RELATIONSHIPS & ATTRACTION (Psych 201 - Chapter 10 - Spring 2014)

1,037 views
778 views

Published on

Published in: Education
0 Comments
1 Like
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

No Downloads
Views
Total views
1,037
On SlideShare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
2
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
22
Comments
0
Likes
1
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

RELATIONSHIPS & ATTRACTION (Psych 201 - Chapter 10 - Spring 2014)

  1. 1. This Week’s Playlist Artist Song / Psych Concept 1. Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris All Around The World (Universal Need To Belong) 2. Phillip Phillips Home (Secure Attachment/Secure Base) 3. Nelly Furtado I’m Like A Bird (Avoidant Attachment) 4. P!nk Please Don’t Leave Me (Anxious Attachment) 5. Calvin Harris Feel So Close (Propinquity) 6. Good Charlotte Girls & Boys (Gender Differences In Mate Preferences) 7. Bruno Mars Just The Way You Are (Idealization)
  2. 2. Chapter 10
 
 
 
 Attraction & Relationships Melanie B. Tannenbaum, M.A. Psychology 201 Spring 2014
  3. 3. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Why are relationships important? How do people form relationships with each other? Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction? Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  4. 4. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Why are relationships important? How do people form relationships with each other? Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction? Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  5. 5. Harlow’s Monkeys Infant rhesus monkeys put in a cage with two different “mothers” The “cloth mother” looked like a monkey, but couldn’t give milk The “wire mother” didn’t look like a monkey, but it could give milk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4
  6. 6. Harlow’s Monkeys The monkeys clung to the cloth mother and went to it for comfort when they felt threatened. They only approached the wire mother when hungry, and sometimes starved before leaving the cloth mother. Infant monkeys preferred warmth and comfort over food!
  7. 7. Need to Belong This hints at an important core need...the need to belong. Relationships help people survive Parent-child attachments help keep babies safe Friendships help non-family members cooperate and thrive We need other people to help us survive!
  8. 8. Need to Belong The need to belong is universal. What does that mean? ! Cultures around the world show certain behaviors, like... Caregiving between mother and child Wrestling between siblings Flirtation among young people who are looking for love Affection between romantic partners Dominance displays between adolescent males ! Supports the idea of an evolutionary basis for the need to belong.
  9. 9. Relationships Are Important! Mortality rates higher among divorced, unmarried, & widowed ! Suicide/crime rates are higher for single and divorced people ! Social support strengthens cardiovascular, immune, and endocrine systems ! Harlow’s monkeys who were raised in isolation were highly fearful, unable to interact with peers, and inappropriately sexual as adolescents ! Relationships also shape our sense of who we are! Remember the relational self from Chapter 3
  10. 10. Attachment Theory Which description best fits your relationships? A. I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me. C. I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others. I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and romantic partners often want me to be more intimate than I’m comfortable with. B. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge with my partner, and this desire sometimes scares people away.
  11. 11. Attachment Theory John Bowlby ! Human infants are born with few survival skills; children rely on parents for security, which allows them to explore the environment and learn ! Attachment Theory: Theory about how our early attachments with our parents shape our relationships for the rest of our lives ! Infants must develop a relationship with at least one caregiver for social/ emotional development to occur normally; this provides a schema that is automatically applied to later relationships
  12. 12. Developmental Trajectory 1. Proximity Seeking (2 – 6 months) 2. Safe Haven (8 – 10 months) 3. Secure Base (1 year)
  13. 13. Developmental Trajectory 1. Proximity Seeking (2 – 6 months) 2. Safe Haven (8 – 10 months) 3. Secure Base (1 year) The developmental order is similar in adult relationships!
  14. 14. Developmental Trajectory 1. Proximity Seeking (2 – 6 months) 2. Safe Haven (8 – 10 months) 3. Secure Base (1 year) The developmental order is similar in adult relationships!
  15. 15. Working Models Working Model: Schema for how others tend to treat you in relationships ! ! Expectations about partner’s availability, warmth, and security. ! ! Over time, these become solidified and exert an automatic influence on behavior (you expect people to react in fairly stable, predictable ways).
