Chapter 8 (guidelines and communication strategies for disclosure)
Subject : Theory ofCommunication Chapter 5 Group 5
SHARING PERSONAL INFORMATION Presenter : Ngan Giang
Self-Disclosing• Self-disclosure is both the conscious and subconscious act of revealing more about oneself to others.• This may include, but is not limited to, thoughts, feelings, aspirations, goals, failures, successes, fears, dreams as well as ones likes, dislikes, and favorites.• Self-disclosure is an important building block for intimacy, intimacy can not be achieved without it.
Self-Disclosing• There are several important factors that influence self-disclosure and the state of the relationship, such as the relational definition, time, way of explaining each others behavior, degree of affection, reciprocity, and goals.
Self-DisclosingBenefits Risks• May increase trust • Others may reject us• May increase • Others may think less closeness of us• May enhance self- esteem • Others may violate• May increase security our confidences• May enhance self- growth
Self-Disclosure When Appropriate• Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you.• Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk.• Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.• Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships.• Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated.
At the heart of intimate self-disclosure is sharing personal feelings. When we do so, wedemonstrate that we trust our partner not to use the information to do us harm. Oncewe decide to share our feelings, we have to know how to do so appropriately. The best way to share feelings is by describing them It’s the skill of naming the emotions you are feeling without judging them.
But how to describe your feelings ?1. Identify the behavior that triggered the feeling. What speciﬁcally has someone said or done to or about you? Cold war ? Why ?
2 Identify the speciﬁc emotion you are experiencing as a result of the behavior.Sometimes we can’t describe our emotions because we don’t have the vocabularyto accurately describe what we are feeling. Yes, what we are feeling is similar toanger, but are weannoyed, betrayed, cheated, crushed, disturbed, furious, outraged, or shocked?Each of these words more richly describes a feeling that might less precisely belabeled anger. Is he annoyed, betrayed, cheated, cru shed, disturbed, furious, outrage d, or shocked?
Frame your response as an “I” statement. For example, “I feel happy/sad/irritated/excited/vibrant. “I” statements help neutralize the impact of an emotionaldescription because they do not blame the other or evaluate the other’s behavior.Instead, a ﬁrst person message accurately conveys what you are expressing and why. Becareful, however, not to couch a blaming statement as an “I” statement. For example, “Ifeel like you don’t respect me” is a criticism of the other person. It doesn’t let the otherperson know how you feel about what happened. You might have felt hurt, betrayed, orangry. But you haven’t disclosed this. ..”doesn’t let the other person know how you feel about what happen.”
Verbalize the speciﬁc feeling. Here are two examples of describing feelings effectively.The ﬁrst one begins with the trigger, and the second one begins with thefeeling—either order is acceptable :“Thank you for your compliment [trigger]; I [the person having the feeling] feelgratiﬁed [the speciﬁc feeling] that you noticed the effort I made.”“I [the person having the feeling] feel very resentful [the speciﬁc feeling] whenyou criticize my cooking after I’ve worked as many hours as you have [trigger].” Verbalize your feelings !
1. Describing behavioursDescribing behaviours: accurately recounting the specificbehaviours of another without commenting on their appropriateness.
1. Describing behavioursEffectively sharing feelings: descriptive and specific rather thanevaluative and vague.Unfortunately, people are quick to share ambiguous conclusions andevaluations.
1. Describing behavioursTo describe behavior: 1. Identify the specific behaviours that led to our perception 2. Share that information as feedback
2. Praising positive behavioursPraising: describing a specific positive bahaviour or accomplishmentof another person and the effect that bahaviour has on othersPraise ≠ Flattery: Praise: sincere compliment Flattery: insincere compliment for ingratiation
2. Praising positive behavioursPraise reinforces positive behaviour and helps another develop apositive self-conceptFor effective praising: focus on the specific behavior we want toreinforce
2. Praising positive behavioursPraise when appropriate doesn’t cost much and usually appreciatedPraise not only provides feedback and builds esteem but alsodeepens our relationship with that person
3. Giving constructive criticismConstructive criticism: describing specific behavior of other that hurtthe person of that person’s relationships with othersCriticize doesn’t mean condemn or judge, it’s based on empathy andsincere desire to help someone understand the impact of his or herbehavior.
3. Giving constructive criticismSome guidelines when providing constructive criticism: 1. Ask the person’s before giving criticism. 2. Describe the behavior and its consequences by accuratelyrecounting precisely what was said or done and the reaction of thoseaffected by it. 3. Preface constructive criticism with an affirming statement. 4. When appropriate, suggest how the person can change thebehavior.
