MEN V/S WOMEN Some subtle (and some not so subtle) differences

Handwriting Men : To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women : Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Men : To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women : Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "b" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries Women : A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things. Men : A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Women : A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things. Men : A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships Women : When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. Men : A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Women : When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. Men : A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex……. Women : They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men : They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay

Women : They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men : They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay

Maturity Women : They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Men : Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Women : They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Men : Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines Men : Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Women : Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Men : Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Women : Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms Men : A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. Women : The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Men : A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. Women : The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes Women : When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. Men : A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Women : When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. Men : A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.

Children Women : A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. Men : A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Women : A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. Men : A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up Women : A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. Men : A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals

Women : A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. Men : A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals

Laundry Women : Women do laundry every couple of days. Men : A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Women : Women do laundry every couple of days. Men : A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Eating Out Men : When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. Women : When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Men : When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women : When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors Men : Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror. Women : They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads

Men : Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror. Women : They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads

Menopause Women : When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Men : Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

Women : When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Men : Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone Men : Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. Women : A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours

Men : Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. Women : A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours

Richard Gere Women : Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men : Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Women : Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men : Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Toys Women : Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men : Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate

Women : Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men : Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate

Cameras Men : Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women : Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures

Men : Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women : Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures

Locker Rooms Men : In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women : They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie

Men : In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women : They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie

Movies Women : Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men : The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him

Women : Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men : The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him

Conversation Men : Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size." Women : Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on

Men : Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size." Women : Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on

Restrooms Women : Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom. Men : Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

Women : Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom. Men : Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"