  16. 16. Attachment Theory: Infants Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Paradigm Simple test to assess infant attachment to caregiver http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTsewNrHUHU ! Infant and Caregiver enter an unfamiliar room with toys Stranger walks in, Caregiver leaves Caregiver returns after 3 minutes How did the infant respond after the caregiver returned?
  17. 17. Three Attachment Styles ! 1. Secure Attachment (62%) ! 2. Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment (15%) ! 3. Avoidant Attachment (23%)
  18. 18. Secure Attachment Generally trusting ! Infant: Actively explores the room when Mom is around, upset when Mom leaves, and happy when Mom returns. ! Caregiver: Responds quickly and reliably to cries, responsive to child’s individual needs.
  19. 19. Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Generally fearful, angry, distraught ! Infant: Clings to Mom when she is around, upset when Mom leaves, angry or still upset when Mom returns. ! Caregiver: Tends to be unpredictable; sometimes intrudes on the child’s activities, sometimes rejects or ignores the child. Guided by whatever she wants to do.
  20. 20. Avoidant Attachment Generally aloof, dismissive. ! Infant: Ignores Mom when she is around, doesn’t care when she leaves, continues to ignore her when she returns. ! Caregiver: Ignores child, doesn’t pay attention to infant’s wants or needs.
  21. 21. Adult Attachment Infant styles provide working models for our relationships as adults. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Secure Attachment Comfortable with intimacy Want to be close to others during threat/uncertainty
  22. 22. Adult Attachment Infant styles provide working models for our relationships as adults. ! Secure Attachment Comfortable with intimacy Want to be close to others during threat/uncertainty Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Constantly expresses worries/concerns about relationships Excessively seeks closeness during threat/uncertainty ! Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Constantly expresses worries/concerns about relationships Excessively seeks closeness during threat/uncertainty
  23. 23. Adult Attachment Infant styles provide working models for our relationships as adults. ! Secure Attachment Comfortable with intimacy Want to be close to others during threat/uncertainty Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Constantly expresses worries/concerns about relationships Excessively seeks closeness during threat/uncertainty ! Avoidant Attachment Prefers distance; shows compulsive self-reliance Uncomfortable with intimacy Dismissive and detached during threat/uncertainty
  24. 24. Adult Attachment Infant styles provide working models for our relationships as adults. ! Secure Attachment Comfortable with intimacy Want to be close to others during threat/uncertainty Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment Constantly expresses worries/concerns about relationships Excessively seeks closeness during threat/uncertainty Avoidant Attachment Prefers distance; shows compulsive self-reliance Uncomfortable with intimacy Dismissive and detached during threat/uncertainty
  25. 25. Test Your Knowledge What’s This Attachment Style? I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient. I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me. Romantic partners often want me to be more intimate than I am comfortable with. ! A) Secure Attachment B) Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment C) Avoidant Attachment
  26. 26. Test Your Knowledge What’s This Attachment Style? I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me. ! A) Secure Attachment B) Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment C) Avoidant Attachment
  27. 27. Test Your Knowledge What’s This Attachment Style? I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge with my partner, and this sometimes scares people away. ! A) Secure Attachment B) Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment C) Avoidant Attachment
  28. 28. Attachment Styles Find out what your attachment style is: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl ! Adult attachment style is relatively stable ! Important schema are typically very difficult to change Require a lot of counter-evidence Must update automatic and deliberate aspects of schema Must overcome self-fulfilling prophecies
  29. 29. Attachment Styles However...this doesn’t mean that all relationships are the same. ! Baldwin et al. (1996) Participants listed 10 important relationships Indicated their attachment style in each one Over 50% of participants had experienced all 3 major attachment styles at some point or another ! Everyone can be secure/anxious/avoidant, especially if you end up dating someone who “brings out” the best (or worst) in you
  30. 30. Securely Attached People... Are more likely to be married Have fewer marital problems ! Over four years... Only 26% of secure participants broke up with their partners 44% of anxious participants went through a break-up 52% of avoidant participants went through a break-up ! Generally, secure is good. Try to aim for secure relationships!
  31. 31. One Important Caveat!! During this section, we’ve spoken a lot about the importance of having loving, attentive caregivers. This is not meant to say ANYTHING at all about the relative merits of being a stay-at-home or working mother. Huge, important, famous NICHD study on early childcare: Absolutely no difference in all important outcomes between kids raised by stay-at-home or working mothers. The only important thing is that when parents are home, they have high-quality, caring interactions with their children. The infants in these examples that are “deprived of maternal affection” are typically orphans who receive no love/care.
