Madiba ShuffleThis workout is designed to maximise good karma and will almost certainly result in along and healthy life.St...
Msholozi Machine Gun LungeThe ultimate stress reliever, this exercise will ease the tension caused by successionbattles in...
Juju’s Crouching Comrade Hidden TenderFeeling a little under the whip? A little ostracised? Then try this – it will lift y...
Khulubuse Gut BusterFew people appreciate the impact being a tenderpreneur has on your body massindex (BMI). It’s hard wor...
King Kenny Sushi-board absOnly available to VIP club members. Should you wish to participate in this workoutplease send R5...
Virgin Active SA Wobble & SpinWe should all do our bit to ght the scourge of racism, and the Virgin Active Wobble &Spin wo...
Zille Roundhouse KickThe jury is out on whether this technique is e ective at all, but what other choice do youhave? For b...
Mac (Maharaj) Bob and WeaveThere’s nothing like a struggle icon to inspire the ght against discrimination and unfairpracti...
Lindiwe Parly Pull DownsOnly for the bravest of hearts. This routine is sure to bring joy to gym-goers who faceracist rema...
Tenderpreneur Soul DestroyerWhen all else fails, it’s time for extreme measures. The Soul Destroyer is designed tosoften t...
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10 yebo yes exercises to beat racism

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In the spirit of Ubuntu and the pursuit of firmer thighs for all, the M&G Online has seen fit – in light of outrageous racist incidents in Johannesburg gyms – to share a few ground-breaking exercise tips to align your chakras, defeat discrimination and abolish muffin tops forever.

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10 yebo yes exercises to beat racism

