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Chap8: Communication Skills in Interpersonal Relationships
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Chap8: Communication Skills in Interpersonal Relationships

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This slideshow was created to accompany the eighth chapter of Communicate! by Kathleen S. Verderber, Rudolph F. Verderber and Deanna D. Sellnow. Publisher: Wadsworth/Cengage Learning. ISBN-13: ...

This slideshow was created to accompany the eighth chapter of Communicate! by Kathleen S. Verderber, Rudolph F. Verderber and Deanna D. Sellnow. Publisher: Wadsworth/Cengage Learning. ISBN-13: 978-0-495-90171-6

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    Chap8: Communication Skills in Interpersonal Relationships Chap8: Communication Skills in Interpersonal Relationships Presentation Transcript

    • Chapter 8: Comm. Skills/Interpersonal By: Miranda Emery
    • Comforting Messages
      • Comforting- Helping people feel better about themselves, their behavior, or their situation.
      • Skills
        • Clarify supportive intentions
        • Buffer face threats with politeness
          • Buffering messages - Cushion the effect of what is said by using pos. and neg. politeness.
          • Pos. face needs - Desire to be appreciated, approved, liked, honored
          • Neg. face needs - Desires to be free from imposition and intrusion
        • Encourage understanding through other-centered massages (encourage our partner to talk about and elaborate on what happened and how he/she feels)
    • Comforting Messages
        • Reframe the situation- Offering ideas, observations, information, or alternative explanations that might help a relational partner understand a situation in a different light
        • Give advice- Presenting relevant suggestions and proposals that a person can use to resolve a situation
    • Gender and Cultural Considerations
      • Research suggests both men and women place high value on emotional support
      • Men are less likely to use other-centered messages
      • Members of all social groups find solace strategies, esp. other-centered messages, the most sensitive and comforting way to provide emotional support
      • Differences based on culture (pg. 160)
    • Managing Privacy and Disclosure
      • Disclosure- Revealing confidential or secret information
      • Privacy Management- Exercise of control over confidential or secret information in order to enhance autonomy or minimize vulnerability
      • Privacy- Right of an individual to keep biographical data personal ideas, and feelings secret
      • Culture, gender, motivation, context, and risk-benefit analysis are criteria for revealing/consealing information
      • See pg. 161for differences in race, culture, etc.
    • Managing Privacy and Disclosure
      • Effects on intimacy
        • Due to dialectical tensions within a relationship, people move back and forth between greater disclosure and moves to reestablish privacy
        • Reasons for privacy
          • Protect other’s feelings
          • Avoid unnecessary conflict
          • Sensitivity to other’s needs
          • Protecting the relationship
    • Managing Privacy and Disclosure
      • Expectations of reciprocity
        • There can be a lag after one person discloses before the other reciprocates
          • “I love you”...”Umm…thanks.”
      • Information co-ownership
          • Can you keep a secret?
    • Managing Privacy and Disclosure
      • Guidelines and communication strategies for disclosure
        • Sharing personal information
          • Self-disclose to others what you want them to disclose to you
          • Self-disclose when acceptable risk
          • Continue self-disclosure only if reciprocated
          • Gradually move to deeper levels of self-disclosure
          • Reserve very personal information for ongoing relationships
    • Managing Privacy and Disclosure
        • Sharing feelings
          • Describing feelings- Naming the emotions you feel without judging them
          • Identify the behavior that triggered the feeling
          • Identify the specific emotion
          • Frame your response as an “I” statement
          • Verbalize the specific feeling
        • Providing personal feedback
          • Describing behavior - Recounting specific behaviors of another without commenting on their appropriateness
          • Praising positive behavior
          • Giving constructive criticism - Describing specific behavior of another that hurts the person or that person’s relationship with others
    • Managing Privacy and Disclosure
      • Communication strategies for managing privacy
      • Indirect strategies for maintaining privacy
        • Change the subject
        • Mask feelings
        • Tell a white lie
      • Direct strategies for maintaining privacy: Establish a boundary - Effectively respond to people who expect you to disclose information you prefer to keep private
        • Recognize why you are choosing not to share the information
        • Identify your rule that guided this decision
        • Form an “I”-centered message that briefly establishes a boundary
    • Negotiating Different Needs
      • Communicating personal needs
        • Passive behavior- Not expressing our personal or defending our rights because we value the other person more than independence
        • Aggressive behavior- Forcefully making claims for our rights and preferences with little or no regard for others
        • Assertive behavior- Expressing our preferences while respecting others
      • Cultural Variations
        • Assertive behavior is generally valued in individualistic cultures
    • Managing Conflict in Relationships
      • Interpersonal conflict - When the needs and ideas of one are at odds with needs and ideas of another
      • Styles of conflict
        • Withdrawing - Removal of self from conflict
        • Accommodating - Satisfying others needs, neglecting your own
        • Forcing - Satisfying your needs with no regard to others
        • Compromising - Each party gives up a part of what they want so each can have some needs met
        • Collaborating - Arriving at a solution that is mutually satisfying
    • Conflict Management Styles 1 2 3 3 High High Low Low Concern for Others Concern for Self Compromise- Both parties give something Forcing- Your needs above others Collaboration- Mutually satisfying Accommodating- Others needs above yours Withdrawal-Removal of self
    • Thank you! Questions??