  32. 32. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Why are relationships important? How do people form relationships with each other? Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction? Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  33. 33. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction? Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  34. 34. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction? Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  35. 35. Where did you meet your 
 best friend at UIUC? A) In a dorm or shared living space (Greek house, etc.) B) In a class C) Through friends or friends-of-friends D) Through a club/team that you attend frequently E) None of the above
  36. 36. Attraction: Three Variables Propinquity ! Similarity ! Physical Attractiveness
  37. 37. Propinquity In other words: Physical Proximity You become friends with people who are physically close to you Dorm, Classes, Social Circles... You stay friends with people you can continue to easily see High school friends who go to the same college College friends who move to the same town/city Friends who are very active on social media sites
  38. 38. Propinquity Leon Festinger: Westgate West Study ! ! In a study at MIT in the 1940s, researchers asked a bunch of students who lived in student housing (at Westgate West) to list their closest friends ! ! Of the people that each respondent listed as friends, 2/3 of them were people who lived in the same building!
  39. 39. Propinquity 41% of people living in adjacent rooms listed each other as friends... Only 10% of those who lived on opposite ends of a hallway did!
  40. 40. Propinquity Police Academy Study ! Officers in training were assigned alphabetically to dorms and classroom seats People with “A” names always close to other “A” names, etc. ! Officers with similar names were better friends than those with different names!
  41. 41. Propinquity What about diversity? ! The largest effects of proximity on friendship are actually between people of different races, ages, and social classes! ! People tend to be willing to look further for similar friends ! As a result, “diverse” friendships tend to happen when people of different races/ages/classes are physically close & easy to run into
  42. 42. Propinquity Why does propinquity lead to friendship? 1. Makes it more likely that you’ll run into each other Functional distance is more important than physical distance People who lived by the stairwell were more likely to be friends with people on other floors, even though they were technically further away ! 2. People tend to give the benefit of the doubt to people they expect to interact with often. Favorable expectations lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy ! 3. Mere Exposure (Zajonc, 1968) The more you’re exposed to something, the more you like it
  43. 43. Propinquity Mere Exposure Study (Zajonc, 1968) ! Showed participants a list of Turkish words Some words shown 0, 1, 2, 5, 10, or 25 times The more times a word had been presented, the more the participants liked it and thought it referred to something good. This has been replicated with all sorts of things! Likely due to fluency.
  44. 44. Propinquity Proximity is the biggest predictor of whether people will become (and remain) friends or romantic partners If you never meet, how can you become friends? If you rarely interact, how can you stay friends? ! This is a great example of a channel factor! We want to think we intentionally seek out good friends and partners. In reality, we choose the best match in the (very) local environment.
  45. 45. Propinquity ! BUT...the story’s not so simple! ! Propinquity breeds friends AND enemies It increases the chance you will have an interaction If you don’t like someone, propinquity will strengthen it
  46. 46. Test Your Knowledge You are in Psych 201 with John, and the two of you become good friends over the semester. Which of the following potential reasons for your friendship is NOT based on propinquity? A. After seeing him every Tuesday and Thursday, his face becomes more and more familiar. B. You have a shared interest in psychology, so you bond over having this in common. C. You know you will see him twice a week, so you want to like him (and for him to like you) so your interactions will go smoothly. D. Of all of the seats in the classroom, you tend to sit in the two right next to each other, so you often end up chatting before class and during group activities.
  47. 47. Similarity ! Which do you believe more? A. Birds of a feather flock together B. Opposites attract
  48. 48. Similarity ! Engaged couples tend to be very similar... ! especially when it comes to ! demographic variables (like social class) physical characteristics (like attractiveness) and important personality traits (like extraversion or openness)
  49. 49. Similarity ! Married couples tend to be more similar than chance on core personality characteristics (like extraversion or agreeableness). ! ! Interracial couples tend to be more similar in personality than same- race couples, perhaps compensating for dissimilarity on one dimension by seeking out greater similarity on others
  50. 50. Similarity The belief that “opposites attract” is not supported by research If two people have complementary personality traits, they might work well together (like a dependent person with a nurturer) However, they still need similarity in other areas to be compatible, like personality traits, interests/hobbies, or backgrounds.
