Chap8: Communication Skills in Interpersonal Relationships

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This slideshow was created to accompany the eighth chapter of Communicate! by Kathleen S. Verderber, Rudolph F. Verderber and Deanna D. Sellnow. Publisher: Wadsworth/Cengage Learning. ISBN-13: 978-0-495-90171-6

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Chap8: Communication Skills in Interpersonal Relationships

  1. 1. Chapter 8: Comm. Skills/Interpersonal By: Miranda Emery
  2. 2. Comforting Messages <ul><li>Comforting- Helping people feel better about themselves, their behavior, or their situation. </li></ul><ul><li>Skills </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Clarify supportive intentions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Buffer face threats with politeness </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Buffering messages - Cushion the effect of what is said by using pos. and neg. politeness. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Pos. face needs - Desire to be appreciated, approved, liked, honored </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Neg. face needs - Desires to be free from imposition and intrusion </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Encourage understanding through other-centered massages (encourage our partner to talk about and elaborate on what happened and how he/she feels) </li></ul></ul>
  3. 3. Comforting Messages <ul><ul><li>Reframe the situation- Offering ideas, observations, information, or alternative explanations that might help a relational partner understand a situation in a different light </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Give advice- Presenting relevant suggestions and proposals that a person can use to resolve a situation </li></ul></ul>
  4. 4. Gender and Cultural Considerations <ul><li>Research suggests both men and women place high value on emotional support </li></ul><ul><li>Men are less likely to use other-centered messages </li></ul><ul><li>Members of all social groups find solace strategies, esp. other-centered messages, the most sensitive and comforting way to provide emotional support </li></ul><ul><li>Differences based on culture (pg. 160) </li></ul>
  5. 5. Managing Privacy and Disclosure <ul><li>Disclosure- Revealing confidential or secret information </li></ul><ul><li>Privacy Management- Exercise of control over confidential or secret information in order to enhance autonomy or minimize vulnerability </li></ul><ul><li>Privacy- Right of an individual to keep biographical data personal ideas, and feelings secret </li></ul><ul><li>Culture, gender, motivation, context, and risk-benefit analysis are criteria for revealing/consealing information </li></ul><ul><li>See pg. 161for differences in race, culture, etc. </li></ul>
  6. 6. Managing Privacy and Disclosure <ul><li>Effects on intimacy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Due to dialectical tensions within a relationship, people move back and forth between greater disclosure and moves to reestablish privacy </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reasons for privacy </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Protect other’s feelings </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Avoid unnecessary conflict </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Sensitivity to other’s needs </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Protecting the relationship </li></ul></ul></ul>
  7. 7. Managing Privacy and Disclosure <ul><li>Expectations of reciprocity </li></ul><ul><ul><li>There can be a lag after one person discloses before the other reciprocates </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>“I love you”...”Umm…thanks.” </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Information co-ownership </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Can you keep a secret? </li></ul></ul></ul>
  8. 8. Managing Privacy and Disclosure <ul><li>Guidelines and communication strategies for disclosure </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sharing personal information </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Self-disclose to others what you want them to disclose to you </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Self-disclose when acceptable risk </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Continue self-disclosure only if reciprocated </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Gradually move to deeper levels of self-disclosure </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Reserve very personal information for ongoing relationships </li></ul></ul></ul>
  9. 9. Managing Privacy and Disclosure <ul><ul><li>Sharing feelings </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Describing feelings- Naming the emotions you feel without judging them </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Identify the behavior that triggered the feeling </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Identify the specific emotion </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Frame your response as an “I” statement </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Verbalize the specific feeling </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Providing personal feedback </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Describing behavior - Recounting specific behaviors of another without commenting on their appropriateness </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Praising positive behavior </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Giving constructive criticism - Describing specific behavior of another that hurts the person or that person’s relationship with others </li></ul></ul></ul>
  10. 10. Managing Privacy and Disclosure <ul><li>Communication strategies for managing privacy </li></ul><ul><li>Indirect strategies for maintaining privacy </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Change the subject </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Mask feelings </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Tell a white lie </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Direct strategies for maintaining privacy: Establish a boundary - Effectively respond to people who expect you to disclose information you prefer to keep private </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Recognize why you are choosing not to share the information </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Identify your rule that guided this decision </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Form an “I”-centered message that briefly establishes a boundary </li></ul></ul>
  11. 11. Negotiating Different Needs <ul><li>Communicating personal needs </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Passive behavior- Not expressing our personal or defending our rights because we value the other person more than independence </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Aggressive behavior- Forcefully making claims for our rights and preferences with little or no regard for others </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Assertive behavior- Expressing our preferences while respecting others </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Cultural Variations </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Assertive behavior is generally valued in individualistic cultures </li></ul></ul>
  12. 12. Managing Conflict in Relationships <ul><li>Interpersonal conflict - When the needs and ideas of one are at odds with needs and ideas of another </li></ul><ul><li>Styles of conflict </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Withdrawing - Removal of self from conflict </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Accommodating - Satisfying others needs, neglecting your own </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Forcing - Satisfying your needs with no regard to others </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Compromising - Each party gives up a part of what they want so each can have some needs met </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Collaborating - Arriving at a solution that is mutually satisfying </li></ul></ul>
  13. 13. Conflict Management Styles 1 2 3 3 High High Low Low Concern for Others Concern for Self Compromise- Both parties give something Forcing- Your needs above others Collaboration- Mutually satisfying Accommodating- Others needs above yours Withdrawal-Removal of self
  14. 14. Thank you! Questions??

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