3. Giving constructive criticism1. Ask the person’s before giving criticismWhen someone has agreed to hear constructive criticism likely tobe more receptive
3. Giving constructive criticism2. Describe the behavior and its consequences by accuratelyrecounting precisely what was said or done and the reaction of thoseaffected by itObjective description allows the other to maintain face while receivingaccurate feedback about the damaging behavior.
3. Giving constructive criticism3. Preface constructive criticism with an affirming statementPrefacing constructive criticism with statements that validate yourrespect for the other person is important.The easiest way is to praise before criticism
3. Giving constructive criticism4. When appropriate, suggest how the person can change thebehaviorThe goal of constructive criticism is to help it’s appropriate toprovide suggestions for positive changesMoreover, it’s help the person with useful information, and show thatyour intentions are positive
DIRECT STRATEGY FORMAINTAINING PRIVACY:ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY Made by : Huu Loc
To maintain your privacy in indirect ways , you may: Changing the subject, masking feelings, and telling white lies But these strategies will eventually damage your relationships if used repeatedly. To keep information private over a longer period of time, you will want to use a more direct approach.
The skill of establishing a boundary allows you to effectively respond to people expecting you to disclose information you prefer to keep private. In essence, it is a polite way to let your partner know that questions requiring you to disclose about a specific topic are unacceptable.
1. Recognize why you are choosing not toshare the information.When Pat asks Eric about the grade he received on atest , Eric may hesitate to share this recognizing thathe feels uncomfortable doing so.2. Identify your rule that guided thisdecision.Eric relates his discomfort in sharing the test score tohis inability to predict how Pat will react when hefinds out that Eric has received an “A+” while Pat gotonly a “B”.Eric, who in the past has been teased for his goodgrades has developed a rule not disclosing the gradeshe receives unless he knows that the person he istalking to respects academic achievement.
3. Form an “I”-centered message that brieflyestablishes a boundary.When Pat asks Eric about his test grade, Eric mightreply - “I know that everyone’s different, and I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s my policy not to ask other people about their grades and not to discuss my own. I know you may think this is weird, but please don’t be offended.”This lets Pat know that Eric’s decision is based on apersonal rule rather than an indication of his trust inPat
Its important to note that in establishingboundaries:
• Your personal needs are valid. It is not necessary for you to defend, debate or over-explain your request.• Enlist the support of a friend for before and after the boundary-setting conversation, if necessary.• Begin setting boundaries with the easiest ones and build yourself up to the more challenging ones for you. Let your communication and behavior get stronger before you tackle the harder boundaries.• Tell people immediately when they are doing something that violates one of your boundaries.• Simply tell them what they are doing that makes you feel angry, frustrated, violated, resentful, or uncomfortable. Communicate gracefully and honestly.
• Make a direct request that they stop the behaviors that offend or bother you. Be very specific about what you want.• Follow-up to let them know how they are doing at honoring your request.• Thank them for making the change.• And, if they refuse to cooperate:• Warm them of a possible consequence if they continue disregarding your request.• Demand that they stop.• Just walk away without getting angry or fighting.• Or, if necessary follow through with the consequence you previously warned them about.
Boundary-setting is like any new skill-youll need tolearn the basics, create a plan for applying your newskill, and then follow through with action and a supportsystem. Over time and with practice, settingboundaries will become easier.
Essential Boundary Setting Steps:• 1. Self Awareness: Identify where your boundaries are weak or non-existent. Establish some new boundaries that honor you. What may people no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you? (Be realistic)• 2. Inform: Educate others about unacceptable behaviors and expressions. Help people understand how they can respect your new boundaries. Communicate without blaming. Verbalize your boundaries.• 3. Request: Calmly tell each person very specifically what you want them to stop doing or saying. Get their commitment to honoring you.• 4. Follow-Up: Let them know how they are doing on meeting your request. Continue educating and reinforcing. Reward those who are respecting your boundaries.
Essential Boundary Setting Steps (cont):• 5. Demand: Warn them about possible consequences if they continue ignoring your request. Enforce your boundaries.• 6. Consequences: Follow through with the consequence if results arent forthcoming. Determine which battles are worth fighting and which are worth letting go; walk away without any further comment if necessary. Set consequences that impact the other person more than you.• 7. Respect others boundaries : Stop violating other peoples boundaries. Be aware and respectful of other peoples boundaries.
Thanks for listening• Group 5 :• 1. M.Sang• 2. H.Lộc• 3. Ngân Giang• 4. Ngọc Cẩm• 5. M.Đăng