Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety


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A presentation made by Kerrie Hayes-Williams to the parents and friends of St Therese, West Wollongong on "Building Resilient Children
Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety"

  • bleh eh me oo ah teh du dah
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  • This is Unbieliveable ! its so helpful i was a vivtims and i still am please email me i need so advice or anybody on here i ddying for help
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  • I hope that a lot more campaign keep coming to help these youngsters stand up against bullying. This article serves as a message to everyone especially to the parents that we must take action in making sure that are kids don't get bullied or worse become bullies themselves. I am a parent and I'm worried and I don't want that any kid will experience this again. As a way of helping everyone especially the parents, who find it quite hard to manage time, I found this great application which featured a safety app which gets me connected to a Safety Network or escalate my call to the nearest 911 when needed, it has other cool features that are helpful for your kids with just a press of a Panic Button. Check it here:
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Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety

  1. 1. Building Resilient Children Bullying, Harassment& Cyber Safety Kerrie Hayes-Williams & Mark Woolley Catholic Education Office Diocese of Wollongong 25th March, 2009
  2. 2. Some Myths   ‘I was bullied and it didn’t do me any harm’   ‘He’ll just have to learn to stand up for himself’   ‘Tell him to hit back – harder’   ‘It’s character building’   ‘Sticks and stones . . . .’   ‘That’s not bullying! It’s just kids teasing.’
  3. 3. Australian Research Results (Ken Rigby, 2006)   1:6 is bullied on a weekly basis   More frequent in primary school for both genders peaking in years 4/5   Reports of lack of support, isolation, absenteeism (1:5 boys, 1:4 girls), feeling unsafe   Health consequences – perceived or real
  4. 4. What is bullying?? ‘Bullying and harassment happens when people deliberately and repeatedly use and abuse their power to hurt, annoy, torment or put down other people they see as weaker or smaller
  5. 5. Bullying includes: Social banter hurtful teasing pushing and shoving malicious gossip racist comments exclusion extortion phone and internet abuse sexual harassment damage to property physical violence use of weapons criminal acts verbal threats stalking cyberbullying
  6. 6. Family Bullying   Occurs when a person in a family uses their power to control those with less power in ways that are threatening and abusive.   It includes:   spouse/partner abuse,   child abuse and neglect,   parent abuse by adolescents,   sibling threats and aggression, and   abuse of older adults by caregivers
  7. 7. Normal Peer Conflict Bullying Equal power between friends Imbalance or power between friends Individuals often play together Individuals rarely play together Happens occasionally Repeated negative actions Accidental On purpose Not serious Serious with threat of physical or emotional harm Equal emotional reactions Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or no emotional reaction from bully Not seeking power or attention Seeking power, control, or material things Not trying to get something Attempt to gain material things/power Remorse – will take responsibility No remorse – blame victim Effort to solve problem No effort to solve problem
  8. 8. Ratting vs…   Ratting is a child telling about another to get them into… TROUBLE
  9. 9. …Reporting   Reporting occurs to protect one’s SAFETY
  10. 10. Creating Caring, Connected and Safe Homes Negative Positive Home Home Environment Environment Bullying and Teasing, Tolerance Caring, Coercion Harassing consideration Supportive •  Teach social skills What happens when . . . •  Cooperative learning experiences •  Expectations/consequences •  No ‘put-down’ zones •  Opportunities for ‘healing the •  Develop empathy for others harm’ done to others •  Restore relationships
  11. 11. Girls Bullying Boys Bullying   Starts in year 1-2   Typically use physical aggression or by threatening to use it   Typically use ‘put-downs’   Usually about clothing, hair, or overall   Quick jab, push or shove, elbow appearance or knee or head thrust into a wall or locker   Years 3-4 tactics change   Isolation from group   Whatever it is – hurts and over   Promise of inclusion for favours quickly before anyone sees.   Cliques or groups taunt or harass at   Size and strength is intimidating recess or lunch   Years 5-6 situation worse   Create fear and a present threat of harm from physical abuse   Intimidating or threatening notes warning of things to happen   Boys see bullies as large, strong   Gossiping and spreading damaging and powerful and embarrassing stories commonplace   Can peak in year 4/5
  12. 12. Victim Profile   Generally tend to lack friends and social support   More cautious, sensitive, quiet and non-aggressive   Often lack confidence in their abilities   If a boy –tend to be smaller and physically weaker   Considered by others as ‘different’
