difficult to keeptrack of which opinions are which. I believe the world view that is being diguised as scientific isprofoudnly misguided and Ive a growing scepticism of the meanign of science, its proper relationto me and others. Though I am studying physics and prone to hating what I Have to do, thus willthese opinions be shed after graduation? Perhaps thats all im good for: spouting on in-the-momenttopics, a largely hollow but opinionated sophist with no ability to believe anythign for any length oftime. As XXX said, Life is lived forwards and reviewed in reverse. Thus perhaps I will write onanything and everything and collect at some point my output and construct a world view out of it.Shoot the bullets at the wall then draw a target around them, thats what we all do anyway, isnt it?