Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3

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Kingdom Growth Day 3

Kingdom Growth Day 3

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  • 1. Help Keeping the Knot Tied III Marriage Ministry First Steps Extra-Marital Knots for Couples in Crisis by Rev. Brian and Maria Dixon Lakeland Baptist Association Kingdom Growth Conference – Parklawn Assembly of God Church May 14, 2010
  • 2. Review
    • * Yesterday we went over a curriculum that your church can use to enhance marriages within your congregation.
    • * Today, we will talk about how to coach couples through crisis.
  • 3. Vision For A Marriage Saver’s Congregation
  • 4.
    • Help the seriously dating decide whether or not to marry
    • Help the engaged prepare for a life-long marriage
    • Enable mid-married couples to fall back in love
    • Help separated couples to reconcile
    • Equip step-families to be successful
    The ideal for the Marriage Saver Congregation is to…
  • 5. Ten Steps to Raise Odds of Marital Success from 50% to 95%
    • Both are committed believers in Jesus Christ
    • More than 20 years old
    • Engaged for at least 6 months
    • Committed to sexual abstinence
    • Live in separate households
    • Go on an Engaged Encounter
    • Dating for 18 months or more, with at least 4 months at a friendship level.
    • Limit your time alone together with clear boundaries in your physical relationship.
  • 6. Ten Steps to Raise Odds of Marital Success from 50% to 95%
    • Cont’d
    • 9. Use a relationship inventory to examine your strengths and growth areas (ZOE or Prepared/Enrich)
    • 10. F ollow up after marriage with enrichment activities that are available
  • 7. Develop a Plan for Your Marriage Saver’s Ministry
    • Create a exploratory team
    • 1. Appoint a steering group.
        • A senior pastor or his designee
        • Director’s of adult religious education and pastoral care and evangelism
        • Two couples in a strong 10+ years marriage
        • “ A back from the brink couple” whose marriage was on the verge of divorce but has recovered.
        • A couple who once were separated from each other
        • A couple with step-children who has truly created a blended marriage
        • Possibly a newly married couple.
    • Ask this group for a 3 to 6 month commitment to strategize, plan, and pray about developing a plan that will be submitted to the church governing board.
  • 8. Pastor’s Role
    • Pray, pray, pray
    • Choose a strong couple that will oversee the team
    • To help that couple find others in the congregation that are committed to God’s plan for marriage
    • Oversee the development of the team but yet trust in his lead couples to carry out the duties of that team.
    • Be available for the lead couple at all times.
    • Present this group to the congregation in some kind of ceremony so that they will know that they have his backing.
  • 9. Lead Advisor’s Responsibility
    • The Lead Advisor’s responsibility is to bring key decisions to the pastor for his insight and input and, if necessary, permission.
    • Make copies of all premarital inventories administered to seriously dating and engaged couples for the pastor’s file.
    • If the advisor and/or couples feel that they’re in over their heads in dealing with a particular couple they need to call the pastor.
    They are not professionals and need to know their limits.
  • 10. Lead Advisor’s Responsibility
    • The lead advisor shall recruit couples to work with :
        • Seriously dating and engaged couples
        • Enriching existing marriages
        • Helping couples who are on the brink of separation or are already separated or divorced
        • Couples who are marrying again with step-children.
    • Are to keep the marriage vision before the church and are constantly looking for new recruits.
    • The lead advisor should understand screening is very important
    They owe it to the Pastor and the congregation to be a quality team of advisors.
  • 11. Couples to Consider
    • Look for attitude. (If they can’t talk about their own marriages with love and caring then they can’t help anyone else)
    • Both spouses desire to serve. (This is a couple ministry)
    • Must be willing to learn.
    • Must understand confidentiality.
    • Must be willing to attend lectures on key issues.
    • Must be willing to engage in encounters themselves.
  • 12. Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage
    • Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. ( 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 )
  • 13. Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage
    • Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure , for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. ( Hebrews 13:4 )
  • 14. Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage
    • “ You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” ( Matthew 5:27-28 )
  • 15. Four Classes of Affairs  
  • 16. Four Classes of Affairs
  • 17. What Defines an Affair? (-By Psychologist Shirley Glass based on Northeastern University research)
    • Secrecy. Meeting someone without telling your spouse —because you have a hunch he or she wouldn’t be happy about it.
    • Emotional intimacy. Confiding things you haven’t told your spouse.
    • Sexual chemistry. You don’t even have to touch. “I had a wonderful dream about you last night” stokes sexual tension.
    • Infidelity and gender. When faced with an either-or question about which hurts more, women pick emotional infidelity and men pick sexual infidelity. But when asked instead to rate both on a pain scale of one to seven, the gender difference disappears. Both rate sexual infidelity as worse.
  • 18. CLOSE CALLS | FRIENDSHIP PROFILES
    • Dangerous Partner Profile
      • Internal Age
      • Developmental Lag
      • Personality Style
      • Hobbies / Interest
      • Attachment Pattern
      • FOR Deficit
      • Marital Void
      • Pursuit Pattern
  • 19. Platonic Friendships
    • Below is a sample of the nineteen characteristics of platonic friendships that can get one in trouble after sustained stress
      • Do you save topics of conversation for your friend because you feel they understand you better?
      • Do you find yourself looking forward to seeing your friends more than you look forward to seeing your spouse?
      • Are you spending money on your friendship for lunches, gifts, coffee, that your spouse is unaware of?
      • Are you and your spouse in conflict over this friendship?
      • Do you find yourself lying and or manipulating the truth in order to spend more time with this friend?
      • Are you hiding receipts, cell phone bills, mail, gifts, and time spent with your friend from your spouse?
      • Has your friend shared feelings for you or touched you in a way that created a shiver of infatuation in you?
      • Do you do any of the following with this friend: travel, go to entertainment venues, drink alcohol, eat expensive meals, and return to the same hotel together, all in the name of doing business and entertaining clients?
  • 20. Resources
    • www.marriagemissions.com
    • www.tornasunder.org
    • We will email you a 30 page resource guide for different curriculums that can be implemented in your church.
  • 21. Questions?
  • 22. Thank You!
    • Thank you for attending our presentation during Kingdom Growth.
    • Brian’s Contact Info: [email_address]
    • Maria’s Contact Info: [email_address]