  51. 51. Similarity: Why? 1. Similar others validate our beliefs ! When we learn that others believe the same things that we do, we feel validated ! We like people who agree with our beliefs and dislike people who disagree ! Sort of like selective evaluation ! ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7t0PHKc_tX0&noredirect=1
  52. 52. Similarity: Why? 2. Similarity Facilitates Smooth Interactions If 2 people share common beliefs, it’s easier for them to work together because they can take the basics for granted ! Davis (1981) Participants rated a number of attitudes on (a) overall importance and (b) importance for day-to-day interactions Participants rated how much they liked other people who agreed vs. disagreed with them on these attitudes ! Attitudes that are relevant for day-to-day life are more important for how much you will like someone than “important” attitudes that don’t play as much of a role in your daily conversations & interactions.
  53. 53. Similarity: Why? 3. We Expect Similar Others To Like Us ! Similar others view the world the same way we do ! We like us! They must also like us! We should like them back!
  54. 54. Similarity: Why? 4. Similar Others Have Qualities We Like ! We tend to think our values and qualities are the “right ones” Think about the self-image bias ! Similar others probably share these same qualities If they have good qualities, why not like them?
  55. 55. Similarity Not only does similarity promote interaction, but interaction promotes similarity! Zajonc et al. (1987) – “Marriage and Similarity” Couples who were married 25+ years brought in current photos and photos from their 1st year of marriage Cropped the photos; asked unbiased people to rate how similar they looked at Time 1 and Time 2 After 25 years of marriage, couples looked more alike than they did as newlyweds!
  56. 56. Why?? ! 1. Emotional Mimicry “If you keep making that face, it’ll get stuck that way” ! 2. Shared Experiences Interpersonal & Environmental
  57. 57. Test Your Knowledge Your friend Jason is shy, introverted, and likes spending quiet nights in reading a good book. You want to set Jason up on a date. Which friend should you set him up with? ! A. Alex, your friend who is crazy, extraverted, and loves to party, to help Jason expand his horizons/break out of his shell and to provide a good “complement” for his personality. ! B. Taylor, your friend who is also shy, introverted, and loves reading, so they will have a lot in common and share similar interests.
  58. 58. Physical Attractiveness
 
 Attractive People Are... More likely to be asked on dates ! Rated as more popular, likeable, and successful by peers ! Assumed to be more skilled, smart, and wealthy ! Paid $3,500 more per year on average for the same job ! More likely to receive help if injured ! Less likely to be convicted of crimes & given lighter sentences if convicted
  59. 59. Physical Attractiveness Halo Effect ! The common belief that attractive people have a host of positive qualities that extend beyond physical appearance ! Usually an automatic inference process
  60. 60. Physical Attractiveness ! The halo effect responds to cultural stereotypes In individualist cultures, attractive people seen as more assertive In collectivist cultures, attractive people seen as more empathic ! ! Interestingly, power & status show the same differences! In individualist cultures, powerful people are thought to be assertive In collectivist cultures, powerful people are thought to be generous
  61. 61. Physical Attractiveness The halo effect might be due to self-fulfilling prophecies Snyder et al. (1977) Male and female participants played a “get to know you” game Spoke over the phone; conversation was recorded Men given a profile with a picture of the woman they were talking to Picture was fake. ½ got an “attractive picture,” ½ got “unattractive.” Later, RAs listened to the recording of the woman ONLY Women were rated as warmer and more socially skilled if they had talked to a man who thought they were attractive. Why? If men thought she was attractive, they spoke to her in a way that elicited those positive qualities (were nicer, more interested, etc.)
  62. 62. Physical Attractiveness Effects start early! ! Attractive infants get more attention from mothers, even before leaving hospital ! Children as young as 3 months prefer looking at attractive faces Children are more comfortable with attractive strangers
  63. 63. Physical Attractiveness: Why? 1. Immediacy ! As soon as you see someone, you know if they’re hot ! It takes a while to find out if they’re funny, smart, kind, etc. ! Primacy Effects – Initial information colors later judgments
  64. 64. Physical Attractiveness: Why? 2. Prestige ! Attractive people and their partners assumed to be higher in social status ! Men seen with attractive women rated higher on intelligence & success
  65. 65. Physical Attractiveness: Why? 3. Biology ! Physical unattractiveness can signal poor health ! ! Facial symmetry is an indicator of health, also attractiveness Symmetry = No disease or genetic problems ! ! Asymmetry usually results from problems in utero (e.g. diseases, malnutrition) ! Symmetrical adults have fewer infections than asymmetrical peers
  66. 66. Which Is Most Attractive? ! A B C
  67. 67. ! A B C Which Is Most Attractive?
