The Happiness Project The First Church of Salem, Unitarian Workshop II: Cultivating Mindfulness

A Brief Review Happiness is not merely “pleasure” Pleasure fades…quickly…. Happiness is not a thing to be attained

Happiness is not merely “pleasure”

Pleasure fades…quickly….

Happiness is not a thing to be attained

Goal I’ll be happy when I get a good job. a new car… when I get married. when we have a baby. when the kids move out. When I retire.... When I’m dead.

A Brief Review Happiness as process and judgment Self-Cultivation : The process of working toward my goals and values; becoming a better person . Appreciation : Appreciating what is good in who you are and what you have right now .

Happiness as process and judgment

Self-Cultivation : The process of working toward my goals and values; becoming a better person .

Appreciation : Appreciating what is good in who you are and what you have right now .

Cultivation and Reflection The Action-Reflection Cycle Level of Reflection (Where I reflect, appreciate & plan ) Level of Action (Where I work toward my goals and values)

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my “best self” 1 Serve at the shelter…

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions Serve at the shelter…

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 (2a) What is good about… this moment? … my actions…my life, etc. (2b) How can I continue to improve? Reflecting & Appreciation

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions Serve at the shelter… They like the warm food… This is helping Chris…

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions Serve at the shelter… I think I’m getting a little “holier than thou”

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self Reflecting & Appreciation

Happiness is about Cultivating and Appreciating A Good Life

Components of A Good Life Work/ Contribution Health/ Self-Care Love/ Relationships A Good Life

Happiness is Work/ Contribution Health/ Self-Care Love/ Relationships Cultivation & Appreciation in Each Domain

I. Health/Self-Care Diet Exercise Sleep Mindfulness

Health/Self-Care Health, yeah, right…I know. Eat right and exercise and all that. I know the drill. If you have your health, you have everything…. I know… I get it already…

Health/Self-Care Don’t give me that nonchalant sarcasm!

Health/Self-Care But, the fact is, if you aren’t feeling well, this really is the place to start . It makes a serious difference. Don’t believe me. Ask Beth.

Mindfulness One element of self-care is mindfulness . Mindfulness is a simple concept. It simply means being aware of what is happening in the present moment .

One element of self-care is mindfulness .

Mindfulness is a simple concept.

It simply means being aware of what is happening in the present moment .

Mindfulness Is an act of centering Focuses our awareness Is the key to appreciation Refreshes us in meditation/contemplation Can be used to protect us from the slings and arrows of life

Is an act of centering

Focuses our awareness

Is the key to appreciation

Refreshes us in meditation/contemplation

Can be used to protect us from the slings and arrows of life

Mindfulness 101 Stop my mind! I want to get on! The world is full of rich experience. We are too busy doing what is urgent. We rarely experience what the world has to offer. We are always someplace else. How do we begin to really experience? Center yourself in the here-and-now. How? BREATHE .

The world is full of rich experience. We are too busy doing what is urgent.

We rarely experience what the world has to offer. We are always someplace else.

How do we begin to really experience?

Center yourself in the here-and-now.

How? BREATHE .

Exercise I: Simple Breathing Meditation Close your eyes Clear your mind of everything Attend to your breathing When your mind wanders (and it will), bring it back Let’s do this for one full minute

Close your eyes

Clear your mind of everything

Attend to your breathing

When your mind wanders (and it will), bring it back

Let’s do this for one full minute

Breathing is an act of centering focuses our awareness It can be done anytime, anywhere for immediate re-centering

is an act of centering

focuses our awareness

It can be done anytime, anywhere for immediate re-centering

Exercise II: Appreciating Your Breathing Close your eyes Clear your mind of everything Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it. When your mind wanders (and it will), bring it back Let’s do this for one full minute

Close your eyes

Clear your mind of everything

Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it.

When your mind wanders (and it will), bring it back

Let’s do this for one full minute

Breathing is an act of centering focuses our awareness brings us to a center of goodness It can be done anytime, anywhere for immediate re-centering

is an act of centering

focuses our awareness

brings us to a center of goodness

It can be done anytime, anywhere for immediate re-centering

Mindfulness is a first step toward taking control of our lives. A Brief Digression: Why is it important to have a sense of control in our lives? How does mindfulness help here?

