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070301 People Skills
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070301 People Skills


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  • 1. People Skills March 2007 01. March 07
  • 2. Numerous dysfunctional ways…
    • Remain superficial
    • Build fa ç ades
    • Hide from yourself and others
    • Downplay risk in human relating
  • 3. Five sets of skills
    • Listening skills
    • Assertion skills
      • Verbal and nonverbal behaviours enable to maintain respect, satisfy your needs, defend your rights without manipulating, dominating or controlling others.
    • Conflict-resolution skills
      • Enable to deal with emotional turbulence that accompanies conflict
    • Collaborative problem solving skills
      • Ways of resolving conflicting needs that satisfy all parties. Problem is solved and stays solved.
    • Skills selection
      • Enable to decide what communication style to use.
  • 4. Barriers to communication “high-risk responses”
    • Judging
      • Criticizing
      • Name-calling
      • Diagnosing
      • Praising evaluatively
    • Sending solutions
      • Ordering
      • Threatening
      • Moralizing
      • Excessive/Inappropriate questioning
      • Advising
    • Avoiding others concerns
      • Diverting
      • Logical argument
      • Reassuring
  • 5. Listening skills
    • Attending skills
      • Posture of involvement
      • Appropriate body motion
      • Eye contact
      • Nondistracting environment
    • Following skills
      • Door openers
      • Minimal encourages
      • Infrequent questions
      • Attentive silence
    • Reflecting skills
      • Paraphrasing
      • Reflecting feelings
      • Reflecting meanings
      • Summative reflections
  • 6. Submission – Aggression continuum
    • Submissive behavour is common - “Nation of willing victims”.
    • Most people have been trained for submission by parents, school etc. They maintain their familiar pattern of bahaviour.
    • Nice children sit quietly and obediently for six hours in a class room.
    • Whenever a persons rights are persistently trampled on, or her needs go consistently unmet, she accumulates resentment and anger.
  • 7. Drawbacks of submissive behaviour
    • Avoids conflict. Goes familiar paths.
    • Less responsibility.
      • Has less on stake, since is just following others.
    • Lack of respect
      • Herself and others.
      • “ I don’t matter”.
      • People tend to start feel quilty or pity.
  • 8. Drawbacks of submissive behaviour
    • Relationships are less satisfying, deep, enduring and intimate.
      • She crowds herself into what she thinks the other person thinks is lovable.
      • She has less of real self to love with or to be loved.
    • Affection for other people wanes over time.
      • She represses anger, and much affection is repressed with it.
      • “ If you begin by sacrificing yourself to those you love, you will end by hating those to whom you have sacrificed yourself.
    • Accumulates resentment and anger,
      • Showing anger in disguise.
      • Nagging, witholding.
  • 9. Submission and negative emotions
    • Tend to repress their negative emotions.
    • When emotions are held back, they tend to get expressed indirectly. Such ways can be hostile, alienating and destructive. When anger is expressed through disguises, it adds to the interpersonal problem rather than contributing to the solution.
  • 10. Intimacy
    • Intimacy has been defined as “the ability to express my deepest aspirations, hopes, fears, anxieties, and guilts to another significant person repeatedly”.
    • Intimacy is “the degree of mutual need-satisfaction within a relationship”.