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Mfln april 2014_webinar

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  • 1. A few days after the presentation, we will send an evaluation and links to an archive and resources. We appreciate your feedback. To receive these emails, please enter your email address in the chat box before we start the recording. All chat will be recorded and archived. Welcome to the Military Families Learning Network Webinar Preparing Caregivers to Communicate Effectively Using Three Types of Communication Skills This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306.
  • 2. To receive notifications of future webinars and other learning opportunities from the Military Families Learning Network, sign up for the Military Families Learning Network Email Mailing list at: http://bit.ly/MFLNlist www.eXtension.org/militaryfamilies facebook.com/militaryfamilies bit.ly/MFLNwebinars blogs.eXtension.org/militaryfamilies twitter.com/MilFamLN Welcome to the Military Families Learning Network This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306.
  • 3. Military Families Learning Network This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306. To receive notifications of future webinars and other learning opportunities from the Military Families Learning Network, sign up for the Military Families Learning Network Email Mailing list at: http://bit.ly/MFLNlist Military Caregiving eXmilcaregiving @eXmilcaregiving #eXmilcaregiving milfamln
  • 4. https://learn.extension.org/events/1467 This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306. Available Resources
  • 5. CEU Process The Military Caregiving Concentration team has applied for 1.00 CE credit from NASW. For more information on CE credit contact woundedwarrior@ag.tamu.edu This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306.
  • 6. Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph.D. Preparing Caregivers to Communicate Effectively Using Three Types of Communication Skills
  • 7. Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph.D. Passionate About Family Caregiving • Owner of MBP Consulting, LLC • Professor Emeritus University of Wisconsin-Extension • Over 25 years as an educator of family caregivers • Personal and professional caregiving experiences • mbpconsulting@tds.net
  • 8. Who is with us today? • Family Caregiver • Professional Caregiver • Professional who supports caregivers • Both-currently caregiver and professional POLLING QUESTION
  • 9. • Introduce three communication skills: • “I” vs. “You” messages • Assertive communication • Aikido communication • Provide examples for each skill • Share additional resources on communication skills Today’s Goals
  • 10. • Teach the three different communication skills to caregivers • Identify situations where caregivers could use one of the communication skills • Integrate the teaching of communication skills to caregivers when working with them You will be able to…
  • 11. What % of our communication is non-verbal? POLLING QUESTION A. 45% B. 10% C. 55% D. 82%
  • 12. • 55% body language • 38% tone of voice • 7% words we say Communication is divided between:
  • 13. • Verbal communication • Speaking-voice tone, volume, clarity • Non-verbal communication • Body language • Facial expressions • Posture • Gestures • Eye contact • Breathing • Muscle tension Communication Review
  • 14. • Check for • Congruence-words and body language the same • Clusters-body language is all the same • Context-past history; role of individuals Non-Verbal Communication
  • 15. • Be attentive. • Stay focused • Avoid distractions • Encourage conversation. • Avoid interruptions • Avoid being judgmental • Confirm what was said. • Use open-ended questions • Paraphrase what you heard as needed Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. Listening Keys
  • 16. • Take signals from individual you are communicating with. • Use words they understand • Respect mood & tone • Beware of disclaimers. • “maybe” • “mostly” • “probably” • “but” • “might” • “usually” Listening Keys cont.
  • 17. • Identify a difficult conversation you have been putting off • Who is it with? • What is the conversation about? • What do you want to accomplish? • Express thoughts and feelings • Be honest and direct • Create harmony Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. A Difficult Conversation
  • 18. • “I” Messages: promotes ownership of thoughts and feelings • Assertive: helps to be open, honest and direct without hurting feelings • Aikido: helps find common ground and build harmony Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. Three Communication Skills
  • 19. • Takes ownership for thoughts & feelings • Increases chances of being heard • Keeps conversation positive Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. “I” Messages
  • 20. 1. You never take me out since your accident. 2. I know you don’t feel uncomfortable being out but I still wish we would go out. 3. I really enjoy our time together when we are out and wish we had more of it. 4. I am hurt that you won’t take me out as I really miss our time together. Which Message is an “I” Message? POLLING QUESTION
  • 21. 1. You never take me out since your accident. 2. I know you don’t feel uncomfortable being out but I still wish we would go out. 3. I really enjoy our time together when we are out and wish we could do more of it. “I message” 4. I am hurt that you won’t take me out as I really miss our time together. Which Message is an “I” Message?
  • 22. • Person feels attacked • Respond by “fighting back” or withdraw • Increase anger & frustration • Doesn’t resolve problem or concern • Often hidden in “I” messages Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. “You” Messages
  • 23. • Raising a concern • I hope we can discuss our relationship so we can stop being upset with each other. • Returning a problem • I know how disappointed you are in not being able to return to active duty so how will you manage it? Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. Other Uses for “I” Messages
  • 24. • State your intention and expectations • I expect you to be ready to go for your appointment at 2:00 pm, when I get home from work, so you won’t be late. • Expressing positive feelings & compliments • I get the impression you are passionate about working with wounded warriors as it shows in the care you provide to Tom. Other Uses for “I” Messages cont.
