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Ignite! Facebook the Fear of Losing Attention - A social network noir
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Ignite! Facebook the Fear of Losing Attention - A social network noir

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My talk for Ignite Newcastle, Global Ignite Week and O'Reily Media.

My talk for Ignite Newcastle, Global Ignite Week and O'Reily Media.

A femme fatal experiences the best and worst of Facebook attentions. A hardboiled noir for our modern times.

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Ignite! Facebook the Fear of Losing Attention - A social network noir Ignite! Facebook the Fear of Losing Attention - A social network noir Presentation Transcript

  • Facebook.  The  great  normaliser?   Monday,  7th  February.     The  detec;ve:  I  switched  it  on  and  dropped  onto  the  sofa,  vodka  at  my  feet,   laptop  at  my  side.  I  drank  back  a  few  deep,  hot  throat-­‐fulls  to  calm  my  nerves   before  logging-­‐on  and  taking  on  whats   inside.   PAGE ONE.
  • The  Dame  (a  descendant  of  some  royal   branches)      I  tried  to  delete  my  Facebook  account  so  I   couldn’t  be  found.  Then  I  realised  that  I   didn’t  want  to  be  unfound  either.   PAGE TWO.
  • That  same  Monday  night,   Lord  Sterling.,  sends  our  Dame  a  Friend  Request:     An  aAracBve  offer,  I  wish  to  contract  an  alliance  with  a   Lady  capable,  from  her  Profile  pictures  and  ‘talents’,  of   supporBng  the  dignity  and  Rela%onship  Status  which  an   alliance  so  honorouble  an  offer  I  can  only  confer.   PAGE THREE.
  • Our  Dame  is  surrounded  by  dangerous  suspects:  Theres   Lord  Sterling,  who’s  Friend  Requests  are  a  guise  for   mutual  introduc;on.  Theres  her  brother  with  his   enormous  girth  and  feigned  civility  to  her  Wall.       Her  only  hope  of  protec;on  comes  from  the  Facebook  Privacy  SeNngs.  But  no-­‐one  really  understands  these,  so   there  are  more  villains  yet  to  come,  and  it  will  all  be   because  of  these  dangerous  suspects  -­‐-­‐  and  their  claim   on  our  Dame  -­‐-­‐  that  we  have  our  first  Facebook  noir.     PAGE FOUR.
  • (thunder)    Tuesday,  8th  February.  It  was  a  quiet  day  at  the  FriendTrade  Detec;ve  Agency.  Detec;ve  Draper  had  a   hangover,  and  business  was  slow.       He  was  rereading  old  Status  Updates  and  looking  at   Profiles  of  old-­‐girlfriends  and  their  new  boyfriends.     What  a  way  to  spend  a  day.       Draper  was  thinking  of  logging  off...     PAGE FIVE.
  • ...when  all  of  a  sudden...   -­‐  there  came  a  Facebook  chat  invita3on.                 -­‐  Mr  Draper?   -­‐  Yeah,  thats  right.         My...       ...my  name...  my...     <Draper  checks  out  her  Profile  Page>     In  all  my  years  in  the  business,   Id  never  seen  anything  like  her.         Was  she  real?  There  was   only  one  way  to  find  out.   Draper  sends  our  Dame  a  Friend  Request….   PAGE SIX.
  • their  chat  con3nues…   The  Dame:  You’re  drunk,  and  I’m  drunk,  and  I’m  just  exactly  drunk   enough  to  tell  you  anything  that  you  want  to  know.  That’s  the  kind   of  Dame  I  am.  If  I  like  a  person,  I’ll  tell  them  anything  they  want  to   know.  Just  ask  me.  Go  ahead,  ask  me.     Draper:  Sounds  like  company.  Are  you  all  right?     I  must  have  hit  a  nerve.   She  immediately  logged  off  and  blocked  my  Profile.           PAGE SEVEN.
  • Later  that  night,   Our  Dame.  On  Facebook.  Over-­‐exposed?  The  perfect   Profile.  Found,  by  her  fat  and  friendless  brother,  poked.     To  death.     PAGE EIGHT.
  • Wednesday,  9th  February   Who  Poked  her?     Our  Detec;ve  scratches  the  back  of  his   neck  and  says:  Somebody  with  a   Facebook  account.   PAGE NINE.
  • Interroga3ng  the  brother   Draper:  What  makes  you  think   it  wasnt  an  accident?       The  brother:  Just  before  it...  It  happened,  ...  ...she   behaved  very  erraBcally,  lisBng  out  lists  of  friends,  dozens   of  them.  She  wrote  on  their  walls,  she  commented  on   their  Updates.  Whatever  was  just  there.       Like  she  didn’t  want  to  ever  be  alone.       PAGE TEN.
