I have found that a good way to introduce this topic in some classes is to have students in the class generate a list of the things they find attractive and would look for in a potential mate or ideal partner. This can be done either in a straight question/answer format with the entire class, or you can have the students generate individual lists on paper, hand the slips into you, and tally them on the board, or you can break the class into small groups and have each group generate a list to be shared with the class. Once you have collected the lists, discuss the factors that appear on them in terms of why each factor is important and what could be a potential drawback to overemphasizing that factor in a search for a partner. 2. In a variation of suggestion 1 (above), ask class members what they are looking for in their dating lives. What type of partners are they seeking? This is more than just generating a list of attractive qualities. This asks students to describe a package of qualities that make up an &quot;ideal&quot; partner. Some men and women are seeking partners they can look upon as equals in all areas of life. But some male students will be seeking passive or submissive women raised in a traditional orientation (although many of these males will no longer openly admit this!). On the other hand, some women will be seeking strong, dominant men they can respect who will &quot;take care&quot; of them (although most women who feel this way are hesitant to admit it too). Given the opportunity, some class members may attack traditionally minded men or women, and they may need a bit of support from the instructor - at least in the sense that they are entitled to their view and they are entitled to seek out whomever they believe will make them happy, no matter what the current trends or opinions are.
Attraction is broader than simple sexual attraction. Attraction also encompasses the feeling of liking towards friends, and having positive thoughts towards others.
Facial Structure. Research found that both British and Japanese men consider women with large eyes, high cheekbones, and narrow jaws to be most attractive. Most participants found the face to the right to be more attractive.
In our society, tallness is an asset for men, although college women prefer dates who are medium in height. Tall women tend to be viewed less positively. Tallness is associated with social dominance and many men are uncomfortable when they must “look up” to a woman. College women prefer their dates to be about 6 inches taller than they are, whereas college men, on average, prefer women to be 4.5 inches shorter. Shortness is perceived to be a liability for both men and women. Did you Know? In our society, greater height = greater income?
Results: Women’s conception of ideal bust size was greater than their actual average size. Men favored women with still larger, busts, but not nearly as large as the busts women believed that men prefer. Men believed that their male peers favored women with much larger busts than the peers actually said they preferred. Basically, we have a exaggerated ideal of the sizes the other gender actually prefers.
In today’s society, most college aged men believe that their build is close to what women are seeking, while women feel that they (women) are heavier than what men find attractive. In studies…men actually prefer women to be heavier than women expect, and women expect men to be somewhat thinner than men assume.
Similarities between genders: attracted to cleanliness, good complexion, clear eyes, good teeth and good hair firm muscle tone, and a steady gait.
Surveyed a national sample of 13,017 English or Spanish speaking people age 19 and above. Rating: 1 = Not at all. 7=“very willing”
Erotic love embraces sudden passionate desire: love at first sight. Passion can be so gripping that one is convinced that life has been changed forever. Storage: “The best love grows out of an enduring friendship.” Emotion that binds parents and children. Romantic love can be a form of attachment similar to that infants have with their mothers. Pragma: “I consider if my partner will be a good parent prior to committing” Mania: “When my lover ignores me I get sick all over”. Agape: “My lovers needs and wishes are more important than my own” Selfless giving. Discussion: Ask students to discuss the six styles of love described in the Hendricks research. “ Do they agree, based on their own experience, that males are more &quot;ludic&quot; in love while women are more &quot;pragmatic&quot; or &quot;manic?&quot;
Many of them have probably been in at least one relationship where the romantic love has faded and either companionate love developed or the relationship ended. Many students are very willing to share their experiences in this regard, and it can provide other class members with a more personal exploration of the importance of knowing the difference between romantic and companionate love, and what to expect when the romantic love begins to fade.
According to Sternberg, love consists of 3 primary components. Intimacy, passion, and commitment. Passion gives rise to fascination and preoccupation with the loved one. Passion is rapidly aroused but also quick to fade. Commitment: Initially one decides that he or she is “in love”. As time elapses, however the initial decision becomes a lasting commitment to the other person and the relationship.
Different combinations of the components of love yield different kinds of love. Nonlove: a relationship in which all 3 components of love are absent. Most of our personal relationships are of this type – casual interactions or acquaintances that do not involve any elements of love. 2. Liking: a loving experience w/ another person or a friendship in which intimacy is present but passion and commitment are lacking. 3. infatuation: a kind of “love at first sight” in which one experiences passionate desires for another person in the absence of both intimacy and commitment. 4. Empty love: a kind of love characterized by commitment to maintain the relationship in the absence of either passion or intimacy. Stagnant relationships that no longer involve the emotional intimacy or physical attraction that once characterized them are of this type. 5. Romantic love: a loving experience characterized by the combination of passion and intimacy but lacking commitment. Romantic lovers also idealized one another. They magnify each other’s positive features and overlook their flaws. Romantic love may burn brightly and then it may flicker out. 6. Companionate love: A kind of love that derives from the combination of intimacy and commitment. This kind of love often occurs in marriages in which passionate attraction between the partners has died down and has been replaced by a kind of committed friendship. 7. Fatuous love: The type of love associated with whirlwind romances and “quickie marriages” in which passion and commitment are present but intimacy is not. 8. Consummate love: The full or complete measure of love involving the combination of passion, intimacy, and commitment. Many of us strive to attain this type of complete love in our romantic relationships. Maintaining it is often harder than achieving it.
