Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3
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Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3



Kingdom Growth Day 3

Kingdom Growth Day 3



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    Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3 Help Keeping the Knot Tied 3 Presentation Transcript

    • Help Keeping the Knot Tied III Marriage Ministry First Steps Extra-Marital Knots for Couples in Crisis by Rev. Brian and Maria Dixon Lakeland Baptist Association Kingdom Growth Conference – Parklawn Assembly of God Church May 14, 2010
    • Review
      • * Yesterday we went over a curriculum that your church can use to enhance marriages within your congregation.
      • * Today, we will talk about how to coach couples through crisis.
    • Vision For A Marriage Saver’s Congregation
      • Help the seriously dating decide whether or not to marry
      • Help the engaged prepare for a life-long marriage
      • Enable mid-married couples to fall back in love
      • Help separated couples to reconcile
      • Equip step-families to be successful
      The ideal for the Marriage Saver Congregation is to…
    • Ten Steps to Raise Odds of Marital Success from 50% to 95%
      • Both are committed believers in Jesus Christ
      • More than 20 years old
      • Engaged for at least 6 months
      • Committed to sexual abstinence
      • Live in separate households
      • Go on an Engaged Encounter
      • Dating for 18 months or more, with at least 4 months at a friendship level.
      • Limit your time alone together with clear boundaries in your physical relationship.
    • Ten Steps to Raise Odds of Marital Success from 50% to 95%
      • Cont’d
      • 9. Use a relationship inventory to examine your strengths and growth areas (ZOE or Prepared/Enrich)
      • 10. F ollow up after marriage with enrichment activities that are available
    • Develop a Plan for Your Marriage Saver’s Ministry
      • Create a exploratory team
      • 1. Appoint a steering group.
          • A senior pastor or his designee
          • Director’s of adult religious education and pastoral care and evangelism
          • Two couples in a strong 10+ years marriage
          • “ A back from the brink couple” whose marriage was on the verge of divorce but has recovered.
          • A couple who once were separated from each other
          • A couple with step-children who has truly created a blended marriage
          • Possibly a newly married couple.
      • Ask this group for a 3 to 6 month commitment to strategize, plan, and pray about developing a plan that will be submitted to the church governing board.
    • Pastor’s Role
      • Pray, pray, pray
      • Choose a strong couple that will oversee the team
      • To help that couple find others in the congregation that are committed to God’s plan for marriage
      • Oversee the development of the team but yet trust in his lead couples to carry out the duties of that team.
      • Be available for the lead couple at all times.
      • Present this group to the congregation in some kind of ceremony so that they will know that they have his backing.
    • Lead Advisor’s Responsibility
      • The Lead Advisor’s responsibility is to bring key decisions to the pastor for his insight and input and, if necessary, permission.
      • Make copies of all premarital inventories administered to seriously dating and engaged couples for the pastor’s file.
      • If the advisor and/or couples feel that they’re in over their heads in dealing with a particular couple they need to call the pastor.
      They are not professionals and need to know their limits.
    • Lead Advisor’s Responsibility
      • The lead advisor shall recruit couples to work with :
          • Seriously dating and engaged couples
          • Enriching existing marriages
          • Helping couples who are on the brink of separation or are already separated or divorced
          • Couples who are marrying again with step-children.
      • Are to keep the marriage vision before the church and are constantly looking for new recruits.
      • The lead advisor should understand screening is very important
      They owe it to the Pastor and the congregation to be a quality team of advisors.
    • Couples to Consider
      • Look for attitude. (If they can’t talk about their own marriages with love and caring then they can’t help anyone else)
      • Both spouses desire to serve. (This is a couple ministry)
      • Must be willing to learn.
      • Must understand confidentiality.
      • Must be willing to attend lectures on key issues.
      • Must be willing to engage in encounters themselves.
    • Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage
      • Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. ( 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 )
    • Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage
      • Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure , for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. ( Hebrews 13:4 )
    • Biblical Stance on Sex & Marriage
      • “ You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” ( Matthew 5:27-28 )
    • Four Classes of Affairs  
    • Four Classes of Affairs
    • What Defines an Affair? (-By Psychologist Shirley Glass based on Northeastern University research)
      • Secrecy. Meeting someone without telling your spouse —because you have a hunch he or she wouldn’t be happy about it.
      • Emotional intimacy. Confiding things you haven’t told your spouse.
      • Sexual chemistry. You don’t even have to touch. “I had a wonderful dream about you last night” stokes sexual tension.
      • Infidelity and gender. When faced with an either-or question about which hurts more, women pick emotional infidelity and men pick sexual infidelity. But when asked instead to rate both on a pain scale of one to seven, the gender difference disappears. Both rate sexual infidelity as worse.
      • Dangerous Partner Profile
        • Internal Age
        • Developmental Lag
        • Personality Style
        • Hobbies / Interest
        • Attachment Pattern
        • FOR Deficit
        • Marital Void
        • Pursuit Pattern
    • Platonic Friendships
      • Below is a sample of the nineteen characteristics of platonic friendships that can get one in trouble after sustained stress
        • Do you save topics of conversation for your friend because you feel they understand you better?
        • Do you find yourself looking forward to seeing your friends more than you look forward to seeing your spouse?
        • Are you spending money on your friendship for lunches, gifts, coffee, that your spouse is unaware of?
        • Are you and your spouse in conflict over this friendship?
        • Do you find yourself lying and or manipulating the truth in order to spend more time with this friend?
        • Are you hiding receipts, cell phone bills, mail, gifts, and time spent with your friend from your spouse?
        • Has your friend shared feelings for you or touched you in a way that created a shiver of infatuation in you?
        • Do you do any of the following with this friend: travel, go to entertainment venues, drink alcohol, eat expensive meals, and return to the same hotel together, all in the name of doing business and entertaining clients?
    • Resources
      • We will email you a 30 page resource guide for different curriculums that can be implemented in your church.
    • Questions?
    • Thank You!
      • Thank you for attending our presentation during Kingdom Growth.
      • Brian’s Contact Info: [email_address]
      • Maria’s Contact Info: [email_address]