Contestant, 2002

1. Cakewalk Reconnaissance
Universal Methods, Inc.
June 13, 2002

2. PROBLEM
• The fruitcake
– Dense
– Heavy
– Intended for consumption, but never consumed
– Only one method of disposal

3. PROBLEM continued
• The fruitcake
– Scientifically indistinguishable components
deem “hazardous material”
Winchester Town Code
47.2 (b)(a)(d)
Cambridge Municipal Code
Hazardous including
12.34 (y)(u)(k)
like with with with which
metal components with
Hazardous materials including mercury, Bush bumper
paints paints brushes
stickers, fruitcakes, and nuclear waste, must be disposed
and German Shepherd with special permits but always outside of
in accordance
the Republic.

4. IMPORTANT REQUIREMENT
• Regifting
• Tracking
– No accidental regifting
– Knowledge of friends treatment of gift

5. SYSTEM
• Tracking
– Cake is fully wired, wireless, HSE, WAN,
LAN, Windows, Martha (Stewart) compatible
• Reporting
– Sortable, portable (PDA), and deductible

6. ADDITIONAL FEATURE
• Global Positioning System
(GPS) technology stimulates
family learning
– Create home geography
lessons
– Promotes multiculturalism

7. PORT-ABLE
• Not the drink - but the connection
• Serial not cereal

8. TEAM
CMB
Chief Master Baker
CJE CFO
Chief Jellied-Object Engineer Chief Filing Officer
Bob Sous Vice President
Intellectual Property Counsel

9. FISCAL YEAR* POUND FOR POUND
100
90
80
70
60
50
40
30
20
10
0
6/02 7/02 8/02 9/02 10/02 11/02 12/02 1/03 2/03 3/03 4/03 5/03 6/03 7/03
* 13 Months—baker’s dozen

10. RECIPE FOR SUCCESS
14 eggs
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons lint from dryer vent
2 ISMD-III IC microchips
4 ft of those little yellow wires