Help Keeping the Knot Tied 2Presentation Transcript
Help Keeping the Knot Tied II Marriage Ministry First Steps Marital Knots for Couples Enrichment by Rev. Brian and Maria Dixon Lakeland Baptist Association Kingdom Growth Conference – Parklawn Assembly of God Church May 13, 2010
* Yesterday we discussed the steps to begin a Marriage ministry in your church and gave an overview of Start Smart Curriculum.
* Today we will give an overview of a curriculum your church can utilize to enrich marriages.
Does anyone have questions on what was presented yesterday?
8 Habits of a Successful Marriage
Begin With the End in Mind
Put First Things First
Listen First, Talk Second
Sharpen the Saw
Lift Yourself by Lifting Others
What does a healthy marriage feel like?
The Benefits of Marriage
Greater financial well-being
Less intimate partner violence
The 3 C’s of a Successful Marriage Roof Framework Foundation
Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character The first habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is: Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 1: Be Proactive Pause Think Choose Situation Response
Create a space between your response and what is happening to you.
Consider the consequences of your actions.
Talk about one situation in which you tend to be reactive.
How could you pause to take control?
What do you think about during the pause?
Choose what you will do and why.
Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character The second habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is: Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
Shape your future… What do you want your marriage to stand for?
Marriage Mission Statements Our Marriage Mission: To love each other…to help each other…to believe in each other…to wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others… to worship together forever. Our marriage is great— As equal partners, we want to love, have fun, teach, and learn. We are a great team. We circle at the summit. “ No Empty Chairs” John and Jane Covey A Married Couple’s Motto… It is our belief that the other is never wrong. Rather than blame or accuse, we simply ask the other: “Will you help me understand?” With love and understanding, we will grow our lives together.
Activity Begin a Marriage Mission Statement How do you want to live, love, learn and leave a legacy together?
Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character The third habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is: Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 3: Put First Things First Your BIG ROCKS are your values—the things that are most important to you. Your LITTLE ROCKS are the things that get in the way of being true to your values—your big-rock “barriers”.
Identify the “Big Rocks”
Discussion with partner about the importance of “couple time”
Planning a partner Power Hour
Build a Framework of Effective Communication The first habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is: Habit 4: Think Win-Win
The Four Ways of Thinking
I don’t care about your needs
I only care about mine
I’m not important
Don’t worry about me
If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.
You and I can work together
We are a team!
What would be a win for us?
Thinking about what is a win for you
Recognizing what is a win for your partner
Build a Framework of Effective Communication The second habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is: Habit 5: Listen First, Talk Second
How Can You Listen for Understanding?
Make eye contact.
Look for and recognize body language.
Avoid “door slammers.”
Use Talking-Stick communication
(Listen First, Talk Second.)
Build a Framework of Effective Communication
The third habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 6: Synergize
What is Synergy and the role it plays in marriage.
Activity: Demonstrate Synergy in action
Build a Protection of Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and your marriage.
The Whole Person
Decide what we can do as a couple to keep our marriage sharp
Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship: Habit 8: Lifting Yourself by Lifting Others
The Elements of Kindness 1. Choose kind words. 2. Speak in a soft tone. 3. Give rather than take.
Gives and Takes Why do marriages succeed or fail? Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula: No matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive moments, ( GIVES) , as negative moments, (T AKES) , if your marriage is to be stable. — JOHN GOTTMAN, PH.D.