  68. 68. Physical Attractiveness www.symmeter.com ! Symmetry of physical traits is hypothesized to reflect an individual’s overall quality of development ! A symmetrical face may be a good indicator of genetic fitness ! http://dsc.discovery.com/tv- shows/other-shows/videos/ science-of-sex-appeal-the- beauty-of-symmetry.htm
  69. 69. ! ! A B C Who Is Most Attractive?
  70. 70. Physical Attractiveness “Average” faces are rated as more attractive Composite faces are rated as more attractive than the individual faces that went into the composite If you “average” several faces together, common features remain; unique/unusual (deviant) features get hidden http://www.faceresearch.org/demos/average + =
  71. 71. Caveats Although there is some consensus about what is attractive, there is also variability! Do you have a “type”? Do all of your friends have this “type” too? Probably not! We like those who are physically attractive...BUT we also think that the people we like are more attractive! “Eye-of-the-beholder” Effort Justification Mere Exposure
  72. 72. Test Your Knowledge Which of the following physical features does NOT signal health and reproductive fitness? ! A. Face “averageness” B. Bilateral facial symmetry C. Unique facial features
  73. 73. Test Your Knowledge Cassie wants Blake – her new boss – to like her. To this end, Cassie should try all of the following EXCEPT: ! A. Making herself more physically attractive. B. Disagreeing with Blake to show that she can think for herself. C. Working in an office that is physically closer to Blake’s. D. Voicing similar opinions to Blake’s during casual conversations.
  74. 74. Sex Differences ! Do men and women differ in what they find attractive? ! Short Answer: Yes ! Long Answer: Ehh, Not So Much
  75. 75. Evolutionary Argument Parental Investment The amount of resources that go into having a child Sperm are cheap; pregnancy is not ! Because women must invest more in a given child: They should be choosier They should select mates based on ability to provide resources (e.g. wealth, skills, status) to offspring Because men have a lower investment: They can be less choosy They should select mates based on ability to biologically produce good offspring (e.g. youth, attractiveness)
  76. 76. However... I cannot stress enough the importance of always thinking about whether or not there are any confounding variables!! These differences can also be (better) explained by culture ! Women in most cultures tend to have less power, fewer resources In cultures with greater gender equality, women place less importance on status/resources, more importance on physical attractiveness Women with the same level of power/status as men are just as likely to be promiscuous, have affairs, etc. It’s not about gender/sex as much as it’s about status/resources. It’s just that in most cultures, women have fewer resources.
  77. 77. Test Your Knowledge Jenny is filling out an online dating profile. Based on evolutionary theories of attraction, what should she definitely include to increase her odds of being asked out? ! A. Information about how much money she makes. B. The most flattering picture that she has of herself. C. Her birthday (if she’s 22 and the average age is 28). D. Her birthday (if she’s 28 and the average age is 22). E. Two or more of the above.
