written by Bo Sanchez from the www.bosanchez.ph presented by Melissa Medina

1. Presented by
Melissa Medina

2. I have a very special message for you today, and it’s directed to a very special
audience. I’m dedicating this special message to the approval addict, the
chronically nice, the people pleaser, and anyone else who needs to love
themselves more. These are people who lack Personal Boundaries.

3. A person without Boundaries doesn’t like himself. In his hunger for love, he’ll
bend over backwards to make other people like him. He’ll lose his own
personality to please others. Because he’s allergic to conflict, he won’t speak out
his wishes or opinions. He fears angry, intimidating people. He usually gets
trapped in enmeshed relationships. He allows himself to be abused by Controllers.

4. Solution? Give yourself the gift of limits. When you give yourself the Gift of Limits,
you end up giving the world a bigger Gift of Love. If you don’t build your
boundaries, then you won’t help anyone—including yourself.

5. I read this story from Rabbi Edwin Friedman. I got the main concept but changed a
few details: Imagine you’re standing on a bridge. Suddenly, a man comes running
to you with a rope tied around his waist. He hands you the end of a rope, and
asks, “Can you hold this for me? Really tight, okay?”
Suddenly, a man comes running to you
with a rope tied around his waist. He
hands you the end of a rope, and asks,
“Can you hold this for me? Really tight,
okay?”
You’re stunned. You pull the rope with
all your might to prevent him from
falling further into the water beneath
the bridge.

6. “Don’t let go of me or I’ll die!” he screams from below. You answer back, “You’re
crazy! Why did you do that? Climb up the rope!” He says, “You’re now
responsible for my life! Don’t let go of me or I’ll die!” You look around. There’s no
place to tie the rope. The guy was right—he was now your responsibility! But you
feel your strength weakening…
What will you do?

7. Take Galatians 5. This chapter contains two seemingly opposing instructions. In
verse 2, it says Carry each other’s burdens… And then in verse 5, just three verses
after, it says for each one should carry his own load.
At first, I was confused. Do we help or do we not help?
The Answer is in the Greek text. If you look at the original Greek translation, it’s
clear. “Burden” means Boulder. And “Load” means Knapsack.
So the literal Greek Translation can be like this: “Carry each other’s BOULDER… for
each one should carry his KNAPSACK.”

8. Help those who CAN’T carry their burden—But don’t help those who can but
WON’T.
In other words, don’t take on the personal responsibilities of other people.
If you do, your helping isn’t really helping, but harming.

9. Give yourself the gift of Limits by knowing where your responsibility ends and
where the other person’s responsibility begins.

10. There are certain people in this world that will give you their own knapsack (not
boulder) and ask you to carry it for them. But if you’re a person with no
boundaries, you’ll take their knapsack or responsibility, thinking this is what
Christian Love is. But actually, you may be helping not because you love, but
because you want to be loved.

11. First Version: Happy Ending
The man hanging from the rope screams again, “Don’t let
go or I die. I’m now your responsibility!”
You shout, “I refuse to make your life my
responsibility! You were the one who jumped off the
bridge in the first place.
I warn you, you have probably five more minutes to climb
up here. After that, my physical strength would be gone.
When that happens, I have no choice but to let you go!”

12. The man shouts, “No, I am your responsibility. If you let go, I
die! You can’t let go…”
After five minutes, your strength is gone. Your arms collapse
and you let go. The rope slips through your bleeding
hands. The man screams and falls into the water.
Surprisingly, he doesn’t die. He swims to shore. At that
moment, he has an “Aha” moment. He realizes he should
stop jumping off bridges. He changes his life.
Now for the second version…

13. Second Version: Tragic Ending
You scream to the man, “I can’t hold on anymore! I probably
have five more minutes before I lose all my strength…”
The man screams back, “You have to hold on. If you let go, I
die. And my blood will be in your hands.”

14. Stricken by fear, you tie the rope around your waist—and you
hold on for as long as you can.
But slowly, you’re getting weaker. You feel dizzy. Your
body inches towards the edge of the bridge. And then it
happens—you fall off the bridge.

15. The man you were trying to rescue hits the water first. He
does not die. He swims to shore. But when you hit the
water, you could not swim because you were so weak.
And you drown and die.

16. Obviously, I like version one.
But you’ll be surprised how many people follow version two.
The man who jumped off the bridge is what you call a Controller. A Controller
doesn’t respect the boundaries of another person. He wants to impose his will on
you.

17. There are two types of Controllers in this world. The Aggressive Controller and
the Manipulative Controller. (The man with the rope was a Manipulative
Controller.) To control you, the Manipulative Controller uses guilt while the
Aggressive Controller uses anger.

18. And the only way to deal with a Controller?
Love yourself and give yourself the Gift of Limits.

19. I realized that I need to help myself so I can help others. When I have a healthy
sense of self, then I can freely CHOOSE to deny that self, die to myself, and live for
others.
I give myself to others not because of fear
or shame or guilt.
I give myself to others because I truly love.
- Bo Sanchez

20. I’m a very patient person and I give plenty of
second chances but I am not a saint, I have my
limits.
- Melissa
Thank you so much