  13. 13. Possible signs of bullying   Not wanting to go to school   Avoiding certain activities   Cuts and bruises   Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced   ‘Losing’ lunch money   Falling out with previous friends   Being moody and bad tempered   Being quiet and withdrawn   Refusing to talk about what happens at school   Loss of appetite, bedwetting   Aggression with brothers and sisters   Doing less well at schoolwork   Insomnia, anxiety   Talking about not having friends
  14. 14. Persistent bullying can result in:   Anxiety and depression   Low self-esteem   Shyness or lack of confidence   Humiliation & mental anguish   Poor concentration   Poor academic achievement   Avoidance or absenteeism   Rejection and isolation   Thoughts, threats or attempts of self-harm or suicide
  15. 15. A typical bully is a person who:   Values power and the rewards aggression bring   Has a desire to hurt and expressed in action   Someone is hurt   Lacks compassion and empathy for others   Lacks guilt for his or her actions   Believes it is OK to treat others in a cruel fashion   Likes to dominate and be in charge   Thinks it’s OK to be abusive in order to get something   Avoids adults and plays/spends time out of adult sight   Is verbally convincing   Projects problems onto others   Enjoys the interaction
  16. 16. The Bully’s Target Eyes: red, teary, weepy, Verbal retaliation: blabbering, narrowed, looking down or away criticising back, blaming Head: down Face: white, red, tense muscles Voice: very quiet, angry, Upset, muffled, a grunt Lips: tight or mouth open Shoulders: slumped, Demeanour: doing bent over, pulled back Nothing or being powerless Body movements: Feelings demonstrated: fear, anger, Frozen, stuck, paralysed, rigid, fidgeting, hurt, hate, embarrassment, teariness walking away (HO)
  17. 17. Impact on the Bully   Learned behaviour   Escalated aggression   Becomes a ‘way of life’   Suffer higher rates of   Limited social skills depression   Poor relationships   As adults treat their own   Higher chance of children in a dominating and emotionally abusive juvenile delinquency manner   More likely to turn to criminal activity as adult   Acts as role models for their children
  18. 18. Impact on Bystanders   Lowered self-esteem   Loss of control   Feeling of powerlessness   Often scared and isolated ‘ He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it’ (Martin Luther King)
  19. 19. What stops children?   Common urge at times that can involve:   A sense of shame (motivational force)   Worry about parents’ reactions/disapproval   Concerned about the peers judgments   It is not cool in their group   Witnessing the pain and hurt of victims   Learning social and emotional skills for managing relationships
  20. 20. Steps to Help Your Child. . .   Listen . . .   Talk to your child about why some people act like bullies/ victims   Empower and teach your child to be part of the solution   Build resilience & interpersonal skills (communication skills, conflict resolution & encourage friendships)   Focus developing attitudes (unprejudiced, cooperation, empathy, resisting negative group pressure, self-acceptance   Work collaboratively with school to solve it
  21. 21. Faulty beliefs/ attitudes to change   I’m not good enough   Being different is bad   I am to blame   I have the right to be sensitive   I can’t accept the truth   I can do it my own way   People should be fair   Nothing works   No-one can help   I think it is a waste of time
  22. 22. Behaviour (Actions) Feeling (Emotions) Thinking (Self-Talk) Positive Negative
  23. 23. I’ll never get help, I’m tired and I’ll just keep paddling and eventually someone will come to help me I can’t do this anymore!
  24. 24. The Secrets of Relating for Children   Secret 1: Understand why you are bullied   Secret 2: Build your self-esteem   Secret 3: Become a confident communicator   Secret 4: Create your own ‘power pack’   Secret 5: Develop a support network
  25. 25. Creating Caring, Connected and Safe Homes Negative Positive Home Home Environment Environment Bullying and Teasing, Tolerance Caring, Coercion Harassing consideration Supportive •  Teach social skills What happens when . . . •  Cooperative learning experiences •  Expectations/consequences •  No ‘put-down’ zones •  Opportunities for ‘healing the •  Develop empathy for others harm’ done to others •  Restore relationships
  26. 26. Safe environments   Everyone should be treated with respect.   Children need to be held accountable and responsible for their actions.   When actions occur that affect safety, quick intervention is needed.   We must work together to stay on target!
  27. 27. Talking with staff at St. Therese   List what happened.   Be clear and firm about the suffering   Be prepared to name the bully   If persists – WHO, WHAT, WHERE & WHEN   Follow school policy and procedures   Collaborate with school on a plan of action   Keep in contact until bullying or harassing stops
  28. 28. Together we can make a difference