  • 25. “I” Messages Fact Sheet
  • 26. • Not aggression • Honest open communication • Shares feelings and thoughts Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. Assertive–Getting What You Need
  • 27. • Statements are clear and direct • Does not blame or accuse • Uses “I” messages Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. Assertive–Getting What You Need
  • 28. • Describe the situation • Express feelings • Specify what needs to be done • Consequences are spelled out Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. 4 Steps to Assertive Communication
  • 29. Caregiver Story– Cecil, Maria, and Ivan
  • 30. • Describe-He is leaving the care of his dog, Buddy, to his parents. Buddy is confused about who he should be loyal to and a bond isn’t being established between the two of them. • Express-Upset and concerned • Specify-Needs to take responsibility for the care of buddy and to work on creating a bond with him so you can be independent. • Consequences-Parents will share their concern about Cecil lack of responsibly with Buddy. One possible outcome is Buddy being taken away from him. Caregiver Story– Cecil, Maria, and Ivan
  • 31. Caregiver Story–Harold & Karen
  • 32. • Describe- Stopped going to his counseling appointments to work on strategies to manage his anger. • Express-Afraid about him hurting himself or someone when he becomes angry • Specify-Need to continue working on managing anger and to identify what triggers it • Consequences-Would feel terrible about hurting someone as he is not a violent person Harold’s Stopped going to Counseling appointments
  • 33. Assertive Style Fact Sheet
  • 34. • Align- put yourself in the other person’s shoes • Agree- find common ground • Redirect energies- focuses on areas of agreement • Resolve problems-agree on solution Aikido Communication– Finding Common Ground
  • 35. FortHoodSentinel Caregiver Story– Matt and Sarah
  • 36. • Align-proud of his accomplishments • Agree-don’t want him to use walking aids • Redirect energies-building and keeping strong muscles • Resolve problems-workout with others Caregiver Story– Matt and Sarah
  • 37. Caregiver Story–Randy and Sandy
  • 38. • Align-gone through a lot together and relationship grown • Agree-desire to be independent & live alone • Redirect energies-different ideas about what is needed before having a place of your own • Resolve problems-meet with blind soldiers to hear how they gained their independence & keep positive relationship Caregiver Story–Randy and Sandy
  • 39. Aikido Style Fact Sheet
  • 40. Assertive Style • “Standing Tall” • Positive style • Direct, clear, straight forward • Especially useful in: • Setting limits • Asking for help • Advocating for another • Making difficult decisions • Dealing with difficult communication interactions Aikido Style • “Standing With” • Positive style • Less direct: more gentle & supportive • Useful to: • Defuse emotionally charged situations • Help others feel they are understood • Reduce anger • Balance emotions so can deal with issues Powerful Tools for Caregiver, Page 58 Differences
  • 41. If one communication style doesn’t work try the other Assertive & Aikido Styles
  • 42. Caregiver Story–Randy and Sandy
  • 43. Aikido Style • Align-gone through a lot together and relationship grown • Agree-desire to be independent & live alone • Redirect energies- different ideas about what is needed before having a place of your own • Resolve problems- meet with blind soldiers to hear how they gained their independence & keep positive relationship Assertive Style • Describe-difficult two years and our relationship has grown but we have been fighting about what needs to happen before you live on your own • Express-Concerned and fearful • Specify-Need to seek outside help so we can reach agreement on what needs to happen before he lives on his own • Consequences- relationship will suffer and we will continue to fight without coming to resolution
  • 44. • Non-verbal communication • Verbal communication • Listening Summary
  • 45. • Three communication skills: • “I” Messages-promotes ownership of thoughts and feelings • You Messages-feel attacked • Assertive-is specific and direct. The four steps are: • Describe • Express • Specify • Provides consequences Summary
  • 46. • Communication skills cont. • Aikido-finds common ground and builds harmony • Align-puts yourself in the other person’s shoes • Agree-finds common ground • Redirect energies-focuses on agreement • Resolve problems-agreeing on solution Summary
  • 47. Was today’s presentation helpful in identifying which communication skill you would use for your difficult conversation? A. Yes B. No Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. A Difficult Conversation POLLING QUESTION
  • 48. • Family Caregiver Alliance • http://www.extension.org/family_caregiving • Veterans Family Caregivers • http://www.caregiver.va.gov/ • Military Family Caregivers • http://www.extension.org/pages/60576 Resources
  • 49. Questions or Reactions
  • 50. • Cleland, M., Schmall, V., & Sturdevant, M. (2000). The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools for Caregiving. United States of America: Perseus Books. • Robinson, L & Segal, J. Effective Communication: Improving Communication Skills in Business and Relationships. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm • Segal, J. (2012, September). Non-verbal Communication: Improving Your Nonverbal skills and Reading Body Language. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq6_nonverbal_communication.htm • Thompson, J. (2012, September 30) Is Non Verbal Communication a Numbers game? Retrieved from Psychology Today. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal- communication-numbers-game References
  • 51. Military Families Learning Network This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306. Military Caregiving Mary 28, 2014 @ 11:00 am Eastern Effects of Visible & Invisible Parent Combat Injuries on Children For more information on MFLN–Military Caregiving go to: http://www.extension.org/pages/60576 UPCOMING EVENTS
  • 52. Military Families Learning Network This material is based upon work supported by the National Institute of Food and Agriculture, U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Office of Family Policy, Children and Youth, U.S. Department of Defense under Award Numbers 2010-48869-20685 and 2012-48755-20306. Military Caregiving, Family Development, Personal Finance, Network Literacy Find all upcoming and recorded webinars covering: http://www.extension.org/62581

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