  78. 78. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction What causes us to be attracted to other people? What are the sex differences in attraction? Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  79. 79. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction Propinquity, Similarity, Physical Attractiveness Women like resources, Men like biology (but confounded by culture) Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  80. 80. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction Propinquity, Similarity, Physical Attractiveness Women like resources, Men like biology (but confounded by culture) Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  81. 81. Triangular Theory of Love Three Components: Intimacy: Attachment, closeness, trust, connectedness Passion: Sexual attraction, desire, chemistry Commitment: Loyalty, shared plans and achievements ! These three components can be combined in different ways ! Different combinations = Different types of love
  82. 82. Triangular Theory of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment Example Non-Love Most Personal Relationships Liking x Best Friendship Infatuation x Crush, Friend-With-Benefits Empty Love x Loveless Marriage Romantic Love x x Pre-Marriage Relationship Companionate Love x x Long-Term Marriage Fatuous Love x x Romeo & Juliet Consummate Love x x x Western Civilization Ideal
  83. 83. Triangular Theory of Love Time Level Passion Intimacy Commitment Romantic Love Companionate Love Consummate Love
  84. 84. Test Your Knowledge Madison and James are college seniors, and they’ve been together for the past three years. However, they’re still trying to figure out what they’re going to do after college; Madison has applied to med schools all over the country, while James is planning to stay in Illinois. How would you describe their relationship? A. Romantic Love (Intimacy + Passion) B. Companionate Love (Intimacy + Commitment) C. Fatuous Love (Passion + Commitment) D. Consummate Love (Intimacy + Passion + Commitment)
  85. 85. Relationship Satisfaction Investment Model (Rusbult) Three factors influence partners’ commitment 1. Rewards-to-costs ratio 2. Quality of alternatives 3. Investments
  86. 86. Relationship Satisfaction You will be happy if... You get out as much as (or slightly more than) you put in You do not have high-quality alternatives You’ve been together a while; you’ve invested a lot
  87. 87. Relationship Satisfaction These three factors influence commitment Commitment determines prosocial behaviors Sacrificing for the partner, being forgiving, etc. Prosocial behaviors lead to trust, satisfaction, and well-being
  88. 88. Relationship Satisfaction 1. Rewards-To-Cost Ratio ! Happy relationships have a reward-to-cost ratio of 5:1 or higher ! This means that you must have at least 5 positive experiences for every 1 negative experience
  89. 89. Relationship Satisfaction
  90. 90. Relationship Satisfaction 2. Quality of Alternatives Fewer Quality Alternatives = Stronger Commitment
  91. 91. Relationship Satisfaction 3. Investments Putting more into the relationship leads to stronger commitment Sunk Costs Effort Justification
  92. 92. Relationship Satisfaction
  93. 93. Test Your Knowledge Bruce suspects that Kris wants to break up with him, so he decides to use Rusbult’s investment model to his advantage in order to manipulate her into staying with him (bad, Bruce!) ! If Bruce tells Kris that she will never find another partner as good as him and that no one else will want to date her, he is focusing on the _____ component of Rusbult’s model. ! A. Investment C. Rewards B. Alternatives D. Passion
  94. 94. Test Your Knowledge Bruce suspects that Kris wants to break up with him, so he decides to use Rusbult’s investment model to his advantage in order to manipulate her into staying with him (bad, Bruce!) ! If Bruce reminds Kris about their children together, the house that they both own, and how difficult it would be to split up all of their property, he is focusing on the _______ component. ! A. Investment C. Rewards B. Alternatives D. Passion
  95. 95. Four Horsemen 
 of the Apocalypse Four behaviors that can be used to predict divorce... ...with 93% ACCURACY! 1. Contempt Expressing disdain or scorn 2. Criticism Expressing negative evaluations, being overly critical 3. Defensiveness Trying to “play the victim” and not accepting responsibility for your part 4. Stonewalling Withdrawing from the conflict; ignoring and/or avoiding the issue
  96. 96. Four Horsemen Gottman & Levenson (2000) Presence of negative affect predicts early divorce Absence of positive affect predicts later divorce ! What does this mean? ! If a lot of the time that you spend with your partner is filled with anger, anxiety, or conflict, you’re more likely to get divorced early on ! If you don’t have a lot of negative stuff but you also don’t have a lot of positive moments, you may make it for a while, but it won’t last forever.
  97. 97. Oh, Kim and Kris...
 You should have seen it coming! Contempt http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g261zQJnXEU ! Criticism https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpo5e7jHGqI ! Stonewalling http://youtu.be/rFBH2y4Sbvk?t=1m49s ! Defensiveness http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grBumqkW9JA
  98. 98. Four Horsemen
  99. 99. Four Horsemen Note: If you do any of these behaviors, do not despair! This is not a “death sentence” for your romantic future ! This just lets you know what you can pay attention to if you want to ensure happier, stronger romantic bonds ! This is optimistic! No one is doomed; there are constructive ways that we can all improve. And now you know how!! ☺
  100. 100. Test Your Knowledge Which of the following is NOT one of the four behaviors that are really bad for relationships? ! A. Stonewalling B. Fighting C. Contempt D. Defensiveness E. Criticism
  101. 101. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 1. Capitalize On The Good Communicating positive events with a partner increases well-being above and beyond experiencing the event itself ! Partners can respond in four ways: Active Constructive: Reacts with enthusiasm, asks follow-up questions Passive Constructive: Reacts positively, quickly moves on Active Destructive: Finds something to criticize Passive Destructive: Isn’t interested, doesn’t comment, moves on ! Which of the above do you think is the best for relationships?
