Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3


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Kingdom Growth Day 3

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Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3

  1. 1. Help Keeping the Knot Tied III Marriage Ministry First Steps Extra-Marital Knots for Couples in Crisis by Rev. Brian and Maria Dixon Lakeland Baptist Association Kingdom Growth Conference – Parklawn Assembly of God Church May 14, 2010
  2. 2. Review <ul><li>* Yesterday we went over a curriculum that your church can use to enhance marriages within your congregation. </li></ul><ul><li>* Today, we will talk about how to coach couples through crisis. </li></ul>
  3. 3. Vision For A Marriage Saver’s Congregation
  4. 4. <ul><li>Help the seriously dating decide whether or not to marry </li></ul><ul><li>Help the engaged prepare for a life-long marriage </li></ul><ul><li>Enable mid-married couples to fall back in love </li></ul><ul><li>Help separated couples to reconcile </li></ul><ul><li>Equip step-families to be successful </li></ul>The ideal for the Marriage Saver Congregation is to…
  5. 5. Ten Steps to Raise Odds of Marital Success from 50% to 95% <ul><li>Both are committed believers in Jesus Christ </li></ul><ul><li>More than 20 years old </li></ul><ul><li>Engaged for at least 6 months </li></ul><ul><li>Committed to sexual abstinence </li></ul><ul><li>Live in separate households </li></ul><ul><li>Go on an Engaged Encounter </li></ul><ul><li>Dating for 18 months or more, with at least 4 months at a friendship level. </li></ul><ul><li>Limit your time alone together with clear boundaries in your physical relationship. </li></ul>
  6. 6. Ten Steps to Raise Odds of Marital Success from 50% to 95% <ul><li>Cont’d </li></ul><ul><li>9. Use a relationship inventory to examine your strengths and growth areas (ZOE or Prepared/Enrich) </li></ul><ul><li>10. F ollow up after marriage with enrichment activities that are available </li></ul>
  7. 7. Develop a Plan for Your Marriage Saver’s Ministry <ul><li>Create a exploratory team </li></ul><ul><li>1. Appoint a steering group. </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A senior pastor or his designee </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Director’s of adult religious education and pastoral care and evangelism </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Two couples in a strong 10+ years marriage </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>“ A back from the brink couple” whose marriage was on the verge of divorce but has recovered. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A couple who once were separated from each other </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>A couple with step-children who has truly created a blended marriage </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Possibly a newly married couple. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Ask this group for a 3 to 6 month commitment to strategize, plan, and pray about developing a plan that will be submitted to the church governing board. </li></ul>
  8. 8. Pastor’s Role <ul><li>Pray, pray, pray </li></ul><ul><li>Choose a strong couple that will oversee the team </li></ul><ul><li>To help that couple find others in the congregation that are committed to God’s plan for marriage </li></ul><ul><li>Oversee the development of the team but yet trust in his lead couples to carry out the duties of that team. </li></ul><ul><li>Be available for the lead couple at all times. </li></ul><ul><li>Present this group to the congregation in some kind of ceremony so that they will know that they have his backing. </li></ul>
  9. 9. Lead Advisor’s Responsibility <ul><li>The Lead Advisor’s responsibility is to bring key decisions to the pastor for his insight and input and, if necessary, permission. </li></ul><ul><li>Make copies of all premarital inventories administered to seriously dating and engaged couples for the pastor’s file. </li></ul><ul><li>If the advisor and/or couples feel that they’re in over their heads in dealing with a particular couple they need to call the pastor. </li></ul>They are not professionals and need to know their limits.
  10. 10. Lead Advisor’s Responsibility <ul><li>The lead advisor shall recruit couples to work with : </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Seriously dating and engaged couples </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Enriching existing marriages </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Helping couples who are on the brink of separation or are already separated or divorced </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Couples who are marrying again with step-children. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>Are to keep the marriage vision before the church and are constantly looking for new recruits. </li></ul><ul><li>The lead advisor should understand screening is very important </li></ul>They owe it to the Pastor and the congregation to be a quality team of advisors.
  11. 11. Couples to Consider <ul><li>Look for attitude. (If they can’t talk about their own marriages with love and caring then they can’t help anyone else) </li></ul><ul><li>Both spouses desire to serve. (This is a couple ministry) </li></ul><ul><li>Must be willing to learn. </li></ul><ul><li>Must understand confidentiality. </li></ul><ul><li>Must be willing to attend lectures on key issues. </li></ul><ul><li>Must be willing to engage in encounters themselves. </li></ul>
  12. 12. Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage <ul><li>Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. ( 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ) </li></ul>
  13. 13. Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage <ul><li>Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure , for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. ( Hebrews 13:4 ) </li></ul>
  14. 14. Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage <ul><li>“ You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” ( Matthew 5:27-28 ) </li></ul>
  15. 15. Four Classes of Affairs  
  16. 16. Four Classes of Affairs
  17. 17. What Defines an Affair? (-By Psychologist Shirley Glass based on Northeastern University research) <ul><li>Secrecy. Meeting someone without telling your spouse —because you have a hunch he or she wouldn’t be happy about it. </li></ul><ul><li>Emotional intimacy. Confiding things you haven’t told your spouse. </li></ul><ul><li>Sexual chemistry. You don’t even have to touch. “I had a wonderful dream about you last night” stokes sexual tension. </li></ul><ul><li>Infidelity and gender. When faced with an either-or question about which hurts more, women pick emotional infidelity and men pick sexual infidelity. But when asked instead to rate both on a pain scale of one to seven, the gender difference disappears. Both rate sexual infidelity as worse. </li></ul>
  18. 18. CLOSE CALLS | FRIENDSHIP PROFILES <ul><li>Dangerous Partner Profile </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Internal Age </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Developmental Lag </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Personality Style </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Hobbies / Interest </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Attachment Pattern </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>FOR Deficit </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Marital Void </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Pursuit Pattern </li></ul></ul>
  19. 19. Platonic Friendships <ul><li>Below is a sample of the nineteen characteristics of platonic friendships that can get one in trouble after sustained stress </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Do you save topics of conversation for your friend because you feel they understand you better? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Do you find yourself looking forward to seeing your friends more than you look forward to seeing your spouse? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Are you spending money on your friendship for lunches, gifts, coffee, that your spouse is unaware of? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Are you and your spouse in conflict over this friendship? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Do you find yourself lying and or manipulating the truth in order to spend more time with this friend? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Are you hiding receipts, cell phone bills, mail, gifts, and time spent with your friend from your spouse? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Has your friend shared feelings for you or touched you in a way that created a shiver of infatuation in you? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Do you do any of the following with this friend: travel, go to entertainment venues, drink alcohol, eat expensive meals, and return to the same hotel together, all in the name of doing business and entertaining clients? </li></ul></ul>
  20. 20. Resources <ul><li> </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul><ul><li>We will email you a 30 page resource guide for different curriculums that can be implemented in your church. </li></ul>
  21. 21. Questions?
  22. 22. Thank You! <ul><li>Thank you for attending our presentation during Kingdom Growth. </li></ul><ul><li>Brian’s Contact Info: [email_address] </li></ul><ul><li>Maria’s Contact Info: [email_address] </li></ul>