Poogle Translate

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Politicians. They walk among us, yet they speak a language that is not of this world. In the interests of open democracy, favourable SEO rankings and the public’s right to less bullshit, the Mail & Guardian has consulted that gauleiter of the interweb, Poogle, to decipher the double speak, lay bare the innuendo and uncover the lies, damned lies, our beloved public figures are prone to use.

Published in: News & Politics, Technology
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Poogle Translate

  1. 1. PoogleTranslate Mac Maharaj From: Spin - detected "The President is applying his mind" Translate
  2. 2. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean The presidency hasnt made a decision since 1968. Why start now? Cant a man take a shower in peace? Piss off.
  3. 3. PoogleTranslate Mac Maharaj From: Spin - detected "Deputy Minister Godongwana had resigned to pursue personal interests." Translate
  4. 4. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean When the going gets tough ... youre on your own, comrade. Dont forget to write. If it turns out hes guilty, we dont want him stinking up the joint. Aluta!
  5. 5. PoogleTranslate Phillip Dexter From: Spin - detected "It has become clear to me that whatever we set out to do when we formed Cope, that mission is one that has failed. The ANC is the only organisation that can and does advance a programme I can support" Translate
  6. 6. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean Dear ANC. I miss you, and my steady pay cheque. I dont know what I ever saw in Cope. Please take me back. The ex-wife has got me by the short and curlies. Love, Phil xxx.
  7. 7. PoogleTranslate Julius Malema From: Spin - detected "Mbeki is depriving us of that intellectual wealth. I wish he would reconsider his decision not to participate." Translate
  8. 8. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean Mbeki talks a lot, he smokes a lot, and he uses a lot of long words. But no one else is accepting my friend requests, and Solitaire sucks ass. And he is an African, or so he keeps telling me.
  9. 9. PoogleTranslate Siyabonga Cwele From: Spin - detected "The media is an important component in our society. Our department also has no mandate to silence the media." Translate
  10. 10. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean My God, these people are worse than drug mules. Cheryl was right all along. We know we cant wholesale dispose of these bloody agents. So we wont "silence" them. That could get … messy. Well just terrify them into submission. MUCH better.
  11. 11. PoogleTranslate Llewellyn Landers From: Spin - detected "Anyone who does not support the passing of the Protection of State Information Bill wishes for the old apartheid-era legislation to remain. They are supporting that which was passed in the PW Botha era." Translate
  12. 12. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean If I talk about the bad old days enough, maybe people will forget that I used to work for PW Botha as a minister in the old Tricameral Parliament. Is it working? Good. God, I miss the 80s.
  13. 13. PoogleTranslate Mangosuthu Buthelezi From: Spin - detected "I remain at the helm of the IFP at the unanimous request of my partys members." Translate
  14. 14. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean Lets face it, Im the only one who actually wants this gig. I have bored them all into submission. Just call me Mugabe-Lite.
  15. 15. PoogleTranslate Thabo Mbeki From: Spin - detected "I am sceptical about this notion of Twitter being that great conveyor instrument for the democratisation of knowledge. If you want to discuss knowledge on the betterment of society, I dont think it is appropriate. Even the internet in general, blogging and so on, is not the place where you can put all these things under theories." Translate
  16. 16. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean I am an African. I personally dont know anyone who has Twitter. Do these imbeciles honestly expect me to use only 140 characters? I am an African. I leave for two years and THIS is what you guys come up with? Has anyone seen my Renaissance? I am an African.
  17. 17. PoogleTranslate Helen Zille From: Spin - detected "I cannot decide who my successor should be. The party must do this. People are nominated -- we like leadership contests in the DA -- and then the federal congress must vote. It will probably be one of our extremely talented emerging black leaders." Translate
  18. 18. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean Were desperate to get some black people to vote for us. Remember, a vote for Lindi is a vote against Julius Malema. Please vote for her.
  19. 19. PoogleTranslate Gerald Majola From: Spin - detected "I was only following a precedent set by Dr Ali Bacher." Translate
  20. 20. PoogleTranslate To: What they mean Bacher left with a fat stack of cash in his back pocket. I wanted a piece of the action. Dont hate the player, hate the game. Content: M & G Online Team | Graphics by: Kenny Leung

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