A Brief Digression:

Why is it important to have a sense of control in our lives?

How does mindfulness help here?

A Misconception We say an event “makes” us feel happy. Great! I wanted that job! You got the job!

We say an event “makes” us feel happy.

A Misconception We say an event “makes” us feel unhappy. Dang! I wanted that job! Sorry, you didn’t get the job!

We say an event “makes” us feel unhappy.

But it’s not the event per se that makes us happy. “ Getting the job” can make me feel… happy …if I wanted it. guilty …if I feel I took it from someone afraid …if it’s dangerous angry …if you gave me a bad job anxious …if I don’t think I can do it Our emotions arise not from events, but from interpretations

“ Getting the job” can make me feel…

happy …if I wanted it.

guilty …if I feel I took it from someone

afraid …if it’s dangerous

angry …if you gave me a bad job

anxious …if I don’t think I can do it

Mindfulness and Control So, it’s not the event that makes us happy (sad, angry, etc.)…it’s our interpretation. We can exert control over our interpretations of events. But developing this control is a skill that takes time, effort and discipline. This is where mindfulness comes in.

So, it’s not the event that makes us happy (sad, angry, etc.)…it’s our interpretation.

We can exert control over our interpretations of events.

But developing this control is a skill that takes time, effort and discipline.

This is where mindfulness comes in.

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my “best self” 1

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions

The Happiness Process Everyday Life Cultivating my best self 1 2 Reflecting on My Actions This is mindfulness

When Life Happens… Cultivating my best self Morning! Coffee! I am so looking forward to my morning coffee! 1

When Life Happens… Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows Morning! Coffee! We’re out of coffee 1 2 I am so looking forward to my morning coffee!

When Life Happens… Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows Morning! Coffee! We’re out of coffee We’re out of coffee!

Now is the time for mindfulness Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows Morning! Coffee! We’re out of coffee We’re out of coffee!

Now is the time for mindfulness Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate We’re out of coffee Morning! Coffee!

Now is the time for the most important question for cultivating happiness: What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer?

And I Repeat: What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer?

It is possible that I did not make myself clear…

To be happy… To appreciate the moment… any moment… The most important question you can ask yourself is…

What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer? What does this moment have to offer?

Did I mention that this is the most important question?

Exercise III: What does this moment have to offer? Close your eyes and clear your mind Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it. Ask: What does this moment have to offer? Appreciate Wait – Let’s not do this quite yet…

Close your eyes and clear your mind

Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it.

Ask: What does this moment have to offer?

Appreciate

Wait – Let’s not do this quite yet…

What does this moment have to offer ? Most events offer: Something good (e.g., even if it is the breath of life) Something not so good An opportunity to learn and develop

Most events offer:

Something good (e.g., even if it is the breath of life)

Something not so good

An opportunity to learn and develop

What does this moment have to offer ? Most events offer: Something good Something not so good An opportunity to learn and develop APPRECIATE IT. Acknowledge it. Use it.

Most events offer:

Something good

Something not so good

An opportunity to learn and develop

APPRECIATE IT.

Acknowledge it.

Use it.

When Life Happens… Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows Morning! Coffee! We’re out of coffee We’re out of coffee!

First… Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate We’re out of coffee Morning! Coffee!

Then… What does this moment have to offer? Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate We’re out of coffee Morning! Coffee! What does this moment have to offer?

What does this moment have to offer? Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate We’re out of coffee Morning! Coffee! What does this moment have to offer? The goodness of my breathing My awareness of my capacity to choose I could try a cup of tea I could go to Ziggy’s Donuts! I could ask Alicia to go with me! What does it feel like to be sans caffeine? I could learn to wait for a change… What is really important to me right now?

Exercise III: What does this moment have to offer? Close your eyes and clear your mind Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it. Ask: What does this moment have to offer? Appreciate, Reflect, Contemplate Let’s do this for one full minute

Close your eyes and clear your mind

Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it.

Ask: What does this moment have to offer?