  102. 102. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 1. Capitalize On The Good Communicating positive events with a partner increases well-being above and beyond experiencing the event itself ! Partners can respond in four ways: Active Constructive: Reacts with enthusiasm, asks follow-up questions Passive Constructive: Reacts positively, quickly moves on Active Destructive: Finds something to criticize Passive Destructive: Isn’t interested, doesn’t comment, moves on ! Which of the above do you think is the worst for relationships?
  103. 103. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 1. Capitalize On The Good Communicating positive events with a partner increases well-being above and beyond experiencing the event itself ! Partners can respond in four ways: Active Constructive: Reacts with enthusiasm, asks follow-up questions Passive Constructive: Reacts positively, quickly moves on Active Destructive: Finds something to criticize Passive Destructive: Isn’t interested, doesn’t comment, moves on ! Best Outcomes: Active Constructive Worst Outcomes: Active Destructive
  104. 104. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 1. Capitalize On The Good Communicating positive events with a partner increases well-being above and beyond experiencing the event itself ! Partners can respond in four ways: Active Constructive: Reacts with enthusiasm, asks follow-up questions Passive Constructive: Reacts positively, quickly moves on Active Destructive: Finds something to criticize Passive Destructive: Isn’t interested, doesn’t comment, moves on ! Grey’s Anatomy Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=u9eHVqXOkPY&feature=youtu.be&t=2m10s Is Derek’s response (A) Constructive or (B) Destructive?
  105. 105. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 2. Be Playful The early part of a relationship is very lively! ! Avoid getting into a rut Actively seek out new activities to do together Vacations, sports, clubs, trying new restaurants... These activities keep the passion level high! ! Use humor, often Happy couples have fun nicknames, joke around, etc.
  106. 106. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds
  107. 107.
  108. 108. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 3. Care And Forgive Causal attributions matter! ! Unhappy Couples Internal, Stable, Global for negative events External, Unstable, Specific for positive events Happy Couples External, Unstable, Specific for negative events Internal, Stable, Global for positive events ! Cultivate a compassionate and generous view of your partner.
  109. 109. Creating Strong Romantic Bonds 4. Idealize Your Partner What is idealization? Overestimating positive traits (compared to how your partner sees self) Underestimating negative traits Remember how people use self-serving biases to see themselves in a better light? Apply these to your partner, too! Idealization increases satisfaction for the person who is idealized and the person doing the idealizing! ! James Carville & Mary Matalin Video ☺ http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=5l7z0UMi6-4&feature=related&noredirect=1
  110. 110. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction Propinquity, Similarity, Physical Attractiveness Women like resources, Men like biology (but confounded by culture) Romantic Relationships What is love? What determines if we’re romantically happy? How do we create satisfying relationships/marriages?
  111. 111. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction Propinquity, Similarity, Physical Attractiveness Women like resources, Men like biology (but confounded by culture) Romantic Relationships Triangular Theory Investment Model; Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Capitalize on the good, be playful, care/forgive, and idealize!
  112. 112. Important Points Characterizing Relationships Need To Belong Attachment Styles Attraction Propinquity, Similarity, Physical Attractiveness Women like resources, Men like biology (but confounded by culture) Romantic Relationships Triangular Theory Investment Model; Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Capitalize on the good, be playful, care/forgive, and idealize!
  113. 113. Top Ten Things To Know Attachment Styles If given a description, be able to identify what “style” it is! ! Triangular Theory of Love ! ! Rusbult’s Investment Model ! What do we find attractive? Composite/Average Faces Symmetry Evolutionary Theories Gottman’s Research Ideal Positive-to-Negative Ratio Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ! What does it mean that the “need to belong” is universal? ! Mere Exposure & Propinquity ! We Like Similar Others ! Self-Fulfilling Prophecies & Attractiveness

×