This document discusses developing a healthy relationship with oneself through self-acceptance and self-respect. Some key characteristics of people with healthy self-esteem are being content with oneself, accepting criticism appropriately, and assessing one's strengths and weaknesses realistically. The document provides principles for cultivating self-worth such as accepting oneself unconditionally, focusing inward rather than comparing to others, taking responsibility for one's life, and using empowering self-talk. Developing self-respect is presented as the foundation for treating oneself and others with kindness.

1. A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH ONESELF
Marjana Skalic, B. A. psychologist

2. Our personality is like an onion. Behaviour is just the visible outer layer
that stems from what is inside (see picture). Self-respect is the core of
everything.

3. CHARACTERISTICS OF A PERSON WITH HEALTHY
FEELING OF HIS OR HER VALUE:
- is content with her- or himself
- accepts her- or himself and others;
-is kind to her- or himself and others, can appropriately
defend her- or himself if necessary;
-has no major problems with accepting or giving
criticism.

4. Accepts and respects him- or herself
despite wishing to change some things.
.
He or she assesses his or her characteristics
realistically, without exaggerated pride or shame.

5. Does not assess the value nor of her- or himself neither
of otheres. She or he is not burdened with »I must ...«

6. He or she accepts challenges, tries new things,
sometimes takes risk.
He or she develops his or her talents and grows
interests.
Balances work and rest.

7. Takes responsibility for her or his life.
Solves her or his problems.
She or he is willing to accepts consequences of
decisions.

8. Can RECOGNIZE what can be
altered
and ACCEPT what cannot be.

9. Is not burdened with fear and negative
tougths.
Can feel joy and love.
Lives in the now.

10. Live in the present moment.
THE PAST IS GONE,
THE FUTURE IS
MISTERY,
THE PRESENT IS A GIFT.

11. Underrating oneself can lead to
counterproductive behaviour:
• avoiding,
• isolation,
• procrastination,
• perfectionism.

12. W. Shakespeare: »NOTHING IS GOOD OR BAD IN ITSELF. EVERYTHING
DEPENDS ON OUR THINKING.«
Let us not tell ourselves:
»I am a looser.«
Rather: »This was a mistake. I have learned
something new from it.«

13. Henry Ford:
»IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN OR YOU
BELIEVE YOU CANNOT YOU ARE
RIGHT IN EITHER CASE.«

14. SELF-ACCEPTANCE
• No self-judgement, please!
We are too complex, too changing beings to »measure« our
value globally;
• We are imperfect, fallible human beings, our value does not
depend on achievements.
IT IS AN INEVITABLE
CONDITION FOR
CHANGING.

15. RELATIONSHIP WITH ONESELF SHOULD BE:
• ACCEPTING, CARING, LIKE WITH OUR CHILD OR BEST FRIEND.
• A PERSON WITH SUCH RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM- OR HERSELF DOES NOT
CHOOSE HARMFUL BEHAVIOUR. SHE OR HE DOES WHAT IS GOOD FOR HER
OR HIM.
• ONLY WHEN WE APPRECIATE OURSELVES, OTHERS WILL APPRECIATE US.

16. 8 PRINCIPLES FOR DEVELOPING A SENSE OF ONE'S
OWN VALUE:
1. ACCEPT YOURSELF IN THIS MOMENT.
2. LOOK INTO YOURSELF, NOT OUT OF YOURSELF.
3. STOP CRITICISING YOURSELF.
4. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BEHAVIOUR.
5. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS OR AN IDEAL.
6. DO NOT REPROACH YOURSELF YOUR MISTAKES (you are doing your best).
7. YOU ARE WORTH OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
8. TAKE THE RESPONSIBILLITY FOR YOUR LIFE.

17. Let us turn negative inner dialogue into a
positive one. Instead of:
Instead of:
• I cannot do that.
• Surely everything will go wrong.
• I will never learn that.
• I cannot give up smoking.
We say to ourselves:
• I can if I want.
• If anything goes wrong, we are going to improvise.
• Let me see if I can learn that.

18. Instead of emphasising our powerlessness let us rather
use POWER VOCABULARY:
• »I CAN ACHIEVE THAT IF I WANT.«
• »I KNOW I CAN.« -
• » I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF.«
• »THIS IS NEW EXPERIENCE.«

19. Let us do away with »I MUST ...«
We substitute »MUST« with »It would be good«.
This is not irresponsibility, it means we stop criticising
ourselves.
»I must« means conditional self-acceptance.

20. REMEMBER:
- People are not perfect. Noone is.
- We are all equal, regardless of skills and others.
- If someone is talented or trained for something, they are not better
person because of this. We can take others for example, learn
from them … but not compare!

21. And for the end …
YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT WITH EVERYONE,
ESPECIALLY WITH YOURSELF.
St. Francis of Assisi