How to Win Friends and Influence People

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How to Win Friends and Influence People

  1. 1. “How to Win Friends and Influence People” By: Dale Carnegie
  2. 2. Authoro Dale Carnegieo Self-help guru, author, lecturer, course developero Scholar/Abraham Lincolno Teacher of Warren Buffeto Also wrote: Lincoln the Unknown, and Stop Worrying Start Livingo Died at 66 in 1955
  3. 3. “How to Win Friends and Influence People”o First published in 1937o Written for course “Effective Speaking and Human Relationso Overnight sensation and international bestsellero Currently sold over 15 million copieso Still relevanto Revised in 1981 by Dorothy Carnegie and Arthur R. Pell
  4. 4. Warren Buffett on Dale Carnegie
  5. 5. Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Dealing with People1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
  6. 6. Principle 1: Don’t criticize,condemn or complain
  7. 7. Don’t criticize, condemn or complaino Abraham Lincoln wrote letters condemning his opponents when he was a lawyero Anonymouso James Shields challenged to duelo “Judge not that ye not be judged”o Didn’t criticize or scold General Meade when he cost them the waro Tried to understand Meade’s
  8. 8. Principle 2: Give Honest and SincereAppreciation
  9. 9. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciationo A persons desire for praise is as fundamental as need for food and watero Feeds “desire to feel important”o Easier to criticize for mistakes than to praise accomplishmentso Praise even little accomplishments frequentlyo Encourages positive environment and moraleo NOT flattery
  10. 10. “I am anxious to praise but loathe tofind fault. If I like anything, I amhearty in my approbation and lavishin my praise.” - Charles Schwab
  11. 11. Part 2: How to Make People Like You 1. Become genuinely interested in other people 2. Smile 3. Remember names 4. Be a good listener 5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests 6. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely
  12. 12. Principle 4: Be a good listener
  13. 13. Be a good listenero Personal accounts of attending dinner partieso “Most stimulating conversationalist”o People take listening as person being interested and are flatteredo Creates more favorable impressiono People like to talk about themselves
  14. 14. Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
  15. 15. Talk in terms of the other person’s interestso Theodore Roosevelt would stay up late at night before meeting with someone to research their interests
  16. 16. Part 3: How to Win People to your Way of Thinking1. Avoid arguments2. Don’t say “you’re wrong”3. If you are wrong admit it quickly and empathetically4. Begin in a friendly way5. Get the other person saying “yes yes” immediately6. Let the other person do the talking
  17. 17. 7. Let the other person feel that the idea his his or hers8. Try to see things from the other point ofview9. Be sympathetic to the other persons ideas and desires10. Appeal to nobler motives11. Dramatize your ideas12. Throw down a challenge
  18. 18. Part 4: Be a Leader: How toChange People Without GivingOffense or Causing Resentment 1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation 2. Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly 3. Talk about your own mistakes first 4. Ask questions instead of giving orders
  19. 19. 5. Let the other person save face6. Praise the slightest and every improvement7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to8. Use encouragement, make the fault seem easy to correct9. Make people glad about doing what you want
  20. 20. Principle 4: Ask questions instead ofgiving orders
  21. 21. Ask questions instead of giving orderso “You might consider this…”o “Do you think that would work?”o “Maybe if we were to phrase it this way it would be better”
  22. 22. ReviewPros: Easy to read/entertaining Well written/organized Examples to build strong arguments Examples from history, public figures, personal, ordinary people in course Written for everyone: managers, leaders, every day relationshipsCons: Seems to encourage one to always strive to please Some principles repeated and just worded differently
  23. 23. Useful for PR Practitioners?• Useful to everyone who works with people• Foundation of PR is trust and honesty/shows how to win trust• Great application to crisis PR tells how great businessmen like Rockefeller made public apologies• Helpful for media relations
  24. 24. Questions?

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