  1. 1. Madiba ShuffleThis workout is designed to maximise good karma and will almost certainly result in along and healthy life.Step 1: Start with both feet in a reconciliatory stance. i.e.together. Bend your arms at your side and clench your stsas if you are boxing – or skiing.Step 2: Slowly move your left foot sideways away fromyour body. Stay impartial, stay balanced. Be sure not tomove too far or you may run the risk of being called“leftist”.Step 3: Ok, now patiently convince the right foot to joinyour left foot. Be strong. Do not give in to temptation andlose your credibility.Step 4: Repeat Step 2. You should now have anoverwhelming sense of righteousness and calm. That’s thatkarma vibe.Step 5: Now stay focused. This next move is fraught withdanger. Move your right foot sideways. Aligning yourselfwith the right is always tricky, but the rewards are endless,particularly if you…(see Step 6)Step 6: Convince your left foot to reconcile with the rightfoot.Step 7: Now move your sts back and forth while keepingthem at your side.Warning: This routine may take 27 years to perfect.
  2. 2. Msholozi Machine Gun LungeThe ultimate stress reliever, this exercise will ease the tension caused by successionbattles in the workplace, multiple spouses at home and incompetence on the part ofyour employees.Step 1: Choose your imaginary weapon. An AK-47 will do.Step 2: Raise your arms above your waistline, shoulder width apart.Step 3: Lunge forward, bendyour knees slightly as you pointyour weapon in the direction ofLimpopo. This is very important.Step 4: Relax your arms at yourside.Step 5: Repeat Steps 2, 3 and 4.Step 6: Now try singing uMshiniwami or I Fink U Freeky as yourepeat the above steps.
  3. 3. Juju’s Crouching Comrade Hidden TenderFeeling a little under the whip? A little ostracised? Then try this – it will lift your spiritsand bring redemption from all quarters, instilling calm among members of theopposite race. But don’t be tjatjarag – you might hurt yourself.Step 1: Bend your Step 2: Spring up Step 3: Repeat Step 4: Spring intoknees as if you are into the air with Step 1 and the air with yourducking a Hawks your hands raised whisper hands raised andinvestigation, until and yell “Shabaaangu..” scream “Economicyour behind “Nationalisation!” freedom!”touches yourAchilles heel.Step 5: Repeat Step 6: Spring into Step 7: RepeatStep 1 and the air and shout Step 1 andwhisper "Mbeki!" whisper“Limpoooopo…" "Mangauuuung…".
  4. 4. Khulubuse Gut BusterFew people appreciate the impact being a tenderpreneur has on your body massindex (BMI). It’s hard work getting to the trough rst and one must remain nimblewhen Uncle gives you the heads up on a lucrative business opportunity. This dynamicworkout will keep you ahead of the pack, your mind sharp and – most importantly –keep you slimmer than a starving mineworker.Step 1: Lie at on your back like you are sunning yourself on a tropical island.Step 2: Stretch out your arms to the heavens as if you were reaching for mannaStep 3: Squeeze in your stomach as though you were trying to t an elephant behindthe wheel of a Mercedes SLS AMG.Step 4: Now slowly lift your torso o the ground. Be careful at this point. Excessivestrain may lead to unfair scrutiny, a urry of court orders and bouts of binge eatinglater on.Step 5: Gently return yourself to the sunbathing position. Remember to breathe a sighof relief.Step 6: Return to the sunbathing position and bask in the glow of your achievements.
  5. 5. King Kenny Sushi-board absOnly available to VIP club members. Should you wish to participate in this workoutplease send R5 000 in a sealed envelope to the o ces of ZAR nightclub. They’ll call you.No chancers. VIP  ACCESS  ONLY
  6. 6. Virgin Active SA Wobble & SpinWe should all do our bit to ght the scourge of racism, and the Virgin Active Wobble &Spin workout is a shining example of how it’s done.Step 1: Assume the position of innocent party, where everyone is to blame but you.(Also known as The Cyclist)Step 2: Keep your head down and pretend nothing and no one else exists but youand the exercise bike. Hint: Wear earphones.Step 3: Back peddle furiously at the rst sign of strain.Step 4: Blame the machine.Step 5: Continue spinning ad nauseam until someone takes notice.Warning: DO NOT scream “Yebo!”
  7. 7. Zille Roundhouse KickThe jury is out on whether this technique is e ective at all, but what other choice do youhave? For best results ensure that your followers on Twitter are informed of your stanceagainst racism and the lengths to which you are willing to go to prove it.Step 1: Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, hands at yourside, poised for action.Step 2: Survey your surroundings for the slightest hint of racist accusations.Step 3: Spring into the air, right leg outstretched, and swiftlysweep it in a clockwise direction, as though you were trying tokick a professional black out of Cape Town.Step 4: Repeat Step 1, 2 and 3 – butthis time with your leftist leg.Hint: Upon completion you stand a chance of winning R50 000.
  8. 8. Mac (Maharaj) Bob and WeaveThere’s nothing like a struggle icon to inspire the ght against discrimination and unfairpractice. We should take inspiration only from the best.Step 1: Bend your knees while keeping yourback upright, as though you were dodging aprobe by amaBhungane.Step 2: Stand up straight and assume thedefensive position.Step 3: Sway your head and torso to the leftlike you were at a press conference anddidn’t want your picture taken.Step 4: Sway your head and torso to theright. Now you want your picture taken.Step 5: Stand up straight. Push your headback, close your eyes and think of thosebalmy nights in the Cayman Islands. Breathe.
  9. 9. Lindiwe Parly Pull DownsOnly for the bravest of hearts. This routine is sure to bring joy to gym-goers who faceracist remarks on a daily basis.Step 1: Sit steadily under the heavyweights for maximum e ect,aspirational thoughts swimming inyour head.Step 2: Breathe deeply as you stretchout your hands above your head.Step 3: In one swift movement pulldown towards your chest. Use yourbuttocks as leverage against theheavier weights.Remember: This exercise is no token gesture. Believe in it.
  10. 10. Tenderpreneur Soul DestroyerWhen all else fails, it’s time for extreme measures. The Soul Destroyer is designed tosoften the most hardcore racists.Health warning: This may lead to severe bouts of media scrutiny and coughing up.Step 1: Lie at on your stomach, arms and legs stretched out, with your face down.(Also known as the “you’re under arrest” position)Step 2: Bend your head back towards your buttocks.Step 3: Bend your legs to meet your head. This may give you the appearance of beingspineless.Step 4: Now try to lift your upper torso o the ground and rock back and forth. Pushthrough the excruciating pain that is now shooting through your entire body.Remember, no pain, no ill-gotten gain.Step 5: Repeat Step 1. Game over. Text by: Adrian Ephraim | Illustrations by: Kenny Leung

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