Romantic love recap: passionate form of love involving strong erotic attraction to another combined with desires for intimacy. Companionate love: a form of love involving intimacy and commitment but without a strong element of passion. Companionate love requires trust, loyalty, sharing of feelings, mutual respect and appreciation, acceptance of imperfections, and willingness to sacrifice. Based on genuine knowledge of the other person, not idealization. How many of you have expected your partner to do certain things or be a certain way. Ever though “he/she should just know what I want/need”.
Loneliness is a common feeling we all feel. There is a lot of pressure from society, family and even within to find that “true love”. Even nearing the holidays makes it more challenging as well. This is the time of year where feelings of loneliness are even magnified. What signs of loneliness?
Ask students how they cope with loneliness, and the ways they combat it. Do they view loneliness as a serious problem for themselves? For college students in general? How does being lonely affect their activity levels and moods in other areas of their life?
Chapter 11 powerpoint
Attraction Chapter 11
Activity <ul><li>What do you find attractive? </li></ul><ul><li>Generate a list of things you find attractive and would look for in a potential mate. What is your ideal package of qualities? </li></ul><ul><li>Now break up into groups of 4 and generate a group list. </li></ul><ul><li>Discussion </li></ul>
Attraction <ul><li>Attraction: A force that draws people together. </li></ul><ul><li>Two forms of interpersonal attraction are: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>friendship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>love </li></ul></ul>
Which face do you find more attractive (facial structure)?
United States view on tallness <ul><li>Society’s view on tallness and gender. </li></ul><ul><li>Tallness is associated with social dominance. </li></ul><ul><li>College women prefer their dates to be about 6 inches taller than they are, whereas college men, on average, prefer women to be 4.5 inches shorter. </li></ul><ul><li>Shortness is perceived to be a liability for both men and women. </li></ul><ul><li>Did you Know? In our society, greater height = greater income? </li></ul>
Breasts and attractiveness <ul><li>There is a stereotype in our society that men prefer larger breasts. In essence, the bigger the better. </li></ul><ul><li>While there is some support for this, one study found that people seem to have an exaggerated idea of the sizes the other gender actually prefers. </li></ul>
What about weight? <ul><li>This tends to be a cultural phenomena. While some cultures value being “full-figured”, there is great pressure in our society to be slender. </li></ul><ul><li>Body image: men vs. women. </li></ul>
Gender Differences in Attraction. <ul><li>Women place greater emphasis than men on traits like vocational status, earning potential, expressiveness, kindness, consideration, dependability and fondness for children. </li></ul><ul><li>Men give more consideration to youth, physical attractiveness, cooking ability and frugality. </li></ul><ul><li>Cross-cultural studies have discovered similar attitudes. </li></ul>
Stereotypes of Attractive People <ul><li>Attractive adults and children tend to be judged and treated more positively by their peers. </li></ul><ul><li>We judge attractive people as popular, intelligent, mentally healthy and fulfilled. </li></ul><ul><li>We expect attractive people to be persuasive and hold prestigious jobs. We even expect them to be good parents and have stable marriages . </li></ul>
Culture and Attractiveness. <ul><li>Culture differences exist in attractiveness preferences. </li></ul><ul><li>For example, in some African cultures, being full-bodied is attractive, whilst in American culture, super-thin is viewed as the “ideal”. </li></ul><ul><li>However, there are many similarities. For example, in terms of feminine beauty, a small nose, thin cheeks and full lower lip are seen as attractive across many cultures. </li></ul>
The Matching Hypothesis <ul><li>Matching Hypothesis: The view that people generally seek to develop relationships with people who are similar to themselves in attractiveness and other attributes, such as attitudes. </li></ul><ul><li>Researchers have found that people who are dating steadily, engaged or married tend to be matched in physical attractiveness. Young married couples even tend to be matched in weight. </li></ul>
Attraction and Similarity <ul><li>Similarity in attitudes and tastes is a key contributor to initial attraction, friendships, and love relationships. However, women appear to place a greater emphasis than men do on attitude similarity as a determinant of attraction. </li></ul><ul><li>Men seem to value attitude similarity in terms of sexuality rather than religious attitudes whereas women find religious attitudinal similarity to be more important. </li></ul>
Proximity and Reciprocity <ul><li>We tend to develop relationships with individuals in close proximity to us. This makes sense as we are more likely to interact with individuals in closer proximity. </li></ul><ul><li>People who live closer together also tend to have similar attitudes. </li></ul><ul><li>Reciprocity: The tendency to return feelings and attitudes that are expressed about us. </li></ul>