  • Hacking  into  her  Facebook  account,  Draper  has  hold  of  our   Dames  friends  list,  or  part  of  it.       It  reads  as  a  who’s  who  of  Facebook  friends:  Mark  Zuckerberg,  Herb  Kim,  John  Catnach,  Bobby  Paterson,  Bre_   Jacobson,  Jason  Brownlee,  Graham  Morley,  Mariann   Hardey…     When  I  found  it,  somehow  I  got  the  feeling  our  Dame  was   the  vic;m  of  some  small  lapse  in  privacy,  an  over-­‐exposed   Profile  and  wider  conspiracy.      Why  didn’t  she  have  a  boyfriend  or  a  husband?  Why  was  her   rela;onship  status  removed  from  her  Profile  page?  (it  did   show  her  date  of  birth).     What  did  she  have  to  hide?...   PAGE ELEVEN.
  • The  only  name  on  the  list  that   wasnt  crossed  out  was  Lord  Sterling.       Draper  decided  to  drop  in  on  him  before  they  crossed  him   out  too.      GeNng  to  him  wasn’t  easy.  Lord  Sterling  wasnt  online.  As  a   ma_er  of  fact,  for  a  moment,  Draper  thought  he  was   deliberately  blocking  his  messages.       Luckily  his  Facebook  Profile  page  was  wide  open  though..   PAGE TWELVE.
  • Lord  Sterling,  tries  to  retrieve  his  Friend  Request   In  his  Profile  picture  he  is  shown  as  a  lean,  dark,  youngish   man  of  medium  height,  broad  through  the  jaws,  narrow   between  the  eyes.                   He  has  tagged  more  pictures  of  himself  with  many  dames,  he  in  a  black   hat,  a  black  overcoat  that  fits  him  snugly,  a  dark  suit,  and  black  shoes,   and  all  looking  as  if  they  had  been  bought  in  the  past  15  minutes.       The  Friend  Request,  con;nues  to  lay  uncomfortably  in  our  Dame’s   inbox,  not  accepted  for  anything.     PAGE THIRTEEN.
  • Lord  Sterling:  How  do  you   know  she’s  dead?    Draper:  That’s  simple,  she’s   not  on  Facebook.     PAGE FOURTEEN.
  • The  plot  thickens,   Lord  Sterling:  You  know  DetecBve,  I  think  that  you’re  nuts.  You  go   barging  around  without  a  very  clear  idea  of  what  you  are  doing.       Everybody  bats  you  down,  unfriends  you,  deletes  your  comments,   fills  your  inbox  full  of  stuff…  and  you  keeps  right  on  updaBng   between  tackle  and  end.       I  don’t  think  that  you  even  know  which  SIDE  you’re  on.       Draper:  I  don’t  know  which  side  anybody  is  on.  All  I  know  is  that  I   never  turn  down  a  Friend  Request  without  good  reason.       I  don’t  think  you  even  know  who  our  Dame  really  was.     PAGE FIFTEEN.
  • A  new  clue  points  Draper  back  to  our  Dame.       Before  she  logged  off  last  night,  her  last  status  update  read:  SomeBmes  I  hate  men.  ALL  men.  Young  men  and  almost  all  heels   who  are  Facebook  DetecBves.     That  last  comment  really  stung  Draper.  But  he  knew  enough  to   know  that  what  you  post  on  Facebook  isn’t  necessarily  true.   Especially  if  you  had  as  good-­‐looking  a  Profile  as  she  did.       PAGE SIXTEEN.
  • Draper  logged  out.  He’d  had  enough  of  Dames,  games  and   Facebook  for  one  day.       ...geNng  into  his  car,  he  drives  miles  out  of  his  way   for  a  decent  mar;ni.    Walking  up  to  the  bar,  his  phone  buzzes,  Facebook  places  tells  him  that  our  Dame  is  at  the  same  hotel,  in   the  Cedar  Court  Room.       Where  rich  women,  go  to  meet  rich  men   so  they  can  have  rich  kids.   But  that’s  impossible  she’s  dead,  isn’t  she?     PAGE SEVENTEEN.
  • It  is  customary  in  these  situa;ons  for  the   developer  of  the  plan  to  explain  it.    It  is  also  customary  for  the  DETECTIVE  to   explain  how  HE  figured  it  out!     ?     PAGE EIGHTEEN.
  • At  the  hotel,  in  the  Cedar  Court  Room   He  picked  me  up  out  of  the  guAer,  our  Dame  says  of  Lord   Sterling,  but  soon  he  was  cheaBng  and  tagged  in  photos  with   other  women  again.       In  this  Facebooksian  universe,  survival  can  only  be  influenced   by  Updates  and  friends,  but  it  is  mostly  the  result  of  ;ming.       What  good  am  I  if  my  Facebook  friend’s  are  not  paying   aAenBon  to  me  and  are  all  gone?!           You  might  as  well  take  your  punishment  and   get  it  over  with.  Hard  Bmes  have  reduced  us   to  essenBals;  to  what  I  choose  to  show  on  my   Profile  page.     PAGE NINETEEN.
  • So  you’re  NOT  DEAD!  You  did  it  all  for  the  fear  of  losing  a>en%on!!!     PAGE TWENTY.
  • END.