Appreciate, Reflect, Contemplate

Let’s do this for one full minute

Mindfulness and Control We are often told: Happiness is a decision you make… Happiness is a choice… You can choose to be happy or not… What we are not told is that: Choosing to be happy is not as simple as choosing vanilla ice cream. We must learn HOW to make this choice a hundred times a day

We are often told:

Happiness is a decision you make…

Happiness is a choice…

You can choose to be happy or not…

What we are not told is that:

Choosing to be happy is not as simple as choosing vanilla ice cream.

We must learn HOW to make this choice a hundred times a day

One More Step: Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Cultivating my best self “ Here is my report.” 1

One More Step: Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows You are a bumbling idiot. “ Here is my report.” 1 2

One More Step: Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows You are a bumbling idiot. “ Here is my report.” 1 2

“ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -- Eleanor Roosevelt

One More Step: Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Cultivating my best self Slings and Arrows You are a bumbling idiot. “ Here is my report.” 1 2

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate You are a bumbling idiot! “ Here is my report.”

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate You are a bumbling idiot! “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer?

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate You are a bumbling idiot! “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer? Who am I? Who (the hell) is he? Here are my boundaries. What are my values? I am in control what I will let in.

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows You are a bumbling idiot! Who am I? Who (the hell) is he? Here are my boundaries. What are my values? I am in control what I will let in. Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer?

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Who am I? Who (the hell) is he? Here are my boundaries. What are my values? I am in control what I will let in. Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer?

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Who am I? Who (the hell) is he? Here are my boundaries. What are my values? I am in control what I will let in. Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer?

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Who am I? Who (the hell) is he? Here are my boundaries. What are my values? I am in control what I will let in. Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer?

Identifying Your Values and Boundaries Slings and Arrows Who am I? Who (the hell) is he? Here are my boundaries. What are my values? I am in control what I will let in. Breathe Return to my Center Appreciate “ Here is my report.” What does this moment have to offer?

Exercise IV: Identifying Your Boundaries and Values Imagine a time (real or pretend) that someone threatened your sense of self Close your eyes and clear your mind Breathe. Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it. Imagine your breathing as a the core of your self. Imagine your breathing forming loop of energy, coming in and out of your body. Extend the loop around your entire body. You are the core of energy within that loop; the rest of the world is outside of that loop. Your loop is your force-field. You control what makes it through. Ask: What does this moment have to offer?

Imagine a time (real or pretend) that someone threatened your sense of self

Close your eyes and clear your mind

Breathe. Attend to what feels good about your breathing. Consciously appreciate it.

Imagine your breathing as a the core of your self. Imagine your breathing forming loop of energy, coming in and out of your body. Extend the loop around your entire body.

You are the core of energy within that loop; the rest of the world is outside of that loop. Your loop is your force-field. You control what makes it through.

Ask: What does this moment have to offer?

Summing Up Happiness is a process and a judgment The process of cultivating a good life The mindful appreciation of the moment Cultivating my best self Mindful Reflection & Appreciation

Happiness is a process and a judgment

The process of cultivating a good life

The mindful appreciation of the moment

Summing Up Mindfulness Becoming aware of the richness of the present moment This is a skill; it takes discipline Breathing as an Entry into Mindfulness Mindful breathing is always available to you It will have an immediate effect (centering)

Mindfulness

Becoming aware of the richness of the present moment

This is a skill; it takes discipline

Breathing as an Entry into Mindfulness

Mindful breathing is always available to you

It will have an immediate effect (centering)

The Most Important Question What Does this Moment Have to Offer? Reflect, Appreciate, Act

What Does this Moment Have to Offer?

Reflect, Appreciate, Act

Discussion & Homework How can we use mindfulness for the purpose of cultivation and appreciation? At every negative moment, stop yourself, breathe, and ask, “ What does this moment have to offer?” Keep an informal journal (even in your mind) of how this helps (or doesn’t help)

How can we use mindfulness for the purpose of cultivation and appreciation?

At every negative moment, stop yourself, breathe, and ask, “ What does this moment have to offer?”

Keep an informal journal (even in your mind) of how this helps (or doesn’t help)