Sexual Orientation <ul><li>Sexual Orientation: The directionality of one’s romantic or erotic interests—that is, whether one is sexually attracted to, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of the other or the same gender. </li></ul><ul><li>Heterosexual: Referring to people who are sexually aroused by, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of the other gender. </li></ul><ul><li>Homosexual: Referring to people who are sexually aroused by, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of the same gender. </li></ul><ul><li>Bisexual: A person who is sexually aroused by, and interested in forming romantic relationships with, people of either gender. </li></ul>
Friends <ul><li>Clique: A small group of close friends who share confidences. </li></ul><ul><li>Crowd: A large number of loosely knit friends who share activities. </li></ul><ul><li>Friends play a major role throughout our lives. In late adulthood, for example, the quality of friendliness is associated with psychological well-being. </li></ul>
What Qualities are Important? <ul><li>Psychology Today magazine’s survey of 40,000 readers found the following characteristics to be the 6 most important for friends: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Ability to keep confidences, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>loyalty, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>warmth and affection, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>supportiveness, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>honesty and frankness, </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>humor. </li></ul></ul>
Styles of Love <ul><li>Eros (cupid): Romantic love. Love at first site. “We are perfect for each other.” “I am turned on by you! </li></ul><ul><li>Ludus: game playing love. “I keep my lover up in the air about my commitment”, “I get over love affairs pretty easily. </li></ul><ul><li>Storge: Friendship-love. Storge is loving attachment, deep friendship, or nonsexual affection. </li></ul><ul><li>Pragma: Pragmatic, or logical love. “I consider a lover’s potential in life before committing myself.” </li></ul><ul><li>Mania: Possessive, excited love. “I get so excited about my love that I cannot sleep.” </li></ul><ul><li>Agape: Selfless love. “I would do anything I can to help my lover.” </li></ul>
Romantic Love in Today’s Society <ul><li>When we speak of falling in love, we are referring to romantic love. </li></ul><ul><li>Romantic Love: a passionate form of love involving strong erotic attraction to another combined with desires for intimacy. </li></ul><ul><li>It can evolve to: </li></ul><ul><li>Companionate Love: a form of love involving intimacy and commitment but without a strong element of passion. </li></ul><ul><li>What do you think the difference is between romantic love and comanionate love? </li></ul><ul><li>How might the six styles of love discussed earlier evolve into companionate love? </li></ul>
Sternberg <ul><li>Intimacy: Based on the sharing of intimate (deeply personal) information and feelings of mutual acceptance (this is the emotional aspect of love). </li></ul><ul><li>Passion: Involves sexual attraction and the desire for sexual intimacy (this is the motivational force of love). </li></ul><ul><li>Commitment: The cognitive, or decisional component of love. </li></ul>
Romantic Versus Companionate Love <ul><li>Does Romantic love provide a sound basis for marriage or long-term partnerships? </li></ul><ul><li>Hill (1976) followed 200 couples in college over a two year period during which over half broke up. </li></ul><ul><li>People are more likely to maintain relationships if they have developed companionate love. </li></ul>
Loneliness <ul><li>People who are lonely, as compared to those who are not, tend to show the following behavior patterns: </li></ul><ul><li>They spend more time by themselves </li></ul><ul><li>They are more likely to eat dinner alone </li></ul><ul><li>They are more likely to spend weekends alone </li></ul><ul><li>They engage in fewer social activities </li></ul><ul><li>They are unlikely to be dating </li></ul><ul><li>Loneliness tends to peak during adolescence and older adulthood. </li></ul>
Causes of Loneliness <ul><li>Lack of social skills </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of interest in other people </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of empathy </li></ul><ul><li>High self-criticism </li></ul><ul><li>Failure to disclose information about themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Cynicism about human nature </li></ul><ul><li>Demanding too much too soon </li></ul><ul><li>General pessimism </li></ul><ul><li>An external locus of control </li></ul><ul><li>Lack of sense of community </li></ul>
What To Do? <ul><li>Make frequent social contacts </li></ul><ul><li>Combat shyness </li></ul><ul><li>Be assertive </li></ul><ul><li>Become a good listener </li></ul><ul><li>Let people get to know you </li></ul><ul><li>Fight fair </li></ul><ul><li>Tell yourself that you’re worthy of friends </li></ul><ul><li>Find an on-campus job </li></ul><ul><li>Make use of college counseling center services </li></ul>
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